Imagine that it's soon going to be Christmas, and Elizabeth is feeling nostalgic. John gets a sudden burst of inspiration and sets out to make her every wish come true. Imagine also that she never even heard of Asurans and their nasty little nanites. Song lyrics are from "River" by Joni Mitchell.
It's Coming On Christmas
It's coming on Christmas
They're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace.
“ 'Lizabeth.”
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on.
But it don't snow here
It stays pretty green.
John Sheppard cleared his throat and tried again. “Earth to Elizabeth, or should I say 'Lantea to Elizabeth?”
Her attention broken, Elizabeth Weir removed her earbud and held up her tiny iPod to show John that she hadn't been ignoring him on purpose. “Sorry, John, I was just a bit distracted.”
He took the earbud from her hand and held it against his own ear.
I wish I had a river
I could teach my feet to fly.
“I know that song. Joni Mitchell, right?” John handed the earbud back and leaned against the balcony railing next to Elizabeth. “Isn't that a Christmas song?”
Elizabeth nodded. “Sort of, though not very Christmasy and very sad.”
“Then why aren't you out here all by yourself listening to Jingle Bells or Deck the Halls instead of something that depressing?”
“Oh, I don't really know.” Elizabeth shrugged. “This time of year always makes me a bit nostalgic, I guess. And that song in particular reminds me of when I was a kid and my parents took me ice skating.”
John's eyebrows went up, and his lips lifted in a smile. “You skate? Learn something new every day.”
“Yes, I ice skate. I'm not completely hopeless you know.” Elizabeth nudged his shoulder and smirked at him.
“Oh, I wasn't saying you were. I'm just a bit surprised that you haven't revealed that piece of information in all the years I've known you.”
Elizabeth indicated the large expanse of water stretching to the horizon with a sweep of her arm. “Well, it's not likely to come up around here.”
“True.” John nodded, distracted by a sudden idea. Elizabeth was saying something about needing a few more minutes of quiet time, but John hadn't really heard her.
“Yeah, sure,” he said before waving to her vaguely and hurrying back through the doors into the control room.
Staring after him for a moment, Elizabeth shrugged and reset her iPod to the beginning of the song.
****
“McKay!” John bellowed into his earpiece as he sped past the control console, causing the technician on duty to wince in pain and press his hand to his ear.
“What do you want? I'm in the middle of something.” Rodney's voice came back muffled.
“Well, put down the sandwich and meet me on the lower level of the west pier,” John replied.
“How did you know...? Oh, never mind. Why down there? Isn't that where we found what we think was an Ancient swimming pool? What can possibly be...?”
“Rodney, just shut up and meet me there and bring Zelenka. This may take more than one big 'ol brain.”
****
“Not possible.” Rodney McKay crossed his arms and glared first at John Sheppard and then in the general direction of Radek Zelenka, who stood examining the filter mechanism on the empty pool.
“Possible,” John insisted. “Right, Radek?”
Upon hearing his name, Radek straightened and tapped a few times on his tablet, which was displaying a schematic of the room they were in. “Well, it does appear to be intact with no cracks or missing parts, but I still don't know if...”
“Possible.” John nodded emphatically, unwilling to take maybe for an answer. “Let's flood it and see what happens.”
“But, but...” Radek's voice trailed off, and he turned to Rodney as if hoping for a definitive answer.
“Some people just don't want to accept logic, so we go ahead and let them fail completely, and then we can go about our business,” Rodney said as he turned to the nearby console and began to enter a command. His words were drowned out by the whir of machinery that brought a sudden gush of clear water that began filling the large empty pool.
John nodded with satisfaction and pointed a finger at the two scientists. “By the time it's full, you'll have figured out how to freeze it, right?”
Rodney and Radek exchanged a look, but John hadn't waited around for an answer.
****
“Teyla!” John tapped his earpiece and called out his teammate's name while hurrying to a transporter.
“Colonel?” Teyla's reply was brisk. “Has something happened? Do I need to gear up?”
“No, no, nothing like that. I was wondering if you know where exactly Ronon is. He never wears a radio, and I need him to help me with something.”
“Yes indeed, Ronon is here with me and Kanaan. We are playing a game with Torren.”
John could hear laughter in the background and the happy sound of Torren babbling. “Great, tell him to meet me in the jumper bay. Oh, and bring an ax.”
“An ax?”
“Yep, we're gonna harness up the sleigh and go get us a tree.”
“John...” Teyla sounded uncertain and quite puzzled. “Are you sure everything is all right?”
“Just do it, please.” John clicked off his radio and quickened his pace.
****
“No no no, more to the left. Your left, Adams. Do I have to come down there?”
John leaned over the railing of the small balcony overlooking the control room and shouted instructions to the Marines who were bustling about below him. Somehow in the course of a day, a large evergreen had been located on the mainland, cut down and brought back to Atlantis where it was now being erected, with much difficulty, in the gateroom.
“Now rotate it ninety degrees to the right,” John ordered and nodded in satisfaction when his squad of Marines got it right on the first try.
Somehow, the engineering department had rigged up a holder for the tree that allowed it to stand upright and provided a receptacle for water to prolong its life. Once the Colonel had explained his plan, there was no lack of volunteer help for the job of bringing Christmas to the Ancient city.
Hands on hips, John surveyed the scene and couldn't help smiling. “So, boys and girls,” he said, turning abruptly and clapping his hands, “job well done. Now, where's Doctor Weir?”
“Teyla is keeping her away just like you asked, Sir,” Corporal Adams replied, “and Ronon went down to let Teyla know we will need more time.”
“All right then. Now bring on the decorations.”
John left the happily chatting group of soldiers and scientists, who had dragged boxes of homemade decorations into the gateroom in anticipation of turning the evergreen into a real Christmas tree, and hurried back to the pool to check on the progress of the second part of his surprise.
****
“This is not going to work, you know,” Rodney said as John walked in.
John surveyed their progress without answering. The water level had risen to about a foot in the large pool before Radek and Rodney decided that it would be best to stop there and turn their minds to the problem of how to cause it to freeze solid.
“The lower depth of water would freeze more quickly than if we fill the pool to its capacity,” Radek explained, and John nodded in agreement. “There are stairs on the side that can be used to walk down to the level of the ice for skating.”
“Which is not going to happen because we will never get the water hard enough to support anyone's weight. You can go wading, but skating, not so much.” Rodney was still in full negative mode and refusing to even consider that the idea had merit.
“If we can reverse the heat crystals...” Radek began.
“Not possible,” Rodney interrupted.
“Okay,” John said, “then we just forget the whole thing. I really didn't think you could do it anyway.”
Rodney crossed his arms and glared at him.
“Rodney, it's for Elizabeth,” Radek said quietly.
Rodney twisted his mouth and tapped his foot on the tiled edge of the pool.
“But, she's not really expecting it, so just never mind. I guess she can survive another Christmas millions of light years away from home without being able to...” John said before Rodney interrupted.
“All right, all right, damn you.” Rodney turned and snapped his fingers at Radek. “Zelenka, we might be able to reverse the heat crystals. I'm surprised you didn't already think of that.”
Radek pushed up his glasses and gave Rodney a dirty look.
“Well, chop chop,” Rodney ignored him and started tapping furiously on his tablet. “Don't just stand there, get a move on. This water won't freeze itself, you know.”
****
“Colonel, this is Teyla, please reply.”
John stopped in the corridor near the gateroom and tapped his earpiece. “Go ahead.”
“John, Elizabeth is getting more anxious to return to her duties. I don't think we can keep her away much longer.”
“We need a little more time. Is Ronon there?”
“Yes, he is telling Elizabeth the story of how he killed his first, I believe you would call it a bear, when he was eight, but...”
“Look, Teyla, I know it's not easy. The tree is almost done, so in about an hour you can bring her down to the gateroom. The second part of the surprise will be ready later.”
Teyla sighed, but knew there was no use arguing. “Very well, we will do our best. Teyla out.”
John had continued walking during the short conversation and smiled with delight upon seeing the progress the decorating committee had made. The tree was now sparsely covered with hastily made paper decorations in a variety of colors. Clever hands had cut snowflakes from paper and attached them with bent paper clips, and the brown objects that looked unmistakably like pine cones, which he had scooped into a bag while Ronon cut down the tree, had been added as well. Taken all together, it was a most festive looking collection that gave a distinct holiday air to the evergreen.
****
The last addition to the tree, an origami star that Doctor Kusanagi had made out of tinfoil, was barely in place on the top branch and the ladder removed when Elizabeth walked briskly into the gateroom.
“I am sorry, John. We were not able to detain her any longer,” Teyla said as she hurried along behind her friend and made her way to John's side.
He waved off her apologies and stood with his hands on his hips watching Elizabeth's reaction to the scene. Everyone else took a step back, waiting expectantly for their boss's response.
Seeming at a loss for words, Elizabeth looked around in awe with her hands clasped in front of her. “John Sheppard,” she said upon spotting him, “what makes me think you are at the bottom of this?”
John grinned at her and shrugged. “Who me? I thought Santa brought it.”
“Well, whoever is to blame, it's beautiful.” Elizabeth walked around, looking at the huge tree from all sides and clapped her hands in delight. “Why haven't we thought of this before?”
“Too busy running for our lives?” John walked up beside her as the others started wandering away.
“Thank you. Thank all of you,” Elizabeth called out to the departing members of the expedition. “I think this is just what the place needed.”
“Well,” John said, as he began walking backwards toward the nearest transporter, “while you are enjoying the first part of your Christmas surprise, I've got places to go and people to annoy.”
Elizabeth's attention was pulled away from the Christmas tree when she realized what John had said. “John, what do you mean by that?” she called after him. “John. John Sheppard, you come back here and explain yourself.”
****
“And just where did you get those? Or more importantly, what did you have to trade for them?”
Metal clanked as John dropped the box he was carrying and walked over to peer over Radek's shoulder at his tablet.
A couple of days had passed, and the ice rink was almost ready. The heating crystals had proven fairly easy to reverse so that they would cool the water and gradually freeze it solid. The only thing left to do was strap on some skates and test it.
John slapped Radek on the shoulder in approval and turned back toward Rodney, who was now poking the box of metal objects with his shoe.
John reached into the box and held up one of the blades for his inspection. “I sent Lorne's team to that ice planet we found last year, and they came back with these.”
Pulling one of the skates out of the box by its leather strap, Rodney made a face. “Not exactly regulation, are they?”
“They work,” John protested, “You just strap them on your boots and off you go. The people on that planet use them all the time, and they only cost us a few medical supplies and some canned goods.”
Both scientists looked skeptical as John sat down on the edge of the pool and began strapping one of the blades snuggly around his boot.
“Well at least you won't drown if the ice doesn't hold up,” Rodney said as John carefully made his way down the steps and out onto the ice.
“It's a bit rough, but seems solid,” John yelled and went skimming across the pool.
“Nice,” Radek called back before grabbing one of the skates and moving to attach it to his own shoes. “Come on, Rodney. You can skate, can't you?”
“Of course I can skate, I'm Canadian.” Rodney picked over the selection of skates, as if hoping to find one more to his liking. “Played a bit of hockey in my youth. Well, until I developed weak ankles and had to give it up.”
Radek waved over his shoulder and glided out onto the ice.
****
“Why can't I open my eyes? John, this is ridiculous, and why is it so cold in here?” Elizabeth stumbled a bit, but the hands on her shoulders held her steady.
Ignoring her questions, John turned her a bit to the left. “Okay, Elizabeth, open your eyes and prepare to be amazed.”
Slowly, Elizabeth opened both eyes and breathed deeply in surprise. “It's a skating rink.” She stepped cautiously to the edge of the pool and peered across the ice. Rodney and Radek were waving from the center of the rink, and several other expedition members were taking their turn on the ice.
John held out a pair of skates to Elizabeth and said, “We only got about a half dozen pairs, so we all have to share, but I saved these for you.”
“This is...I can't even...” Elizabeth was as close to speechless as anyone had seen her in a long time, but that didn't stop her from grabbing the skates from John and hurrying to a bench where she could comfortably attach them to her shoes.
“Now the ice isn't exactly smooth,” John warned. “I wanted Rodney and Radek to rig up some sort of Zamboni, but they couldn't quite make it work, so...”
“It's not a problem.” Elizabeth smiled in delight. “We can just be careful. Now what I really want to know is where you got the skates.”
“You'll have to ask Lorne about that. Let's just say his special trade mission went off without a hitch.”
“Well, remind me to thank him later.” Elizabeth moved cautiously down the steps and out onto the ice. Before long she was twirling in circles and weaving among the other skaters with a huge smile on her face.
John snagged the last pair of skates and in mere moments was gliding along the edge of the rink, watching Elizabeth enjoy herself.
“We could probably rig a M.A.L.P. in some way to use as a substitute for a Zamboni,” Radek was saying as he and Rodney skated by John on their way to relinquish their skates to some of the others who were waiting patiently around the edge of the former pool.
Rodney flapped his hands at him but failed to come up with a better idea.
John saw Elizabeth hit a rough patch of ice just as she completed a near perfectly executed spin and sped to grab her arms before she fell. Breathless, she clutched his hands for a moment and then slowly released his fingers, leaving a tingling feeling of warmth behind before gliding away.
Her eyes lifted to his, and she silently mouthed, “Thank you.”
John nodded, unable to restrain the grin that spread across his face.
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly.
Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on.