(no subject)
A Bostonian dies and is sent to Hell.
He had been a horrible man his entire life.
The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledgehammer. To
make it worse he cranks up the temperature and the humidity. After a
couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is
suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the Bostonian is happily
swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune. The devil walks up to
him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up,
it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so happy?" The Bostonian,
with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It
reminds me of August in Boston. Hot, humid, a good place to work. It
reminds me of home. This is fantastic!" The devil, extremely perplexed,
walks away to ponder the Bostonian's remarks. Then he decides to drop
the temperature, send down a driving rain and torrential wind. Soon,
Hell is a wet, muddy mess. Walking in mud up to his knees with dust
blowing into his eyes, the Bostonian is happily slogging through the mud
pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks. Again, the devil asks how
he can be happy in such conditions. The Bostonian replies, "This is
great! Just like April in Boston. It reminds me of working out in the
yard with spring planting!" The devil is now completely baffled but more
determined to make the Bostonian suffer. He makes the temperature
plummet. Suddenly Hell is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this
will surely make the Bostonian unhappy, the devil checks in on him. He
is again aghast at what he sees. The Bostonian is dancing, singing, and
twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee. "How can you be so
happy? Don't you know its 40 below zero!?" screams the devil. Jumping up
and down the Bostonian throws a snowball at the devil and yells, "Hell's
frozen over!! This means the Red Sox won the World Series..!"
A 1st grade teacher tells her class that shes a Yankees fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Yankees fans too. Not really knowing what she meant but wanting to be just like their teacher, they raise their hands. But one girl, Lucy, didnt go along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because Im not a Yankees fan" The teacher then asks, "What are you?" "Im a proud Red Sox fan" says Lucy. The teacher is a little perturbed now. "Why?" asks the teacher. "My Dad and Mom are Red Sox fans, so i am too" The teacher is now angry. "Thats no reason" she says loudly. "What if your mom and dad were morons. What would you be then?" A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Lucy "Id be a Yankees fan."
Three baseball fans are walking home from a game at friendly Fenway Park.
One is wearing a Red Sox cap, the second one is wearing an Indians cap, and the third one is wearing a Yankees cap.
As they are walking down Commonwealth Avenue, they see a pair of legs sticking out from under a bush. Upon further inspection, they find that it is a totally naked dead woman.
A crowd starts to gather before the police arrive, so they decide to give the woman some vestige of dignity. The first one places his Red Sox cap over her left breast. The second one places his Indians cap over her right breast. The third one places his Yankees cap over her crotch.
The police arrive to investigate. The detective picks up the Red Sox cap for a moment, takes a quick look, writes a few things in his notepad, then puts the cap back on her breast. He picks up the Indians cap, takes a quick look, writes a few things in his notepad, then puts the cap back on her other breast. He picks up the Yankees cap, takes a quick look, starts to write in his notepad, but stops and scratches his head for a moment, with a puzzled look on his face. Then he kneels down real close, sticks his fingers in the womans crotch, spreading it open and staring.
Now one of the baseball fans yells at him: “Hey, what are you some kind of pervert?”
To this the officer replies: “Oh, no, of course not. I just need to double check because every other Yankees cap I’ve ever seen had an ASSHOLE under it!”
There is a Yankees fan, a Red Sox fan, a Mets fan and a Braves fan climbing up to the top of a mountain talking about how loyal they are to their team, and how they would do anything for them. They reach the top of the mountain and the Braves fan screams,"THIS IS FOR THE BRAVES" and jumps off. The Mets fan screams"THIS IS FOR THE METS" and he too jumps. Finally the Red Sox fan screams, "THIS IS FOR EVERYONE"and pushes the Yankees fan off and laughs at the Yankees fan the whole way down.
I thought those were hilarious.