The Darkest Hour: Chapter 4 Part 1, Section B:

[sos_sporkers]

SOS: Welcome back, guys! We see Edward and James’s first introduction to each other in this part, and I promise, I’ll try to keep my raging to a minimum. I think I’ll be able to do it, since James doesn't start really pissing me the fuck off until the next part. So, hopefully, we’ll be able to get through this without me having to smack any bitches.

Edward focuses on James’s thoughts, and yep, he’s hunting alright. Hunting with very sexualised language, setting it up nice and early that James is very much aware of the sexual nature of eating and is indulging in it all he can. Because he’s an asshole.

Ahem. Sorry. He…he does that to me.

Edward identifies him as a vampire, because of the burning in his throat. What, he didn't know when he was reading his thoughts? Does he come across many people that want to eat young girls? But joking aside, I like how Edward still associates vampirism with constant hunger, even though he knows that you can become sated. He still thinks that an integral part to vampirism is denying your desires for as long as possible, in contrast to James’s philosophy of constant gratification.

Edward refers to James as, ‘the body that housed the mind he’d just touched.’ That sounds just a tad convoluted, but it makes SO much sense, in light of Edward’s character. He knows the vast majority of the people he knows by reading the minds-he’s probably never even see the majority of them. So it makes sense that he’d start identifying people only through their minds, continuing the dichotomy of body and mind theme we have.

You can almost taste the hope starting to seep into the narration (and that was some very unfortunately word choice right there) as Edward realises that this new vampire wasn't an Imperial. After months of isolation, we all know what he’s longing for, and at the same time, we all know this is SO not going to turn out well, just from the brief snippet of James’s thoughts we've seen up there. Edward tries to convince himself that, too, but, of course, completely misses the point.

He’s first instinct is to avoid the vampire, and you have no idea how much I wish he’d done just that. I don’t even care that’d mean he’d be redeemed later, I motherfucking hate James that much. But he almost immediately starts second-guessing himself, reasoning that James wasn’t an Imperial, so it’d be okay to associate with him. He then thinks back to his horrible experience with Susannah, and immediately wants to run away from the possibility of rejection. And still, he reasons that this vampire wouldn’t reject him, because there was no reason to now. He wasn't eating animals, after all.

Yeah, Edward, eating animals isn't the only socially disastrous action you could do. There’re levels of social unacceptable-ness. Only hunting criminals because they deserve to die is like running through the streets naked. Drinking animal blood is like running through the streets naked, but wearing nipple pasties.

You know, both are Freaking Weird.

And you should be able to TELL that what you’re doing is still weird, because notice how James is hunting? He’s going after some random girl, not because he thinks she deserves to die or anything, but because she’s delicious.

You’re not completely repugnant, but you’re hardly normal. Like I've said before, you’re too vampiric to be human, but too humane to be a vampire.

‘He knew the password, the secret handshake-another vampire wouldn't have any problem with Edward at all.’
Pfffffffffffft, hahahahahahahaha…Oh, Edward. You poor, naive child.

Really, you knew the password to The Silver Swan too, back in Chapter 1 Part 2. Did Eggleston let you in?

Not to mention, drinking human blood is the most basic of the basics in vampire courtesy. No one is going to instantly accept and respect you because you DON’T have wild monkey sex with wild monkeys. There are a whole lot of other factors that come into whether or not you get on well with another vampire, and with James, most of that is going to depend on how much you put out.

Also, is it just me or does he make vampires sound like third-graders?

Edward hesitates, not quite knowing why he wants to approach James, finally deciding that he wanted to say hello out of politeness. Because he’s a fucking MORON. No, Edward, you’re just incredibly lonely and channelling a twelve-year-old with his first crush. But that’s okay, because at least that’s kind of adorable. UNLIKE YOUR SILLY LITTLE CREATURES LINE, YOU ASSHOLE. (AND NO, I WILL NEVER FORGET ABOUT THAT. AND I WON’T EVER FORGET ABOUT THE SQUIRREL-KILLING EITHER, YOU SQUIRREL-KILLER!)

He then starts…fantasising about James. And I know that’s a HORRIBLE word choice, but…that’s what he’s doing! He’s sitting there and fantasising about what James would be like! By GOD, he IS a twelve-year-old with his first crush! I swear, I was never this pathetic. >.> *Hides chat logs with Mervin*

And looking through his fantasies…yeah, what he wants is basically just someone like himself. He just wants someone who’d understand and sympathise. He thinks that James would be lost and confused, because he ‘didn't know the city’, and would appreciate a guide and a helping hand. And that he’d like books and want to read, and maybe stay with Edward a little…

Yeah, he’s definitely projecting here, imagining James would have the same issues and hobbies as him, painting a perfect friend for himself in his head, completely ignoring how even as he’s contemplating this, James is waiting for the chance to pounce on an innocent girl and EAT HER. Seriously, Edward, are you THAT desperate for affection that you’d overlook MURDER?

But then again, you’re already overlooking murder. *Scowls horribly* Especially since you also say this line, ‘maybe he’d appreciate someone who knew the area, who knew where the good hunting spots were.’

GOOD HUNTING SPOT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE OH MY GOD WHERE IS MY BITCH-SLAPPING HAND GAAAAAAAH!

But NO, Edward. He’s not going after that girl because he doesn't know where the criminals are, and thus where the “Acceptable Hunting Ground According To Edward Fucking Cullen” is. He’s going after that girl because HE LIKES YOUNG GIRLS, BECAUSE THEY ARE SEXY. YOU CAN READ HIS THOUGHTS. HOW CAN YOU NOT FIGURE THIS OUT?

Oh, right, Wuv is blind, and you were already blinder than Sands to begin with.

…And now I need to go hide under my bed from a certain blind psychopath.

Edward looks into his mind again, more deeply, and sees that the girl was having a fight with her boyfriend, and James is going to pounce on her as soon as she storms off, and it’s more than obvious that she’s YOUNG and INNOCENT, and Edward somehow STILL DOESN'T FUCKING SEE IT, and I want to reach into the fic and bitch-slap some fucking SENSE into him.

But the threat to the girl is what gets Edward to run towards James, because he needs to distract him to save her. Ahem, Edward, notice any similarities here? Notice how you’re doing EXACTLY THE SAME FUCKING THING HERE AS WHEN YOU INTERVENED WITH REGGIE? NOTICE HOW, even though you were remorseful for killing him, YOU STILL WOULDN'T HAVE BEFRIENDED REGGIE IN A MILLION YEARS? NOTICE HOW REGGIE WOULDN'T WANT TO BEFRIEND YOU EITHER?

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE RAPIST. GAH!

God, this Edward makes me rage a lot. I might need to hand this anti-sporking off to someone else, because…gah! I know he’s an asshole in the last part, but I still don’t want him to be hurt, dammit.

But yes, Edward goes towards James, because he can see that the girl is indeed about to storm off, doing a pretty chivalrous action, but wording it in the most assholish way possible.

‘…she was indeed getting ready to leave the mild danger of the intoxicated beau for the much more lethal danger of the empty street behind her.’

Uh-huh, yeah, it’s, like, totally HER fault for leaving her boyfriend specifically for the vampire lurking in the shadows. It’s totally her choice, and if James killed her, well, she DID leave her boyfriend for him. God, she’s such an idiot, huh?

STOP SOUNDING SO MUCH LIKE CANON!EDWARD! *SMACKS A FUCKING BITCH*

He makes it to James, and I'm barely stopping myself from writing a fanfic where I rush in and kidnap him and throw him ANYWHERE WHERE JAMES IS NOT, because I MUST PROTECT EDWARD’S INNOCENCE. Because goddammit, I don’t even know how, even though he’s making me angry, I still don’t want him to be hurt like that. Possibly because he’s only making me angry because I know he’s better than this.

Edward approaches James, without trying to conceal it, being open and honest and trying to show James that he’s trustworthy as much as he can right at the beginning of this relationship. Because that’s all he does throughout this relationship. Accommodate James in almost everything, until he breaks and everything falls apart. Because the most poetic justice for a canonical abusive boyfriend is to give him his own abusive boyfriend in your revamp.

Mrs. Hyde, you diabolical BASTARD.

James notices, of course, and is distracted from hunting. We know because Edward spares a short phrase of thought for her, before he focuses on his future boyfriend, who is defensive, tense, and on-edge. It’s really a nice touch, how vampires (or at least the ones we've seen so far) are very cautious and wary around each other, taking fights as a given. It really shows how if Edward want belonging and even a semblance of acceptance, he’s going to have to look for it in humans, because vampiric society does not encourage social contact.

But more than that, the tension in James in this scene serves another symbolic point-he’s acting like a wild animal. He’s ready to fly or fight at the slightest indication of trouble, and is wary and tense at Edward’s civility, and Edward has to keep his movements slow and his words reassuring in order to get close to him. And it’s only when Edward offers him food that he starts to warm up

JAMES. IS. AN. ANIMAL. A WILD, UNTAMED ANIMAL!

Edward is pretentious and hypocritical, but at least he understands that murder is a bad thing and can only accept it after some stunning Insane Troll Logic and self-deception. James is just AN. ANIMAL. He doesn't have Edward’s hypocrisy or pretension because he doesn’t think he needs it. Murder is just an everyday part of life for him. It needs no justification, because hey, he likes it, so what other reason does he need for doing it?

HE’S AN ANIMAL.

And that’s why I really can’t like him. Because he’s a FUCKING ANIMAL.

Edward greets him, and ‘the sound of his own voice, which he’d hardly used in the past two months, [was] loud and unfamiliar in his own ears.’ What a lovely reinforcement of how his identity has changed-that his own voice would be unfamiliar to him. And there’s an extra level of symbolism here, too, with how Edward’s voice-aka his method of communication-is what has become foreign to him, perhaps symbolising that he’s interacting in a different social circle, obeying different social rules as when he was trying to fit in with humans. That, and it’s a nice way to show how little he’s been attempting communication or connection in the past few months. Even at the centre of a major city, Edward manages to be completely alone.

James is stiff, and RUDE, and basically warily watches Edward (LIKE THE ANIMAL HE IS), while Edward leads the conversation, introducing himself.

He tells James his name, apparently meaning to reassure him. And I notice that even after how much he’s put down humans, his default way of being reassuring? Trying to make himself more human, demonstrating that he has a family, is a part of society…some habits die hard, huh?

Of course, that does exactly the opposite of what Edward intended to do, because he still hasn't gotten into his head that vampire society functions by different rules. Yeah, sure you know the secret handshakes. You’re just giving them to the wrong gang. So James’s immediate thought is that he’s an Imperial, since they are the only vampires with surnames, because that enables them to blend into society-you know, that thing canon vampires DON’T do, keeping their “millennia-old” names (which are actually significantly less so, because Meyer can’t research) just to be pretentious. But it is interesting that once you become a vampire, you dropped your surname, cutting ties with your human life and family voluntarily. Again, we see how different Carlisle is from the vampiric norm, encouraging Edward to live as a symbol of his parents.

That, and it’s a fishslap too, what with the way canon!Edward cared nothing about his family and basically never thinks about them. The vampires that do that here? Are animalistic nomads who think about nothing but hedonistic pleasures.

Which isn't that far from canon.

FAIL, MAYER. FAIL.

Edward almost-lies to James, saying that he randomly came upon James and decided to say hello, and James demands to know, rather rudely, if Edward is the Imperial person-thingie in charge of here.

EDWARD. REMEMBER THAT RUDE GUY ON THE TRAIN IN CHICAGO, WHO WOULDN'T GIVE UP A SEAT FOR A LADY? AND HOW YOU GOT ADORABLY HUFFY AND RIGHTEOUSLY FURIOUS AT HIM? AND HOW YOU THOUGHT HE WAS, LIKE, SO TOTALLY SCUM? HOW IS JAMES DIFFERENT HERE? HE’S BEING RUDE! AND HE WAS NOT ONLY NOT GOING TO GIVE HIS SEAT UP FOR A LADY, BUT HE’S ALSO GOING TO MURDER THAT LADY! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THIS? HOOOOOOW?

IS HIS HOTNESS JUST THAT DISTRACTING?

Edward says no, he’s not with Governor Masterson, he’s available and VERY eager, wink wink nudge nudge, and that he’s already got a settled life, with a home with a white picket fence and a green card, if you know what he means.

And what do you know? That gets James interested in all kinds of inappropriate ways. It turns out, he’s also got a hate boner for Imperials, and he knows exactly how nice it’d be to have someone who’s got a nice and steady hideout and knows how to evade the Imperials for months at a time on his side. Thus starts his distressingly long journey of using Edward and dragging Edward down with him. And, of course, Edward doesn’t see that side of it, because James is hawt, dammit. No, all he sees is that James ‘shared similar sentiments‘, so now he thinks they have a ~*~connection~*~ and surely will be soul mates forever and ever.

…This anti-sporking is sounding more and more bitter by the second. I uh… I'm sorry.

James’s all intrigued by Edward now, and Edward takes that as a sign that it’s time to move the relationship one step further. So he sidles up to James, and my stupid TV-Tropes-addicted brain immediately tells me they’re going to kiss. Well, that or it’s because I've been reading the comments section of this chapter, and people talk aaaaaall about the slash there.

James again acts like a dangerous wild animal, and Edward has to move ‘slowly and non-threateningly’ as if he was approaching an injured feral cat, just to get close to enough to gesture for James to stop in the name of love. And I'm face-palming at the irony, considering how many times he’s compared humans to animals in this chapter and the last.

…Oh shit.

Oh my god.

How did I not see this before, with how many times I call James an animal.

Even after you stop drinking animal blood, Edward, you’re still symbolically fucking animals.

That’s just…wow.

I hope to God that’s intentional, because that is just PRICELESS.

‘James eyed it, as if not at all sure what to do with it…’

OH GOD, THAT LINE IS NOW A HUNDRED TIMES MORE HILARIOUS THAN THE FIRST TIME I READ IT. And really, even without all the extremely NSFW images my brain is throwing at me, I'm nodding eagerly with every line that shows how much of an animal (and a rude bastard) James is. Now, if only Edward can see the same. And see the blatantly obvious signs that he is NOT going to fit in with vampires. They are ANIMALS, whereas as murderous as he gets, he’s still got far too much of humanity in him.

But of course, Edward doesn’t see that. No, he just halfway pities James for being denied such basic courtesy. Because, you know, it can’t be HIS fault for being a rude fucking bastard. No, PEOPLE just can’t accommodating him enough. GAH.

Also, Meyer? See how great your book would have turned out if you were INTENTIONALLY writing a fucking creepy and abusive romance where one party is an unrepentant murderer? SEE? SCREWED-UP RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE DELIGHTFULLY AWFUL!

But James does shake Edward’s hand, in a weird sort of deal with the devil thing. He'll work together with Edward for now- he'll grant Edward his illustrious company, while Edward acts as a mostly accurate Imperial detector for him.

Also, James’s hands aren't as sexy as Edward’s.

Edward continues to treat James as a wild animal, which was kind of infuriating, but is now just hilarious. James tells Edward his name, while being as reluctant and rude and wary as possible, because he’s a bastard who can’t socialise to save his life.

‘“A pleasure,” Edward said, and James jerked his head again.’

I…I totally did not quote that line because I thought it sounded dirty. Totally. I so totally had something, like, unbelievably insightful and analysis-y and literary and smart to say. I just…uh…forgot what it was. I'll get back to you on that. >.> *coughs*

And uh…I totally didn't think of anything dirty when Edward starts ‘groping for his rusty manners‘. Not at all. My brain isn't picking up all the innuendo because James is here. Nope. >.> AND YOU SHOULD STOP JUDGING ME RIGHT NOW.

Er…okay, yes. I should start doing some actual analysis. Um…yeah, it’s very interesting that Edward performs all the actions that are socially desirable in HUMAN society when he’s trying to communicate with a vampire. It just shows how little he knows about the society he’s trying to fit into, as well as how he’s still far, far too human. Which is a great way to get the audience to continue to at least partially root for him, even when he’s on the Dark Side. Yeah, that’s totally why I quoted that.

Um…OH, LOOK. SYMBOLISM! St. Louis is apparently called ‘the Gateway City’! You know, because blood is like drugs? And Edward really got hooked in St. Louis? And most of his moral down-spiralling happens here? You know?

…Sometimes, I feel like the only thing I'm achieving with this anti-sporking is explaining the joke. And being redundant. *Woe*

So, ahem, after staring at some relief pictures to cheer myself up, I get back to the awkwardly flirty conversation Edward and James are having. Edward asks if James is coming to St. Louis for any particular reason, or if he just happened by. No, Eddie, James isn't stupid enough to go wandering around his hometown when he knows from all the towns he’s visited before that there can only be disappointment.

...No, he wouldn't visit his hometown at all, because he has no fucking concept of family, because he’s lower than fucking animals. And I mean that in more ways than one.

James still seems determined to not contribute to the conversation at all, sticking to one-word answers, leaving Edward to exert all the effort chatting him up. Which is a nice summary of their relationship, really. Edward has to bend over backwards to make everything work, while James just lounges and issues demands.

Really, James has to be particularly asshole-ish even amongst nomadic vampires, because I distinctly remember Susannah warming up a lot faster than him, AND she had to get past Edward and Carlisle’s stink too.

Edward continues to try and make conversation, saying how he was going to pass through, but somehow just ended up staying, because he ‘[liked] the city atmosphere.’ Yeah, you liked it alright. You were thinking aaaaaall about how pretty the city was when you were whining about the light pollution. You go up to the top of the city before every hunt because you just like the scenery that much. My GOD.

James, for all his faults, immediately sees through Edward’s pretention too, and agrees that this is a pretty good city because it has ‘good pickings’. Because face it, Edward, you only like the city because it has a large criminal underworld that you can feed off of and not feel bad.

Edward is all discomfited by the topic, because dude, murder is, like, so totally a private thing. Go ahead and do it, but ick, don’t TALK to him about it. Who knows? If he talked enough about it, his justifications might fall away, and then he’d have to acknowledge the truth! And that’d just be terrible.

But my mocking aside, I do like the contrast here between Edward and James. For Edward, even as he is now, drinking is still something to be put off for as long as possible, and it’s only when he absolutely has to drink or he'll go crazy that he goes for the most acceptable targets, trying to do as little damage to human society as possible. There is, buried under all the self-deception, still a bit of respect for humanity inside Edward. He still sees eating as an inevitability, whereas James jumps at the slightest excuse to eat, and likes talking all about it, and basically has his life revolve around it. And, in fact, it is this topic that gets him in higher spirits, because going out murdering together is how he socialises with people.

Edward changes the topic, because he likes running away from any threat to his 10-foot thick cocoon of denial, and asks where James was from, to which he replies ‘East’. Because that’s such a clear answer, yo.

Edward says he was from Chicago with some difficulty, indicating he’s still not over the whole Reggie ordeal, which makes me angry (BECAUSE WHAT YOU’RE DOING NOW IS EXACTLY THE SAME) and hopeful (see? He still has a chance at redemption!) at the same time. Or perhaps I'm just giving him too much credit, and he’s hung up about his house being resold and all of his memories of the Good Old Days being trampled all over, and has long since stopped worrying about Reggie.

James continues to be vague and unresponsive, hiding information about himself, because he’s made out of dirty secrets, the bastard. He’s still tense, but…

‘…his face was openly appraising, looking Edward up and down. He couldn’t help but feel the small twitch of ego when he heard James taking in his appearance-his new and well-fitting clothes, his shiny shoes, his clean and neat hair…’

…I HAVE READ SLASH FICS LESS SLASHY THAN THIS. I mean, SERIOUSLY! What with James checking Edward out, and Edward all but preening, knowing that he cleans up VERY nicely, wearing an all-new outfit like a girl going on her first date…I mean, just…WOW.

Though that line still makes me want to sneer at Edward and his little line about giving up silly human habits from the last chapter. I don’t think I'll ever get over that.

Edward corrects himself mentally, making a reference to his naturally messy hair (I WILL DIE OF BLISS IS SOMEONE GOT THE ORIGINAL TWILIGHT CAST TO ACT OUT THIS FIC), while he returns the favour and checks out James.

‘James himself was dressed much like he remembered Susannah had been dressed…’

Say… didn't Edward think Susannah was VERY attractive and got all flustered by how nekkid she was? EDDIE. DARLING. HONEY. YOU ARE MADE OUT OF THE GAY.

James is wearing a mismatched assortment of clothes, scavenged from his past victims (BECAUSE HE IS A FUCKING ANIMAL), and all of them are very old and frayed, and Edward is disapproving of his fashion choices. And again, we see how different a vampire who eats just to eat is from Edward, who at least realises the eating is an activity that needs justification. James is, of course, wearing no shirt. Obviously. And no shoes either, which is slightly more unusual. Wouldn't that hurt? I mean, he’s had to walk through forests!

‘Trinkets and bits of jewelry and such dangled from his pockets and belt loops, giving him the appearance of a walking rook’s nest.’

Sometimes, I like taking lines like these, which are actually subtle foreshadowing and Fridge Horror at its best, and imagine what they’d look like if Meyer had written them. In this case, something like “Trinkets and bits of jewelry and such that looked as though they’d been taken from different people all over the country dangled from his pockets and belt loops, giving him the appearance of a walking rook’s nest. No, now he was just being silly. James simply must have had a very eccentric sense of fashion, or liked hoarding shiny things. He couldn't have actually taken them from people. Edward’s vision blurred, and after a while, he realised he was shaking his head.”

The difference between them is immediately obvious, and James doesn’t like being, ‘the one at the apparent disadvantage.’ Edward! Wake up! From the very first HOUR of your relationship, it’s been nothing but a power struggle, with both of you trying to one-up the other! He’s obviously not going to accept you, except as his obedient underling who knows his place!

Edward tries ‘to be delicate’, which made me choke on my food, and then FINALLY, albeit awkwardly, asks James out. ‘Would you like to come have a seat somewhere with me? Maybe…talk? Or would you like more, if you know what I mean?’

OKAY, FINE, THAT LAST LINE WASN'T IN THERE, BUT IT SO WOULD HAVE FIT. SO THERE.

Oh, and again, Edward. I don’t know how you've missed this, but James isn't interested in proper courting. He wants to metaphorically rape a lovely young girl. You’re not a friend to him-you’re a particularly useful cockblocker.

Edward offers James a shower (with him, together, nekkid, in case you forget). And James completely misinterprets Edward’s BLATANTLY SLASHY SIGNALS and bristles in anger, thinking, ‘is he talking down to me, the little prick?’ It’s rather telling that James always seems to assume the worst of Edward, implying that it’s not just between this two-the whole vampire society is constructed on power-struggles. Which probably wouldn't be that far from the truth, what with everyone in polite society being more or less affiliated with the Imperium, and the nomad themselves fighting over hunting grounds. But other than that, we can also see how similar Edward and James are, both being very sensitive to the point of violence over being treated like a child. Need I remind you that the whole reason Edward went after Froggy and his friends is because he’s sick of being dismissed because he looked like a seventeen-year-old pretty boy?

And in the end, that’s going to play a rather large part in why this relationship breaks down. Because in order to struggle for dominance in the relationship, whether intentionally or not, Edward and James are going to be acting like they are the authority, patronising each other. And being patronised is a HUGE button for both of them. That, and this is a nice and early indication of how James and Edward really aren't so different, despite all of their loathing for each other.

James quickly gets a rein on his emotions and admits that a shower would probably be nice, but then changes the topic and declares that he’s hungry, half-accusing Edward for interrupting him. Edward is, again, discomfited about this, because murder is all fine and good, but it should be kept private in polite society, don’cha know. He awkwardly admits that he was, ‘a bit peckish [himself], and was out looking-looking for the same…’ On the one hand, at least he knows enough to be ashamed of admitting that he’s hungry. On the other hand, isn't it nice how he’s sanitising murder? Wrapping it up in nice little euphemisms so he wouldn't feel bad about it. I think that’s why James using much the same euphemisms makes Edward so uncomfortable, because then he has to acknowledge that saying it in pretty terms doesn’t mask how animalistic it is, and that he harbours the same sick, twisted desire as James-he’s just better at hiding it.

Well, that admission gets James all nice and excited, complete with slow, sly grin and all, because he thinks Edward just proposed sexy timez (together, the two of them, in case you forget-I should also note that James is still being described in very animalistic terms). Edward is all mildly squicked by James’s reaction, because he is an innocent little virgin who has no idea what he’s talking about. Oh, Edward, you silly thing…you know all the secret handshakes, you say?

James is all friendly and best-buds-forever now that he’s been promised sexy sex, but Edward interrupts and points out that they can’t hunt there, because it’d not be very inconspicuous, in the middle of downtown, a few streets over from where the Imperial Governor lives. Which explains a lot about why James is so afraid of the Imperial and hides so much about himself-with the way he eats, he’s definitely gotten into trouble with the Imperium at least once before.

Again, James immediately bristles in anger before calming himself down, and I must say, his reaction here mirrors Edward’s emotions during Chapters 1 and 2 very nicely. Edward immediately got angry when people treated him like a child too, and sometimes engaged in quick fantasies (that grew longer and more detailed over time), before managing to calm himself down.

Edward quickly explains himself, pointing out how close they are to Governor Masterson, further proving how useful an ally he'll be to James. And James grudgingly acknowledges that, already using Edward probably less than an hour into their relationship. That makes Edward preen again, not only because he’s been looking for respect for the past 3 chapters, but also because James is almost a symbol of society to him (being the only vampire he interacts with on a regular basis), so being accepted by James makes Edward feel like he belongs.

He tells James that he usually hunts on the docks, because it’s less conspicuous to kill there, and uses James’s terminology to hint that the blood there is very nommy too. He has a little trouble with using James’s euphemisms (EVEN THOUGH HE DOES THE SAME THING HIMSELF), but he’s already altering himself in order to fit James’s standards. Because that is the very hallmark of a healthy relationship, yes.

MEYER? ARE YOU LISTENING? YOU SHOULD NOTICE THAT THIS RELATIONSHIP ENDS WITH EDWARD’S SPINE BEING BROKEN THREE FUCKING TIMES. THIS SHOULD NOT RESEMBLE YOUR MOST EPIC ROMANCE TO EVER ROMANCE AT ANY STAGE.

James is happy again, because his mood is entirely based on how much blood he can get in the immediate future, and tells Edward to, ‘…lead on. This is your city, and all.’ Because he knows how to suck up.

The flattery gets to Edward (who completely misses how James just paralleled him to an Imperial), because he is that desperate to be recognised and respected as someone who has some authority in his field (even though his field is HOW TO MURDER WITHOUT BEING CAUGHT). But no, Edward sees James’s thinly-veiled manipulation of him so that he’d be a useful ally as acceptance and acknowledgement, so he immediately forgets all the BLATANTLY OBVIOUS signs that James is NOT A VERY NICE PERSON, and smiles soppily at him, like a twelve-year-old girl with a crush.

And he’s all pathetically and rather heart-wrenchingly cheerful as he leads James to the docks, happy that he’s finally got someone who'll stay by his side. And I can’t muster up the rage to shout at him that he’s trying to please his crush by LETTING HIM MURDER PEOPLE AND GET AWAY WITH IT, because all I can focus on is how disastrously this relationship is going to turn out, contrasted with how damned HAPPY Edward is here. He’s just…he’s just so HAPPY about James’s grudging respect for him (which is damned creepy, considering that’s a sign that he’s about to start manipulating Edward) that I just…I can’t get angry at him. I'm just reduced to flailing at the screen and screaming for him to get away with James because DUDE, THIS IS NOT GOING TO END WELL.

And that’s our introduction to Edward’s subtextual boyfriend and eventual Worst Enemy Ever, and needless to say, I loved it. This not only established James’s character VERY well, as an animalistic hedonist who only cares about Edward in terms of how he can use him to benefit himself, and it sets a nice tone for Edward and James’s future interaction-Edward will be bending backwards to accommodate his demands more and more and sacrifice his own integrity to sustain the relationship, until he simply can’t do it any more, and everything falls apart. There are plenty of hints here that these two are the LEAST COMPATIBLE PEOPLE EVER, and the only thing making this relationship possible is James’s concern for himself and Edward’s desperation for some company. And I am torn between wanting to rush into the fic and shake some sense into Edward’s head because DUDE, THE SIGNS, THEY ARE SO OBVIOUS, and wanting to rush into the fic and kidnap him somewhere far, FAR away from James because THE BAD MAN WILL HURT YOU, EDDIE, GET AWAY FROM HIM.

But that doesn’t happen for a while yet, and for now, we’re just in the middle of the subtly creepy and incredibly, overwhelming slashy “friendship” of Edward and James. So join me next time as they have (symbolic) sex, shower (together, nekkid, in case you forgot), and then go shopping together. Because that’s what friends are for.

Go Back to: Chapter 4 Part 1, Section A

Go Forward to: Chapter 4 Part 1, Section C