my desire to be spontaneous and adventurous is strangled by my anxiety. fuck.

 some of my dreams are pretty brutal.  last night, I had a dream that I was at the beach with three other girls and one of them had a baby with them.  I wasnt in this dream too much, it was more focused on the others.  anyway, they were all swimming under waves/swimming just barely over them for fun.  out of nowhere, a huge wave comes and basically ( Read more... )

 I really wish I just had one solid friend.  just one person to rely on for absolutely everything.  I don't understand how thats not possible with how much of myself I give to others.  maybe I should just curl into a ball and keep pushing through college with no regards to anyone else, then start fresh somewhere else.

 so today, I had school from 9am until 12pm, then I had work from 12pm to 9pm.  that went by pretty quickly surprisingly, since I was busy and I actually sold a few things.  Afterwards, I met everyone, including tracey, d'andre, chad and lauren, ty and chris san mateo at stadium in aliso viejo.  It was really nice getting to see everybody, ( Read more... )

 I hate making myself vulnerable, despite the fact that I do it so often.

 You know you miss someone when you dream about hanging out with them. :

 I wish I could ease everyones sorrow.
If I were ridiculously wealthy, I'd give a lot of my money to people in need.

 Yesterday, I went to Cassie's wedding reception around 7, cause I had just gotten off of a 9 hour shift at work.  When I got there, everyone had already been there for a long time, probably since around 2.  my Dad had a lot of drinks, so he was pretty tipsy.  later on that night, he and ray were talking about me, and my Dad said that I was " ( Read more... )

 It reflects back my bent image of someone who's lost, getting older by the minute.

last night, I had a dream that Mary Magdalan was with a huge group, including me, and we turned a gym into a soccer field and played soccer...