Comments | southernbellakv: Shadows of Id

southernbellakv

Shadows of Id

Aug 06, 2008 22:33

This is my entry for Week 1 of August. Topic: Shadows of Self ( Read more... )

Comments 7

lacruciverbiste August 8 2008, 02:14:51 UTC

very cool entry. and well-written! love the last paragraph, especially; excellent observation about the power of darkness.

good luck this week! and feel better, as it says you're sick.

~la cruciverbiste :)

southernbellakv August 8 2008, 03:45:04 UTC

Thank you for the feedback! I am feeling much better, but still a little gunky.

the_panic_light August 11 2008, 12:44:45 UTC

Oh, I really like this! I like how there's a lot of humanity in his, never mind what this other wants him to do. I enjoyed this very much. :)

southernbellakv August 11 2008, 20:11:17 UTC

Thank you! That's a huge compliment coming from you. :)

forallyouare August 12 2008, 01:05:14 UTC

so i'm your editor this week, and i am racking my brain trying to think of some constructive criticism for you ( ... )

southernbellakv August 12 2008, 01:34:24 UTC

Thank you for the feedback!

Actually, the ID wasn't the one who wanted him to get caught. His normal, every day side wanted it to end. I prolly didn't clarify that like I should have.

leyse August 14 2008, 15:20:09 UTC

Hi, I'm your secondary editor from B_F.

This is very Jekyll and Hyde ish =). One thing I can suggest is that you might want to make the "battles" seem more "battle-ish." Give the reader a hint as to what the ordinary self is planning, and emphasize the id's realization more starkly to give the entire piece a more uncanny feel. Because the transition between the two selves was so smooth in the piece, I didn't really get the sense of dissonance that I was longing for, if you could play that up a bit, I think it'd make the piece a lot stronger.