seven million seven hundred twenty five thousand seven hundred eighty seven ( Read more... )

i think im much more of a moron than i let on.

days, weeks, months....could be years, really!
remember LAST christmas?! the tragic information i became aware of via fucking myspace?!

why do i do this? and always at the same time of year.
im scared, true.
but i think, in this case, i might also just be stupid.

stop or go?

this is stupid and i dont want to talk about it so its going in here. i dont want to think about it any more. i really dont like the way i look most of the time and its a constant, daily battle to convince myself that someone might think im attractive. maybe its getting older. maybe its the countless situations ive put myself in that are less ( Read more... )

while i shimmy and shake ( Read more... )

i got pissed off last night and broke my car. i think i fixed it but i felt pretty stupid afterward, as usual. ive been on edge for the past few weeks. nearly everything that is said to me, sends me into a spinning, screaming fit. ive been much better at hiding it because its not fair. theres no real point in me taking it out on everyone else ( Read more... )

well. ive made the decision, yet again. no more drinking. for a while ( Read more... )

its hard to say at this point what it is that i feel like im "missing". i miss putting my head in someones lap, allowing them to tangle their fingers in my hair and feeling safe enough to fall asleep. i miss breathing in deep, past the cologne and deodorant and smelling him. i feel like i could, all too easily allow myself to fall madly and ( Read more... )

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i havent made a real update in a long time. i guess i just assume that those who care, know. or will ask. im living with my aunt and uncle. things are going well with that. they are good people who have good intentions. tiki had some problems adjusting but i think thats all smoothed over now. were settled and will probably be here for a while ( Read more... )

grow up
deal with your repressed sexual aggression
and then
DONT call me
because ill still be too good for you.

intimacy does not end after the break up.
as adult, you should respect me enough to keep certain things to yourself.
what the fuck did i ever fucking do to you?!

dick.