Personal Correspondence #12: Part 4:
Another Edward point: Edward was never trying to be a superhero
SOS: Because that involves far too much effort. He could be stalking young girls in that time.
-some darker version of the dark knight.
BB:
That was not his purpose. He was rationalizing, pure and simple.
SOS: But that's not how you portrayed it. You had people comparing him to an avenging angel or GOD for what he did. You implied through Midnight Sun that you were one hundred percent behind his slaughtering of criminals. NEVER have you given the idea that he was delusional and in-denial about what he's doing. Unlike, I repeat, THE DARKEST HOUR.
Edward was tired of being in pain,
SOS: So he went out and put HUNDREDS of other people in pain. Because that is what a morally upright protagonist should do.
BB: Of course. What rock have YOU been living under? It's Acceptable to do that because everyone wants a serial killer.
but no so far gone that he would hunt innocents. Back to the burning hand metaphor-he was determined to quench the fire,
SOS: He ate HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE in 3 years. He was clearly eating FAR MORE than he needed to just to sate his thirst. Your argument is invalid.
BB: I'm getting so tired of that metaphor. I'm pretty sure my own hand burning would be less painful than this drivel.
but for his conscience’s sake, he was going to be particular about which bucket of ice water he used.
BB: Bam. You just said it yourself, Meyer - Edward CHOSE. He had people in mind when he went to kill. It wasn't just choosing evil people. It was methodical plotting.
SOS: HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE WHAT'S WRONG ABOUT THIS? HE DID IT FOR HIS OWN SAKE! IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT HE WAS ONLY EATING CRIMINALS, BECAUSE HE DIDN'T EAT THOSE PEOPLE TO PUNISH THEM FOR THEIR CRIMES. HE DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THEIR CRIMES AT ALL WHEN HE WAS DRINKING THEIR BLOOD. ALL HE THOUGHT ABOUT WAS HUNGER. WAS FULFILLING HIMSELF. ALL HE THOUGHT ABOUT WAS DRINKING.
IT MAKES HIM NO DIFFERENT FROM JAMES OR THE VOLTURI OR ANY OF YOUR BAD VAMIPRES! IN THE END, HE'S STILL JUST EATING FOR HIS OWN ENJOYMENT. HE'S EATING FOR FOOD. IN THE END, THEY'RE ALL PREY!!!
BB: -Pats SOS-
He was not so much of a vampire after being “raised” by Carlisle that he could be cavalier about it.
SOS: And yet that's exactly what he was. He joked about it, he fantasised about it, he drew inspiration from it, and he would do it again, if only Carlisle wouldn't be so disapproving.
BB: I burned my arguing self out a while ago. -Drinks more soda- Sugar might fix me.
But he doesn’t share Carlisle’s faith to think he’s got anything to lose in the process.
SOS: He...doesn't think committing MASS-MURDER can have any negative consequences. He honestly can't conceive of why committing MASS-MURDER may be a BAD thing.
BB: .....................................
......
Wardo, I knew you were stupid. But this is a new LEVEL of stupid.
Hopelessness + pain = compromise.
SOS: EXCEPT ANIMAL BLOOD SUSTAINS THEM PERFECTLY WELL.
Using your own analogy, he had a bucket of water RIGHT THERE, but he insisted on going out and shooting a family of five so he can use their tap instead!
A note on Edward’s victims:
SOS: (Meyer) They weren't hot, so it's okay if they die.
BB: ....you know, that's probably all it was.
we’re not talking about some guy who killed his wife ten years ago and has a guilty conscience. We’re talking about serial killers and serial rapists.
SOS: Meyer, are you asking me to believe that Edward, on average, found one serial killer or serial rapist per week for YEARS? That there were so many UTTERLY redeemable people just wandering around?
THAT COULD NOT HAVE FUCKING HAPPENED. To reach the body count he did, he had to have went after some petty criminals.
And considering he did his little killing spree during THE GREAT DEPRESSION? I'm betting the VAST majority of his victims were just desperate people down on their luck.
BB: But he didn't care. They thought Evil Things, so they were Evil.
SOS: Yes, and I have to note that Edward only reads SURFACE thoughts. He has no way of TELLING whether someone was a repeat criminal or not, because he doesn't read MEMORIES.
BB: You know who could, though? Aro. Which makes the Volturi instantly have a better light than the Cullens.
He always hunted the hunters.
SOS: But who watches the Watchmen?
As he says in the first chapter of Midnight Sun: “My victims were, in their various dark pastimes, barely more human than I was.”
SOS: Eddie? YOU READ SURFACE TOUGHTS. YOU DON'T SEE ANYTHING PAST WHAT THEY ARE THINKING OF AT RIGHT THIS MOMENT. YOU HAVE NO IDEA IF THEY'RE HAVING A HARMLESS FANTASY OR ACTUALLY PLANNING TO DO SOMETHING.
YOU DON'T SEE THEIR MOTIVES, YOU DON'T SEE THEIR UPBRINGING. YOU DON'T SEE WHAT CAUSED THEM TO GO INTO A LIFE OF CRIME. YOU WEREN'T AFFECTED BY THE GREAT DEPRESSION. YOU CAN'T SEE WHETHER THEY CAN BE REDEEMED. YOU CAN'T SEE HOW THEY HAVE A MOTHER WAITING FOR THEM TO COME HOME. YOU DON'T SEE THE LITTLE ACTS OF KINDNESS THAT THEY PERFORMED.
YOU DON'T SEE SHIT.
AND YOU WERE NO BETTER THAN THOSE CRIMINALS.
YOU, LIKE THEM, WENT OUT AND KILLED PEOPLE, FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL BENEFITS. YOU WENT OUT THERE AND SYMBOLICALLY RAPED PEOPLE, FOR YOUR OWN BENEFITS. YOU WERE EXACTLY LIKE THEM.
YOU WERE FUCKING WORSE THAN THEM, IN SOME WAYS, BECAUSE YOU THINK OF YOURSELF AS A FORCE OF JUSTICE.
YOU. MAKE. ME. SICK.
BB: SOS. Take a breather.
SOS: This is the most disgusting, vile, SICKENING thing I have EVER laid eyes on. It makes me feel DIRTY to think that I share a species with this woman. I am embarrassed ON BEHALF OF HUMANITY.
BB: It's not over yet, honey. But I think you need a break.
SOS: It's okay. I can power through. We have little more than a page left.
He didn’t look for the guilty post-act, he searched for other hunters pre-act.
SOS: SEE? SEE? HE'S BEING WILFULLY BLIND TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT DID BAD THINGS, AND THEN FELT GUILTY. HE'S ACTIVELY IGNORING THE EXISTENCE OF REDEMPTION, TO MAKE HIMSELF FEEL BETTER.
AND YET HE STILL CLAIMS TO BE ABLE TO JUDGE THESE PEOPLE, DESPITE REVELLING IN HIS OWN IGNORANCE, BECAUSE KNOWING WOULD HURT TOO MUCH. BECAUSE KNOWING WOULD RUIN ALL HIS JUSTIFICATIONS. AND YET HE STILL THINKS HE HAS THE RIGHT TO DECIDE WHO IS OR IS NOT HUMAN. AND YET HE STILL APPOINTS HIMSELF JUDGE, JURY, AND EXECUTIONER OF ALL HUMANITY.
BB: And Meyer is all right with this. So are Twihards.
SOS: YOU ARE NOT HELPING THINGS GAAAAAAAAAAAH *SETS SELF ON FIRE*
BB: -Douses you in flame retardant liquid foam-
So he did save a lot of lives during his rebellious years.
SOS: NO, MEYER. HE MIGHT HAVE SAVED A LOT OF LIVES. BUT HE DID DOOM A LOT MOER. His victims MIGHT have gone on to kill people, but he DID kill them.
BB: But he killed hundreds more. And you know what, Meyer? Since he didn't have any real clue if these people would go through with these acts, he might have killed completely innocent people. WHY do you not THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE WRITING?!
People seem to expect that because the Cullens are good vampires, they should somehow therefore be perfect.
SOS: NO. Because you said they were good people, WE EXPECTED THEM TO BE GOOD PEOPLE. NOT PSYCHOTIC, MURDERING, GENOCIDAL MANIACS.
How is that fair?
SOS: HOW IS KILLING SOMEONE BASED ON WHAT THEY WERE THINKING AT THAT EXACT SECOND FAIR?
By that expectation, there are no good people in the whole world. Good people are not perfect;
SOS: We do not expect the Cullens do be perfect. Asking them to atone for their crimes is not demanding perfection.
BB: It's asking them to be human.
good people are the ones who keep trying after they make mistakes.
SOS: NO, THEY ARE NOT. Good people are the ones to try to AVOID MAKING MISTAKES AGAIN.
You are not a good person if after killing someone by drink driving, to go ahead and keep on drink driving. A good person would swear off alcohol, or at least remember to get a designated driver.
7) Finally, Chaos Theory. While Chaos Theory is interesting to think about, it’s totally useless as a decision making tool,
SOS: Meyer, WIKIPEDIA. It's not that hard to find out what the Chaos Theory actually IS. And to see that YES, it has many practical applications. It's why harder mathematics requires you to use exact values.
BB: -Sigh- At this point, I kind of started tuning Meyer out. I've heard this same stuff from her fans and I'm just bzzzz about the whole thing now.
because there are no certainties, proofs, or knowable quantities involved.
SOS: The Chaos Theory is ALL ABOUT exact values and pinning down certainties!
BB: Who wants to bet Meyer only saw the word Chaos and didn't care to research beyond that?
A vampire could think: “This woman might be the grandmother of the next Gandhi, so I shouldn’t choose her as my victim.”
SOS: Or he could say, this woman is human. Life is an inalienable human right. Therefore I should eat animals, since they're perfectly good for me. You don't need to make HUGE contributions to society to be exempt from death.
Also, is it just me or is it incredibly sexist that Meyer never considers the possibility that the woman herself might be the next Ghandi? No, it's all about what her CHILDREN will achieve.
She'll never contribute to society, oh no. All she should do is sit there and squat out babies, because THEY'RE the ones who'll actually matter.
BB: It's Meyer. If you don't expect sexism, well....
OR he could think, “This woman’s grandson will run over the next Gandhi, so I should choose her as my victim.”
SOS: ........Because it's a crime worthy of death to give birth to someone who will have a traffic accident later in life now, apparently. You deserve to DIE for what your children may or may not do.
Meyer's gone beyond punishing someone for a crime they haven't committed. She's going right ahead and punishing their PARENTS.
See what I mean? There’s nothing to base a good decision on.
SOS: Then how about you base your decision on what you KNOW? That that woman is human, and life is a human right, and it would be one of the most serious violations of human rights to murder her, for your own personal enjoyment?
BB: Because that requires her thinking. And admitting that she's wrong.
Sure, if I drive to the gas station today, I MIGHT set off a chain reaction that causes a famine in 100 years. But if I DON’T go to the gas station, that might be what sets off the chain reaction.
SOS: Except if you kill someone, YOU WILL KILL THAT PERSON. THEY WILL DEFINITELY DIE. Behold the words of a wise man:
BB: Meyer is trying to misdirect us, everyone. She wants us to think in terms of future, rather than what she's telling us now.
And what she's telling us now? SHE WANTS TO KILL PEOPLE!
Chaos Theory is not part of a practical, functioning world.
SOS: IT IS A PERFECTLY VALID BRANCH OF MATHMATICS USED BY ASTRONOMERS AND METEROLOGISTS. YOU FUCKER.
BB: Meyer, stop thinking the name means that it's completely disorganized. It's not.
The Cullens are pragmatists.
SOS: That does not stop them from being MURDERERS.
BB: Not in the least.
And that’s the end of my rambling thoughts.
SOS: Which explains why there are still just over a page of you rambling. False advertising yay!
BB: It's always such a joy to see, huh?
Hello? Is anyone still there? Echo?….
SOS: Actually, I've found this letter a fantastic cure for sleepiness. I just read a few sentences, and the rage keeps me going for hours.
OH YES, THOSE CRIMINALS ARE LESS HUMAN THAT YOU, EDWARD YOU FUCKER, I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT.
This will be a bit simplistic, because I’m tired.
SOS: Just because you word it pretentiously, Meyer, doesn't mean any of your previous arguments weren’t the most simple things on earth. They just also happen to be goddamned infuriating.
BB: I'm tired, too. After slogging through all your bullshit, my feet have fallen asleep.
Edward’s definition of a "soul" is something different from the intelligence that controls the body and allows one to think.
SOS: I don't think that's how most people define souls, Meyer.
BB: That would be the brain.
SOS: Indeed.
Most people tend to classify the "soul" as what allows us to love and to be creative. It's the thing that separates us from animals (which can also think). It's what makes us HUMAN.
BB: Y'know....I think this scene would help: This is a person without a soul. HE'S A DICK. Any questions?
He sees it more as the immortal soul
SOS: So Edward defines a "soul" as...a soul.
Truly, he is a deeply intelligent and insightful person.
BB: Nah, Meyer just wants to sound pretentious.
that progresses after this life toward something better.
SOS: Isn't it TELLING that he doesn't consider hell an option? Even your characters, Meyer, subconscious know that they deserve hell.
BB: Well, of course. Edward CAN'T consider Hell an option. That might imply his actions have consequences!
He believes that vampires have made a trade on that-they’ve given up their immortal souls in exchange for a kind of immortality in this life.
SOS: It IS fucking immortality, Meyer. They can't die unless an outside force interferes.
BB: And it's obvious he likes this one better. He doesn't CARE about the soul.
Again, I'm reminded off Soulless Sam. He didn't want his soul back, either.
No death, no corruption of the body
SOS: Someone us don't think of growing the fuck up as corruption, Meyer.
BB: I don't. I'm looking forward to growing up.
(plus the super qualities),
BB: SUEper qualities, you mean.
SOS: Yeah, Meyer? Are you even trying anymore? It's more than clear that neither you nor your vampires see this as any form of sacrifice. All you can talk about is how great vampirism is.
BB: Even when you're trying to talk down about it.
but nothing after that semi-immortality comes to an end. Sort of a Faustian compromise: good stuff now, but losing better stuff later.
SOS: That's not what a Faustian deal is like.
It's good stuff now, and HORRIBLE stuff later.
Just the LACK of luxury and bliss and eternal power trips is NOT a fucking compromise.
Not to mention, a proper Fautian deal would involve what you wished for going horrible wrong (or horribly right). But there's absolutely no catch to vampirism.
BB: Nope, none at all.
Missing humanity? You come to loathe it.
Your family? What family? They don't exist to you anymore.
Instant gratification vs. delayed gratification.
BB: Your sparklepires get the first one.
SOS: Yes, and Meyer? You have NEVER portrayed that as a bad thing. You have NEVER written it like your vampires are missing out on something humanity can enjoy. You have never, EVER portrayed that as a disadvantage.
You don't write vampirism like it's being eternally damned. You write it as an ascension into a higher state of being. You write it as BECOMING A GOD.
You spend ALMOST FOUR BOOKS pining after it and whining about it and manipulating everyone around you to get it. And when you do, it's written as a Happy Ending.
There are no consequences, no catches, not a single bad thing about the deal. You get everything you've ever wanted by becoming a vampire.
BB: And everything becomes happy fluffy froo-froo land.
Of course, Edward didn’t choose to be a vampire, so he didn’t make this deal willingly.
BB: ....it doesn't MATTER that he didn't choose it - he REVELS in it.
SOS: Yep, Carlisle just waltzed in and changed him without permission. Without asking whether he wanted this or not. He just did it because HE was lonely. And yet you still think he's a GOOD guy.
But he can’t go back. There is no way to regain mortality. He gets all the benefits of being a vampire;
SOS: Aaaand, you just keep talking about how great being a vampire is. You're really not delivering a sense of loss here.
BB: SOS, to be honest? Since Meyer is only talking about how AWESHUM!!!!!!! being a sparklepire is, I distracted myself. With something semi-relevant to this, actually.
SOS: Heh, awesome.
therefore he must be bound by the same compromise that the willing vampires chose.
SOS: ONE. THAT IS NOT A MOTHERFUCKING COMPROMISE. COMPROMISES ARE REACHED THROUGH NEGOTIATIONS, AND FEATURE A PART OF WHAT BOTH PARTIES WANT. YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY THAT EDWARD NEVER WANTED TO BE A VAMPIRE. HE NEVER WANTED THE UPSIDES.
YOU FUCKING FAIL.
TWO. YOU SAID BELLA WAS THE ONLY FUCKING WILLING VAMPIRE IN HISTORY. ONLY. SO HOW IS WHAT HE WENT THROUGH ANY DIFFERENT FROM EVERY OTHER VAMPIRE? HUH? WHAT THE FUCK MAKES HIM SPECIAL, AND MAKES IT SO THAT I MUST HATE THE VOLTURI FOR EATING PEOPLE, BUT CONDONE EDWARD DOING THE SAME?
YOUR ARGUMENT. IT IS INVALID.
BB: ......SOS......Re-read what Meyer said. Then fucking TRY to tell me it's not EXACTLY how Lucifer got Sam to say yes to him. TRY.
....Meyer.
......she's Lucifer.
He found a secondary vessel and is on Earth.
SOS: Shit, someone get the Winchesters. Now.
BB: -Calls them- SAM! DEAN! SAVE OUR ASSES! THE APOCALYPSE IS COMING BACK!
What does he base this belief on?
SOS: His fear of consequences. Because he's basically you with a dick. This way, he won't have to face any horrible punishment after death, because hey, he can't go to hell since he doesn't have a soul.
BB: He made a deal with a Crossroads Demon.
The fact that vampires are quite clearly monsters,
SOS: And how would he be able to tell that vampires are monstrous? You've written them to be beautiful, pale, powerful, perfect, and able to subsist on animal blood.
You've removed every single thing that might make them identifiable as monster, including castrating them symbolically.
How would someone who only knows traditional vampire lore compare your vampires to what he knows?
BB: Are you just trying to say that since they're vampires, they're automatically monsters?
SOS: No, she's saying that if you're not HER vampires, you're automatically a monster.
BB: .....Hi, Luci!
and that common belief from time immemorable condemns them to damnation.
SOS: Except he doesn't believe he's damned. He doesn't believe he's going to hell. He doesn't even believe hell exists!
He thinks he'll just have NO afterlife, which is very different from damnation, MEYER.
It makes sense-monsters are evil by definition.
BB: ....
......I want to point out Frankenstein's monster.
He was not evil.
He only did the things he did because he was a REAL TORTURED SOUL.
Just because the Cullens don’t follow the definition, does it mean they’re not monsters anymore?
SOS: Except they do. They ARE evil. And they ARE monsters.
BB: They're COMPLETE monsters.
And it's NOT just because of their species. It's because of how they act! What they've done!
THEY'RE FUCKING SCREWED UP IN THE HEAD!
They still salivate at the smell of human blood
SOS: They do? Because I don't recall seeing that in fucking CANON.
BB: Eh, Jasper tried to attack Bella. That's our one instance.
SOS: I don't remember him being described as 'drooling', though
BB: If that had happened, I would've laughed. Can't you just imagine Jasper with a "HERP DERP *DROOL*" face?
SOS: But no, she's too busy wanking to make her vampires anything less than perfect.
(well, it’s not precisely saliva, but you get my point).
SOS: OH AND YOU HAD TO BRING UP THE STUPID VENOM BULLSHIT TOO.
BB: Stop these fucking little asides. They remind me of House of Night.
SOS: You know what? Just to be spiteful? You said the venom changes people, right? Well, just because I'm feeling bitter, I'm going to say they're drooling semen.
BB: .......HEAKHEKAHEKAHEHAKHKEHAKEAKA.
They still live only through the death of others (they’ve just gone with lesser animals).
SOS: I know that technically, humans ARE animals...but after what you just wrote? YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CALL ANYONE AN ANIMAL. NONE.
BB: ....No, they haven't. They go after BIG PREDATORS, including endangered ones!
So why does Edward bother being good? Because he doesn’t like causing suffering.
SOS: No, Meyer. You answered this question before. Just a few pages back. You TOLD us that he's doing everything because he wants Carlisle to like him.
BB: He does it to stay in his "daddy's" good graces.
SOS: Exactly. And I'm going to believe that option, because we've seen plenty of evidence in Midnight Sun.
BB: ....ew.....I just had a self-squick thought.
.......with all the paternalistic/paedophilic vibes in the Twilight series....The gay undertones because you know EVERYONE is gay....
..........Yeeeeeaaaaaaaah, nice job, Meyer.
Even living on the death of the very evilest of humans,
SOS: Oh, yes, the EVILNESS of committing crimes during the GREAT FUCKING DEPRESSION out of desperation. Truly, they deserved to die horribly without a trial.
BB: And suffer under the hands off a sadistic sociopath UNTIL their last breath. 'Cause you KNOW Edward wouldn't give them a quick death. Oh, no.
SOS: Yes. By CANON, we know that Edward engaged in torture. He admitted it himself.
That's not killing someone out of desperation for food, and then feeling bad about it.
He took his time. He drew it out. He made them suffer as much as he can because he dealt the final blow.
He TORTURED them, and those torture are FOND MEMORIES to him.
And there is no fucking way you can justify that. There is no fucking way you can say ANY criminal deserves that.
eventually all the killing makes him feel purely monstrous, and he hates feeling that way.
SOS: AGAIN. He didn't stop killing because he thought it was wrong!
He stopped because it stopped being fun for him! He stopped because he wanted DADDY. HE STOPPED JUST TO BENEFIT HIMSELF.
He wants to feel like himself. He wants to feel the higher human emotions
SOS: You said yourself that Edward was a bloodthirsty psychopath even as a human, Meyer. An animal like him isn't capable of human emotions.
BB: Meyer? Your sparklepires can't even feel the basic emotion of grief. They can't feel joy. Shut. Up.
(love for his family particularly)
BB: He only loves what they can give him and what use he can get from them. Oh, and to rag on them.
SOS: Criminals are perfectly capable of loving their family, Meyer. If Edward can’t love his family, then it’s not because he’s committing crimes. It’s because he’s a PSYCHO.
that get lost when you live for the hunt and the bloodlust.
SOS: HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THIS? YOU JUST SAID IT YOURSELF.
EDWARD DIDN'T DO IT OUT OF A SENSE OF JUSTICE. HE DIDN'T DO IT BECAUSE HE THOUGHT IT WAS RIGHT. HE WASN'T DOING IT TO BENEFIT SOCIETY. HE DID IT OUT OF BLOODLUST AND THE THRILL OF THE HUNT.
HE DID IT FOR THE SAME REASON JAMES WENT AFTER BELLA. AND YET SOMEHOW HE'S A GOOD GUY? SOMEHOW, WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DESPISE HIM? EVEN THOUGH HE SLAUGHTERED AND TORTURED HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE, JUST TO SATE HIS BLOODLUST AND HAVE A BIT OF FUN?
BB: Pretty much, yeah. -Pat-
SOS: *is patted* *sulks*
BB: I'm sorry. Here. Have a Wincest Vid.
SOS: *grudgingly un-pouts*
BB: Sam and Dean work wonders.
He doesn’t think being good will earn him anything, but he still does it,
SOS: ONE. SHOW ME ONE GOOD THING THAT HE DID. ONE.
BB: Again, he thinks if he acts like a perfect little angel, Carlisle will fuck him.
because he still thinks good is better than bad,
SOS: Um...are we supposed to be impressed by that? Are we supposed to think that's oh so wonderful of him?
Because...I think 100% of people on earth think that good is better than bad. It's sort of, you know, part of the definition.
BB: Yes.
SOS: >: ( *BITES*
BB: OW.
whether it gives him something in return or not. I don’t know if that’s coming out right.
SOS: IT'S NOT. And you should be able to see that.
BB: She's completely blind to anything except Wardo's sparklepeen.
I’m trying to think of an analogy.
BB: You fail at them. So stop.
SOS: Why not the hand-on-fire one? You've twisted that around to fit situations that are completely different before!
BB: No. I'm sick of her analogies. I got sick of them when she compared her sparklepires to anorexics. SO STOP THINKING THEM UP. YOU FAIL AT THEM.
Maybe…someone who paints the most beautiful pictures, putting all his effort into it, though he is surrounded by blind people.
SOS: I think we need a list for why that analogy fails.
1. We don't accept everyone to paint beautiful pictures. But we do expect people to be, you know, GOOD PEOPLE. To atone for their misdeeds and to help out those less fortunate than they. It's just what you NORMALLY do. It's not something huge that only a selected, gifted few does.
2. Doing good means doing something that benefits others at your own inconvenience. That artist isn't being inconvenienced. He's entertaining himself. He's doing it for his own sake. And that's a pretty poor motive to do something good.
3. WARDO ISN'T FUCKING DOING ANY GOOD, YOU FUCKER.
4. We expect him to do good as atonement for his MASS-FUCKING-MURDER. And we will judge him if he does absolutely nothing. But unless he's under a contract, no one's forcing the artist to draw. It's not morally WRONG for him to give up drawing, because it's too much effort.
5. PEOPLE CAN SEE GOOD DEEDS AND APPRECIATE THEM.
There’s no return for his work, but he thinks it’s worth doing anyway.
SOS: That's not fucking special or commendable, MEYER. Plenty of people do good for the sake of doing good, because they’re not selfish ASSHOLES.
BB: Volunteers do work with little to no return. They do good and feel good about doing so. Wardo does nothing that won't make him feel like he has a big cock.
I think it’s almost a higher form of goodness-to do good for its own sake, expecting nothing in return.
SOS: ONE. THAT IS HOW MOST PEOPLE DO GOOD. TWO. WARDO IS GETTING SOMETHING IN RETURN. HE GETS DOTED ON BY CARLISLE, AND HE CAN FEEL SUPERIOR IN IT. THREE, WARDO DOESN'T DO ANY FUCKING GOOD, YOU FUCKER.
BB: -Sighs and hits self in the forehead- ....VOLUNTEERS.
ETA: I did mention he was stubborn, right? That comes into play here, too.
SOS: .............Are you saying that he SHOULDN'T do good for good's sake? That to want to do so is being STUBBORN?
BB: ....-Headwalls hard enough to break through three demensions-
First, to the subject of trying and punishing vampires according to human laws: It’s impossible, and (I think) wrong.
SOS: Why?
BB: Because the Cullens aren't human, so should not be subject to silly human laws.
I swear, if that's what the next part of this says, I'm hiring myself out as a Suefic fortune teller so Sporkers know when the really bad shit's about to hit the fan.
SOS: They live in our society. They wear clothes made from our cotton, sewn by our workers. They live in houses built from our bricks and wood. They attend our schools and get our jobs, and get paid in our money.
Therefore, they are subject to our laws.
When you commit a crime in another country, you get tried according to that country's laws. Why wouldn't the same apply here?
BB: Isn't it obvious? The Cullens are SPESHUL.
I’m not saying they shouldn’t be destroyed,
SOS: So, basically, as long as we kill someone without a trial, it's perfectly okay. But oh noes, holding a trial would just be SOOOOO morally reprehensible?
BB: Yup.
SOS: >: ( *BITES AND GNAWS*
BB: -Pats you- There, there. It's almost over.
but trying them by human laws is as wrong as trying a maneating tiger in a court setting.
SOS: One, animals have actually been put on trial for killing humans before. Two, you know what we do with man-eating tigers?
BB: PUT THEM DOWN.
SOS: Yes, we put them down like the rabid animals that they ARE.
Are you admitting that your oh so speshul and superior vampires are basically just rabid animals? Are you saying that they should be put down for being a danger to society?
BB: If we read beneath Meyer's shallow "argument," yes, we see that's exactly what she's saying.
SOS: GOOD. *Hauls out the chainsaw-swords*
Let’s go with the herd of cows analogy.
BB: Let's not.
SOS: Yes, your vampires are a herd of stampeding cows. And you, as the creator of that universe, has authorised lethal force against them.
Let’s say these cows are aware Farmer Bob is slaughtering cows in his slaughterhouse. What can they do? They don’t have the physical ability to track him in his world and punish him.
BB: ....uh, obviously, Meyer here has never seen cows when they're mad.
SOS: Except for how humans are clearly sapient, unlike cows? Except for how cows are born and bred for the sole pupose of being food and have no more potential, unlike humans? Except for how humans DO have the ability to track down and punish vampires? Except for how Farmer Bob has never been a cow himself? Except for how Farmer Bob don't have friends who are cows, and his children don't go to school with cows, and his clothes aren't made by cows, and his home isn't built by cows?
BB: ....I'm still kind of stuck on the fact that Meyer thinks cows are weak.....Meyer, cows have KILLED before.
SOS: More people get killed by cows than by sharks each year.
BB: -Nods- I've had a few close encounters. Mostly 'cause my Uncle has a farm.
Maybe, if they’re really lucky, they can catch him off guard without his gun or truck and trample him.
SOS: Unlike humans, who can EASILY track down and kill a vampire, because we happen to have flamethrowers. Flamethrowers are, by the way, legal to own in the US.
:D BURNING THE WITCH!!!!!!!
BB: ....It wouldn't even take trampling. Y'know, all it takes is one good hit to the head by one of those hooves and down goes Farmer Bob.
But in that scenario, cows representing humanity actually makes them more powerful than is correct. It would be more like bunnies.
SOS: Bunnies who have NUKES. And MISSILES. And ROCKET LAUNCHERS. And, again, FLAMETHROWERS. Or, hell, just GUNS.
BB: Hell, you wouldn't even need flamethrowers. Just matches.
SOS: Bunnies who spent MILLIONS of years killing every other major predator on earth, so they'd become the dominant species. Bunnies who drive a species to extinction EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR.
As opposed to vampires, who, what? Is as hard as marble, and can travel at about 180 miles per hour. Please.
(I actually knew a guy who kept a bunch of free-range rabbits in his backyard. "Oh, so cute!" we all thought, until we found out that he was eating them on a regular basis. *shudder* "What happened to Flopsy? Where did she go? Aaaeeeiii!!")
SOS: Oh, that horrifies you, huh? That makes you think that guy is creepy, huh? And yet Edward has been eating PEOPLE, people like your children or your parents or your siblings or your husband. PEOPLE. For YEARS. And you want to fuck him.
BB: So, eating rabbits is wrong, huh? .....y'know, on my Uncle's farm, there are chickens. Whenever it was time for dinner, guess what we'd do? Grab the axe, go out back, and chop off heads. Deal.
SOS: I'm sure Meyer wouldn't care about that, because chickens aren’t CUUUUTE. And only pretty things deserve to live.
BB: Y'know, Meyer, you're an idiot.
So you’ve got a bunch of rabbits being killed whenever Farmer Bob is in the mood for rabbit stew. What can they do to bring him to justice? Answer: nada.
SOS: Meyer? I'm sure rabbit stew will be in VERY short supply if rabbits owned nukes.
Hell, I’m sure rabbit stew would be in VERY short supply if rabbits could prove beyond a doubt that they are sapient.
New analogy. Aliens invade the earth. They hover above the cities Independence-Day-style,
SOS: I would like to remind you what happened to the aliens at the end of Independence Day. Do not fuck with humanity, bitch.
BB: Humanity will destroy you.
and start beaming people up whenever they get hungry. Do we, as humans, send cops up there to serve them court summons? Heck, no. We shoot them out of the sky.
SOS: Precisely. So why should we think the Cullens are good people? So why should we let them live? There's absolutely no reason, and you just personally gave us the go-ahead to go stabbity-stab on their asses.
BB: LET'S DO IT!
Vampires are about that alien.
SOS: No. They're not. They were human once. They have human mentalities. They live amongst humans for all their lives. They understand human mentality. They just don't care.
That does not make them alien.
BB: That makes them psycho.
The fact that they were human once doesn’t change the fact that they are NOT a part of our society now.
BB: IT DOES! They were human and are dependent upon us. THEY NEED US TO MAINTAIN WHAT THEY HAVE RIGHT NOW!
SOS: THEY WEAR OUR CLOTHES, THEY SPEND OUR MONEY, THEY TRY TO BLEND IN BY IMITATING US, THEY WATCH OUR ENTERTAINMENT, THEY READ OUR BOOKS.THEY LIVE AS A PART OF OUR FUCKING SOCIETY!
They are outside and above.
SOS: ABOVE, PEOPLE.
ABOVE.
MEYER JUST SAID HER VAMPIRES ARE NO MORE THAN RABID ANIMALS THAT SHOULD BE PUT DOWN. AND SHE STILL THINKS THEY'RE ABOVE YOU. THAT THEY'RE BETTER THAN YOU.
BB: -Starts handing out the weapons-
Fight against them? Sure. Give them their day of defense in court? Like the tiger or the aliens, it just really doesn’t apply-in my opinion, of course.
SOS: THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM, YOU FUCKER.
THE PROBLEM IS THAT YOU NEVER PORTRAY THEM AS RABID ANIMALS THAT SHOULD BE PUT DOWN IN CANON. YOU NEVER ACT LIKE THEY'RE GUILTY OF ANYTHING. YOU WRITE EVERYTHING AS IF THEY HAVE A FUCKING RIGHT TO SLAUGHTER ANY HUMAN THEY PLEASE, AND INDEED, YOU'VE BEEN ARGUING THAT POINT ALL OF THIS ESSAY.
SO DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TELL ME THAT YOU SUPPORT US STANDING UP AGAINST THEM. DON’T. YOU. FUCKING. DARE.
Different topic: drinking human blood by pints.
SOS: Is it just me or is that the most incoherent essay EVER? She jumps from topic to topic with no transition, and almost all of the topics have nothing to do with the original question.
BB: Not just you. It reads like something from Merv and Gehayi's Twihard Idiocy sporks.
Carlisle’s a doctor. He could easily get access to donated human blood and live on that.
SOS: No, he can't. Donated blood is heavily regulated and kept track of.
BB: DNDTR. Meyer's best friend.
Would it taste better, even cold, than animal blood. A hundred times better.
SOS: If they have the BALLS to complain about blood being COLD, I will personally bitchslap them all to DEATH.
BB: You know they would. Meyer just did it, so they would.
No one has to be hurt except people in need of a transfusion.
SOS: AND THAT'S APPARENTLY NOT A PROBLEM?
PERFECTLY INNOCENT PEOPLE WILL DIE BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE THE TRANSFUSION THEY NEED, AND YOU'RE OKAY WITH THIS? THIS IS SOMEHOW BETTER THAN GOING OUT AND KILLING PEOPLE, EVEN THOUGH THE END RESULT IS THE SAME?
BB: .....so it'll only hurt cancer victims, older people, those suffering from huge lacerations, and many, many more?
SOS: AND AS A SUPPOSEDLY MORAL AND CONCERNED DOCTOR, CARLISLE IS COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS TOO? TO SATISFY A NEED THAT THEY DON'T HAVE, EVEN THOUGH PERFECTLY INNOCENT PEOPLE ARE GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING DIE????
BB: Sin thine ass off. Another Meyerfriend.
SOS: MEYER. THAT PERSON NEEDING A TRANSFUSION COULD BE YOUR SON. THEY COULD BE YOUR PARENTS. THEY COULD BE YOUR HUSBAND. THEY. COULD. BE. YOU.
BB: She doesn't care. Humanity sucks to her.
SOS: BUT SHE IS A PART OF HUMANITY. FOR ALL OF OUR JOKES, SHE IS FUCKING HUMAN. SHE IS PREY TO THESE CREATURES. THEY'LL KILL HER WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT!
BB: SOS, I know you don't want to, but turn off the Capslock.
SOS: I'm sorry
BB: It's alright.
Now, in a calm and rational way, we shall discuss this in the form of Monty Python.
-Hands you a swordfish- You smack the left side, I'll smack the right.
SOS: .........
I love you.
I love you SO much.
BB: I love you, too.
So why don’t they do it? Because it makes it harder to resist killing people. Satisfying the craving does not make them LESS likely to kill someone by accident in a fit of thirst. It makes them MORE likely to do it. Keeping that flavor off their tongue is a way to protect people.
SOS: And now I'm angry.
You know why? Because that's a very logical reason that works to explain a lot of things....in The Darkest Hour universe.
That's where Mrs. Hyde used symbolism like a fucking BOSS to link blood-drinking to drug-use. It's one of the changes she made to canon--one of my favourite ones.
NEVER have we seen blood-drinking being linked this way in canon. NEVER have we seen how hard it is for the Cullens to adjust to an animal diet after tasting human blood. EVER.
This only makes sense in The Darkest Hour.
BB: I think Meyer is stealing Hyde's work.
SOS: Meyer? If you actually READ The Darkest Hour, and yet the only thing you learned from it was how to wank about your own book? I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN, TIE YOU TO A CHAIR, AND PLAY MERVIN'S RECAPS TO YOU.
BB: Her head would explode......do it.
First, Tennyo: they should be found guilty. Were possible to try them.
SOS: And now we're back to talking about trials? CAN YOU STAY ON TOPIC FOR ONE FUCKING SENTENCE, WOMAN?
Back to an earlier topic:
SOS: My GOD, you can't transition to save your life even in an ESSAY!
BB: (Meyer) I am awesome. Did you know that? 'Cause I totally am! I have the fanclubs to prove it!
Edward does not think that he is the only soulless member of his family.
SOS: No, he likes to think that everyone is just as doomed as he is, so he can feel better about himself. He likes to think that no matter how much good a vampire does, they're still the exact same as him, so he won't feel the need to work.
He reveres Carlisle in an almost religious way,
SOS: Which is why he throws a dramatic tantrum every time Carlisle doesn't give him his way. Because I know that's how I behave with people I revere.
BB: .....-Snickers-
....-LAUGHS-
..............I.......I'm sorry. I........GAH, I just had the image........that one image.
You know, the one you ALWAYS get whenever you KNOW two people want to fuck and someone mentions reverence and religion? On their knees.............hehehehe.
SOS: ....I LOVE YOU. PLEASE MARRY ME.
BB: Let's go to Vegas! Merv can officiate!
SOS: Oh dear, that'd be awkward. I'm in her harem.
BB: Huh.......yeah, awkward ability is at ten there.
but he doesn’t think that Carlisle is going to heaven, or any of the others. Of course, this world view shifts a bit during New Moon. Before NM, he is hopeless about the afterlife. At the end NM, he is just beginning to hope.
SOS: Because letting 50 tourists DIE is exactly what will get you into heaven.
BB: No comment. I'll end up exploding if I do.
And I disagree about Edward forcing his beliefs on Bella through inaction. I think it’s the other way, Bella forcing hers on him through demanding action.
SOS: BEST. FREUDIAN. SLIP. EVER.
BB: .......WHAT was the topic of this again?
SOS: This is about whatever Meyer's sleep-deprived brain tells her to type down, without any coherency or logic.
BB: So it's Twilight 2.0.
Though Meyer? You just ADMITTED that Bella completely ignores Edward's personal beliefs in favour of what would benefit her. You just ADMITTED that Bella tried to RAPE him. And yet you still think they're romantic and better than any couple in fiction. HELLO?
Think of it this way. Let’s say you have a friend who believes that the greatest honor she can achieve would be to be sacrified to her god-which happens to be a llama statue spray-painted gold,
SOS: Then unless I live in a mental asylum, I doubt she'd be my friend. People like that are called serial killers, and they're kept away from society for a REASON. Because, like I said, any religion that advocates murder is just plain wrong, and it's not my BELIEF, but one of my FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHTS to defend my life.
and you don’t believe it is anything more than that.
SOS: Then we would have a heated debate, about why it is WRONG to kill people even if your religion demands it. And I would call the police for attempted murder.
BB: And the police would take said "friend" to a place where the rooms are padded and you get a jacket that makes you hug yourself.
But she really, really wants you to cut her heart out on an altar in front of Shiny Llama. Are you forcing your beliefs on her by refusing to do it?
BB: No. I'm preserving my LIFE!
SOS: No, I would be reinforcing my own belief that MURDER IS WRONG. Because SHE is forcing her beliefs on ME.
Also, Edward CLEARLY doesn't think changing Bella will kill her. He CLEARLY doesn't even think it'll endanger her soul. The only precaution he took before changing her is MARRYING her, which, you know, does NOTHING for the soul.
And furthermore, vampires UNAMBIGUOUSLY EXIST in your world, and becoming one UNAMBIGUOUSLY gives you a whole heap of benefits. If God really did exist as a golden llama in this world, and committing suicide IS what would get you into heaven, a lot of people would be doing it. It won't be right, but they will do it. So this analogy, again, FUCKING FAILS.
Unrelated question…that I don’t really want you to answer,
SOS: ...Then don't ask? Even in your ESSAYS, you have to sin your ass off?
for reasons of internet safety/privacy, all of that.
SOS: You're about to ask their AGE. I don't think that's a prime safety concern.
BB: Not really. Hell, I'm twenty. I tell people that all the time. It's in most of my damn profiles.
But I’m curious as to the ages of the pro-"bite her now!" crowd versus the anti-"bite her now!" crowd.
BB: Well, lemme see: most of my friends are Antis. My youngest friend at the moment just turned thirteen, if you're going by the people who have read your books. What's the purpose of this?
SOS: I'm oddly relieved that even among twilight fans, there are some that can see that biting Bella makes no fucking sense according to what Meyer has said about Edward.
BB: Those are the ones that are at least semi-sane.
I’m just guessing-due to the conversations I’ve had at signings and events-that the majority of the pros are younger than the majority of the antis.
SOS: Thank GOD at least they MATURE.
BB: ....um...........Y'know, this is just based on my personal life. But I know about.......three hundred people or so above the age of thirteen. A majority of them - about sixty eight percent, I'd guess - are Antis. About fifty percent of my friends are YOUNGER than me.
And, again, I'm TWENTY.
So, Meyer, if I'm going by my personal life? You're wrong.
But, let's not just go by one person.
SOS: Well, almost all of my friends are older than me, so I can't say much.
Of course there will be exceptions. But it seems like the 30-something moms just seem to put more weight on all the ramifications of souls and humanity.
SOS: I think that says everything that needs to be said about what Meyer thinks of souls and humanity.
BB: And of age.
And of her story, actually.
She basically just said no one really cares about souls in this book. Including her. No one cares if they're under thirty.
Or am I just projecting my anger?
SOS: No, you're not. And it's amazing that there's one place where Twimoms are the SANER crowd.
BB: I'm scared now.
SOS: Well, don't be. Because the letter is FINISHED! Woohooo!
BB: ....it ends like that? ......THAT WASN'T A FUCKING CLOSING. GOD DAMMIT, MEYER.
SOS: Nope, but then again, what about this has been structurally correct?
BB: Nothing, but I'm nit-picky when it comes to Meyer's work. And I'm angry because she left this damn thing on a CLIFFIE, trying to make us think she's OH SO SMART AND RIGHT!
In the immortal words of Sands: "Bitch."
SOS: I'm just happy that it's finally over. Thank you SO much for helping me out.
BB: Not a problem. Now we have to go back to A Merkin Like Me.
....I can't believe I'm saying this, but after Meyer? It'll be a relief.
SOS: Well, not quite yet. Remember what this sporking was for? HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MRS. HYDE!!!!!
BB: -Throws balloons and streamers everywhere- Happy Birthday!
SOS: I just want you to know that you are the MOST AWESOME AWESOME TO EVER AWESOME!!!
BB: I can't say much there. But I CAN give something.
Not the best thing, but....it has Snape?
SOS: Well, uh...I have nothing except my eternal and unending adorable.
BB: I think that works. -Grins- Happy Birthday!
SOS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, indeed!
Go Forward to: Final Thoughts
Go Back to: Part 3