Crush'd (4/4)
Title: Crush’d (Part 4/4)
Pairing: Onew/Taemin
Rating: R
Warnings: Violence/ Assault/ non-con/ domestic abuse/violence
Final Word Count: 28136
Taemin couldn’t hide the bruises that kissed the skin of his cheek. They were large and colorful, purple in some spots and nearly black in others. They looked beautiful, reaching out to dance along the edges of the bags that hung from his eyes. Jinki stuck to Taemin like glue the next day. He could see that Taemin’s friends were concerned, could see the worry in their eyes when they zeroed in on Jinki stroking Taemin’s neck, the unspoken questions in their eyes when his fingers lined up with the bruises on his throat.
Jinki knew how to put an end to that.
He told Taemin to meet him under the bleachers in the football field after his English lecture. Taemin knew better than to disobey him by that point, so he wasn’t late. His eyes never raised to meet Jinki’s and his feet dragged on the ground, but he wasn’t late.
Jinki grinned widely when Taemin was finally in front of him and lifted a hand to stroke Taemin’s cheek, ignoring the way he flinched away. “I have a plan…” He murmured, tucking some hair behind Taemin’s ear. “I see the way people look at you. We don’t need them getting too curious, right, love?”
Taemin nodded.
Jinki smiled too widely, eyes gleaming with happiness. He was so glad that he and Taemin were so compatible. That they valued the same things.
“So...what I want you to do is to tell your friends that someone has been attacking you. Someone you don’t know.”
Taemin’s eyes shot up from the ground, narrowed in suspicion. Jinki didn’t like the fight that he saw there, but he decided to let it slide just that one time. “What are you getting at?”
Jinki’s smile grew impossibly wider. “You’re going to tell them that you are being followed by someone. Someone who covers his face and disguises his voice. A stranger. He gets you when you’re alone and then attacks you, threatens you. Then, you’re going to tell everyone that I’ve been protecting you from this stranger. That I’ve been walking you to classes and to your dorm so that you’re never alone. You will tell them that we have reported it to campus safety and they can’t find any video footage. It’s the only way that we’ll finally be able to be together.”
His eyes dimmed noticeably. “Why are you doing this? Why me?”
Jinki clicked his tongue, gently reprimanding Taemin. “Because I love you, silly! Now run along, you’ve got some people to talk to!”
Taemin nodded once and left without another word. Jinki was glad that he wasn’t fighting him, anymore. That he was letting Jinki into his heart.
After that day, Jinki made no secret of his relationship with Taemin. He hung out with Taemin in his room, making himself visible. He made sure that when Taemin’s friends were around, he looked friendly. Harmless. He smiled easily, he joked around, he tripped on occasion and bragged about his stamp collection. Most of all, he damned the stranger who had been attacking Taemin. He was so convincing in this little charade that only he and Taemin are aware of, that he nearly convinced himself.
Taemin deserved an award for his performance. For all intents and purposes, Taemin filled the role of the wounded victim like a glove. Jinki was proud of his acting. Proud that Taemin was as willing to protect their relationship as he was. It was better that way; if no one was asking questions about why they were together.
When Jinki informed Kibum and Jonghyun that he and Taemin were dating, he was met with a furrowed brow and a glint of confusion from both of them.
“Uh, no offense, bro, but I didn’t think that you and Taemin hung out that much…” Jonghyun hesitantly voiced. After a moment of tense silence passed, Jonghyun smiled reassuringly, “But I’m sure you guys will be happy together! I’m happy for you!” He smiled with all his teeth in that way that was so characteristically Jonghyun that Jinki couldn’t help but relax the hand that had slowly clenched into a fist.
Kibum, on the other hand, was not so easily fooled. He crossed his arms across his chest and tapped his foot impatiently. “Okay spill, Jinki, there’s no way you could be dating Taemin this soon. Taemin doesn’t date anyone!” He smirked in that way that is half friendly and half mocking. “What did you do, bribe him?” Then, he threw his head back and barked out a laugh.
Jinki was quickly growing angry. Kibum just didn’t understand. He couldn’t. He didn’t know Taemin like Jinki knew him. It took a lot of effort for Jinki to unlock his jaw and calm the constant twitching in his hands.
Kibum noticed the tense curve of Jinki’s brow and stopped laughing immediately. He knew Jinki well enough to know when he was angry. “Look, Jinks, I didn’t mean it.” He stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on Jinki’s shoulder, eyes soft. “I’m sure he’s great…”
Jonghyun stepped in front of Jinki, facing him with those huge eyes that could always calm Jinki down. He let out huge puff of air and finally relaxed.
“Sorry, it’s just that it wasn’t easy getting him to agree to a relationship…” Jinki mumbled, mind flashing back to all those times Taemin had cried out for help.
Kibum sighed. “Why don’t you invite him over to Jjong’s tonight? We can play scrabble or something?”
Jonghyun didn’t even blink when Kibum offered up his house, nodding along to what Kibum was saying.
Jinki took a moment to turn over the idea in his head. He wasn’t sure if it was such a good idea for Taemin to be introduced to his friends just yet, but he figured that since Taemin had been doing such a good job of promoting his relationship with Jinki to his own friends, it couldn’t hurt to have him tag along. Plus, Jinki was more than excited to show off his relationship to Kibum and Jonghyun who had been mercilessly teasing him about his infatuation with Taemin since it began.
He set a time with Kibum and Jonghyun and happily made his way to Taemin’s dorm, excited to share his plans with him.
~~~~
They arrived at Jonghyun’s house at seven on the dot. Jinki wasn’t one for being too late or too early to any event. Kibum, however, was another story and as Jinki entered the house, he can see that Kibum was decidedly not there. It didn’t surprise him considering the fact that Kibum was almost always late.
Jonghyun, upon seeing the two of them step into the living room, peeked up from the couch, moving the large headphones from his head and paused his video game. He stood, dusting the crumbs from his lap and moved forward to greet Taemin, hand out stretched in greeting.
Taemin looked up for the first time and hesitantly took Jonghyun’s hand, shaking it limply and murmuring out a greeting. It made Jonghyun raise a brow but when Jinki assured him that Taemin was just shy, he shrugged off the odd greeting and invited them to sit down on the beaten couch to wait for Kibum.
Eventually, Kibum burst through the front door in a flurry of movement and noise, breathing life into the house in that way that only he is capable. He patted both Jonghyun and Jinki on the head as he passed them by, eyes locking onto Taemin’s slight frame huddled up against the arm of the couch.
“Hi, I’m Kibum, Jinki’s best friend. I’m sure you’ve heard about me but that’s not important. So, how long have you and Jinki been seeing each other? What do you do in your spare time? When is your birthday? What’s your blood type? Have you ever committed a felony?” Jinki was pretty sure that Kibum wasn’t breathing anymore, but he wasn’t really concerned. Instead, he chuckled and tugged Taemin from the couch, dragging him away from Kibum.
“C’mon, Kibum, leave him alone!” Jinki practically giggled, so overwhelmed with joy that he couldn’t keep his smile from reaching for his ears.
Before long, they’re sitting around Jonghyun tiny kitchen table, a scrabble board spread across the surface and red solo cups filled with whiskey and coke decorating any available space. Jinki wasn’t usually particularly competitive when it came to the games that they played weekly, but he took scrabble very seriously which clashed with Kibum’s gaming style because he took everything seriously.
“You can’t just make up words, old man!” Kibum screeched, waving a dictionary around and thumping the cover every once in a while for emphasis.
Jinki, on the other hand, was deeply offended. “Just because you don’t know a word doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist.”
“Who the hell plays ‘mumpsimus’ in a game of scrabble?” He slammed the dictionary on the table and scooted it towards Jinki. “Prove me wrong! Find it in this dictionary or so help me!”
Jinki crossed his arms over his chest in a huff. “Hey! That was a perfectly valid word to use in the fifteenth century!”
“Don’t you pull that history major bullshit with me! I will push you off a cliff without regret!”
They continued going back and forth for several minutes while Jonghyun egged them on, snapchatting their argument to his entire friend list. Taemin stayed decidedly quiet and Jinki could tell that, as observant as Kibum was, that he had zeroed in on that fact even though on the surface, he seemed totally absorbed in their argument. After taking note of this, Jinki reached out and twined his fingers with the small hand that was resting on the table, squeezing firmly.
Taemin spared only a millisecond for confusion before straightening up and curling his lips into a wide smile, eyes shoved forcefully into crescents. Jinki’s chest puffed slightly in pride at how genuine the expression appeared. Taemin was so convincing in his joy that Jinki momentarily allowed himself to believe that Taemin was just as happy as he was.
Kibum, however, did not.
~~~
They were lounging on Taemin’s bed after lecture when Jinki received a text from Kibum. It was with great strength that Jinki drew his head back from where it had been resting against Taemin’s stiff neck, drinking in his scent. The thick stench of marijuana had been clinging to Taemin’s skin more often than usual but Jinki could still make out the familiar musk underneath it and he breathed it in so deeply that it seemed to spread from his nose all the way down to his toes.
Taemin’s body was tense but his eyes were red rimmed and glazed enough to hint to Jinki that he wouldn’t fight him off, so Jinki took the opportunity to pepper his skin with kisses and whispers of affection. Taemin didn’t respond very much, but Jinki thought that it was alright like that. He decided that it was enough that Taemin wasn’t fighting him off anymore.
Flipping his ancient phone open, Jinki checked the message, eyes moving quickly over the small screen.
how does it feel 2 kno tht u lost @ ur own game??? >:)
He sighed, lips twitching slightly. He was about to answer when another text comes through.
btw is temn ok??? he seemed a bit off last night??
Jinki tensed slightly and slid his eyes over to look at Taemin. He was still looking off into the distance, breathing slow and steady. He wasn’t really paying attention to what Jinki was doing which Jinki was thankful for. Taemin didn’t need to know that Kibum was suspicious. Jinki knew Kibum well enough to know that he liked to meddle and this was one aspect of Jinki’s life where that would not be welcomed.
Yeah he’s fine. He was just nervous to meet you guys last night. :)
r u sure?? ive talked 2 him b4 nd hes never been tht quiet
He’s fine. He’s had a lot on his plate with finals lately.
i heard from changmin 2day tht some1 has been harassing him
Jinki cursed under his breath. Taemin had made Kai promise not to tell anyone about the ‘stranger’ but he should have known that it would get out somehow. He wouldn’t have been worried if it was anyone else, but Kibum was very observant and he had an uncanny ability to gather information.
I’m taking care of it. Don’t worry.
shld u really b handling this alone?
Taemin doesn’t really want to get a lot of people involved.
ok….
Jinki sighed again. He knews what that ‘ok’ meant. Kibum was going to get involved.
~~
It was well past two in the morning when Jinki was woken by an insistent pounding on his door. He groaned and rolled out of bed, glad that his roommate was a heavy sleeper. He shuffled to the door and cracked it open after taking a moment to run his fingers through his hair. Taemin’s eyes were wild and they locked on Jinki as soon as he opened the door. His lips were moving soundlessly over words, struggling to say anything.
Jinki furrowed his brow and stepped out into the hall. When Taemin made a move to speak again, Jinki shushed him, grabbing his wrist and leading him down the hall to the communal showers. They wouldn’t be bothered there.
Almost as soon as Jinki has closed the stall down behind them, Taemin’s breathing spiked and grew more harsh, his eyes darted around, not daring to look at Jinki.
Jinki sighed and ran his hand over Taemin’s hair, curling a strand around his finger. “Now, tell me what is bothering you so much?”
Taemin locked his gaze towards the cool tile floor and mumbled something incoherent. Jinki growled in frustration and grabbed Taemin’s chin harshly between his thumb and forefinger, yanking his head up so that he had no choice but to look at Jinki.
“Speak up!”
“I-I said...I said t-that someone knows…” He mumbled slightly louder, voice quivering.
Jinki’s eyes narrowed. “Who have you told?” he hissed out, voice steady.
Taemin shivered. “N-No one! I swear! I didn’t tell anyone! Please! You have to believe me!” His body seemed to lose all of its strength and he sunk to the floor, clutching at the leg of Jinki’s pajama pants, voice wet.
Jinki sighed and patted Taemin’s head, reigning in his anger. “What happened?”
“I got a call from the head of campus security during lunch today. He asked me to drop by his office later on. I thought I was getting busted for weed…” Taemin’s voice drifted off and Jinki gripped his hair and yanked his head back to look up at Jinki, wordlessly ordering him to continue. “Then he started asking me all these questions about who I was seeing and if someone was hurting me. He said that someone had noticed the bruises and reported it. I swear it wasn’t me! I didn’t tell him anything! I swear!”
Jinki breathed deeply through his nose, attempting to calm himself. It wouldn’t help anyone if he got out of control. When his eyes calmly swept down to meet Taemin’s, he could see that Taemin was surprised by the icy coldness he saw there.
“Well then,” Jinki said eventually. “Let’s give them something to talk about.”
He reached down and stroked the tear away from Taemin’s perfect face.
~~~~
Jinki thought that Taemin looked particularly stunning in shades of dark blue and the way that the color hugged the side of his face made his cheeks warm in delight. His eyes were rimmed in bruises darker than kohl and he wore his exhaustion as if he were born to. Jinki regretted having to cause him pain, but the results were well worth it.
After their moment in the showers, Jinki had led Taemin back to his room, comforting him with a heavy hand on his shoulder as the blonde boy whimpered around the swelling in his face. They didn’t encounter anyone on the way as it was much too late in the evening for anyone to be awake, still. Thankfully, Taemin’s roommate, Kai, wasn’t a particularly dedicated student and instead of opening his dorm room door to reveal a dark lump on the bed, they were instead met with the sight of Kai pacing around the room furiously with a controller in his hand.
Kai looked up immediately upon hearing the door open, smile coming easily to his lips until he caught sight of Taemin, wilting against Jinki’s side. His eyes narrowed and his voice was vicious as he stepped over to Taemin to collect him from Jinki.
“What happened to you?!” He shouted, not bothering to lower his voice.
Taemin smiled weakly. “It’s nothing…”
Jinki made a show of crossing his arms across his chest and sighing in disappointment, sinking into Taemin’s desk chair heavily.
Kai looked between Jinki and Taemin and drank in the lingering hints of fear that were apparent on Taemin’s face.
“It was him, wasn’t it? The guy who’s stalking you…” he paused of a moment, sentence trailing off before beginning anew. “This has gone on for long enough, Taemin. It’s starting to get ridiculous! You can’t go anywhere alone without him cornering you! We need to report this!”
Taemin reeled back from Kai, curling his body away from him. “We can’t report it! Someone called in a complaint to campus safety today and he got wind of it...he was so angry tonight...he kept saying that if it happened again, that I was going to get even worse…” Taemin’s face was a perfect mask of defeat and fear but his eyes were dead when they moved over to Jinki, silently asking for approval.
Jinki tilted his head to the ground, carefully listening to what Taemin was telling Kai. He bit his lip to fight the smile off his face. “Taemin’s right. We can’t go to campus safety about this...it’ll just make everything worse. Besides, we all know that the school will just sweep it under the rug.”
Kai’s face was drenched in frustration and he curled his hands around Taemin’s shoulders forcefully, dragging Taemin’s eyes from Jinki to his roommate, once more. Taemin fought the urge to flinch away from the rough touch and the heat in Kai’s eyes.
“Look I know that you said that Jinki has been keeping an eye out for you, but obviously if this is still happening, then it isn’t enough…I mean look at you! You’re black and blue all over!”
Jinki took the silence that followed to stand, drawing Taemin’s attention, once more. “That’s exactly why we’ve decided that Taemin should just stick with me more. If he’s not alone, then he can’t get attacked, right?” Jinki twisted his mouth into a wobbly smile.
Kai stared at Jinki in open mouthed shock for a moment. “Y-You can’t be serious. Taemin you’ve got to report this! Stop playing around!” Kai’s eyes narrow in Jinki’s direction and Taemin followed his gaze.
Taemin’s voice was quiet when he spoke up. “You’re the one who reported it, aren’t you, Kai?” His eyes were trained on the ground.
Kai took a step forward, trying to get Taemin to look at him. “I had to! You’ve been coming back covered in bruises every day and you haven’t been yourself! The rate that this is going, you could get yourself killed!”
Taemin stepped away from him, voice steady but Jinki can hear the rage there. “How dare you. You had no right! You swore you wouldn’t tell anyone!” Taemin barked out a laugh. “Great this is just great. I can’t deal with this right now. I’m going to stay with Jinki tonight.”
Kai’s voice was desperate when he spoke again. “I wasn’t the only one! Someone else reported it before I even had the chance to!”
Jinki’s eyes narrowed at that and he quietly tucked that bit of information away for later.
Jinki sighed and picked up a duffel bag that he knew was Taemin’s from his numerous trips to the room. He began to step toward Taemin’s dresser to start packing a bag for him, but then thought of a better idea. Instead, he stepped towards the dresser that he knew belonged to Kai and started pulling open the drawers as if to pull clothes from it.
Kai’s eyes narrowed in suspicion and he reached out to grab Jinki’s wrist, halting his progress. “That’s my dresser.”
Jinki’s eyes widened in surprise and he stepped away, rubbing the back of his head with an open palm. “O-Oh, sorry. I didn’t know…” he then stepped over to the correct dresser and faced away from Kai to sort through the drawers. His lips split into a grin.
It wasn’t long until they were leaving the room in a flurry of movement. When Taemin’s dorm building was safely behind them, Jinki dropped a hand on Taemin’s head.
“You did well, Taeminnie.”
~~
The next day, Taemin was pulled into the head of security’s office and questioned. Jinki coached him on correct responses to specific questions but he couldn’t control the way Taemin’s eyes shined with fear. A few of the professors had noticed the bruises decorating his face even though Jinki had instructed him to keep his hoodie tightly drawn around his face. People were getting suspicious.
Jinki played his part well. For all intents and purposes, he was the caring boyfriend who was simply indulging Taemin’s wish to keep everything under wraps. He made sure that he was carefully concerned, brow furrowed and lips downturned. Kibum’s eyes narrowed for a split second but then he relaxed and continued his long winded explanation of the incompetencies of his study group.
When a week goes by without incident, Jinki breathed a little easier. He wasn’t sure how his relationship with Taemin had turned into this cat and mouse game, but he was glad that things were beginning to resemble normalcy.
They were in Taemin’s room alone, silence only disturbed by the sound of their breathing. Taemin was high, again, but it didn’t really bother Jinki anymore. It kept Taemin quiet and agreeable. Before long, though, Kai entered the room, breaking the quiet spell.
He didn’t look surprised to see Jinki there. He dropped his backpack by his desk and stood there, looking at Taemin in silence. Jinki could see the internal conflict in his eyes. He eventually came to a decision, though, eyes glistening in determination.
“Taemin, can I speak to you?” He slid his gaze over towards Jinki. “Alone”
Taemin hesitated, looking towards Jinki in question. Jinki nodded his head just slightly enough for Taemin to get the point. With great effort and surprising balance considering that he was still mostly under the influence, Taemin hauled himself off of his bed and shuffled over to Kai. Taking his arm, Kai lead him from the room, most likely taking him to the dorm’s common room that no one ever seemed to occupy.
Jinki wasn’t really concerned even though he knew that Kai meant to talk to Taemin about him. He had covered his tracks well enough. He settled on the bed, breathing in the smell of marijuana and cinnamon that covered the sheets.
His calm didn’t last for long. In what seemed to have been only minutes, Taemin burst through the door, slamming it open so forcefully that it cracked into the cinderblock wall and bounced forward slightly. He stormed into the room, making a beeline for the bed, head ducked down low enough that Jinki couldn’t read his expression. Kai was on his tracks, begging Taemin to listen to him.
Jinki was immediately concerned, brow furrowing and jaw tensing in anger. How dare Kai make Taemin so upset! Things had been going so well just moments before.
He allowed Taemin to tug him from the bed wordlessly and followed him out the door, ignoring Kai’s cries for Taemin to come back. Whatever he’s said to the blonde had him so upset that he wasn’t even willing to chance a glance backward. They marched across campus without pause until they are barreling through Jinki’s door. Only then does Taemin relinquish the vice grip that he had on Jinki’s wrist, gaze still fixed on the floor.
It was quiet for a moment or two and Jinki allowed Taemin to gather himself in the silence, patiently waiting for him to speak when he was calmer.
“They know.” He finally uttered, voice trembling. “They know that what I’ve said is a lie.”
Jinki’s nostrils flared and his eyes are wild in a moment of unrestrained anger and panic. It took great strength to not lash out. To refrain from marking Taemin’s body up even more. His arms quivered in rebellion.
“...What…?” He managed to hiss out through pierced lips, his voice was dripping in venom.
Taemin flinched away from him, arms half raising as if to protect himself. “They’ve looked at the video footage. Nothing matches up.”
“And what does that mean, exactly?”
“Kai said that security has more video cameras around campus than what students know of. He said I could have only been attacked if it had happened in a bathroom or a bedroom. He says that it’s not a stranger.”
Jinki allowed himself a moment of agony. He growled out a whimper and scrambled for Taemin with claw like fingers, latching into the fabric of his shirt, imprisoning him in his arms. He held Taemin to his chest like a ragdoll, the blonde’s body limp in preparation for what usually follows these displays of affection.
It didn’t come, though. Instead, Jinki’s grip tightened and he buried his face in Taemin’s neck, voice wet as he begged Taemin not to leave him, promised him that he’d love him until the day he died so long as Taemin would stay with him. He assured Taemin that no one could love him like Jinki could.
Taemin’s face was decidedly blank. He allowed the unabashed display of emotion because he had no choice. He was never in control of what happened to him around Jinki no matter how much Jinki swore his undying love. Jinki was afraid and that fear was driving him to scramble to hold onto the little bit of solid ground that was slowly crumbling beneath him.
~~~
From that point on, Jinki spent even more time with Taemin, if that was even possible. He followed him everywhere, often even skipping classes to wait outside the blonde’s classroom door. He could tell that Taemin was different, now. His eyes were as cold as steel and he hadn’t been that sober in a very long time. Knowing that Jinki had to lay low to avoid suspicion filled him with more fight.
Jinki hadn’t seen Kibum and Jonghyun in a while and it didn’t help that he had been avoiding their texts and phone calls. It was normal for Jinki to flake out of texts and snapchats from Jonghyun, but he and Kibum have always spoken to each other at least once a day. Normally, Kibum would have been pounding on his door by now, but he had been distant lately, too.
Not even his stamp collection made him feel better, anymore.
Jinki recognized that what he was feeling was the ending of his relationship with Taemin. He could feel how distant they had grown lately and he was simply counting down the days until what they had came to a crashing halt. He felt like his mind was surrounded in plastic wrap, muffled and blurry, and he was so tired.
He shook his head suddenly, jumping from his desk and rushing out the door. He needed to see Taemin. He needed to reassure himself that what he had with the other boy was worth fighting for. Worth saving.
He rushed to Taemin’s room, knowing that Taemin would be there. His feet barely slap against the concrete as he practically sprinted in that direction, slowing for nothing. He knew that he must look like a madman, but reason was thrown out the window long ago.
He stopped running as Taemin’s window grew closer. He must pass it in order to enter the building and he can’t help but to peek inside out of habit after noticing that the curtains were drawn for once.
Taemin was inside, but he wasn’t alone. He and Kai were huddled together on Taemin’s bed, wrapped up in each other. Taemin was practically in his lap, long arms hugging himself and tears mingling with the fading bruises that still clung to his tan skin. From where he stood, Jinki can see that Kai’s brow was furrowed and his eyes were furious. His jaw was locked and jutting in rage, but he still forced words out, teeth gritting around the syllables. Whatever he had said to Taemin made his shaking worse, hair ducking to act as a shield for his face. Taemin’s hands moved to grip at the blonde mess.
In a flurry of movement, Kai reached out and grabbed Taemin’s shoulders, dragging him forward. Suddenly, Kai’s lips are pressed against Taemin’s plush ones and Taemin’s fingers were carding through Kai’s hair. Kai’s fingers reached up to caress the bruises.
Jinki’s was flying through the door before he could stop himself, body operating on autopilot. He raised his fist at a loss for control, anger and betrayal making his vision tunnel. He wasn’t able to process what he was doing, he couldn’t halt the tense way that his legs held his body upright. All he could focus on was the fact that Taemin had let someone be close to him in a way that Jinki had so desperately desired for months now. He had let his filthy roommate touch him like he wouldn’t have let Jinki touch him even though Jinki had worked so hard to show him just how much he cared. Taemin hadn’t even cried when Kai pet his hair.
Jinki decided in that moment that if he couldn’t have Taemin, then no one could. No one should have been able to look at Taemin the that way Jinki does. Taemin belonged to Jinki. It was his right, after all, considering how much work he had put in their relationship. He had to do something. Quickly. Something that would make Taemin his for forever.
Taemin flung his body away from Kai’s as though it were covered in lava, cowering against his pillows and lifting his arms up to shield his face. Jinki fell upon him like a rabid animal, pushing his way through the fence of Taemin’s thin arms and wrapping his thick fingers around his neck, thumbs pressed against his jugular. He squeezed. And then he squeezed some more.
…
…
…
Jinki looked down, expression calm even though his brain felt like it was rattling around in his skull. He marveled at the way Taemin’s cupid’s bow bowled to collect the sweat that had formed there. It thickened and thinned at Taemin struggled to push air through his lips, throat contracting beneath his hands.
He can feel someone tugging harshly at his shirt, trying to pull him off of Taemin, but his adrenaline and rage keeps him anchored to the body beneath his.
…
…
…
Taemin’s eyes were so beautiful and Jinki had never noticed how fine his eyebrow hair was, arching on his face. They were furrowed now, but Jinki could clearly remember how relaxed they had looked as Taemin slept.
Taemin’s eyes are bulging out of their sockets and the veins and nearly bursting at the strain, but Jinki can still read the emotions there. The fear. The disbelief. Eventually, the acceptance.
…
…
…
Taemin’s entire body was covered in a light sheen of sweat and Jinki could smell it in the air. It was Jinki’s favorite scent. Tobacco and cinnamon. Today, he smelled like something else. It was musky, almost like mud or moss. Earthy. Jinki had never smelled that on Taemin. He realized that it must have come from when Taemin and Kai were kissing. He squeezed harder.
Before long, Taemin’s hands drop from where they had been clawing at Jinki’s wrists, lying limply by his sides. Someone is screaming behind Jinki. The bed is wet with sweat and urine. The knees of Jinki’s pants are soaked in it.
…
…
....
Jinki decided that Taemin was even beautiful like that.
Taemin’s eyes are blood red now from burst blood vessels. There is more than one voice in the room, now. There is more yelling. Pleading. They’re yanking on Jinki’s shirt, his hair, his legs. Taemin is fading quickly. His face relaxes, lips twitching soundlessly. Jinki can feel a tear sliding down his face.
…
…
…
…
...
~~~
When they shoved Jinki into the back of a police car, he had a very limited view of the outside world. He could, however, pick Kibum out of the crowd, his hand resting gently on Taemin’s shoulder. His expression looked sad but the twist of his mouth wasn’t guilty. Kai is there, too, fingers intertwined with the blonde’s. He moved his eyes towards Taemin’s and after a moment, Taemin met them. What Jinki saw there surprised him. He had grown so used to the defeated sadness that always seemed to swallow them up that he wasn’t prepared for the wild glint of anger and the splash of joy. It was the first time Jinki has ever seen Taemin look so happy.
Jinki tore his eyes away from the window and leaned his head back against the seat.
They say that a person’s first love was the one that hits the hardest and as the car pulled away from the school and away from Taemin, Jinki couldn’t help but to agree.
Pairing: Onew/Taemin
Rating: R
Warnings: Violence/ Assault/ non-con/ domestic abuse/violence
Final Word Count: 28136
Taemin couldn’t hide the bruises that kissed the skin of his cheek. They were large and colorful, purple in some spots and nearly black in others. They looked beautiful, reaching out to dance along the edges of the bags that hung from his eyes. Jinki stuck to Taemin like glue the next day. He could see that Taemin’s friends were concerned, could see the worry in their eyes when they zeroed in on Jinki stroking Taemin’s neck, the unspoken questions in their eyes when his fingers lined up with the bruises on his throat.
Jinki knew how to put an end to that.
He told Taemin to meet him under the bleachers in the football field after his English lecture. Taemin knew better than to disobey him by that point, so he wasn’t late. His eyes never raised to meet Jinki’s and his feet dragged on the ground, but he wasn’t late.
Jinki grinned widely when Taemin was finally in front of him and lifted a hand to stroke Taemin’s cheek, ignoring the way he flinched away. “I have a plan…” He murmured, tucking some hair behind Taemin’s ear. “I see the way people look at you. We don’t need them getting too curious, right, love?”
Taemin nodded.
Jinki smiled too widely, eyes gleaming with happiness. He was so glad that he and Taemin were so compatible. That they valued the same things.
“So...what I want you to do is to tell your friends that someone has been attacking you. Someone you don’t know.”
Taemin’s eyes shot up from the ground, narrowed in suspicion. Jinki didn’t like the fight that he saw there, but he decided to let it slide just that one time. “What are you getting at?”
Jinki’s smile grew impossibly wider. “You’re going to tell them that you are being followed by someone. Someone who covers his face and disguises his voice. A stranger. He gets you when you’re alone and then attacks you, threatens you. Then, you’re going to tell everyone that I’ve been protecting you from this stranger. That I’ve been walking you to classes and to your dorm so that you’re never alone. You will tell them that we have reported it to campus safety and they can’t find any video footage. It’s the only way that we’ll finally be able to be together.”
His eyes dimmed noticeably. “Why are you doing this? Why me?”
Jinki clicked his tongue, gently reprimanding Taemin. “Because I love you, silly! Now run along, you’ve got some people to talk to!”
Taemin nodded once and left without another word. Jinki was glad that he wasn’t fighting him, anymore. That he was letting Jinki into his heart.
After that day, Jinki made no secret of his relationship with Taemin. He hung out with Taemin in his room, making himself visible. He made sure that when Taemin’s friends were around, he looked friendly. Harmless. He smiled easily, he joked around, he tripped on occasion and bragged about his stamp collection. Most of all, he damned the stranger who had been attacking Taemin. He was so convincing in this little charade that only he and Taemin are aware of, that he nearly convinced himself.
Taemin deserved an award for his performance. For all intents and purposes, Taemin filled the role of the wounded victim like a glove. Jinki was proud of his acting. Proud that Taemin was as willing to protect their relationship as he was. It was better that way; if no one was asking questions about why they were together.
When Jinki informed Kibum and Jonghyun that he and Taemin were dating, he was met with a furrowed brow and a glint of confusion from both of them.
“Uh, no offense, bro, but I didn’t think that you and Taemin hung out that much…” Jonghyun hesitantly voiced. After a moment of tense silence passed, Jonghyun smiled reassuringly, “But I’m sure you guys will be happy together! I’m happy for you!” He smiled with all his teeth in that way that was so characteristically Jonghyun that Jinki couldn’t help but relax the hand that had slowly clenched into a fist.
Kibum, on the other hand, was not so easily fooled. He crossed his arms across his chest and tapped his foot impatiently. “Okay spill, Jinki, there’s no way you could be dating Taemin this soon. Taemin doesn’t date anyone!” He smirked in that way that is half friendly and half mocking. “What did you do, bribe him?” Then, he threw his head back and barked out a laugh.
Jinki was quickly growing angry. Kibum just didn’t understand. He couldn’t. He didn’t know Taemin like Jinki knew him. It took a lot of effort for Jinki to unlock his jaw and calm the constant twitching in his hands.
Kibum noticed the tense curve of Jinki’s brow and stopped laughing immediately. He knew Jinki well enough to know when he was angry. “Look, Jinks, I didn’t mean it.” He stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on Jinki’s shoulder, eyes soft. “I’m sure he’s great…”
Jonghyun stepped in front of Jinki, facing him with those huge eyes that could always calm Jinki down. He let out huge puff of air and finally relaxed.
“Sorry, it’s just that it wasn’t easy getting him to agree to a relationship…” Jinki mumbled, mind flashing back to all those times Taemin had cried out for help.
Kibum sighed. “Why don’t you invite him over to Jjong’s tonight? We can play scrabble or something?”
Jonghyun didn’t even blink when Kibum offered up his house, nodding along to what Kibum was saying.
Jinki took a moment to turn over the idea in his head. He wasn’t sure if it was such a good idea for Taemin to be introduced to his friends just yet, but he figured that since Taemin had been doing such a good job of promoting his relationship with Jinki to his own friends, it couldn’t hurt to have him tag along. Plus, Jinki was more than excited to show off his relationship to Kibum and Jonghyun who had been mercilessly teasing him about his infatuation with Taemin since it began.
He set a time with Kibum and Jonghyun and happily made his way to Taemin’s dorm, excited to share his plans with him.
~~~~
They arrived at Jonghyun’s house at seven on the dot. Jinki wasn’t one for being too late or too early to any event. Kibum, however, was another story and as Jinki entered the house, he can see that Kibum was decidedly not there. It didn’t surprise him considering the fact that Kibum was almost always late.
Jonghyun, upon seeing the two of them step into the living room, peeked up from the couch, moving the large headphones from his head and paused his video game. He stood, dusting the crumbs from his lap and moved forward to greet Taemin, hand out stretched in greeting.
Taemin looked up for the first time and hesitantly took Jonghyun’s hand, shaking it limply and murmuring out a greeting. It made Jonghyun raise a brow but when Jinki assured him that Taemin was just shy, he shrugged off the odd greeting and invited them to sit down on the beaten couch to wait for Kibum.
Eventually, Kibum burst through the front door in a flurry of movement and noise, breathing life into the house in that way that only he is capable. He patted both Jonghyun and Jinki on the head as he passed them by, eyes locking onto Taemin’s slight frame huddled up against the arm of the couch.
“Hi, I’m Kibum, Jinki’s best friend. I’m sure you’ve heard about me but that’s not important. So, how long have you and Jinki been seeing each other? What do you do in your spare time? When is your birthday? What’s your blood type? Have you ever committed a felony?” Jinki was pretty sure that Kibum wasn’t breathing anymore, but he wasn’t really concerned. Instead, he chuckled and tugged Taemin from the couch, dragging him away from Kibum.
“C’mon, Kibum, leave him alone!” Jinki practically giggled, so overwhelmed with joy that he couldn’t keep his smile from reaching for his ears.
Before long, they’re sitting around Jonghyun tiny kitchen table, a scrabble board spread across the surface and red solo cups filled with whiskey and coke decorating any available space. Jinki wasn’t usually particularly competitive when it came to the games that they played weekly, but he took scrabble very seriously which clashed with Kibum’s gaming style because he took everything seriously.
“You can’t just make up words, old man!” Kibum screeched, waving a dictionary around and thumping the cover every once in a while for emphasis.
Jinki, on the other hand, was deeply offended. “Just because you don’t know a word doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist.”
“Who the hell plays ‘mumpsimus’ in a game of scrabble?” He slammed the dictionary on the table and scooted it towards Jinki. “Prove me wrong! Find it in this dictionary or so help me!”
Jinki crossed his arms over his chest in a huff. “Hey! That was a perfectly valid word to use in the fifteenth century!”
“Don’t you pull that history major bullshit with me! I will push you off a cliff without regret!”
They continued going back and forth for several minutes while Jonghyun egged them on, snapchatting their argument to his entire friend list. Taemin stayed decidedly quiet and Jinki could tell that, as observant as Kibum was, that he had zeroed in on that fact even though on the surface, he seemed totally absorbed in their argument. After taking note of this, Jinki reached out and twined his fingers with the small hand that was resting on the table, squeezing firmly.
Taemin spared only a millisecond for confusion before straightening up and curling his lips into a wide smile, eyes shoved forcefully into crescents. Jinki’s chest puffed slightly in pride at how genuine the expression appeared. Taemin was so convincing in his joy that Jinki momentarily allowed himself to believe that Taemin was just as happy as he was.
Kibum, however, did not.
~~~
They were lounging on Taemin’s bed after lecture when Jinki received a text from Kibum. It was with great strength that Jinki drew his head back from where it had been resting against Taemin’s stiff neck, drinking in his scent. The thick stench of marijuana had been clinging to Taemin’s skin more often than usual but Jinki could still make out the familiar musk underneath it and he breathed it in so deeply that it seemed to spread from his nose all the way down to his toes.
Taemin’s body was tense but his eyes were red rimmed and glazed enough to hint to Jinki that he wouldn’t fight him off, so Jinki took the opportunity to pepper his skin with kisses and whispers of affection. Taemin didn’t respond very much, but Jinki thought that it was alright like that. He decided that it was enough that Taemin wasn’t fighting him off anymore.
Flipping his ancient phone open, Jinki checked the message, eyes moving quickly over the small screen.
how does it feel 2 kno tht u lost @ ur own game??? >:)
He sighed, lips twitching slightly. He was about to answer when another text comes through.
btw is temn ok??? he seemed a bit off last night??
Jinki tensed slightly and slid his eyes over to look at Taemin. He was still looking off into the distance, breathing slow and steady. He wasn’t really paying attention to what Jinki was doing which Jinki was thankful for. Taemin didn’t need to know that Kibum was suspicious. Jinki knew Kibum well enough to know that he liked to meddle and this was one aspect of Jinki’s life where that would not be welcomed.
Yeah he’s fine. He was just nervous to meet you guys last night. :)
r u sure?? ive talked 2 him b4 nd hes never been tht quiet
He’s fine. He’s had a lot on his plate with finals lately.
i heard from changmin 2day tht some1 has been harassing him
Jinki cursed under his breath. Taemin had made Kai promise not to tell anyone about the ‘stranger’ but he should have known that it would get out somehow. He wouldn’t have been worried if it was anyone else, but Kibum was very observant and he had an uncanny ability to gather information.
I’m taking care of it. Don’t worry.
shld u really b handling this alone?
Taemin doesn’t really want to get a lot of people involved.
ok….
Jinki sighed again. He knews what that ‘ok’ meant. Kibum was going to get involved.
~~
It was well past two in the morning when Jinki was woken by an insistent pounding on his door. He groaned and rolled out of bed, glad that his roommate was a heavy sleeper. He shuffled to the door and cracked it open after taking a moment to run his fingers through his hair. Taemin’s eyes were wild and they locked on Jinki as soon as he opened the door. His lips were moving soundlessly over words, struggling to say anything.
Jinki furrowed his brow and stepped out into the hall. When Taemin made a move to speak again, Jinki shushed him, grabbing his wrist and leading him down the hall to the communal showers. They wouldn’t be bothered there.
Almost as soon as Jinki has closed the stall down behind them, Taemin’s breathing spiked and grew more harsh, his eyes darted around, not daring to look at Jinki.
Jinki sighed and ran his hand over Taemin’s hair, curling a strand around his finger. “Now, tell me what is bothering you so much?”
Taemin locked his gaze towards the cool tile floor and mumbled something incoherent. Jinki growled in frustration and grabbed Taemin’s chin harshly between his thumb and forefinger, yanking his head up so that he had no choice but to look at Jinki.
“Speak up!”
“I-I said...I said t-that someone knows…” He mumbled slightly louder, voice quivering.
Jinki’s eyes narrowed. “Who have you told?” he hissed out, voice steady.
Taemin shivered. “N-No one! I swear! I didn’t tell anyone! Please! You have to believe me!” His body seemed to lose all of its strength and he sunk to the floor, clutching at the leg of Jinki’s pajama pants, voice wet.
Jinki sighed and patted Taemin’s head, reigning in his anger. “What happened?”
“I got a call from the head of campus security during lunch today. He asked me to drop by his office later on. I thought I was getting busted for weed…” Taemin’s voice drifted off and Jinki gripped his hair and yanked his head back to look up at Jinki, wordlessly ordering him to continue. “Then he started asking me all these questions about who I was seeing and if someone was hurting me. He said that someone had noticed the bruises and reported it. I swear it wasn’t me! I didn’t tell him anything! I swear!”
Jinki breathed deeply through his nose, attempting to calm himself. It wouldn’t help anyone if he got out of control. When his eyes calmly swept down to meet Taemin’s, he could see that Taemin was surprised by the icy coldness he saw there.
“Well then,” Jinki said eventually. “Let’s give them something to talk about.”
He reached down and stroked the tear away from Taemin’s perfect face.
~~~~
Jinki thought that Taemin looked particularly stunning in shades of dark blue and the way that the color hugged the side of his face made his cheeks warm in delight. His eyes were rimmed in bruises darker than kohl and he wore his exhaustion as if he were born to. Jinki regretted having to cause him pain, but the results were well worth it.
After their moment in the showers, Jinki had led Taemin back to his room, comforting him with a heavy hand on his shoulder as the blonde boy whimpered around the swelling in his face. They didn’t encounter anyone on the way as it was much too late in the evening for anyone to be awake, still. Thankfully, Taemin’s roommate, Kai, wasn’t a particularly dedicated student and instead of opening his dorm room door to reveal a dark lump on the bed, they were instead met with the sight of Kai pacing around the room furiously with a controller in his hand.
Kai looked up immediately upon hearing the door open, smile coming easily to his lips until he caught sight of Taemin, wilting against Jinki’s side. His eyes narrowed and his voice was vicious as he stepped over to Taemin to collect him from Jinki.
“What happened to you?!” He shouted, not bothering to lower his voice.
Taemin smiled weakly. “It’s nothing…”
Jinki made a show of crossing his arms across his chest and sighing in disappointment, sinking into Taemin’s desk chair heavily.
Kai looked between Jinki and Taemin and drank in the lingering hints of fear that were apparent on Taemin’s face.
“It was him, wasn’t it? The guy who’s stalking you…” he paused of a moment, sentence trailing off before beginning anew. “This has gone on for long enough, Taemin. It’s starting to get ridiculous! You can’t go anywhere alone without him cornering you! We need to report this!”
Taemin reeled back from Kai, curling his body away from him. “We can’t report it! Someone called in a complaint to campus safety today and he got wind of it...he was so angry tonight...he kept saying that if it happened again, that I was going to get even worse…” Taemin’s face was a perfect mask of defeat and fear but his eyes were dead when they moved over to Jinki, silently asking for approval.
Jinki tilted his head to the ground, carefully listening to what Taemin was telling Kai. He bit his lip to fight the smile off his face. “Taemin’s right. We can’t go to campus safety about this...it’ll just make everything worse. Besides, we all know that the school will just sweep it under the rug.”
Kai’s face was drenched in frustration and he curled his hands around Taemin’s shoulders forcefully, dragging Taemin’s eyes from Jinki to his roommate, once more. Taemin fought the urge to flinch away from the rough touch and the heat in Kai’s eyes.
“Look I know that you said that Jinki has been keeping an eye out for you, but obviously if this is still happening, then it isn’t enough…I mean look at you! You’re black and blue all over!”
Jinki took the silence that followed to stand, drawing Taemin’s attention, once more. “That’s exactly why we’ve decided that Taemin should just stick with me more. If he’s not alone, then he can’t get attacked, right?” Jinki twisted his mouth into a wobbly smile.
Kai stared at Jinki in open mouthed shock for a moment. “Y-You can’t be serious. Taemin you’ve got to report this! Stop playing around!” Kai’s eyes narrow in Jinki’s direction and Taemin followed his gaze.
Taemin’s voice was quiet when he spoke up. “You’re the one who reported it, aren’t you, Kai?” His eyes were trained on the ground.
Kai took a step forward, trying to get Taemin to look at him. “I had to! You’ve been coming back covered in bruises every day and you haven’t been yourself! The rate that this is going, you could get yourself killed!”
Taemin stepped away from him, voice steady but Jinki can hear the rage there. “How dare you. You had no right! You swore you wouldn’t tell anyone!” Taemin barked out a laugh. “Great this is just great. I can’t deal with this right now. I’m going to stay with Jinki tonight.”
Kai’s voice was desperate when he spoke again. “I wasn’t the only one! Someone else reported it before I even had the chance to!”
Jinki’s eyes narrowed at that and he quietly tucked that bit of information away for later.
Jinki sighed and picked up a duffel bag that he knew was Taemin’s from his numerous trips to the room. He began to step toward Taemin’s dresser to start packing a bag for him, but then thought of a better idea. Instead, he stepped towards the dresser that he knew belonged to Kai and started pulling open the drawers as if to pull clothes from it.
Kai’s eyes narrowed in suspicion and he reached out to grab Jinki’s wrist, halting his progress. “That’s my dresser.”
Jinki’s eyes widened in surprise and he stepped away, rubbing the back of his head with an open palm. “O-Oh, sorry. I didn’t know…” he then stepped over to the correct dresser and faced away from Kai to sort through the drawers. His lips split into a grin.
It wasn’t long until they were leaving the room in a flurry of movement. When Taemin’s dorm building was safely behind them, Jinki dropped a hand on Taemin’s head.
“You did well, Taeminnie.”
~~
The next day, Taemin was pulled into the head of security’s office and questioned. Jinki coached him on correct responses to specific questions but he couldn’t control the way Taemin’s eyes shined with fear. A few of the professors had noticed the bruises decorating his face even though Jinki had instructed him to keep his hoodie tightly drawn around his face. People were getting suspicious.
Jinki played his part well. For all intents and purposes, he was the caring boyfriend who was simply indulging Taemin’s wish to keep everything under wraps. He made sure that he was carefully concerned, brow furrowed and lips downturned. Kibum’s eyes narrowed for a split second but then he relaxed and continued his long winded explanation of the incompetencies of his study group.
When a week goes by without incident, Jinki breathed a little easier. He wasn’t sure how his relationship with Taemin had turned into this cat and mouse game, but he was glad that things were beginning to resemble normalcy.
They were in Taemin’s room alone, silence only disturbed by the sound of their breathing. Taemin was high, again, but it didn’t really bother Jinki anymore. It kept Taemin quiet and agreeable. Before long, though, Kai entered the room, breaking the quiet spell.
He didn’t look surprised to see Jinki there. He dropped his backpack by his desk and stood there, looking at Taemin in silence. Jinki could see the internal conflict in his eyes. He eventually came to a decision, though, eyes glistening in determination.
“Taemin, can I speak to you?” He slid his gaze over towards Jinki. “Alone”
Taemin hesitated, looking towards Jinki in question. Jinki nodded his head just slightly enough for Taemin to get the point. With great effort and surprising balance considering that he was still mostly under the influence, Taemin hauled himself off of his bed and shuffled over to Kai. Taking his arm, Kai lead him from the room, most likely taking him to the dorm’s common room that no one ever seemed to occupy.
Jinki wasn’t really concerned even though he knew that Kai meant to talk to Taemin about him. He had covered his tracks well enough. He settled on the bed, breathing in the smell of marijuana and cinnamon that covered the sheets.
His calm didn’t last for long. In what seemed to have been only minutes, Taemin burst through the door, slamming it open so forcefully that it cracked into the cinderblock wall and bounced forward slightly. He stormed into the room, making a beeline for the bed, head ducked down low enough that Jinki couldn’t read his expression. Kai was on his tracks, begging Taemin to listen to him.
Jinki was immediately concerned, brow furrowing and jaw tensing in anger. How dare Kai make Taemin so upset! Things had been going so well just moments before.
He allowed Taemin to tug him from the bed wordlessly and followed him out the door, ignoring Kai’s cries for Taemin to come back. Whatever he’s said to the blonde had him so upset that he wasn’t even willing to chance a glance backward. They marched across campus without pause until they are barreling through Jinki’s door. Only then does Taemin relinquish the vice grip that he had on Jinki’s wrist, gaze still fixed on the floor.
It was quiet for a moment or two and Jinki allowed Taemin to gather himself in the silence, patiently waiting for him to speak when he was calmer.
“They know.” He finally uttered, voice trembling. “They know that what I’ve said is a lie.”
Jinki’s nostrils flared and his eyes are wild in a moment of unrestrained anger and panic. It took great strength to not lash out. To refrain from marking Taemin’s body up even more. His arms quivered in rebellion.
“...What…?” He managed to hiss out through pierced lips, his voice was dripping in venom.
Taemin flinched away from him, arms half raising as if to protect himself. “They’ve looked at the video footage. Nothing matches up.”
“And what does that mean, exactly?”
“Kai said that security has more video cameras around campus than what students know of. He said I could have only been attacked if it had happened in a bathroom or a bedroom. He says that it’s not a stranger.”
Jinki allowed himself a moment of agony. He growled out a whimper and scrambled for Taemin with claw like fingers, latching into the fabric of his shirt, imprisoning him in his arms. He held Taemin to his chest like a ragdoll, the blonde’s body limp in preparation for what usually follows these displays of affection.
It didn’t come, though. Instead, Jinki’s grip tightened and he buried his face in Taemin’s neck, voice wet as he begged Taemin not to leave him, promised him that he’d love him until the day he died so long as Taemin would stay with him. He assured Taemin that no one could love him like Jinki could.
Taemin’s face was decidedly blank. He allowed the unabashed display of emotion because he had no choice. He was never in control of what happened to him around Jinki no matter how much Jinki swore his undying love. Jinki was afraid and that fear was driving him to scramble to hold onto the little bit of solid ground that was slowly crumbling beneath him.
~~~
From that point on, Jinki spent even more time with Taemin, if that was even possible. He followed him everywhere, often even skipping classes to wait outside the blonde’s classroom door. He could tell that Taemin was different, now. His eyes were as cold as steel and he hadn’t been that sober in a very long time. Knowing that Jinki had to lay low to avoid suspicion filled him with more fight.
Jinki hadn’t seen Kibum and Jonghyun in a while and it didn’t help that he had been avoiding their texts and phone calls. It was normal for Jinki to flake out of texts and snapchats from Jonghyun, but he and Kibum have always spoken to each other at least once a day. Normally, Kibum would have been pounding on his door by now, but he had been distant lately, too.
Not even his stamp collection made him feel better, anymore.
Jinki recognized that what he was feeling was the ending of his relationship with Taemin. He could feel how distant they had grown lately and he was simply counting down the days until what they had came to a crashing halt. He felt like his mind was surrounded in plastic wrap, muffled and blurry, and he was so tired.
He shook his head suddenly, jumping from his desk and rushing out the door. He needed to see Taemin. He needed to reassure himself that what he had with the other boy was worth fighting for. Worth saving.
He rushed to Taemin’s room, knowing that Taemin would be there. His feet barely slap against the concrete as he practically sprinted in that direction, slowing for nothing. He knew that he must look like a madman, but reason was thrown out the window long ago.
He stopped running as Taemin’s window grew closer. He must pass it in order to enter the building and he can’t help but to peek inside out of habit after noticing that the curtains were drawn for once.
Taemin was inside, but he wasn’t alone. He and Kai were huddled together on Taemin’s bed, wrapped up in each other. Taemin was practically in his lap, long arms hugging himself and tears mingling with the fading bruises that still clung to his tan skin. From where he stood, Jinki can see that Kai’s brow was furrowed and his eyes were furious. His jaw was locked and jutting in rage, but he still forced words out, teeth gritting around the syllables. Whatever he had said to Taemin made his shaking worse, hair ducking to act as a shield for his face. Taemin’s hands moved to grip at the blonde mess.
In a flurry of movement, Kai reached out and grabbed Taemin’s shoulders, dragging him forward. Suddenly, Kai’s lips are pressed against Taemin’s plush ones and Taemin’s fingers were carding through Kai’s hair. Kai’s fingers reached up to caress the bruises.
Jinki’s was flying through the door before he could stop himself, body operating on autopilot. He raised his fist at a loss for control, anger and betrayal making his vision tunnel. He wasn’t able to process what he was doing, he couldn’t halt the tense way that his legs held his body upright. All he could focus on was the fact that Taemin had let someone be close to him in a way that Jinki had so desperately desired for months now. He had let his filthy roommate touch him like he wouldn’t have let Jinki touch him even though Jinki had worked so hard to show him just how much he cared. Taemin hadn’t even cried when Kai pet his hair.
Jinki decided in that moment that if he couldn’t have Taemin, then no one could. No one should have been able to look at Taemin the that way Jinki does. Taemin belonged to Jinki. It was his right, after all, considering how much work he had put in their relationship. He had to do something. Quickly. Something that would make Taemin his for forever.
Taemin flung his body away from Kai’s as though it were covered in lava, cowering against his pillows and lifting his arms up to shield his face. Jinki fell upon him like a rabid animal, pushing his way through the fence of Taemin’s thin arms and wrapping his thick fingers around his neck, thumbs pressed against his jugular. He squeezed. And then he squeezed some more.
…
…
…
Jinki looked down, expression calm even though his brain felt like it was rattling around in his skull. He marveled at the way Taemin’s cupid’s bow bowled to collect the sweat that had formed there. It thickened and thinned at Taemin struggled to push air through his lips, throat contracting beneath his hands.
He can feel someone tugging harshly at his shirt, trying to pull him off of Taemin, but his adrenaline and rage keeps him anchored to the body beneath his.
…
…
…
Taemin’s eyes were so beautiful and Jinki had never noticed how fine his eyebrow hair was, arching on his face. They were furrowed now, but Jinki could clearly remember how relaxed they had looked as Taemin slept.
Taemin’s eyes are bulging out of their sockets and the veins and nearly bursting at the strain, but Jinki can still read the emotions there. The fear. The disbelief. Eventually, the acceptance.
…
…
…
Taemin’s entire body was covered in a light sheen of sweat and Jinki could smell it in the air. It was Jinki’s favorite scent. Tobacco and cinnamon. Today, he smelled like something else. It was musky, almost like mud or moss. Earthy. Jinki had never smelled that on Taemin. He realized that it must have come from when Taemin and Kai were kissing. He squeezed harder.
Before long, Taemin’s hands drop from where they had been clawing at Jinki’s wrists, lying limply by his sides. Someone is screaming behind Jinki. The bed is wet with sweat and urine. The knees of Jinki’s pants are soaked in it.
…
…
....
Jinki decided that Taemin was even beautiful like that.
Taemin’s eyes are blood red now from burst blood vessels. There is more than one voice in the room, now. There is more yelling. Pleading. They’re yanking on Jinki’s shirt, his hair, his legs. Taemin is fading quickly. His face relaxes, lips twitching soundlessly. Jinki can feel a tear sliding down his face.
…
…
…
…
...
~~~
When they shoved Jinki into the back of a police car, he had a very limited view of the outside world. He could, however, pick Kibum out of the crowd, his hand resting gently on Taemin’s shoulder. His expression looked sad but the twist of his mouth wasn’t guilty. Kai is there, too, fingers intertwined with the blonde’s. He moved his eyes towards Taemin’s and after a moment, Taemin met them. What Jinki saw there surprised him. He had grown so used to the defeated sadness that always seemed to swallow them up that he wasn’t prepared for the wild glint of anger and the splash of joy. It was the first time Jinki has ever seen Taemin look so happy.
Jinki tore his eyes away from the window and leaned his head back against the seat.
They say that a person’s first love was the one that hits the hardest and as the car pulled away from the school and away from Taemin, Jinki couldn’t help but to agree.