nobody need read this, really

[soulvamp]

The feeling started creeping up on me when I had the ticket in my hand. I could bloody well go off and find 'er, and then what? Said the words, she did, but only 'cause she wouldn't have to deal with me bein' around for her to actually deal with

Comments

Got no reason to be any more

[hesadevil]

You're still you aren't you? You're not a quitter. And you're your own man. You didn't just do things for Buffy at the end.

it's entirely too unfair that I wasn't allowed to just stay dead.

True. That would have been the easy solution for you. But there again, your mission in (un)life seems to be pointing out where the Mighty Broody One is going off the rails now. Makes a difference from him pointing out your faults doesn't it?

[soulvamp]

What, so my entire purpose is to play back-up conscience to that bugger? That's almost worse than death.

[hesadevil]

Ah ha almost.

What's keeping you from doing whatAngel should be doing, getting back into the actual fighting evil?

[dragonflymuse]

Back-up conscience? No.

Reality check? Sure. He needs that moral bitch-slap to come from someone who doesn't worship the ground he broods on. Don't tell him he's screwed it up, that he's following the wrong path - show him the right path by walking it yourself.

And you are your own man now. If you don't want to be Angel's conscience or Buffy's lapdog, then don't.

[musing_mia]

I don't know this new resurrected Spike. He sounds a bit defeatist to me. He doesn't sound like the man who went and endured terrible trials to get a soul. But before he did that, he tried without said soul to be a better man, to protect the innocent and fight beside the woman who killed his kind. No, I don't know this new Spike at all.

And let me just say...You're sounding and acting more like Angel everyday. The constant brooding and woe is me...That's Angel's MO. Making decisions for Buffy based on what you think she wants...Another Angel trait.

At this point, I'm ready to tell you to go rob a liquor store, gather up all the bottles of Scotch, Whiskey, and Tequila you can carry, hole yourself up in a closet and brood to the next century.

You want your life to be different, then do something about it and stop whining about what shoulda, coulda, woulda been. You're alive. So live.

[soulvamp]

It's not like I'd go about screaming these sorts of notions out all the bloody time like Angel's wont to; I'm just attempting to sort through all the stuff goin' on in my noggin. And no, I don't fancy "brooding into the next century." Perish the thought.

If the hand I've been dealt means I'm alive, then, yeah, fine. I'll live. Just trying to suss out if there's an ideal place or purpose to it, you know? Startin' to think it sure as hell isn't 'round here.

[eurydice72]

Then why stick around there? You had a ticket in your hand; just because you were too scared to actually go and face Buffy doesn't mean you couldn't have picked another destination, someplace Angel-lite where you could figure yourself out, once and for all.

I understand you're scared, but since when do you run from it? You've always been the one to face it head on. Stop thinking about everything and start *doing* something about it. None of us like to see you this, at all cross-purposes, and if we seem hard on you, it's only because we care so much.

[soulvamp]

Then why stick around there?

Hell if I know, at this point. Er, well, maybe there's one person I might've missed if I had gone ahead and left.

Thanks for caring, though. Does mean a lot, really.

[clearance_crack]

I'm not saying you should go right on after her, but for all it took for Buffy to actually say those three little words, don't you think she meant it? It wasn't just as you were dying, it was just as you were getting closer

[soulvamp]

Interesting perspective. And it's not that I don't want to believe that, but... well, I'd wager this'll take a bit of time to get all straightened out in my mind, you see.

[clearance_crack]

Yeah, I guess it would, you lead a complex existence. Sorry for my long rant, sometimes I just can't help myself when I start going on about something.

Whoever said it was easy was a liar

[evilaimes]

I seem to remember a certain someone singing the following:

"Life’s not a song.
Life isn’t bliss.
Life is just this.
It’s living.
You’ll get along.
The pain that you feel
Only can heal
By living.
You have to go on living.
So that one of us is living."

You might want to take some of that advice for yourself. She has problems living, and you helped give her the best shot at it. And now, per fate/god/powers that be, yet another curve ball has been thrown to you. Yup. Life can be a bitch, even an 'undead' one.

But you go on. You discover what's important, and what you want and don't wallow in self pity. Have moments of incertainty, sure. Times when you can't stand the lot you're handed, you're pretty well versed with that.

But you gotta go on living. What's the alternative? Talk a short walk in a long sunbeam?

C'mon. Know you're better than that.

[spikes_lil_lulu]

don't know if my opinion counts for much but well heres the way i see it
i always try and think of things as what if tomorrow never comes? well, maybe not tomorrow but you get the point of we never know how much time we have. i guess *excuse the sucky stuff* but you should maybe listen to your heart. I think you should go be with her, because if you don't and something happened and you missed your chance, you may regret it forever. i speak from personal experience. Maybe its hard but life isn't all peachy etc all the time...
just my views.
hope it helped =)