i.will.twist.my.knife.and.bleed.my.aching.heart.and.tear.it.apart
for the record, and i know it won't do anything, i'm not mad at you. i'm just mad that you handled it so badly and had other people try and 'set me straight' and threaten me. i understand where it all came from, but everything was going downhill and i didn't need to be kicked while i was already down.
anyway, it recently occurred to me that i am or was an influencial figure. although it is very flattering to know that, i feel pity for those who thought so. i make many mistakes. i will GLADLY admit i do because everyone does. no one is perfect, and everyone's proved that at least 5 times over. but the reason i pity those who are influenced by me is because i'm just trying to live my life. i'm trying to make it fun. i don't regret anything i've done. it's just another experience, and when i actually grow up and know almost everything there is to know about life, i can say i've done certain things, but i can also say what i've learned from them. this is also why i don't want to learn things by people telling me they're wrong. i'm also a very controvercial person. you can never really know me, or know exactly what i'm going to do. but the only thing i'd understand people considering me influencial for is i know how to process what i've done, and i can add that to the way i live, and i can make myself a stronger person from it. i know what i'm passionate about, and i realize what i have to do to succeed with it.
i do not regret getting suspended
i do not regret doing what i did to get suspended
i do not regret not being there to prevent what happened to brian
i do not regret loving the people i did (or still do)
i do not regret being ostentatious or provacative
i do not regret when i first started to hate my father
i do not regret doing badly in school last year
i do not regret being a bad student even in elementary school
i do not regret losing certain friends, or trying to hang on to others
i do not regret trying to be someone else in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade, and maybe even before that
i do not regret being ugly or fat (mostly when i was younger, although i do feel the same about that now)
i do not regret having a few eating disorders before, even if they only lasted a week
i do not regret self-mutilation
i do not regret the first time i actually saw a porno
i do not regret thinking girls (and/or boys for that matter) are attractive
i do not regret seeming hostile when i was actually defensive
i do not regret any other times i've fucked up
i do not regret drinking
and i'm sure there are millions of other things, i just can't remember any more right now.
i recently found a thought/quote that i agreed completely on. sorry i forgot who it came from:
if you hate someone, you might as well love them, and if you love someone, you might as well hate them. either way, you think about them the same amount.
anyway, it recently occurred to me that i am or was an influencial figure. although it is very flattering to know that, i feel pity for those who thought so. i make many mistakes. i will GLADLY admit i do because everyone does. no one is perfect, and everyone's proved that at least 5 times over. but the reason i pity those who are influenced by me is because i'm just trying to live my life. i'm trying to make it fun. i don't regret anything i've done. it's just another experience, and when i actually grow up and know almost everything there is to know about life, i can say i've done certain things, but i can also say what i've learned from them. this is also why i don't want to learn things by people telling me they're wrong. i'm also a very controvercial person. you can never really know me, or know exactly what i'm going to do. but the only thing i'd understand people considering me influencial for is i know how to process what i've done, and i can add that to the way i live, and i can make myself a stronger person from it. i know what i'm passionate about, and i realize what i have to do to succeed with it.
i do not regret getting suspended
i do not regret doing what i did to get suspended
i do not regret not being there to prevent what happened to brian
i do not regret loving the people i did (or still do)
i do not regret being ostentatious or provacative
i do not regret when i first started to hate my father
i do not regret doing badly in school last year
i do not regret being a bad student even in elementary school
i do not regret losing certain friends, or trying to hang on to others
i do not regret trying to be someone else in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade, and maybe even before that
i do not regret being ugly or fat (mostly when i was younger, although i do feel the same about that now)
i do not regret having a few eating disorders before, even if they only lasted a week
i do not regret self-mutilation
i do not regret the first time i actually saw a porno
i do not regret thinking girls (and/or boys for that matter) are attractive
i do not regret seeming hostile when i was actually defensive
i do not regret any other times i've fucked up
i do not regret drinking
and i'm sure there are millions of other things, i just can't remember any more right now.
i recently found a thought/quote that i agreed completely on. sorry i forgot who it came from:
if you hate someone, you might as well love them, and if you love someone, you might as well hate them. either way, you think about them the same amount.