One Piece: Bound For Glory - Chapter 9 Part 7:
Thank god, this chapter is over...I'll have another anti-sporking up in a few days...so look forward to that (it you want to).
Also, does anyone here know how to make a content's page? I don't really need one now, but it might come in handy in the future. Thank you.
"Hey David there you are!" Riru called as she, Chase, and Avery ran over to him.
William: Of course they came running back to him with their tails between their legs. Otherwise, the Stu would have to do the unthinkable: acknowledge that he’s wrong and apologise!
Brian: Look at them! They don’t even fucking remember this guy tried to kill them less than 24 hours ago. Why are they so worried anyways? It’s such a quiet little town that you can have a full out brawl in the middle of the street in broad daylight, and not have anyone notice! What do they think is going to happen to him?
The Voice: Ambushing sporkers, I imagine.
Also, of course, Riru would be the most vocally distressed. She’s a girl after all, and they’re all emotional, weepy messes like that.
"Hey you guys." David smiled, "We have a new crew member."
William: (David) I totally just submission fucked her into being my bitch forever.
Brian: (David) Aren’t I the greatest Captain ever? All of my crew have a full-time job of licking my boots clean.
"Oh really?" Chase said as he observed Kit, "Nice to meet you. I'm Chase the First Mate."
The Voice: THAT IS NOT OBSERVATION! You are interacting with her! You’re greeting her! You are not observing her!
THESAURUS RAPE: 7
William: I think the Stuthor just needed a G-rated way of saying ‘he checked her out’.
Brian: And why does that ‘oh really’ sound so sinister?
William: Probably because that guy’s specialty is electric torture, and he takes a great joy in it.
The Voice: And am I the only one who finds the fact that his position on the ship is now officially a part of his name creepy? Does anyone even remember his surname? His whole purpose and being is defined by his relationship to the Stu. His life revolves around the Stu. He doesn’t even remember his own name now. He’s not identifying himself with his dream, he’s identifying himself with the fact that he’s the Stu’s favourite.
"I'm Riru the Doctor."
William: Yes, the untrained, uneducated doctor who thinks internal injuries are healed by bandages.
"I'm Avery the Navigator."
Brian: Wait, WHAT? Since when did he become the navigator? He’s a bloody assassin! His only value to the Shark King was as an assassin! Navigators are bloody important! They are the ones who can read maps and currents, and they’re the only ones who know how to deal with storms and shallow rocks! They are the only thing stopping the ship from being capsized or lost at sea! If he was the navigator of the Shark King, there is no fucking way he would be send out to pick off two pirates! Just the possibility of him dying would be too much of a risk!
William: Just because your superpower makes you a great engine for a ship, doesn’t mean you can call yourself a navigator! Do you have any idea how meteorology works? Do you have any idea how currents work? Do you even know how to read a fucking map? You don’t become a navigator over night! Nami spent her entire bloody life studying it! Unless you were trained from birth, you don’t get to be a bloody navigator! It’s the most important job on the bloody ship! You don’t just suddenly announce yourself as one!
The Voice: Think about it: the person who joins them when the protagonists fight a fishman who looks like a shark is a navigator. I’m afraid this is just another sickening attempt at plagiarising canon. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work because it came the FUCK out of nowhere. We knew Nami was a navigator. Her being a navigator was integral to the plot of her character arc! The reason Luffy was initially interested in her was because she’s a bloody navigator!
Avery being a navigator is revealed way past his character arc. In fact, the fact that he is a navigator adds nothing to him. We still don’t know his dreams, his goals, his fears, and his insecurities. It’s just dropped out of the sky like plot in Twilight, and it doesn’t fucking matter at all, save as a point of convenience to the Stu.
William: Then again, everything in this fic happens to the convenience of the Stu, so at least this Stuthor is consistent in his suckage.
"Well I'm Kit." Kit bowed to everyone
Brian: Because she has to know her place.
William: …And she doesn’t have any skill that will come in handy? She’s not even that accomplished in combat? In other words, the protagonist just picked up someone who will only be another mouth to feed, because she showed her legs? Right.
and David's stomach growled.
The Voice: Ah. So no one bowed back. BITCHES.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 10
"Can we eat now?"
Brian: …So…he’s not even going to ask if the rest of his crew is okay with the new member? Well, that’s good to know.
William: And proper introduction of a new crew member takes a second step to his comfort? Well…
The Voice: AND STOP THE GAG OF HIM BEING HUNGRY ALL THE TIME. IT’S NOT FUCKING FUNNY. NOTHING IN THIS FIC IS FUNNY. REPEATING A JOKE DOES NOT FUCKING MAKE IT ANY FUNNIER! STOP.
Next Time:
Brian: The chapter’s finished?
William: It’s…finished?
Brian: YES! *Bounces on couch*
William: Quiet down, you idiot! What are you, three years old?
Brian: IT’S FINISHED!
So a boat has yet to be found,
William: WHAT. A boat has yet to be found? Then what the fuck did they arrive at the island in? A fucking bathtub? They arrived there in a fucking boat! What happened to it? Do they have a policy of only using a boat once? Because the Stu is too good for used goods?
Brian: And what do you mean FOUND? Do you really think a valuable transportation vehicle is going to be abandoned somewhere, just waiting for you to find it? You have to BUY fucking boats! Or at least earn it! Even Luffy knew that much! God, it’s the end of the chapter! Can you ease up on the stupid just a little?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 34
but in it's place a new crew member!
William: In its place? Do you intend to use Kit as a boat? How the fuck is that going to work?
Brian: Wait…if they were trying to find a fucking boat, then why was David wandering around town agonising over the fact that he had to walk and think at the same time? Shouldn’t he, as the captain, bear responsibility for finding a new ship? Did he put any effort at all into looking for a boat? Even asking around for a carpenter? Stuthor, you pulled this plotline out of your fucking ass! No character in this chapter was even remotely concerned about finding a fucking ship. None of your characters care, so don’t you dare try to convince us that this is a conflict that needs to be resolved.
I guess that'll do for the rookie pirates.
William: Yes, a girl was gracious enough to work for you after you sexually harassed her and then tried to kill her. I guess that will have to do. I mean, after all, she should be on the ground, begging for you to let her join.
Brian: Yes, you picked up a True Companion in half a chapter where Luffy usually uses nearly a hundred chapters. I guess that will have to do. I mean, after all, there should be a giant queue of people willing to join in under a second, if the Stu was generous enough to extend them an offer.
Though what do you think will happen when they do find a boat?
William: Looking at their track record? They’ll make one journey in it and then promptly allow it to be swallowed up by a plot hole.
Brian: Actually, it shouldn’t be that hard to find a boat. All they have to do is look in their asses. That’s usually where they pull convenient stuff out of.
Espically when they have to earn it from a seemingly bi-polar gypsy?
William: What? They have to earn an expensive ship in an era where demand for the thing is the highest it’s ever been? The Horror!
Brian: …Somehow, I really don’t want to see this Stuthor’s depiction of people with a very serious mental illness.
The Voice: Or his depiction of a persecuted, misunderstood minority. Something tells me it’s going to be very painful.
Read and find out!
Brian: Dude, you are the most predicable and formulaic thing since Stephenie Meyer. If anyone really needs to read this fucking fic to figure out what will happen, then they need to find a doctor. Because they’re brain dead, and that’s kind of serious.
Review!
William: You really do not want me to review. Especially when you are clearly only mongering for praise anyways. Now, the chapter is finished. Release us.
Immediately, the voice from the megaphone blares, ‘No.’
I stiffen and look around, despite knowing that there are no weapons I can use. ‘What do you mean ‘no’?’
‘I am sorry, but I don’t recall ever saying that you only need to spork one chapter.’
‘Wait, we need to do the whole thing? What about the other sporking groups? Come on! Who can stand more than one chapter of this shit at once?’
‘I’m afraid that the other sporking groups are currently unavailable. You will have to stay for another chapter or two. Actually, I was originally planning to let you go after one chapter, but you guys played off each other quite well, so I’m going to keep you guys here for a while.’ There’s a quiet whooshing sound, and you quickly glance to your left to see that a wooden door had appeared where there was only solid wall before. ‘Behind the door is a recreation room. Please rest there for an hour. Food and a bed is provided.’
I groan, rub my face, and head towards the door.
I keep an eye on the megaphone and follow him. ‘It’s at times like this that I regret ever becoming friends with you.’
I brighten instantly, ‘We’re friends? You think of me as a friend? Aw…That’s so sweet.’
I shoot him a dirty glare and silently vow to never speak to him again.
You open the door to reveal what appears to be a cosy living room. There are two sofas placed opposite each other to your left. Unlike the one in the sporking chamber, these appear brand new. Between them is a low wooden table with two trays on top. A closer glance reveals the trays to be holding pasta, still steaming hot. On the right side is a narrow single bed, completely with blankets and a pillow, and a bookcase, filled with all volumes of the One Piece manga, it appeared. A clock is placed above the door you came in. What do you do?
I ask William if he wants to use the bed.
I punch him.
I grumble under my breath whilst massaging my shoulders, and lie down on the bed, determined to get a nap.
I keep an anxious eye on him and pace around the room, desperately trying to think up a way to escape. The biggest obstacle, of course, is the fact that we have no idea the nature of our kidnapper. It appears to have complete command of the dimension we are in, which is a marked disadvantage to us. Eventually, I get tired and sit on the couch, but I do not touch the food.
You look down, subconsciously wringing your hands, ready to give up on the problem, when, suddenly, you notice something. Caught between the cushions on the couch, is a single, long, blonde strand of human hair.
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 21+4 = 25
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 39+13 = 52
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 29+16 = 45
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 62+34 = 96 (Nearly a hundred of these moments in two chapters. Okay, I did abuse the counter a little, but still…impressive.)
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 44+3 = 47 (Nearly 50 times the protagonist could have died and put an end to our miseries.)
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 39+13 = 52
SOCIOPATHY: 33+24 = 57
THESAURUS RAPE: 14+7 = 21 (I should find a purple prose-y fic to spork one day, this counter is a bit neglected.)
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 10
SWEATDROPS: 2
Go Forward to: Chapter 10, Part 1
Go back to: Chapter 9, Part 6
Also, does anyone here know how to make a content's page? I don't really need one now, but it might come in handy in the future. Thank you.
"Hey David there you are!" Riru called as she, Chase, and Avery ran over to him.
William: Of course they came running back to him with their tails between their legs. Otherwise, the Stu would have to do the unthinkable: acknowledge that he’s wrong and apologise!
Brian: Look at them! They don’t even fucking remember this guy tried to kill them less than 24 hours ago. Why are they so worried anyways? It’s such a quiet little town that you can have a full out brawl in the middle of the street in broad daylight, and not have anyone notice! What do they think is going to happen to him?
The Voice: Ambushing sporkers, I imagine.
Also, of course, Riru would be the most vocally distressed. She’s a girl after all, and they’re all emotional, weepy messes like that.
"Hey you guys." David smiled, "We have a new crew member."
William: (David) I totally just submission fucked her into being my bitch forever.
Brian: (David) Aren’t I the greatest Captain ever? All of my crew have a full-time job of licking my boots clean.
"Oh really?" Chase said as he observed Kit, "Nice to meet you. I'm Chase the First Mate."
The Voice: THAT IS NOT OBSERVATION! You are interacting with her! You’re greeting her! You are not observing her!
THESAURUS RAPE: 7
William: I think the Stuthor just needed a G-rated way of saying ‘he checked her out’.
Brian: And why does that ‘oh really’ sound so sinister?
William: Probably because that guy’s specialty is electric torture, and he takes a great joy in it.
The Voice: And am I the only one who finds the fact that his position on the ship is now officially a part of his name creepy? Does anyone even remember his surname? His whole purpose and being is defined by his relationship to the Stu. His life revolves around the Stu. He doesn’t even remember his own name now. He’s not identifying himself with his dream, he’s identifying himself with the fact that he’s the Stu’s favourite.
"I'm Riru the Doctor."
William: Yes, the untrained, uneducated doctor who thinks internal injuries are healed by bandages.
"I'm Avery the Navigator."
Brian: Wait, WHAT? Since when did he become the navigator? He’s a bloody assassin! His only value to the Shark King was as an assassin! Navigators are bloody important! They are the ones who can read maps and currents, and they’re the only ones who know how to deal with storms and shallow rocks! They are the only thing stopping the ship from being capsized or lost at sea! If he was the navigator of the Shark King, there is no fucking way he would be send out to pick off two pirates! Just the possibility of him dying would be too much of a risk!
William: Just because your superpower makes you a great engine for a ship, doesn’t mean you can call yourself a navigator! Do you have any idea how meteorology works? Do you have any idea how currents work? Do you even know how to read a fucking map? You don’t become a navigator over night! Nami spent her entire bloody life studying it! Unless you were trained from birth, you don’t get to be a bloody navigator! It’s the most important job on the bloody ship! You don’t just suddenly announce yourself as one!
The Voice: Think about it: the person who joins them when the protagonists fight a fishman who looks like a shark is a navigator. I’m afraid this is just another sickening attempt at plagiarising canon. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work because it came the FUCK out of nowhere. We knew Nami was a navigator. Her being a navigator was integral to the plot of her character arc! The reason Luffy was initially interested in her was because she’s a bloody navigator!
Avery being a navigator is revealed way past his character arc. In fact, the fact that he is a navigator adds nothing to him. We still don’t know his dreams, his goals, his fears, and his insecurities. It’s just dropped out of the sky like plot in Twilight, and it doesn’t fucking matter at all, save as a point of convenience to the Stu.
William: Then again, everything in this fic happens to the convenience of the Stu, so at least this Stuthor is consistent in his suckage.
"Well I'm Kit." Kit bowed to everyone
Brian: Because she has to know her place.
William: …And she doesn’t have any skill that will come in handy? She’s not even that accomplished in combat? In other words, the protagonist just picked up someone who will only be another mouth to feed, because she showed her legs? Right.
and David's stomach growled.
The Voice: Ah. So no one bowed back. BITCHES.
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 10
"Can we eat now?"
Brian: …So…he’s not even going to ask if the rest of his crew is okay with the new member? Well, that’s good to know.
William: And proper introduction of a new crew member takes a second step to his comfort? Well…
The Voice: AND STOP THE GAG OF HIM BEING HUNGRY ALL THE TIME. IT’S NOT FUCKING FUNNY. NOTHING IN THIS FIC IS FUNNY. REPEATING A JOKE DOES NOT FUCKING MAKE IT ANY FUNNIER! STOP.
Next Time:
Brian: The chapter’s finished?
William: It’s…finished?
Brian: YES! *Bounces on couch*
William: Quiet down, you idiot! What are you, three years old?
Brian: IT’S FINISHED!
So a boat has yet to be found,
William: WHAT. A boat has yet to be found? Then what the fuck did they arrive at the island in? A fucking bathtub? They arrived there in a fucking boat! What happened to it? Do they have a policy of only using a boat once? Because the Stu is too good for used goods?
Brian: And what do you mean FOUND? Do you really think a valuable transportation vehicle is going to be abandoned somewhere, just waiting for you to find it? You have to BUY fucking boats! Or at least earn it! Even Luffy knew that much! God, it’s the end of the chapter! Can you ease up on the stupid just a little?
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 34
but in it's place a new crew member!
William: In its place? Do you intend to use Kit as a boat? How the fuck is that going to work?
Brian: Wait…if they were trying to find a fucking boat, then why was David wandering around town agonising over the fact that he had to walk and think at the same time? Shouldn’t he, as the captain, bear responsibility for finding a new ship? Did he put any effort at all into looking for a boat? Even asking around for a carpenter? Stuthor, you pulled this plotline out of your fucking ass! No character in this chapter was even remotely concerned about finding a fucking ship. None of your characters care, so don’t you dare try to convince us that this is a conflict that needs to be resolved.
I guess that'll do for the rookie pirates.
William: Yes, a girl was gracious enough to work for you after you sexually harassed her and then tried to kill her. I guess that will have to do. I mean, after all, she should be on the ground, begging for you to let her join.
Brian: Yes, you picked up a True Companion in half a chapter where Luffy usually uses nearly a hundred chapters. I guess that will have to do. I mean, after all, there should be a giant queue of people willing to join in under a second, if the Stu was generous enough to extend them an offer.
Though what do you think will happen when they do find a boat?
William: Looking at their track record? They’ll make one journey in it and then promptly allow it to be swallowed up by a plot hole.
Brian: Actually, it shouldn’t be that hard to find a boat. All they have to do is look in their asses. That’s usually where they pull convenient stuff out of.
Espically when they have to earn it from a seemingly bi-polar gypsy?
William: What? They have to earn an expensive ship in an era where demand for the thing is the highest it’s ever been? The Horror!
Brian: …Somehow, I really don’t want to see this Stuthor’s depiction of people with a very serious mental illness.
The Voice: Or his depiction of a persecuted, misunderstood minority. Something tells me it’s going to be very painful.
Read and find out!
Brian: Dude, you are the most predicable and formulaic thing since Stephenie Meyer. If anyone really needs to read this fucking fic to figure out what will happen, then they need to find a doctor. Because they’re brain dead, and that’s kind of serious.
Review!
William: You really do not want me to review. Especially when you are clearly only mongering for praise anyways. Now, the chapter is finished. Release us.
Immediately, the voice from the megaphone blares, ‘No.’
I stiffen and look around, despite knowing that there are no weapons I can use. ‘What do you mean ‘no’?’
‘I am sorry, but I don’t recall ever saying that you only need to spork one chapter.’
‘Wait, we need to do the whole thing? What about the other sporking groups? Come on! Who can stand more than one chapter of this shit at once?’
‘I’m afraid that the other sporking groups are currently unavailable. You will have to stay for another chapter or two. Actually, I was originally planning to let you go after one chapter, but you guys played off each other quite well, so I’m going to keep you guys here for a while.’ There’s a quiet whooshing sound, and you quickly glance to your left to see that a wooden door had appeared where there was only solid wall before. ‘Behind the door is a recreation room. Please rest there for an hour. Food and a bed is provided.’
I groan, rub my face, and head towards the door.
I keep an eye on the megaphone and follow him. ‘It’s at times like this that I regret ever becoming friends with you.’
I brighten instantly, ‘We’re friends? You think of me as a friend? Aw…That’s so sweet.’
I shoot him a dirty glare and silently vow to never speak to him again.
You open the door to reveal what appears to be a cosy living room. There are two sofas placed opposite each other to your left. Unlike the one in the sporking chamber, these appear brand new. Between them is a low wooden table with two trays on top. A closer glance reveals the trays to be holding pasta, still steaming hot. On the right side is a narrow single bed, completely with blankets and a pillow, and a bookcase, filled with all volumes of the One Piece manga, it appeared. A clock is placed above the door you came in. What do you do?
I ask William if he wants to use the bed.
I punch him.
I grumble under my breath whilst massaging my shoulders, and lie down on the bed, determined to get a nap.
I keep an anxious eye on him and pace around the room, desperately trying to think up a way to escape. The biggest obstacle, of course, is the fact that we have no idea the nature of our kidnapper. It appears to have complete command of the dimension we are in, which is a marked disadvantage to us. Eventually, I get tired and sit on the couch, but I do not touch the food.
You look down, subconsciously wringing your hands, ready to give up on the problem, when, suddenly, you notice something. Caught between the cushions on the couch, is a single, long, blonde strand of human hair.
FAUX MADE OF IRON: 21+4 = 25
ONOMATOPOEIAS ARE COOL: 39+13 = 52
DEPARTMENT OF REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT: 29+16 = 45
TOO DUMB TO LIVE: 62+34 = 96 (Nearly a hundred of these moments in two chapters. Okay, I did abuse the counter a little, but still…impressive.)
JUST KILL HIM, DAMMIT: 44+3 = 47 (Nearly 50 times the protagonist could have died and put an end to our miseries.)
SHUT UP, I’M AWESOME: 39+13 = 52
SOCIOPATHY: 33+24 = 57
THESAURUS RAPE: 14+7 = 21 (I should find a purple prose-y fic to spork one day, this counter is a bit neglected.)
YOU SEXIST BASTARD: 10
SWEATDROPS: 2
Go Forward to: Chapter 10, Part 1
Go back to: Chapter 9, Part 6