(no subject)
Title: Rescue
Fandom: Merlin
Rating/Warnings: Language
Written for: hs_bingo at the last possible minute
A/N: AUUUGH
“Merlin, help!” The voice on the other end of the phone sounded faintly hysterical.
“Gwen? What on earth is going on?”
“I’m hiding in the ladies’ room at the café, but I don’t know how long I can last and the problem with a date with a girl is that she can come looking for me! Help!”
He struggled not to laugh. “Blind date turned out to be a bad idea, then?”
“Oh, God, yes! She’s - I don’t want to say awful, but she - she actually introduced herself as cosmopolitan and artistic.”
“Wait, what?”
“Yes! She said her name was Heather and then she tacked that on. And she talked for fifteen minutes about how horribly repressed I must be at an independent school and unrealistic expectations for people in my financial position. Dad does fine with the garage, and I have my scholarship!”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.”
“Exactly! And she went on and on and on about natural foods and holistic diets and something about patriarchal society’s chains and bringing down the male paradigm and about how men are not to be trusted, and she’s just -”
“Awful?”
“Yes! I really can’t stop myself from saying it. And she thinks art is about transcending greatness and defiance of culture, instead of part of the culture, and just, and when I mentioned art class she started going on and on about things that can’t be taught and must be known, which doesn’t make any sense, nobody’s born knowing how to do anything and you have to take lessons or how else will you find out, but when I said that she looked at me like I had two heads, and - Merlin, are you laughing at me?”
“What?” He tried valiantly to get himself under control. “No, no, I’m not, but - what do you want me to do?”
“Can you ask your mother to come pick me up? Tell her I’m horribly sorry about this, but Dad’s in the shop and he isn’t picking up and I can’t honestly stay here another minute.”
“How will you get away from this Heather thing?”
“I’ll tell her something came up, or that I broke curfew -”
“It’s three in the afternoon, Gwen!”
“Then I’ll say I got a phone call and a relative had to go to the hospital, or something!”
“Um, Gwen, you and Hunith don’t look related -”
“Merlin, I’m ready to tell her that the moon is about to fall out of the sky if I don’t stop it!”
“All right, all right, I get it. Mu-um!” he bawled.
“What on earth’s the matter?”
“Gwen’s stuck with an awful date over at DeeDee’s. Can we run and pick her up?”
“Oh, certainly. Is she in danger?”
“What - Gwen, mum wants to know if you’re in danger?”
“Danger? No, not really, but please -”
“Only of being bored to death, Mum.”
“Okay, good, tell her we’ll be there in a minute, just let me find my purse -”
“It’s behind the shoe-rack. Gwen, you hear that? We’ll be there in a second.”
“Oh, thank God. You're the best, Merlin, thank you.”
"Any time."
Fandom: Merlin
Rating/Warnings: Language
Written for: hs_bingo at the last possible minute
A/N: AUUUGH
“Merlin, help!” The voice on the other end of the phone sounded faintly hysterical.
“Gwen? What on earth is going on?”
“I’m hiding in the ladies’ room at the café, but I don’t know how long I can last and the problem with a date with a girl is that she can come looking for me! Help!”
He struggled not to laugh. “Blind date turned out to be a bad idea, then?”
“Oh, God, yes! She’s - I don’t want to say awful, but she - she actually introduced herself as cosmopolitan and artistic.”
“Wait, what?”
“Yes! She said her name was Heather and then she tacked that on. And she talked for fifteen minutes about how horribly repressed I must be at an independent school and unrealistic expectations for people in my financial position. Dad does fine with the garage, and I have my scholarship!”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.”
“Exactly! And she went on and on and on about natural foods and holistic diets and something about patriarchal society’s chains and bringing down the male paradigm and about how men are not to be trusted, and she’s just -”
“Awful?”
“Yes! I really can’t stop myself from saying it. And she thinks art is about transcending greatness and defiance of culture, instead of part of the culture, and just, and when I mentioned art class she started going on and on about things that can’t be taught and must be known, which doesn’t make any sense, nobody’s born knowing how to do anything and you have to take lessons or how else will you find out, but when I said that she looked at me like I had two heads, and - Merlin, are you laughing at me?”
“What?” He tried valiantly to get himself under control. “No, no, I’m not, but - what do you want me to do?”
“Can you ask your mother to come pick me up? Tell her I’m horribly sorry about this, but Dad’s in the shop and he isn’t picking up and I can’t honestly stay here another minute.”
“How will you get away from this Heather thing?”
“I’ll tell her something came up, or that I broke curfew -”
“It’s three in the afternoon, Gwen!”
“Then I’ll say I got a phone call and a relative had to go to the hospital, or something!”
“Um, Gwen, you and Hunith don’t look related -”
“Merlin, I’m ready to tell her that the moon is about to fall out of the sky if I don’t stop it!”
“All right, all right, I get it. Mu-um!” he bawled.
“What on earth’s the matter?”
“Gwen’s stuck with an awful date over at DeeDee’s. Can we run and pick her up?”
“Oh, certainly. Is she in danger?”
“What - Gwen, mum wants to know if you’re in danger?”
“Danger? No, not really, but please -”
“Only of being bored to death, Mum.”
“Okay, good, tell her we’ll be there in a minute, just let me find my purse -”
“It’s behind the shoe-rack. Gwen, you hear that? We’ll be there in a second.”
“Oh, thank God. You're the best, Merlin, thank you.”
"Any time."