(no subject)
well this sucks...i thought turning 18 would be greater than it's going to be. my life takes a sudden turn into a hole. whee. my life is not going to change in a good way. even though i am turning 18 that means virtually nothing to me.
dang i feel like crap right now. too much crap is happening and i don't want to take it anymore. i just want to rewind to when i was 7 or something. maybe then i could get better at music...that's one of my few hopes anymore. i've lost so many of them over the years. at one time i wanted to be a computer programmer, a scientist, and an architect. but what do you need for that? math. guess what i suck at? math. music is my last alternative in my eye that i will enjoy. it's just that every time i see any information about the job field i want to go into, it depresses me more and more. i didn't think so many people were trying to do what i want to do. this is going to be hell. i don't want responsability.
i have to get a job. a better one. west side shopco is being ass-ish because i can never get a hold of the person i need to. i will probably have to go into a shopco and make it so south town can access it. they seemed interested in me. if only the ass at west side didn't take my application off. i also have to contact MATC and see if i can extend my acceptance to their school so i can take a year off. now i am going to have to contribute to the payments for the house because my dad decided to be an ass and move to florida. great time to leave dad thanks. my grandfather is appearantly doing well, but now my other family is going heywire and some shit on us. uncle seriously insulted my father, aunt is being all bitchy. why does everyone have to make this worse for us? can't we have this seperation in peace so that nobody comits suicide out of it? i guess not. perhaps that is selfish of me? oh well. i have little or no power in this family.
on the upside, if i can figure out how to get this high quality keyboard from school to work well with finale, mrs. sanyer will let me have one of the older but still hundreds of times better keyboard than mine. that would incredibly rock for my music composing. i just hope i am smart enough to figure this out. stuff is making sense so far. i get my midi stuff for my birthday tomorrow though so i can't hook it up till then.
you know...it would be great if i could listen to nirvana and enjoy it...but damn it depresses me.