(no subject)
K so I didn't really think I initially needed to do an essay on Asch because IN MY HEAD it was all pretty summed up. Luke honestly loves Asch. Was just. So. Hurt by his death. And then he came to camp, which basically made Luke the HAPPIEST REPLICA EVER and yeah.
Uh! To sum up roughly how things were at the end of the game.
Luke and Asch never resolve. Which is perhaps one of the saddest things ever. But if they did it would sort of. Well. Asch wouldn't be Asch. And hell it's true Luke CAN'T really truly understand how bad his existence damaged Asch. At the same time, Asch didn't seem to really GET Luke, and kept trying to make Luke prove his existence, or threatening to deny him, without getting that Luke never needed Asch to prove his own existence. Luke found himself and his original wasn't... really a part of that.
Luke is more honest with Asch, and more intolerant of him than pretty much everyone in the game. Which isn't to say he doesn't cut Asch any slack, he cuts him a LOT. But Luke will put up with just about anything from anyone and Asch is the only person he ever really makes an effort to be on an equal level with. This combined with his deep attachment to Asch, several honest efforts to reach out to him, and frequently being concerned for him when he isn't around, despite the fact that they NEVER REALLY DO CONNECT leads me to believe Luke just. Has a sort of inexplicable connection with Asch ANYWAY. And. It's not that surprising! Asch his original. Luke took everything from him, he doesn't feel TERRIBLY guilty about this, as for once it wasn't his fault and he has PLENTY OF OTHER GUILT COMPLEXES. But He recognizes that it hurt Asch. At the same time, Luke spent a while trying to find himself. ASCH existing usurped pretty much everything Luke ever believed about himself. And those things never seemed very important until he didn't have them anymore. The fact that Luke, as a replica, does not appear in the Score is what ultimately saves the world but. But... on their ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET everyone around the world had a Score that told them everything from what they would eat the next day to the minute they would die. We aren't a society with a heavy fixation on destiny. Luke's IS. And for a while he just... had no idea why he existed. Everyone else had a part in the Score and he was the only person who didn't. And he'd HAD THAT and LOST IT and yeah. Luke had a few issues too.
ANYWAY That was a tangent. My point is. These things all tie into Luke having a mild and very squishy sort of obsession with Asch (unlike Asch's angry rar obsession with the stupid replica). Asch was something he could connect with, even if it didn't want him. Asch represented everything thought he once was, everything he no longer wes. "Real". And while that gradually faded and Luke found himself without need of Asch, Luke is far too much of a jesus to NOT care about his original. Especially when his original is HIMSELF only angry and miserable and without friends or family or the country he loved (far more than Luke ever did growing up). And Luke REALLY TRULY wanted for his happiness. But wasn't going to give up himself or just roll over out of pity for Asch.
But! They... never resolve. Not really. There is certainly understanding there, but both of them working toward the same goal (fighting to give their lives up for it, lolo) isn't really the same as being friends. Or. Even chill with each other.
But just the same (and trust me there WERE issues on both sides. Asch was just noisier about his) Luke deeply loved Asch and then he died. He died in crappy way. It sucked. And Luke was sadder over than probably anything else that happened that day.
So the entire time Luke was at camp he was secretly hoping Asch would show up. HERE'S THE THING ABOUT LUKE. IF YOU THINK HE'S HAPPY YOU'RE PROBABLY WRONG. Well. not WRONG per se. He is capable of being very happy very honestly! He's just secretly pretty much always miserable somewhere deep down inside. You TYPICALLY WON'T NOTICE IT. It's canon. HE JUST HAS ISSUES THAT HE DOESN'T WANT TO BOTHER PEOPLE WITH. So. I don't think the Asch thing EVER CAME UP IN CAMP because Luke didn't want people to know how much it bothered him but he seriously didn't go a night without hoping that Asch would appear.
So when he finally DID Luke was thrilled and excited and a little heartbroken all over again.
Luke didn't try to push anything. And by PUSH ANYTHING I mean push Asch putting aside their differences. DESPITE THE MOLESTINGS he's not really interested in Asch like that. The kissing just... comes from the fact that he's a hormonal boy and Asch is, ironically, the only person he feels truly comfortable with.
Anyway! So he figures HERE WE HAVE TIME and he hasn't really made a serious effort to get past Asch's walls but...
Here's the thing! Luke's changed in camp. I'm aware of it. I don't mind it because he changes SO MUCH IN CANON it would be weird for him to be in camp a year and stagnate. In camp he didn't have his party to think for him (as they do A LOT in canon) and he has gotten pretty good at... playing the parts of his various party members. HE SERIOUSLY DOES THIS IN HIS HEAD "What would Tear say?" "What would Guy do?" etc. And then through... dealing with various people, he's just gotten a little wiser. He's still DUMB but he's also better at figuring people out. I.E. Mukuro! When they first started talking Luke TOOK HIM AT THIS WORD ALL THE TIME. Now he can pretty much always tell when Mukuro is being a jerk just to be a jerk. He... still tends to assume Mukuro is telling the truth (ironically, he often is >D) but he can tell Mukuro LIKES to just. Be a bitch. Similarly Luke, despite being SUCH A JESUS, is not beyond bitching right back himself. He's slowly but steadily learning to see and call bullshit among people he's familiar with (people he ISN'T familiar with can. still fool him completely). And! That's how this sort of leads back to Asch.
Cuz. Asch bullshits a lot. Luke isn't QUITE to the point of telling his original he's a moron. But he's... more capable of seeing it. Of separating one thing from another and realizing this doesn't justify that. Not so much in relating to Asch's GIANT ISSUES. But just... little things.
FOR EXAMPLE. They both liked both kisses. THIS IS VERY OBVIOUS. It's not a matter of "Luke loev Asch wai wai OTP" they're hormonal and APPARENTLY VERY BI BOYS. They both have NEXT TO NO EXPERIENCE and they're both too uncomfortable with other people to seriously ever do that sort of thing. Luke has had other mistletoe kisses! They were varying levels of awkward. He liked them but didn't know how MUCH he should like them due to his relationships with the people involved and just sort of went "._. ..." and put it aside. Asch he... doesn't really have to hide anything from. To say he doesn't care what Asch thinks of him would be a LIE but it honestly isn't a matter of needing Asch to validate his existance. He wants Asch to LIKE him. He wants Asch to like him for WHO HE IS and isn't really... going to. Act different for him or anything. But he's not going to just give up either! And... the more he doesn't give up the more he notices that ASCH IS KIND OF REALLY FUCKING HYPOCRITICAL.
As for... why this is only now starting to bother Luke and why he's progressively pushing the issue a little more each time. And why it's one of the RARE THINGS to actually sort of peeve him off...
Well! ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A MIRROR and the mirror mad Asch nice. That stuff about lalala only liking people for their TRUE SELVES? Bullshit. For a few hours Luke got to hang out with Asch. Asch who was STILL ASCH only nice and... most importantly. Didn't hate him. Asch who apologized, something Luke never expected, wanted or needed but... but appreciated more than he can really say. Not because he thinks he DESERVES one just. Because it DOES SORT OF HURT to be completely loathed by one person who you sort of can't help but love a whole fucking lot (and wow Luke has EXPERIENCE with people he cares about loathing him sigh) and never being able to reach them and. Yeah. He liked it.
So they hung out. They had fun. They were equals and nice people and I'm not saying Luke WANTED IT TO STAY LIKE THAT FOREVER!!! because. He didn't. But. It did make him realize what all he was missing out on, something he'd never seriously thought about because it'd never seriously seemed like an option. Losing that. Having Asch ONCE AGAIN HATE HIM for 'taking advantage of it' and just... it meant a lot to Luke and NOTHING TO ASCH other than another cause of anger and.
And Luke ... does want it! He wants to be friends. He wants to NOT BE HATED. He wants... Asch to be happy and if Asch would be happy if Luke just LEFT HIM ALONE FOREVER Luke... would probably do it! But it's quite obvious Asch is completely incapable of finding or even looking for his own happiness, and Luke wouldn't be doing him any favors by abandoning him.
Still. It's become progressively more obvious that the main thing standing in their way is Asch's incapability to DEAL with Luke. And even if Luke doesn't realize it quite that technically, he can tell the whole unforgiving hatred has to go. It's not that Luke is looking for forgiveness or to apologize (though he WOULD, probably) or that he needs Asch to forget it all. But to... get PAST it? Yes. Getting past it is HEALTHY. LONG TALKS WITH MUKURO has convinced Luke that people can be pretty stubborn about their world views and... hell Luke isn't anyone to point fingers! What with. you know. HIS HISTORY. But he does... GET it. And he finally has the confidence to believe maybe he CAN do something about it.
Which is also a new development. He didn't think so when Luc was here, or he would have been a little more forceful on his opinions. But between Luc and Mukuro, Luke's gradually learned there ISN'T always a Tear to come and bitchsmack you around until you're not a dumbass anymore. And he doesn't WANT these people to have to DESTROY A FUCKING CITY to realize maybe their view on life isn't bringing them or anyone else any happiness. So. While he still knows he's perhaps not the most FIT person to punch people in the head to get the stupid out, he's not going to give up on them due to his own self worth issues.
Which. Basically means. Luke's sort of figured out Asch is a moron. But he still loves him and is going to pester Asch until he either loves Luke back, STOPS HATING HIM. Or finds his own happiness.