*sigh* A lot of mixed emotions *happy sigh*
I'm sure all of you who read my LJ will want to read this, but it is fairly long so I've cut it.
I'm not even really sure where to start on this post. It is Sunday now and my Szarah is somewhere over Montana right now. The past 9 days have been wonderful. I am madly in love and seeing her has only intensified the feelings. When we went to the airport this morning it was all I could do to keep from crying until I walked out the door. I was a wreck and crying in my car when I see Szarah standing in front of the car. She thought she wouldn't be able to see me after she went through the initial security check where you give them you checked luggage. That's the way it is in Canada. But, she could so we went and shared a Cinnabon (very yummay) and talked for about 45 minutes until she had to go to her gate. This time when she left I felt strangely better. It wasn't until I got a few blocks away and listened to about 2 or 3 love songs on the radio that I started crying. I'm doing okay now tho I guess. Not really crying and I'm remembering to smile every now and then because Szarah asked me to and because I know things will be okay. I loved this last week. We didn't really do a lot. Watched some movies, went to Kahunaville, bowled, went out to dinner, went to the beach and watched the sunset, snuggled, cuddled and various other wonderful things of that sort. I'm very glad my little brother suggested bowling. Szarah enjoyed it quite a bit and so did my brother and I. It was only her second time 10 pin bowling, but she kicked my butt in 2 out of the 3 games. I say 10-pin bowling because she was on a 5-pin bowling league in Canada. It's quite different in several ways, but the main concept is still the same: throw a ball down the lane and knock over the pins. I also got to edumacate Szarah on a couple of very good movies, The Italian Job, and Fight Club. I knew she would like the former because it featured her car the Mini Cooper and the latter is my favoritest movie ever. I also got to watch the rest of The Princess Bride. A very cool movie for those of you who haven't watched it already. I had tons of fun up at Kahunaville with Szarah, Eric, Tina, Thad, and Justin. I beat the crap out of my old record on AirTrix! It's at like 717 coins now. For those of you who don't know AirTrix is an awesome skateboarding game that you control using a board on a pivot. It's lotsa fun and lotsa exercise. Anyway, I had a great time all week and I think Szarah did too. Neither of us wanted it to end. If it wouldn't have costed $1100 to be on the plane with her I would have been most of the way to Canada by now. Seriously.
Szarah and I discussed this at quite some length while she was here. I know it may sound insane, but I've decided that I'm going to be moving to Canada. I know it sounds like a big step, but I already know Szarah better than I've known all of my other girlfriends combined and I lived with the last 2. I know my judgement hasn't been the best in the past, but the only thing I can say is that I know this time is different. I have LOTS in common with Szarah. I couldn't even begin to scratch the surface on that topic. Anyway, I love her dearly and I would do anything to feel the way I felt having her in my arms. The only way this vacation could have been better is if the dread of her departure wasn't constantly lurking in the back of my mind. I will miss my family and friends dearly, but with the financial situation we should be in there we will be able to visit better than I did when I was living only an hour away with Vickey.
The one big question that is still unanswered is when. I'm not sure, but it will be soon. I don't think I could stay away from her for very long. This is the only thing that is keeping my heart afloat right now. I know I'm prolly going to do some more crying later, but knowing that I won't be away from her for too long is keeping me sane. She is my Anamchara and I need her. I think I will end this with the lyrics to the songs that had me in tears today, both of which are on the Armageddon soundtrack. The first one was just stuck in my head, the second I heard on the radio just after I left the Airport.
----
All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go,
I’m standing here outside your door,
I hate to wake you up to say good-bye.
But the dawn is breakin?
It’s early morn,
The taxi’s waitin? He’s blowin?his horn,
Already I’m so lonesome I could die.
So kiss me and smile for me,
Tell me that you’ll wait for me,
Hold me like you’ll never let me go.
‘Cause I’m leavin' on a jet plane,
Don’t know when I’ll be back again,
Oh, babe, I hate to go.
There’s so many times I’ve let you down
So many times I’ve played around,
I tell you now they don’t mean a thing.
Ev’ry place I go I’ll think of you,
Ev’ry song I sing I’ll sing for you,
When I come back I’ll bring your wedding ring.
So kiss me and smile for me,
Tell me that you’ll wait for me,
Hold me like you’ll never let me go.
‘Cause I’m leavin' on a jet plane,
Don’t know when I’ll be back again,
Oh, babe, I hate to go.
Now the time has come to leave you,
One more time let me kiss you,
Then close your eyes I’ll be on my way.
Dream about the days to come
When I won’t have to leave alone,
About the times I won’t have to say:
Kiss me and smile for me.
Tell me that you’ll wait for me,
Hold me like you’ll never let me go.
‘Cause I’m leavin?on a jet plane,
Don’t know when I’ll be back again,
Oh, babe, I hate to go.
I’m leavin' on a jet plane,
Don’t know when I’ll be back again,
Oh, babe, I hate to go.
----
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Laying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
'Cause I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing
-----
Yes, I know it's cheesy, but I was crying my eyes out when this came on the radio. I love you so much sweetie. Thank you for coming to see me and showing me just how much you love me. I can't wait until you are in my arms again and I don't have to let go.
I'm not even really sure where to start on this post. It is Sunday now and my Szarah is somewhere over Montana right now. The past 9 days have been wonderful. I am madly in love and seeing her has only intensified the feelings. When we went to the airport this morning it was all I could do to keep from crying until I walked out the door. I was a wreck and crying in my car when I see Szarah standing in front of the car. She thought she wouldn't be able to see me after she went through the initial security check where you give them you checked luggage. That's the way it is in Canada. But, she could so we went and shared a Cinnabon (very yummay) and talked for about 45 minutes until she had to go to her gate. This time when she left I felt strangely better. It wasn't until I got a few blocks away and listened to about 2 or 3 love songs on the radio that I started crying. I'm doing okay now tho I guess. Not really crying and I'm remembering to smile every now and then because Szarah asked me to and because I know things will be okay. I loved this last week. We didn't really do a lot. Watched some movies, went to Kahunaville, bowled, went out to dinner, went to the beach and watched the sunset, snuggled, cuddled and various other wonderful things of that sort. I'm very glad my little brother suggested bowling. Szarah enjoyed it quite a bit and so did my brother and I. It was only her second time 10 pin bowling, but she kicked my butt in 2 out of the 3 games. I say 10-pin bowling because she was on a 5-pin bowling league in Canada. It's quite different in several ways, but the main concept is still the same: throw a ball down the lane and knock over the pins. I also got to edumacate Szarah on a couple of very good movies, The Italian Job, and Fight Club. I knew she would like the former because it featured her car the Mini Cooper and the latter is my favoritest movie ever. I also got to watch the rest of The Princess Bride. A very cool movie for those of you who haven't watched it already. I had tons of fun up at Kahunaville with Szarah, Eric, Tina, Thad, and Justin. I beat the crap out of my old record on AirTrix! It's at like 717 coins now. For those of you who don't know AirTrix is an awesome skateboarding game that you control using a board on a pivot. It's lotsa fun and lotsa exercise. Anyway, I had a great time all week and I think Szarah did too. Neither of us wanted it to end. If it wouldn't have costed $1100 to be on the plane with her I would have been most of the way to Canada by now. Seriously.
Szarah and I discussed this at quite some length while she was here. I know it may sound insane, but I've decided that I'm going to be moving to Canada. I know it sounds like a big step, but I already know Szarah better than I've known all of my other girlfriends combined and I lived with the last 2. I know my judgement hasn't been the best in the past, but the only thing I can say is that I know this time is different. I have LOTS in common with Szarah. I couldn't even begin to scratch the surface on that topic. Anyway, I love her dearly and I would do anything to feel the way I felt having her in my arms. The only way this vacation could have been better is if the dread of her departure wasn't constantly lurking in the back of my mind. I will miss my family and friends dearly, but with the financial situation we should be in there we will be able to visit better than I did when I was living only an hour away with Vickey.
The one big question that is still unanswered is when. I'm not sure, but it will be soon. I don't think I could stay away from her for very long. This is the only thing that is keeping my heart afloat right now. I know I'm prolly going to do some more crying later, but knowing that I won't be away from her for too long is keeping me sane. She is my Anamchara and I need her. I think I will end this with the lyrics to the songs that had me in tears today, both of which are on the Armageddon soundtrack. The first one was just stuck in my head, the second I heard on the radio just after I left the Airport.
----
All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go,
I’m standing here outside your door,
I hate to wake you up to say good-bye.
But the dawn is breakin?
It’s early morn,
The taxi’s waitin? He’s blowin?his horn,
Already I’m so lonesome I could die.
So kiss me and smile for me,
Tell me that you’ll wait for me,
Hold me like you’ll never let me go.
‘Cause I’m leavin' on a jet plane,
Don’t know when I’ll be back again,
Oh, babe, I hate to go.
There’s so many times I’ve let you down
So many times I’ve played around,
I tell you now they don’t mean a thing.
Ev’ry place I go I’ll think of you,
Ev’ry song I sing I’ll sing for you,
When I come back I’ll bring your wedding ring.
So kiss me and smile for me,
Tell me that you’ll wait for me,
Hold me like you’ll never let me go.
‘Cause I’m leavin' on a jet plane,
Don’t know when I’ll be back again,
Oh, babe, I hate to go.
Now the time has come to leave you,
One more time let me kiss you,
Then close your eyes I’ll be on my way.
Dream about the days to come
When I won’t have to leave alone,
About the times I won’t have to say:
Kiss me and smile for me.
Tell me that you’ll wait for me,
Hold me like you’ll never let me go.
‘Cause I’m leavin?on a jet plane,
Don’t know when I’ll be back again,
Oh, babe, I hate to go.
I’m leavin' on a jet plane,
Don’t know when I’ll be back again,
Oh, babe, I hate to go.
----
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Laying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
'Cause I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing
-----
Yes, I know it's cheesy, but I was crying my eyes out when this came on the radio. I love you so much sweetie. Thank you for coming to see me and showing me just how much you love me. I can't wait until you are in my arms again and I don't have to let go.