Comments | southernbellakv: Christmas Unlike Any Other

southernbellakv

Christmas Unlike Any Other

Dec 06, 2008 00:51

This is my entry for Week 1 of December. The topic is unity. The town was a name that popped in my head, and is in no way affiliated with the other Oakdale's that actually do exist. The idea for this entry popped into my head b/c over the last three weeks we've had almost a thousand people laid off from their jobs.

A Christmas Unlike Any OtherIt’ ( Read more... )

Comments 7

cedarwolfsinger December 6 2008, 23:48:10 UTC

Nice piece. Well done! Really hits home for me -- I've been out of work since June. Good luck!

southernbellakv December 10 2008, 19:24:12 UTC

Thank you for the feedback. I'm sorry to hear that you've been out of work though. I hope things work out for you.

betta329 December 8 2008, 21:19:54 UTC

Very sweet in spite of the sorrow.

southernbellakv December 10 2008, 19:24:28 UTC

Thank you very much.

desert_rose December 11 2008, 10:31:20 UTC

Hi there!

I'm one of your editors for this entry.

I both smiled and cried as I read this piece. It fits the topic perfectly!

I absolutely love the country town speak used by the boy. It helps set the scene of the story, and makes Jackson such an endearing character!

I'm curious, was this hard to write? It seems to flow so naturally, and is wonderfully written! Words don't do justice to how much I love this entry!

I only have two suggestions:

1. Without hesitating a moment later, the wrapping paper comes tearin’ off as I open a new
CD player. Try replacing later with longer, as it seems to be a more suitable word for this sentence.

2. When somethin’
happens to one of us, it’s (it's should be it) affects all of us.

Thank you so much for giving us this wonderful entry to read- I'll probably dream of happy Christmases now that I've read this entry! You capture the true spirit of Christmas so beautifully!

southernbellakv December 11 2008, 22:03:29 UTC

Thanks for the edits. Those were stupid mistakes I should have caught. :) I'm glad you enjoyed it.

amri December 12 2008, 03:14:12 UTC

Hi, I'm one of your editors this week. I'm so sorry it's taking me so long to get to your story.

What a lovely Christmas story! I loved how you tied this week's theme and the coming holiday. The voice of the narrator made the story sweet and wasn't over the top so it wasn't difficult to read.

One suggestion that was missed: We had enough to get buy. Buy should be by.

I enjoyed reading your piece. You have such a gift with the narrator's voice. Good work! Good luck in the future!