One Piece: Bound For Glory - Chapter 7 Part 2:
The drinking game really starts to get ridiculous around here...In other words, the chapter does not improve. At all.
Enjoy...as much as you can, anyways...
Disclaimers and Warnings from the previous part apply.
"You're kind of fast."
"You're strong." David snickered.
The Voice: Oh, great. We’re back the fucking inane banter.
Shark King, kind of fast? Pft, every single goddamned character in this fic can break the sound barrier, because the Stuthor couldn’t entertain the thought of a woman outclassing his little avatars in any way.
And, David? Any particular reason you’re reacting like a twelve year old fan boy? What, is he turning you on with his compliment? THERE ARE MANY WORDS FOR ‘LAUGHED’, BUT THIS IS NOT THE ONLY YOU’RE LOOKING FOR! And where the hell has he established his strength? That random guy in the Gold Dragons could leave a crater on the ground! If a random mook could do it, I’d expect a former Shichibukai to be able to do it too! If you want to impress your readers with a villain’s strength, then don’t hand out random super strength to faceless minions! Gah!
For the ‘snickered’ comment, take a shot:
Shots: 26.5
"Hmph, and you're weak!"
The Voice: Yes, he was so weak, he dodged your attack completely. He was so weak, he stabbed you in the back TWICE at the very start of the fight. In any sane universe, YOU WOULD BE FUCKING DEAD! No wonder this guy got kicked out of the Shichibukai, if that was now much he underestimated his opponents…
Tiburon vanished
The Voice: *Screams*
and from behind David was slashed by Tiburon's blade causing him to fall face first into the ground.
The Voice; Nope. Still have no idea what’s happening. So I’ll just assume surprise buttsex was involved.
"Hahaha! That was too easy!"
The Voice: Which was why you couldn’t do that until now. YOU’RE A FUCKING FORMER SHICHIBUKAI! IF IT’S TAKING THIS LONG FOR YOU TO TAKE DOWN A RANDOM TEENAGER, YOU SHOULD REALLY START RE-EVALUATING YOUR STRENGTH LEVELS! GAH!
"That hurt..." David struggled to stand, "I liked this jacket too."
The Voice: This from a man who’s just been stabbed in the back. I can only assume that the Shark King avoided damaging vital organs because of death threats from the Stuthor. It’s pathetic, really.
That said, HOW LONG IS THIS FUCKING SCENE GOING TO BE? IF BEING STABBED IN THE FUCKING BACK WHEN HE’S UNPREPARED ISN’T GOING TO FINISH THEM, THEN HOW THE HELL DO THEY PREPARE TO END THIS FIGHT? IT’S THE END SCENE FROM THE FIRST PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN MOVIE ALL OVER AGAIN! TWO FUCKING IMMORTALS ENGAGED IN ETERNAL COMBAT! ONLY HERE, IT’S GODDAMNED REPETITIVE AND STUPID! ARGH!
Shots: 27.5
David pushed himself up with his swords
The Voice: Because I cut his hands off.
then walked towards the stairs and
The Voice: Ran for his life like the pussy he is.
took off his jacket and placed it on the ground with his sheaths.
The Voice: …I don’t think assassination by striptease is exactly possible in the One Piece universe…
"You still wanna fight?"
The Voice: What if he doesn’t? Are you going to fucking let him go? THE GUY WALTZED INTO YOUR STRONGHOLD, KILLED YOUR MEN, AND CHALLENGED YOUR AUTHORITY! HE FUCKING CHALLENGED YOU TO A DUEL IN THE FIRST PLACE! YOU’RE ONE OF THE MOST FEARED PIRATES IN THE WORLD, AND AIMS TO RULE OVER A QUARTER OF IT! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU CARE IF THE PUNK WANTS TO FIGHT OR NOT? HE WAS THE ONE THAT PRANCED IN AND PROVOKED YOU!
Stuthor, it’s alright to have a few villains who keep up a friendly, chatty front whilst beating the main character’s ass, but it’s not okay to make EVERY SINGLE VILLAIN like that! Especially if you don’t give us any reason why we should fear this guy! THIS IS NOT A FEARSOME VILLAIN! THIS IS THE STU’S FUCKING CLASSMATE SPARRING WITH HIM GOOD-NATUREDLY! GAH!
"Of course, you're just a stepping stone that I need to pass for me to reach my dream."
The Voice: Yes. Stepping stone. If you had any doubts as to the Stu’s sociopathy, that is proof right there. He’s talking about stepping stones. He is literally going to climb to his goal on top of the fallen corpses of his foes. There is no respect, no empathy. The Shark King is a tool to get higher in life, and that is it.
Remember how he said he’s fighting to liberate East Blue? Well, bull fucking shit. The Stu has just proven that the only reason he’s in this fight is to make a name for himself. He doesn’t fucking care about the villages being pillaged. He wants POWER. He wants to become the Pirate King and piss on the memories of the beloved canon characters. Take a shot.
Shots: 28.5
"Let's see about that! You won't ever leave this island!
The Voice: Ahem. You were civilly asking him if he desired to fight a minute ago. You can’t twirl your moustache AND be affably evil at the same time. IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!
I'll even bury your body here!
The Voice: …You were going to give him a FUNERAL? You were actually going to waste resources and have your men dig a grave and BURY him? …Uh…that’s nice?
Seriously, why the fuck would you want to do that? You’re a fucking pirate! Throw him in the sea! There’s plenty of monsters there waiting to eat him!
You'll never see the Grand Line!"
The Voice: *Groans* WE GET IT ALREADY! YOU’RE GOING TO KILL HIM! YOU DON’T HAVE TO REPEAT THE SAME THING FOUR FUCKING TIMES! GAH!
"Hmph, we'll see." David snickered.
The Voice: Nope. That’s still not how you use that word. Seriously, you sound like a retarded monkey- wait. OMG, GENIUS!
Shots: 29.5
"Here we go!" Tiburon vanished
The Voice: *Screams*
What is even the point of that last scene, anyways? It didn’t change anything, and it didn’t establish anything about any of the characters! What, you really thought that banter was so WITTY and CLEVER that you couldn’t bear leave it out? *Retches*
and David was kicked down the stairs that he had recently climbed.
The Voice: Recently…God, I just realised. In fic, probably no more than half an hour has passed…Only half an hour has passed. *Cries* How long is this fucking thing? I feel like I’ve been stuck here forever!
"Guah!"
The Voice: *Incoherent sobbing*
Shots: 30.5
Again, I sincerely apologise to anyone actually participating in the drinking game. It might be safer to only do three dot points or less…I should start up a count next chapter. This is getting ridiculous…
David hit the ground hard
The Voice: Hey, what did the ground ever do to you? Oh wait, sociopath. Never mind…
and had trouble moving.
The Voice: This guys survived being pushed off a building and landing on his head. He survived being hit by someone travelling faster than the eye can see. He survived smashing against a MARBLE throne so hard that he shattered it. In fact, not only did he survive these things, they didn’t even affect him. He just stands back up, dusts himself off, and walks away without so much a bruise. And falling down a flight of stairs hurts him so much that he can’t move. Yeah, right.
CONTINUITY, STUTHOR! If you want to make your characters stupidly over powered, then at least keep it CONSISTENT!
"Hahaha!" Tiburon cackled with laughter as he
The Voice: Tied virgins to train tracks…
prepared to kill David,
The Voice: He’s not engaging in some weird cult ritual. NO PREPARATION IS REQUIRED IN KILLING SOMEONE WITHOUT MOTOR SKILLS, WHO’S LYING IN A HEAP AT YOUR FEET! You stomp down, and you break their fucking neck! What the fuck is he doing? Praying for David’s soul?
"Shark Rush!"
"Three Step Attack!"
The Voice: *Flatly* Look at those names. These are names you see in action anime PARODIES. And this Stuthor is DEAD SERIOUS. I…*Dull thumping noises* God, this hurts…
David yelled as he jumped up
The Voice: Three sentences ago, he was hurt so badly, he couldn’t move. I can only surmise he either broke all of his limbs, or broke his spine. And now he’s jumping around, perfectly okay, with no mention of any injuries whatsoever again. At least the suckage is consistent…
and slashed at Tiburon's sword
The Voice: Instead of the Shark King himself, because god knows we have to drag this actions scene out even MORE!
smacking it out of the way,
The Voice: Look, did he attack or parry? Because those are very different things. HAVE YOU SEEN ONE PIECE OR NOT, STUTHOR? THERE ARE PLENTY OF CHARACTERS USING SWORDS IN THAT SERIES! THE WAY THEY ATTACK AND THE WAY THEY PARRY IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! BLIND PEOPLE KNOW THAT! GOD!
he then swung low while he spun swining at Tiburon's legs.
The Voice: Finally, we have a move so fancy that I can’t even begin to fathom what the hell he’s doing. In fact, this attack has warp space and time so much that it manifested itself as an eldritch abomination, eating away at my sanity. I’m…I’m just going to go away now and watch a few episodes of One Piece…and get stupidly drunk on Bleepka…
Intermission:
*Faints sounds of blubbering and the opening song to One Piece can be heard just before the megaphone switches off*
*Megaphone switches on again after two hours. A chair is heard being dragged across the floor, and someone sits down with a huff*
Sporking resumed:
The Voice: I apologise for that. It’s just…this chapter is exactly the same as all of the chapters before it, and the stupidity and repetition got to me. It’s annoying to see the same mistakes come up again and again and again, and know that no matter how much you rage, you can’t change a thing. But that’s okay, I just watched the Alabaster movie. It’s not as good as the original manga, but it’s pretty sweet. A lot of the characters have positively delicious voices. I would so have sex with the ending song if it was a person…Ahem, anyways, carrying on…
Tiburon jumped up,
The Voice: Oh, immediately?
Shots: 31.5
and once David looked at him he kicked him
The Voice: Of course, he wouldn’t be so presumptuous as to kick David when he’s NOT looking at him! That would be rude!
in the chest sending him back up the stairs.
The Voice: …what?
David was kicked down the stairs…so the Shark King is standing at the stairs, looking down…and he somehow manages to kick David back up the stairs?
What?
I…just, what?
"Ah!"
"Wind Death!" David yelled
The Voice: Wait, who’s yelling? David is the one calling out stupid attack names, so he can’t be the person to yell in pain, because otherwise the Stuthor would have put it in the same paragraph…right? He does know that much about grammar, right? So, who the fuck DID the Shark King kick? What the hell is happening? *Whimpering* I don’t even know who I am anymore…
And, I see that you are actually aware of other onomatopoeia for cries of pain. USE THEM, FUCKTARD!
Shots:33.5
as he jumped at Tiburon as high as he could.
The Voice: *Dull thumping noises followed by a disconcerting screeching sound, when it speaks again, it voice is very distorted by static* Ahem…I think I just broke the microphone…
Shots: 34.5
He dove down at Tiburon,
The Voice: DIVED, YOU IDIOT! IT’S DIVED! YOU LEARN THAT IN FUCKING PRIMARY SCHOOL!
and as Tiburon was about to counter David was gone
The Voice: *Screams* I’m seriously going to start up a count for that as well, next chapter…
and Tiburon had two swords in his stomach.
The Voice: FINALLY! Is this thing going to end?
"Guah!
The Voice: *Tiredly* You know the routine. I’m far too tired to even curse now…
Shots: 35.5
Ocean Wrangler!" Tiburon yelled, he grabbed David by the neck and began to swing him around in the air and threw him back up on the white bridge like platform.
The Voice: I would like to remind you that this man has been stabbed for times. Twice in the back, and twice in front. On his torso. Where there are plenty of vital organs. I know stomach wounds take a long time to be fatal, but that doesn’t mean you can continue to attack as though nothing has happened meanwhile! You notice something when Zoro stab his opponents? THEY FUCKING GO DOWN! In an effort to make your Stus look badass, you’ve just made them the most pathetic creatures I have ever seen. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone so bad at fighting that they can’t kill someone even after stabbing them FOUR FUCKING TIMES in the torso.
Also, I would also like to remind you again that the Shark King has a fucking sword too. And he just threw it aside and decided to toss David around like a rag doll with his bare hands. Despite the fact that he has four gaping holes in his torso, and any movement means even more loss of blood. Yeah.
And even after he has his hands on David, with David offering no sigh of resistance, he didn’t just snap the fucker’s neck. No, he just swung him around in the air a little before simply letting go.
You see why I devised a drinking game now? Words cannot describe this level of stupid.
Shots: 37.5 (One shot for not using his sword, and one shot for not snapping the Stu’s neck when he had the chance)
"Guah!"
The Voice: *Sobs*
Shots: 38.5
David coughed, not expecting to then be kicked in the stomach by Tiburon.
The Voice: No, he’s perfectly alright with being swung through the air and tossed across the room. Kicking him in the stomach is what does it. And yes, it means that the Shark King once again had him at his feat, completely helpless, and opted for a painful, but perfectly non-lethal, attack, instead of stomping on the bastard’s neck and just ending this fight.
If I was up against a ruthless pirate, and I was disarmed, lying at his feet in a broken heap, I wouldn’t expect to be kicked in the stomach too. I WOULD EXPECT TO BE FUCKING KILLED! BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT PIRATES FUCKING DO! EVEN ONE PIECE PIRATES! WE ARE JUST NEVER SHOWN IT ON SCREEN! GAH!
Shots: 39.5
"I'll show you who's king!"
The Voice: You know what would be a great way of showing him who’s king? KILL HIM! KILL HIM, YOU FUCKING BASTARD! WITH YOUR FUCKING SWORD! You do have one, you know.
"Guah!"
The Voice: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Shots: 40.5
Tora was sent threw a few tree's as Chase struggled to stand,
The Voice: Did he send or throw a few trees? Was he sent or thrown a few tree’s what? Why is Chase struggling to stand, if Tora was the one who was sent trees? …Or thrown trees?
Also? IT’S THE SAME FUCKING SCENE! THIS IS EXACTLY THE SAME FUCKING SCENE AS BEFORE, JUST WITH THE NAMES CHANGED! YOU THOUGHT THE FIRST PART OF THIS CHAPTER WAS TEDIOUS? WELL, YOU’RE GOING TO SEE EVERYTHING AGAIN, BECAUSE THE STUTHOR THOUGHT HIS ACTION SCENE WRITING SKILLS WERE SO FANTABULOUS THAT HE’D BETTER SHOW US EVERYTHING ALL OVER AGAIN, IN CASE WE MISSED ANYTHING. I’M NOT EVEN KIDDING, THIS IS EXACTLY THE SAME SCENE AS BEFORE, WITH THE EXACT SAME ILLOGIC AND BAD WRITING AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
"Hahaha, you're fighting back now."
"Yeah, sorry that it took me a while."
The Voice: I dare anyone to figure out who’s talking here. The characters don’t have any individual voices. You can have either of them say these lines, and it would be perfectly in characters. And that is BAD.
And what the fuck was he doing, if he wasn’t fighting back? You mean, one of them just stood around and stared vacant throughout the entire last scene? And he’s still not dead yet? If one of them wasn’t fighting back, then why hasn’t the other killed him yet? Gah!
Shots: 41.5
"It's fine, I just can't wait to kill you." Tora stated as he stood.
The Voice: *Groans* Look at that dialogue. It takes talent to suck this hard.
Again, I supposed ‘stated’ isn’t exactly wrong in this instance, but it’s still pretty stilted. The prose would flow much better if the Stuthor just used ‘said’! But, of course, the word murder family and his little dog too, so he’s kicking it out of this fic as revenge. Take half a shot, since the usage isn’t exactly incorrect.
Shots: 42
"First...I'm going to break your arm. Understand?"
The Voice: …Why the fuck would you tell him?
What if he doesn’t understand? What, you’re going to sit him down and explain patiently to him?
Also, that line is spoken by the HERO. Again, we see that he’s never in this fight to help anyone. He just enjoys causing suffering. He has lightning powers. He can fry Tora on the spot without any trouble. But he’s not doing so. Because that would end the fight far too fast for him to enjoy. No, he’s going to take things slow. He’s not even going to bother incapacitate Tora. He’s going to slowly break his opponent’s limbs and savour their screams, because he gets off on that. That is the only reason he’s here, and that is the only reason Tora isn’t dead yet. AND HE IS OUR HERO. HE IS THE GUY WE’RE SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR AND CHEER ON. HE’S THE GUY WE’RE SUPPOSED TO COMPARE TO LUFFY AND ZORO FAVOURABLY.
God, this Stuthor DISGUSTS me.
Shots: 43
"We'll see!" Tora jumped in the air
Shots: 44
and ready to land down on Chase.
The Voice: Because he has decided that the best way to kill the Stu is by SITTING on him. Because just shooting someone is for STUPID people.
"I warned you..." Chase sighed,
The Voice: Pft, as if you’re going to let him go if he surrenders. You’re prepared to torture him alive anyways, don’t blame the victim.
"Smash Kick!" Chase jumped in the air
Shots: 45
and he lifted one leg
The Voice: Like the bitch he is…
and axe kicked Tora's elbow
The Voice: No, I still have no idea what an axe kick is.
then with the other leg he kicked his forearm.
The Voice: AND I STILL HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHY HE WOULD NEED TO JUMP INTO THE AIR TO DO THAT! OR HOW HE CAN KICK SOMEONE’S ARM TWICE WITH DIFFERENT LEGS! OR HOW KICKIGN SOMEONE’S ARM WHILE IT’S RESTING AGAINST THEIR BODY IS GOING TO BREAK IT! IT’S JUST GOING TO SEND TORA TOPPLING SIDEWAYS! TO BREAK SOMEONE’S ARM, YOU NEED LEVERAGE! LEVERAGE THAT YOU’RE NOT GOING TO FIND IF YOU’RE AIRBOURNE! ARGH!
"Aaaaahhhh!" Tora yelled
The Voice: …Not ‘Guah’? …Uh, wow.
Shots: 47
as he crashed into a tree shoulder first as he held his broken right arm.
The Voice: Am I the only one disturbed by the loving detail the Stuthor goes into to describe the broken arm? Am I the only one imagining him wanking to it? *Audibly shudders*
"Gotcha..." Chas said as he landed on the ground tired.
The Voice: Tired? What the fuck did he do that would make him tired? Well, I guess warping space and time would be a bit exhausting…but everyone in this fic does that! He’s done much more strenuous things in past fights and just carried right on like nothing happened! Not to mention, if he was tired, why is he still playing around? He’s got freaking lightning powers! He could fry the guy’s ass in a second! He knows he’s tiring himself out, so why the fuck isn’t he doing anything?
I hate having Earth Logic…it makes bad fics so much worse…
"I'm not dead yet!" Tora demande
The Voice: …That…is not a demand. He doesn’t want anything. He’s just reminding the Stu of a fact. ENGLISH! DO YOU SPEAK IT?
Shots: 48
as he ran up and punched Chase in his spine.
The Voice: With his broken arm?
Also, he is IN FRONT of Chase! IN FRONT! How the fuck did he punch him in the SPINE? What, did he run around the back of Chase? For what fucking purpose? What is the point? And how did he manage to run around Chase if Chase is supposed to be as fast as lightning? How the hell is he running around with a BROKEN ARM flopping at his side?
*Cries* I’m never doing a chapter of this fic again…
"Ahh!" Chase was sent flying into a tree and fell onto the ground.
The Voice: I think the Stuthor has moved on from ‘Guah’, and now ‘Ah’ is his favourite. It’s not much of an improvement, really…
Shots: 50
"Hmph, you thought I was going to let you get away with that? Then you're wrong!"
The Voice: …What? Does that line make any sense?
YOU ARE IN A FUCKING FIGHT TO THE DEATH! OF COURSE, HE’S GOING TO ATTACK YOU, AND YOU ARE GOING TO ATTACK BACK! WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE ATTACKING HIM WAS SUCH A SURPRISING COURSE OF ACTION?
Oh wait. The Stuthor made you stand around and have your ass handed to you, because he couldn’t be bothered to proofread his own fic. Right.
Tora walked over to the injure Chase
The Voice: There has been 7 action scenes in this fic, 8 if you count the beginning of this fic with Avery and Riru on the beach. This is the first mention we ever have of a character being injured. I don’t think I need to point out what’s wrong with that.
and stomped on his elbow.
The Voice: THE NECK! YOU GO FOR THE FUCKING NECK! HE’S AN INTRUDER, AND HIS FRIEND IS BEATING UP YOUR CAPTAIN! END THE FUCKING FIGHT AND GO AND HELP!
Shots: 51
"Aaahhh!"
Shots: 53
The Voice: That’s really not how variety works. You don’t repeat something so many times that the reader rips their hair out every time they see it, and switch to repeating something else so many times that the reader rips their hair out every time they see it. YOU FIND DIFFERENT WAYS TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING EVERY TIME YOU HAVE TO DO SO, OR YOU FUCKING SKIP IT!
"How you like that? I'm going to kill you understand!" Tora yelled
The Voice: Not buying it. You had a million chances to end the fight right there, and you just gave it up in favour of kissing the Stu’s ass.
Also, HE’S GOT FUCKING LIGHTNING POWERS! HE CAN FRY YOU ON THE SPOT! JUST FUCKING ATTACK! IF YOU WARN HIM, YOU PRETTY MUCH GUARANTEE YOURSELF THAT YOU WON’T SUCCEED!
as he raised his foot above Chase's head, "Say good bye! This is all because you don't wanna fight using Devil Fruit!
The Voice: *Screams*
STOP MAKING IT OUT THAT YOUR STU IS OH SO NOBLE! HE WAS PERFECTLY ALRIGHT USING HIS POWERS ON THOSE FISHMEN ON THE BEACH! THE ONLY REASON HE WASN’T USING IT HERE WAS BECAUSE HE WANTED TO DRAG THE FIGHT OUT! BECAUSE HE THOUGHT IT WOULDN’T BE FUN IF TORA DIED TO QUICKLY! HE WANTED TO TORTURE TORA! HE’S NOT A FUCKING HERO! HE’S NOT NOBLE! HE’S A SOCIOPATHIC LITTLE BASTARD, AND DON’T YOU DARE PRETEND OTHERWISE!
AND DON’T FUCKING REMIND HIM ABOUT HIS POWER! THE ONLY REASON YOU’RE STILL ALIVE IS BECAUSE THE STU’S TOO STUPID TO LIVE! DON’T TEMPT FATE, GODDAMIT!
Oh well! Later.."
The Voice: This thus this seconds ends with a lame little whimper.
Again, this is supposed to be a tense scene where we worry about the protagonist’s safety. But I don’t feel anything. The villains have never been a threat to the Stus. He’s never tried to kill him, and I know for a fact that he will never succeed. There is absolutely no suspense. Furthermore, I would rejoice if the Stu was killed, simply because of how sociopathic he is. He was jerking off to the thought of brutally crushing someone’s limbs for absolutely no reason other than sadistic pleasure a few lines ago. That’s really not someone who I want to root for. In fact, I fully support Tora here, despite his stupidity, simply because he is actually the VICTIM here, and he’s fighting back. I want Tora to succeed, not your stupid Stu.
When you manage to make the underling of an Arlong clone more sympathetic than your Luffy clone, you know there’s something very, VERY wrong.
"They keep coming Avery!" Riru yelled
The Voice: Impressive. Most have a refractory period, you know…
as she continued to slash the Fishmen.
The Voice: Well, maybe they would stop coming if you stopped writing smut about them.
"I know. I knew there was alot, but this is ridiculous!"
The Voice: Never underestimate the power of Rule 34…
"Do you have any ideas?"
The Voice: Give up. Nothing can match the power of slash fangirls. They will screw over both canon and the laws of reality to facilitate buttsex.
"I got one..." Avery sighed.
The Voice: …Any particular reason you’re UPSET that you have a solution to your problem? YOU HAVE A FUCKING IDEA, SHOW SOME ENTHUSIASM!
Shots: 54
"Do it then?" Riru commented.
The Voice: That…was not a comment. It’s a suggestion, or a questions, but not a fucking COMMENT!
Also, it’s not nice to proposition him like that in the middle of a fight. Distractions are deadly.
Shots: 55
"Jump in the boat!" Avery ordered.
The Voice: …Interesting location, but okay.
"Huh?"
"Just do it!"
The Voice: Look, I know some people have kinks like that, but forcing her to do something is still not very nice.
"Right!" Riru then ran over and jumped inside the rowboat.
The Voice: Like the meek, obedient little woman she is…
"Here we go!" Avery made two tornado's with his fist then slammed them together,
The Voice: He…slammed two tornadoes together? What?
"Wind Catastrophe!" That move pushed back all of the Fishmen and they all layed out unconcious.
The Voice: …Well, list time! Have had a list all this chapter, I bet you missed it, huh?
The Voice: I wouldn’t be that happy if it was me. My reaction would be more along the lines of, ‘WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU BASTARD? WERE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?’
"Yeah.." Avery fell to a knee,
The Voice: Ah, must be one of those randomly appearing knees that people always fall to. I hear they’re all the rage these days.
Also, why did that tire him out? He made two tiny tornadoes around his fist, and slammed them together! And that somehow warped reality enough to wipe out all the fishmen! He did NOTHING! NOT TO MENTION, WIND IS HIS POWER! YOU DON’T GET TIRED OF USING YOUR POWERS IN ONE PIECE, UNLESS YOU SERIOUSLY START USING THEM IN UNCONVENTIONAL WAYS, LIKE IN THE CASE OF GEAR 2 OR 3! AVERY IS USING HIS POWER EXACTLY HOW IT WAS DESIGNED TO BE USED! THAT SHOULDN’T TIRE HIM OUT! IT WOULD BE LIKE A PERSON BEING TIRED OUT BY WALKING A FEW METRES!
STOP MAKING FAKE DOWNSIDES TO YOUR STU’S POWERS JUST SO YOU CAN MAKE THEM SEEM LESS STUISH! ESPECIALLY DON’T RAPE CANON TO DO SO!
"Let's just hope Chase and David are okay."
The Voice: No. Let’s hope they’re not. Both of them deserve to die very long and painful deaths.
Next Time: David and Chase seem to be in trouble in their respective battles! Will they be able to pull out from the battles? Or will they fall to the power of the former Shichibukai and his First Mate, in their very first real battle? Read and find out!
The Voice: Hands up anyone who really thinks the Stuthor will let them be defeated? Anyone? Yeah, I thought so too.
Review!
The Voice: Fuck you!
Well, that’s it for today, folks. Next time, I’ll officially start counts for some of the stupid things that the Stuthor just keeps doing. Because I realised that this drinking game is just…suicidal. So yeah, see you next time…I hope I can get some sporkers…
*There is a pause, and the megaphone switches off*
*Shortly, a portal opens somewhere, and someone steps through*
Enjoy...as much as you can, anyways...
Disclaimers and Warnings from the previous part apply.
"You're kind of fast."
"You're strong." David snickered.
The Voice: Oh, great. We’re back the fucking inane banter.
Shark King, kind of fast? Pft, every single goddamned character in this fic can break the sound barrier, because the Stuthor couldn’t entertain the thought of a woman outclassing his little avatars in any way.
And, David? Any particular reason you’re reacting like a twelve year old fan boy? What, is he turning you on with his compliment? THERE ARE MANY WORDS FOR ‘LAUGHED’, BUT THIS IS NOT THE ONLY YOU’RE LOOKING FOR! And where the hell has he established his strength? That random guy in the Gold Dragons could leave a crater on the ground! If a random mook could do it, I’d expect a former Shichibukai to be able to do it too! If you want to impress your readers with a villain’s strength, then don’t hand out random super strength to faceless minions! Gah!
For the ‘snickered’ comment, take a shot:
Shots: 26.5
"Hmph, and you're weak!"
The Voice: Yes, he was so weak, he dodged your attack completely. He was so weak, he stabbed you in the back TWICE at the very start of the fight. In any sane universe, YOU WOULD BE FUCKING DEAD! No wonder this guy got kicked out of the Shichibukai, if that was now much he underestimated his opponents…
Tiburon vanished
The Voice: *Screams*
and from behind David was slashed by Tiburon's blade causing him to fall face first into the ground.
The Voice; Nope. Still have no idea what’s happening. So I’ll just assume surprise buttsex was involved.
"Hahaha! That was too easy!"
The Voice: Which was why you couldn’t do that until now. YOU’RE A FUCKING FORMER SHICHIBUKAI! IF IT’S TAKING THIS LONG FOR YOU TO TAKE DOWN A RANDOM TEENAGER, YOU SHOULD REALLY START RE-EVALUATING YOUR STRENGTH LEVELS! GAH!
"That hurt..." David struggled to stand, "I liked this jacket too."
The Voice: This from a man who’s just been stabbed in the back. I can only assume that the Shark King avoided damaging vital organs because of death threats from the Stuthor. It’s pathetic, really.
That said, HOW LONG IS THIS FUCKING SCENE GOING TO BE? IF BEING STABBED IN THE FUCKING BACK WHEN HE’S UNPREPARED ISN’T GOING TO FINISH THEM, THEN HOW THE HELL DO THEY PREPARE TO END THIS FIGHT? IT’S THE END SCENE FROM THE FIRST PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN MOVIE ALL OVER AGAIN! TWO FUCKING IMMORTALS ENGAGED IN ETERNAL COMBAT! ONLY HERE, IT’S GODDAMNED REPETITIVE AND STUPID! ARGH!
Shots: 27.5
David pushed himself up with his swords
The Voice: Because I cut his hands off.
then walked towards the stairs and
The Voice: Ran for his life like the pussy he is.
took off his jacket and placed it on the ground with his sheaths.
The Voice: …I don’t think assassination by striptease is exactly possible in the One Piece universe…
"You still wanna fight?"
The Voice: What if he doesn’t? Are you going to fucking let him go? THE GUY WALTZED INTO YOUR STRONGHOLD, KILLED YOUR MEN, AND CHALLENGED YOUR AUTHORITY! HE FUCKING CHALLENGED YOU TO A DUEL IN THE FIRST PLACE! YOU’RE ONE OF THE MOST FEARED PIRATES IN THE WORLD, AND AIMS TO RULE OVER A QUARTER OF IT! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU CARE IF THE PUNK WANTS TO FIGHT OR NOT? HE WAS THE ONE THAT PRANCED IN AND PROVOKED YOU!
Stuthor, it’s alright to have a few villains who keep up a friendly, chatty front whilst beating the main character’s ass, but it’s not okay to make EVERY SINGLE VILLAIN like that! Especially if you don’t give us any reason why we should fear this guy! THIS IS NOT A FEARSOME VILLAIN! THIS IS THE STU’S FUCKING CLASSMATE SPARRING WITH HIM GOOD-NATUREDLY! GAH!
"Of course, you're just a stepping stone that I need to pass for me to reach my dream."
The Voice: Yes. Stepping stone. If you had any doubts as to the Stu’s sociopathy, that is proof right there. He’s talking about stepping stones. He is literally going to climb to his goal on top of the fallen corpses of his foes. There is no respect, no empathy. The Shark King is a tool to get higher in life, and that is it.
Remember how he said he’s fighting to liberate East Blue? Well, bull fucking shit. The Stu has just proven that the only reason he’s in this fight is to make a name for himself. He doesn’t fucking care about the villages being pillaged. He wants POWER. He wants to become the Pirate King and piss on the memories of the beloved canon characters. Take a shot.
Shots: 28.5
"Let's see about that! You won't ever leave this island!
The Voice: Ahem. You were civilly asking him if he desired to fight a minute ago. You can’t twirl your moustache AND be affably evil at the same time. IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!
I'll even bury your body here!
The Voice: …You were going to give him a FUNERAL? You were actually going to waste resources and have your men dig a grave and BURY him? …Uh…that’s nice?
Seriously, why the fuck would you want to do that? You’re a fucking pirate! Throw him in the sea! There’s plenty of monsters there waiting to eat him!
You'll never see the Grand Line!"
The Voice: *Groans* WE GET IT ALREADY! YOU’RE GOING TO KILL HIM! YOU DON’T HAVE TO REPEAT THE SAME THING FOUR FUCKING TIMES! GAH!
"Hmph, we'll see." David snickered.
The Voice: Nope. That’s still not how you use that word. Seriously, you sound like a retarded monkey- wait. OMG, GENIUS!
Shots: 29.5
"Here we go!" Tiburon vanished
The Voice: *Screams*
What is even the point of that last scene, anyways? It didn’t change anything, and it didn’t establish anything about any of the characters! What, you really thought that banter was so WITTY and CLEVER that you couldn’t bear leave it out? *Retches*
and David was kicked down the stairs that he had recently climbed.
The Voice: Recently…God, I just realised. In fic, probably no more than half an hour has passed…Only half an hour has passed. *Cries* How long is this fucking thing? I feel like I’ve been stuck here forever!
"Guah!"
The Voice: *Incoherent sobbing*
Shots: 30.5
Again, I sincerely apologise to anyone actually participating in the drinking game. It might be safer to only do three dot points or less…I should start up a count next chapter. This is getting ridiculous…
David hit the ground hard
The Voice: Hey, what did the ground ever do to you? Oh wait, sociopath. Never mind…
and had trouble moving.
The Voice: This guys survived being pushed off a building and landing on his head. He survived being hit by someone travelling faster than the eye can see. He survived smashing against a MARBLE throne so hard that he shattered it. In fact, not only did he survive these things, they didn’t even affect him. He just stands back up, dusts himself off, and walks away without so much a bruise. And falling down a flight of stairs hurts him so much that he can’t move. Yeah, right.
CONTINUITY, STUTHOR! If you want to make your characters stupidly over powered, then at least keep it CONSISTENT!
"Hahaha!" Tiburon cackled with laughter as he
The Voice: Tied virgins to train tracks…
prepared to kill David,
The Voice: He’s not engaging in some weird cult ritual. NO PREPARATION IS REQUIRED IN KILLING SOMEONE WITHOUT MOTOR SKILLS, WHO’S LYING IN A HEAP AT YOUR FEET! You stomp down, and you break their fucking neck! What the fuck is he doing? Praying for David’s soul?
"Shark Rush!"
"Three Step Attack!"
The Voice: *Flatly* Look at those names. These are names you see in action anime PARODIES. And this Stuthor is DEAD SERIOUS. I…*Dull thumping noises* God, this hurts…
David yelled as he jumped up
The Voice: Three sentences ago, he was hurt so badly, he couldn’t move. I can only surmise he either broke all of his limbs, or broke his spine. And now he’s jumping around, perfectly okay, with no mention of any injuries whatsoever again. At least the suckage is consistent…
and slashed at Tiburon's sword
The Voice: Instead of the Shark King himself, because god knows we have to drag this actions scene out even MORE!
smacking it out of the way,
The Voice: Look, did he attack or parry? Because those are very different things. HAVE YOU SEEN ONE PIECE OR NOT, STUTHOR? THERE ARE PLENTY OF CHARACTERS USING SWORDS IN THAT SERIES! THE WAY THEY ATTACK AND THE WAY THEY PARRY IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! BLIND PEOPLE KNOW THAT! GOD!
he then swung low while he spun swining at Tiburon's legs.
The Voice: Finally, we have a move so fancy that I can’t even begin to fathom what the hell he’s doing. In fact, this attack has warp space and time so much that it manifested itself as an eldritch abomination, eating away at my sanity. I’m…I’m just going to go away now and watch a few episodes of One Piece…and get stupidly drunk on Bleepka…
Intermission:
*Faints sounds of blubbering and the opening song to One Piece can be heard just before the megaphone switches off*
*Megaphone switches on again after two hours. A chair is heard being dragged across the floor, and someone sits down with a huff*
Sporking resumed:
The Voice: I apologise for that. It’s just…this chapter is exactly the same as all of the chapters before it, and the stupidity and repetition got to me. It’s annoying to see the same mistakes come up again and again and again, and know that no matter how much you rage, you can’t change a thing. But that’s okay, I just watched the Alabaster movie. It’s not as good as the original manga, but it’s pretty sweet. A lot of the characters have positively delicious voices. I would so have sex with the ending song if it was a person…Ahem, anyways, carrying on…
Tiburon jumped up,
The Voice: Oh, immediately?
Shots: 31.5
and once David looked at him he kicked him
The Voice: Of course, he wouldn’t be so presumptuous as to kick David when he’s NOT looking at him! That would be rude!
in the chest sending him back up the stairs.
The Voice: …what?
David was kicked down the stairs…so the Shark King is standing at the stairs, looking down…and he somehow manages to kick David back up the stairs?
What?
I…just, what?
"Ah!"
"Wind Death!" David yelled
The Voice: Wait, who’s yelling? David is the one calling out stupid attack names, so he can’t be the person to yell in pain, because otherwise the Stuthor would have put it in the same paragraph…right? He does know that much about grammar, right? So, who the fuck DID the Shark King kick? What the hell is happening? *Whimpering* I don’t even know who I am anymore…
And, I see that you are actually aware of other onomatopoeia for cries of pain. USE THEM, FUCKTARD!
Shots:33.5
as he jumped at Tiburon as high as he could.
The Voice: *Dull thumping noises followed by a disconcerting screeching sound, when it speaks again, it voice is very distorted by static* Ahem…I think I just broke the microphone…
Shots: 34.5
He dove down at Tiburon,
The Voice: DIVED, YOU IDIOT! IT’S DIVED! YOU LEARN THAT IN FUCKING PRIMARY SCHOOL!
and as Tiburon was about to counter David was gone
The Voice: *Screams* I’m seriously going to start up a count for that as well, next chapter…
and Tiburon had two swords in his stomach.
The Voice: FINALLY! Is this thing going to end?
"Guah!
The Voice: *Tiredly* You know the routine. I’m far too tired to even curse now…
Shots: 35.5
Ocean Wrangler!" Tiburon yelled, he grabbed David by the neck and began to swing him around in the air and threw him back up on the white bridge like platform.
The Voice: I would like to remind you that this man has been stabbed for times. Twice in the back, and twice in front. On his torso. Where there are plenty of vital organs. I know stomach wounds take a long time to be fatal, but that doesn’t mean you can continue to attack as though nothing has happened meanwhile! You notice something when Zoro stab his opponents? THEY FUCKING GO DOWN! In an effort to make your Stus look badass, you’ve just made them the most pathetic creatures I have ever seen. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone so bad at fighting that they can’t kill someone even after stabbing them FOUR FUCKING TIMES in the torso.
Also, I would also like to remind you again that the Shark King has a fucking sword too. And he just threw it aside and decided to toss David around like a rag doll with his bare hands. Despite the fact that he has four gaping holes in his torso, and any movement means even more loss of blood. Yeah.
And even after he has his hands on David, with David offering no sigh of resistance, he didn’t just snap the fucker’s neck. No, he just swung him around in the air a little before simply letting go.
You see why I devised a drinking game now? Words cannot describe this level of stupid.
Shots: 37.5 (One shot for not using his sword, and one shot for not snapping the Stu’s neck when he had the chance)
"Guah!"
The Voice: *Sobs*
Shots: 38.5
David coughed, not expecting to then be kicked in the stomach by Tiburon.
The Voice: No, he’s perfectly alright with being swung through the air and tossed across the room. Kicking him in the stomach is what does it. And yes, it means that the Shark King once again had him at his feat, completely helpless, and opted for a painful, but perfectly non-lethal, attack, instead of stomping on the bastard’s neck and just ending this fight.
If I was up against a ruthless pirate, and I was disarmed, lying at his feet in a broken heap, I wouldn’t expect to be kicked in the stomach too. I WOULD EXPECT TO BE FUCKING KILLED! BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT PIRATES FUCKING DO! EVEN ONE PIECE PIRATES! WE ARE JUST NEVER SHOWN IT ON SCREEN! GAH!
Shots: 39.5
"I'll show you who's king!"
The Voice: You know what would be a great way of showing him who’s king? KILL HIM! KILL HIM, YOU FUCKING BASTARD! WITH YOUR FUCKING SWORD! You do have one, you know.
"Guah!"
The Voice: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Shots: 40.5
Tora was sent threw a few tree's as Chase struggled to stand,
The Voice: Did he send or throw a few trees? Was he sent or thrown a few tree’s what? Why is Chase struggling to stand, if Tora was the one who was sent trees? …Or thrown trees?
Also? IT’S THE SAME FUCKING SCENE! THIS IS EXACTLY THE SAME FUCKING SCENE AS BEFORE, JUST WITH THE NAMES CHANGED! YOU THOUGHT THE FIRST PART OF THIS CHAPTER WAS TEDIOUS? WELL, YOU’RE GOING TO SEE EVERYTHING AGAIN, BECAUSE THE STUTHOR THOUGHT HIS ACTION SCENE WRITING SKILLS WERE SO FANTABULOUS THAT HE’D BETTER SHOW US EVERYTHING ALL OVER AGAIN, IN CASE WE MISSED ANYTHING. I’M NOT EVEN KIDDING, THIS IS EXACTLY THE SAME SCENE AS BEFORE, WITH THE EXACT SAME ILLOGIC AND BAD WRITING AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
"Hahaha, you're fighting back now."
"Yeah, sorry that it took me a while."
The Voice: I dare anyone to figure out who’s talking here. The characters don’t have any individual voices. You can have either of them say these lines, and it would be perfectly in characters. And that is BAD.
And what the fuck was he doing, if he wasn’t fighting back? You mean, one of them just stood around and stared vacant throughout the entire last scene? And he’s still not dead yet? If one of them wasn’t fighting back, then why hasn’t the other killed him yet? Gah!
Shots: 41.5
"It's fine, I just can't wait to kill you." Tora stated as he stood.
The Voice: *Groans* Look at that dialogue. It takes talent to suck this hard.
Again, I supposed ‘stated’ isn’t exactly wrong in this instance, but it’s still pretty stilted. The prose would flow much better if the Stuthor just used ‘said’! But, of course, the word murder family and his little dog too, so he’s kicking it out of this fic as revenge. Take half a shot, since the usage isn’t exactly incorrect.
Shots: 42
"First...I'm going to break your arm. Understand?"
The Voice: …Why the fuck would you tell him?
What if he doesn’t understand? What, you’re going to sit him down and explain patiently to him?
Also, that line is spoken by the HERO. Again, we see that he’s never in this fight to help anyone. He just enjoys causing suffering. He has lightning powers. He can fry Tora on the spot without any trouble. But he’s not doing so. Because that would end the fight far too fast for him to enjoy. No, he’s going to take things slow. He’s not even going to bother incapacitate Tora. He’s going to slowly break his opponent’s limbs and savour their screams, because he gets off on that. That is the only reason he’s here, and that is the only reason Tora isn’t dead yet. AND HE IS OUR HERO. HE IS THE GUY WE’RE SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR AND CHEER ON. HE’S THE GUY WE’RE SUPPOSED TO COMPARE TO LUFFY AND ZORO FAVOURABLY.
God, this Stuthor DISGUSTS me.
Shots: 43
"We'll see!" Tora jumped in the air
Shots: 44
and ready to land down on Chase.
The Voice: Because he has decided that the best way to kill the Stu is by SITTING on him. Because just shooting someone is for STUPID people.
"I warned you..." Chase sighed,
The Voice: Pft, as if you’re going to let him go if he surrenders. You’re prepared to torture him alive anyways, don’t blame the victim.
"Smash Kick!" Chase jumped in the air
Shots: 45
and he lifted one leg
The Voice: Like the bitch he is…
and axe kicked Tora's elbow
The Voice: No, I still have no idea what an axe kick is.
then with the other leg he kicked his forearm.
The Voice: AND I STILL HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHY HE WOULD NEED TO JUMP INTO THE AIR TO DO THAT! OR HOW HE CAN KICK SOMEONE’S ARM TWICE WITH DIFFERENT LEGS! OR HOW KICKIGN SOMEONE’S ARM WHILE IT’S RESTING AGAINST THEIR BODY IS GOING TO BREAK IT! IT’S JUST GOING TO SEND TORA TOPPLING SIDEWAYS! TO BREAK SOMEONE’S ARM, YOU NEED LEVERAGE! LEVERAGE THAT YOU’RE NOT GOING TO FIND IF YOU’RE AIRBOURNE! ARGH!
"Aaaaahhhh!" Tora yelled
The Voice: …Not ‘Guah’? …Uh, wow.
Shots: 47
as he crashed into a tree shoulder first as he held his broken right arm.
The Voice: Am I the only one disturbed by the loving detail the Stuthor goes into to describe the broken arm? Am I the only one imagining him wanking to it? *Audibly shudders*
"Gotcha..." Chas said as he landed on the ground tired.
The Voice: Tired? What the fuck did he do that would make him tired? Well, I guess warping space and time would be a bit exhausting…but everyone in this fic does that! He’s done much more strenuous things in past fights and just carried right on like nothing happened! Not to mention, if he was tired, why is he still playing around? He’s got freaking lightning powers! He could fry the guy’s ass in a second! He knows he’s tiring himself out, so why the fuck isn’t he doing anything?
I hate having Earth Logic…it makes bad fics so much worse…
"I'm not dead yet!" Tora demande
The Voice: …That…is not a demand. He doesn’t want anything. He’s just reminding the Stu of a fact. ENGLISH! DO YOU SPEAK IT?
Shots: 48
as he ran up and punched Chase in his spine.
The Voice: With his broken arm?
Also, he is IN FRONT of Chase! IN FRONT! How the fuck did he punch him in the SPINE? What, did he run around the back of Chase? For what fucking purpose? What is the point? And how did he manage to run around Chase if Chase is supposed to be as fast as lightning? How the hell is he running around with a BROKEN ARM flopping at his side?
*Cries* I’m never doing a chapter of this fic again…
"Ahh!" Chase was sent flying into a tree and fell onto the ground.
The Voice: I think the Stuthor has moved on from ‘Guah’, and now ‘Ah’ is his favourite. It’s not much of an improvement, really…
Shots: 50
"Hmph, you thought I was going to let you get away with that? Then you're wrong!"
The Voice: …What? Does that line make any sense?
YOU ARE IN A FUCKING FIGHT TO THE DEATH! OF COURSE, HE’S GOING TO ATTACK YOU, AND YOU ARE GOING TO ATTACK BACK! WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE ATTACKING HIM WAS SUCH A SURPRISING COURSE OF ACTION?
Oh wait. The Stuthor made you stand around and have your ass handed to you, because he couldn’t be bothered to proofread his own fic. Right.
Tora walked over to the injure Chase
The Voice: There has been 7 action scenes in this fic, 8 if you count the beginning of this fic with Avery and Riru on the beach. This is the first mention we ever have of a character being injured. I don’t think I need to point out what’s wrong with that.
and stomped on his elbow.
The Voice: THE NECK! YOU GO FOR THE FUCKING NECK! HE’S AN INTRUDER, AND HIS FRIEND IS BEATING UP YOUR CAPTAIN! END THE FUCKING FIGHT AND GO AND HELP!
Shots: 51
"Aaahhh!"
Shots: 53
The Voice: That’s really not how variety works. You don’t repeat something so many times that the reader rips their hair out every time they see it, and switch to repeating something else so many times that the reader rips their hair out every time they see it. YOU FIND DIFFERENT WAYS TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING EVERY TIME YOU HAVE TO DO SO, OR YOU FUCKING SKIP IT!
"How you like that? I'm going to kill you understand!" Tora yelled
The Voice: Not buying it. You had a million chances to end the fight right there, and you just gave it up in favour of kissing the Stu’s ass.
Also, HE’S GOT FUCKING LIGHTNING POWERS! HE CAN FRY YOU ON THE SPOT! JUST FUCKING ATTACK! IF YOU WARN HIM, YOU PRETTY MUCH GUARANTEE YOURSELF THAT YOU WON’T SUCCEED!
as he raised his foot above Chase's head, "Say good bye! This is all because you don't wanna fight using Devil Fruit!
The Voice: *Screams*
STOP MAKING IT OUT THAT YOUR STU IS OH SO NOBLE! HE WAS PERFECTLY ALRIGHT USING HIS POWERS ON THOSE FISHMEN ON THE BEACH! THE ONLY REASON HE WASN’T USING IT HERE WAS BECAUSE HE WANTED TO DRAG THE FIGHT OUT! BECAUSE HE THOUGHT IT WOULDN’T BE FUN IF TORA DIED TO QUICKLY! HE WANTED TO TORTURE TORA! HE’S NOT A FUCKING HERO! HE’S NOT NOBLE! HE’S A SOCIOPATHIC LITTLE BASTARD, AND DON’T YOU DARE PRETEND OTHERWISE!
AND DON’T FUCKING REMIND HIM ABOUT HIS POWER! THE ONLY REASON YOU’RE STILL ALIVE IS BECAUSE THE STU’S TOO STUPID TO LIVE! DON’T TEMPT FATE, GODDAMIT!
Oh well! Later.."
The Voice: This thus this seconds ends with a lame little whimper.
Again, this is supposed to be a tense scene where we worry about the protagonist’s safety. But I don’t feel anything. The villains have never been a threat to the Stus. He’s never tried to kill him, and I know for a fact that he will never succeed. There is absolutely no suspense. Furthermore, I would rejoice if the Stu was killed, simply because of how sociopathic he is. He was jerking off to the thought of brutally crushing someone’s limbs for absolutely no reason other than sadistic pleasure a few lines ago. That’s really not someone who I want to root for. In fact, I fully support Tora here, despite his stupidity, simply because he is actually the VICTIM here, and he’s fighting back. I want Tora to succeed, not your stupid Stu.
When you manage to make the underling of an Arlong clone more sympathetic than your Luffy clone, you know there’s something very, VERY wrong.
"They keep coming Avery!" Riru yelled
The Voice: Impressive. Most have a refractory period, you know…
as she continued to slash the Fishmen.
The Voice: Well, maybe they would stop coming if you stopped writing smut about them.
"I know. I knew there was alot, but this is ridiculous!"
The Voice: Never underestimate the power of Rule 34…
"Do you have any ideas?"
The Voice: Give up. Nothing can match the power of slash fangirls. They will screw over both canon and the laws of reality to facilitate buttsex.
"I got one..." Avery sighed.
The Voice: …Any particular reason you’re UPSET that you have a solution to your problem? YOU HAVE A FUCKING IDEA, SHOW SOME ENTHUSIASM!
Shots: 54
"Do it then?" Riru commented.
The Voice: That…was not a comment. It’s a suggestion, or a questions, but not a fucking COMMENT!
Also, it’s not nice to proposition him like that in the middle of a fight. Distractions are deadly.
Shots: 55
"Jump in the boat!" Avery ordered.
The Voice: …Interesting location, but okay.
"Huh?"
"Just do it!"
The Voice: Look, I know some people have kinks like that, but forcing her to do something is still not very nice.
"Right!" Riru then ran over and jumped inside the rowboat.
The Voice: Like the meek, obedient little woman she is…
"Here we go!" Avery made two tornado's with his fist then slammed them together,
The Voice: He…slammed two tornadoes together? What?
"Wind Catastrophe!" That move pushed back all of the Fishmen and they all layed out unconcious.
The Voice: …Well, list time! Have had a list all this chapter, I bet you missed it, huh?
- Why the fuck didn’t he do this before? He had the powers! If it was strong enough to wipe out an entire beach of men, why didn’t he do it before?
- Why did Riru need to get in the boat? All she needs to do is get behind Avery! Is the boat magically protected against the wind?
- How is slamming two tornadoes together going to wipe out an entire beach of men? I get it if he sent two tornadoes down both sides of the beach, and killed them that way, but slamming them together? Wouldn’t they just cancel each other out them? Seriously, HOW did that move accomplish anything?
- If the tornadoes are small enough to revolve around his fists, it’s not going to do that much damage.
- You cannot have the Stus come out of a tornado completely unharmed, with no mentions of even mild bruises, and yet have it knock out an entire beach of fishmen, who are canonically stronger than humans.
- Tornadoes don’t push back people! It sweeps them up into the air and dumps them back down again when it’s gone! THAT’S how it hurts people! It doesn’t push them back because tornadoes are made out of WIND! WHICH IS MADE OUT OF AIR! It’s not a solid! Gah!
- Didn’t he say he works for the strongest side? If the fishmen were stronger than Riru, and she couldn’t handle them, shouldn’t he start working for the fishmen, then? THIS IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM WITH THESE KINDS OF CHARACTERS! THEY ARE NOT LOYAL! THEY WILL DEFECT! YOU CAN’T JUST FUCKING GLOSS THAT OVER, YOU IDIOT!
The Voice: I wouldn’t be that happy if it was me. My reaction would be more along the lines of, ‘WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU BASTARD? WERE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?’
"Yeah.." Avery fell to a knee,
The Voice: Ah, must be one of those randomly appearing knees that people always fall to. I hear they’re all the rage these days.
Also, why did that tire him out? He made two tiny tornadoes around his fist, and slammed them together! And that somehow warped reality enough to wipe out all the fishmen! He did NOTHING! NOT TO MENTION, WIND IS HIS POWER! YOU DON’T GET TIRED OF USING YOUR POWERS IN ONE PIECE, UNLESS YOU SERIOUSLY START USING THEM IN UNCONVENTIONAL WAYS, LIKE IN THE CASE OF GEAR 2 OR 3! AVERY IS USING HIS POWER EXACTLY HOW IT WAS DESIGNED TO BE USED! THAT SHOULDN’T TIRE HIM OUT! IT WOULD BE LIKE A PERSON BEING TIRED OUT BY WALKING A FEW METRES!
STOP MAKING FAKE DOWNSIDES TO YOUR STU’S POWERS JUST SO YOU CAN MAKE THEM SEEM LESS STUISH! ESPECIALLY DON’T RAPE CANON TO DO SO!
"Let's just hope Chase and David are okay."
The Voice: No. Let’s hope they’re not. Both of them deserve to die very long and painful deaths.
Next Time: David and Chase seem to be in trouble in their respective battles! Will they be able to pull out from the battles? Or will they fall to the power of the former Shichibukai and his First Mate, in their very first real battle? Read and find out!
The Voice: Hands up anyone who really thinks the Stuthor will let them be defeated? Anyone? Yeah, I thought so too.
Review!
The Voice: Fuck you!
Well, that’s it for today, folks. Next time, I’ll officially start counts for some of the stupid things that the Stuthor just keeps doing. Because I realised that this drinking game is just…suicidal. So yeah, see you next time…I hope I can get some sporkers…
*There is a pause, and the megaphone switches off*
*Shortly, a portal opens somewhere, and someone steps through*