115. Let Me Introduce You With A Monologue.

[sour_plums]

 Words: 669
Summary: a monologue of things that are really no good for you, like love and drugs.
Inspiration: Honestly, I was sitting on the toilet seat, like a lady, peeing, like a lady, when I was thinking, like I usually do, about just a bunch of things, and I thought "I really had to be crazy to be with him, since he was always high ". And I just

Comments

[anonymous]

It's a monologue so the you knows and I dunnos fit well in my mind. This also would make an interesting song topic...thanks for the inspiration :P

[keppiehed]

I always think that writers let a lot of themselves leach into their work. it is obvious that though this is a work of fiction--clearly stated--that you have put a lot of yourself into your writing. Only you know how much, but I think we all have a little bleedthrough, no? I think the familiarity of your characters it what is especially endearing in this piece, and the honesty is what makes it ring so true. Thanks for sharing, and good luck to you this week!

[sour_plums]

I agree, we really do let ourselves show, because we pull our best inspiration from real life. Which is why lots of us are afraid to share our writing.
I don't share my writing with anybody that is in my life. Usually friends I've moved away from, so they're not part of my personal life anymore.

[blythe025]

I really enjoyed this monologue. I could almost picture someone saying this into a movie camera, or as voice over, or on stage in a theater. It made me want to know what there rest of the story is.

I especially like: "I just realized that I’m speaking in a lot of clichés today, the kind of clichés bad poets use you know? Ha, listen to me-“He was my drug, our love was like a beautiful flower”. But maybe all my life is is bad poetry, just a series of exaggerations and clichés." That's a great set of lines.

My one critique is that you might want to play around with some of the pacing some, by which I mean all the "yeah"s and "I dunno"s. Sometimes there were so many of them close together that I found myself mentally stumbling over them, as I tried to visualize someone having to act this out and speak it on stage.

[sour_plums]

Yeah you know, I went back and read it, and saw that the first part had a lot of "pacing problems". Too many of the idioms.
Unfortunately, that is how I talk in real life, with my therapist, and this was modeled after recordings of my sessions.
However, it's not good fiction, so I'll probably go back and change it.
Thanks for the critique!

[blythe025]

You're welcome. :)