(Untitled)

Dec 21, 2005 21:33

We are constantly constructing new ways to kill ourselves ( Read more... )

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akaiani December 23 2005, 17:17:46 UTC
The first two stanza are really strong. The in your face sentences are pretty effective, and I think you chopped/metered it up very nicely. It hooks the reader. But I feel as though the first two are so strong that it makes the third stanza appear weaker than you intended?

I heard from a few professors the reason why most people have trouble with conclusions is because in high school it is beaten into us that we need one. So we as writers try to force something out, like some sort of Aesop fable lesson to our readers, and we incidentally break the flow and rhythm of our main points.

But this could all be bullshit. I have the tendency to read things the wrong way. Nonetheless, good job. I'm glad to see that you're still writing and sharing.

--Marc.

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soy_un_higado December 24 2005, 03:40:32 UTC
thanks marc, you always give me really good feedback

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