Ever seen that woman who had that 100-something-or-other-pound tumor in her stomach?

That's me.

I'm mother-friggin huge.
But I'm still fly.

And I still do it a lot.

If I'm not mistaken, I'm fairly sure I married Veruka Salt.

I'm just going to go ahead and assume that Saw III is only being made just so it might start to make up for the steaming pile of puke-crap that was Saw II, in which case would have to be so amazing I shed a tear. And went into labor.

I'm getting married next Saturday. I'm going to be the hottest knocked up bride EVER.

And no, you're not invited.

When I turn 21 I won't have to worry about drinking and driving because I live approximately 3.5 centimeters from all the bars downtown. I can just stumble home. Or crawl.

Go watch 5 minutes of Laguna Beach then stop wondering why the rest of the world hates Americans.

I just spent the weekend in North Carolina and I LOVED it. There was like 40 people in the town we stayed in and it was in the mountains. I've never seen so many damn white people with dreadlocks in my life.

Hippies everywhere!

I love bodunk.

Not wanting to bring pot and alcohol around me because I'm pregnant is a horrible excuse for not hanging out with me. If you can't hang out with me without having to drink or get high during the visit, then you need to have a little chat with the people at Betty Ford. And it's not like I can't be around people that are drinking and smoking. I have ( Read more... )

I SHOULD have the right to fire my boss right now.

He didn't show up for work and I can't get a hold of him.
No man, I don't have bills to pay or anything.
You don't owe me a paycheck or anything.
And you most certainly AREN'T going on vacation for a week, right?

Then, the rocket scientists/midwives who are trying to get me fired scheduled me for 2 ( Read more... )

I am so sick of every little thing making me cry.
Like, nothing at all. It really pisses me off when nothing at all makes me cry.
From now until I have the baby, I'm referring to my person, my existence, as my vagina.
That's what I am. A bitchy, forgetful, crying vagina.

I only gained 6 pounds in 5 months until this week WHEN I GAINED FIVE.
That's a ( Read more... )

Well I spent Tuesday and Wednesday in the hospital and I think they should send me there more often. It was basically a free stay at a hotel with room service. And frequent check-ups.


( Read more... )