(no subject)
TL;DR shit you guys don't have to read. Typing it all out just made me feel better.
For those of you that don't know - I've been dealing with weight and self-esteem issues for most of my life and only seriously started trying to lose weight about a year and a half ago because I was so scared I'd be unhealthy for the rest of my life after I hit 26 this year. I was 107.4 kilos when I started and I'm nestled between 92-90. I'd like to be lower, but right now I'm happy where I am.
I finally got confident enough to wear a dress and tights out in public when these two girls walked past me in the bus mall. I had my headphones on at the time but I wasn't ignorant enough to notice one of them whisper something to her friend and the other look back over her shoulder and giggle at me. There goes all that confidence. And the one who whispered had about two tires worth of stomach and was wearing clothing that didn't flatter her size. Talk about hypocritical much.
I've been trying to figure out why I'm so down lately and it's only just occurred to me that I'm still upset over the incident in the bus mall that happened about a week ago or so. It bothered me to the point where I gained 3 kilos over the last week because I binge eat when I'm out. I have access to things I don't at home, and it frightens me that I'm going back to the way I was before.
I'm fully aware that this is a psychic thing and only in my head but it takes a lot for me to pull myself out of this type of crap. I do believe I'm okay the way I am but sometimes I don't. I was bullied in school, to the point where it took my mother, my maths tutor and my vice principal to convince the principal I needed to be pulled out of the environment I was in. This was ten years ago when psychologists weren't readily available in schools and bullying was only just starting to be seen as a serious issue, not to mention a couple of months after I was diagnosed with DiGeorge syndrome. I was this close to suicide back then, but I didn't because I thought to myself "why let them win?" and I came out somewhat stronger for that.
This is possibly the reason why I feel more comfortable chatting to people online than IRL. I can talk to you guys about things I can't say out loud because I can't word them correctly and sometimes get advice on the things that matter the most to me. Talking to even one of you guys brightens my day, whether it's via RPing or AIM or plurk or what.
TL;DR thanks to everyone for making me feel like my worthless life isn't so shitty after all.
For those of you that don't know - I've been dealing with weight and self-esteem issues for most of my life and only seriously started trying to lose weight about a year and a half ago because I was so scared I'd be unhealthy for the rest of my life after I hit 26 this year. I was 107.4 kilos when I started and I'm nestled between 92-90. I'd like to be lower, but right now I'm happy where I am.
I finally got confident enough to wear a dress and tights out in public when these two girls walked past me in the bus mall. I had my headphones on at the time but I wasn't ignorant enough to notice one of them whisper something to her friend and the other look back over her shoulder and giggle at me. There goes all that confidence. And the one who whispered had about two tires worth of stomach and was wearing clothing that didn't flatter her size. Talk about hypocritical much.
I've been trying to figure out why I'm so down lately and it's only just occurred to me that I'm still upset over the incident in the bus mall that happened about a week ago or so. It bothered me to the point where I gained 3 kilos over the last week because I binge eat when I'm out. I have access to things I don't at home, and it frightens me that I'm going back to the way I was before.
I'm fully aware that this is a psychic thing and only in my head but it takes a lot for me to pull myself out of this type of crap. I do believe I'm okay the way I am but sometimes I don't. I was bullied in school, to the point where it took my mother, my maths tutor and my vice principal to convince the principal I needed to be pulled out of the environment I was in. This was ten years ago when psychologists weren't readily available in schools and bullying was only just starting to be seen as a serious issue, not to mention a couple of months after I was diagnosed with DiGeorge syndrome. I was this close to suicide back then, but I didn't because I thought to myself "why let them win?" and I came out somewhat stronger for that.
This is possibly the reason why I feel more comfortable chatting to people online than IRL. I can talk to you guys about things I can't say out loud because I can't word them correctly and sometimes get advice on the things that matter the most to me. Talking to even one of you guys brightens my day, whether it's via RPing or AIM or plurk or what.
TL;DR thanks to everyone for making me feel like my worthless life isn't so shitty after all.