Fic: The Ritual
Title: The Ritual
Author: Sandy
Rating: R
Feedback: Is adored and treasured
Archive: Wraithbait and Area 52. Any others, just ask.
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Category: First Time M/M
Length: 7,400 words
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: As much as I'd love to own Rodney McKay and John Sheppard as well as the rest of the Atlantis team, someone far richer that I owns them. I just like playing with them.
Summary: Sheppard makes a faux pas while on a trade mission, and he and Rodney have to set things right leading to unexpected complications.
A/N: In the short time I've been in this fandom, I've come to love one of the standard Stargate clichés: Aliens made them do it. This is my take on it. This is unbetaed so all errors are mine alone.
~~~
There it is, Sir," Ford said as they stepped from the forest they'd been walking through for the last thirty minutes. Sheppard looked in the direction Ford pointed and made out the buildings of a small village about a kilometer distant across a freshly plowed field.
They had come through the Stargate on foot after Teyla had informed them that the village they sought was within easy walking distance. According to Teyla, this was a peaceful, agrarian community with abundant crops every year. The Atlantis team hoped to negotiate a trade agreement that would supply Atlantis with grain and root vegetables once the next crop was harvested.
"Okay, people, put on your company manners. Let's go meet the nice Melidosians," the Major said stepping straight into the field.
He rolled his eyes when he heard Rodney mutter behind him, "Great, these are new boots and now I get to tromp through cow manure or whatever disgusting compound it is they use for fertilizer."
"You can always walk around the field if you like, McKay," John called back. "It only looks like it's about an eight kilometer radius. By the time you get to the village, our negotiations will be finished and you can walk all the way back around again. It'll make a nice leisurely stroll to break in your new boots."
John grinned when he heard Rodney's snort of disgust, but he was aware that the astrophysicist entered the field right behind him, followed by Teyla and Ford. They were still some distance from the village when a group of men ran up to the edge of the field.
A very angry group of men.
"Infidels! Desecraters!" one of the men screeched. John was taken aback.
"Teyla?"
"I do not understand, Major," her soft voice answered. "My people have traded many times with the Melidosians. I know of no reason for Roya's anger.
"Roya?"
"He is the village leader, and the one with whom we need to negotiate."
"Well," John sighed. "This doesn't look promising, does it?"
They continued on until they reached the edge of the field. John raised his hand in greeting and smiled his most engaging smile.
"I'm Major John Sheppard..."
Before he got any further in his spiel, Roya stepped closer, his face livid with rage.
"Infidels! You have desecrated our offering to the soil! Our crops will be ruined."
"I'm sorry if we..." John began, holding up a placating hand. He stopped abruptly and looked around in surprise when the farmers, brandishing hoes and rakes and knives the size of machetes, shouted him down. They were surrounded and outnumbered before John could even react.
"Oh, God," McKay murmured.
"Roya," Teyla said, stepping forward.
"Silence, woman!" the village leader roared, his face a mottled red.
"Hey, hold on now," John said urgently. "There's no reason to shout at Teyla. We came here for peaceful trade negotiations. We're sorry if we did something wrong, and we're willing to do whatever is necessary to fix it."
"You will indeed 'fix it'," Roya snapped. "You," he pointed at Sheppard, "and you," he pointed at McKay.
"Oh, God," McKay muttered.
"Okay," John said with more calm than he felt, "and just what can we do?"
"You will give up your essence to fertilize the soil."
"Oh, God," moaned McKay is distress.
"Now, wait a minute," John said in alarm. "What do you mean, give up our essence?" He had a pretty good idea what they wanted, however, because he'd see Children of the Corn about a hundred times. Every out-of-the-way post he'd ever been assigned to seemed to have a copy in its movie library.
"You," Roya said pointing again to Sheppard, "and he," pointing to Rodney, "will enter the fields again. There you will join together and at the proper time spill your joined essence into the soil, giving life to the seed that lies beneath."
John's eyes widened in shock at what he'd just heard. He was also aware of McKay's panicked litany of "Oh, God". Surely he'd misunderstood. "You want McKay and me to go out into the field and..."
"Complete the ritual as set forth by Maktu, the goddess of crops and fertility. You must join your essence with his and spill it on the ground."
"Okay, see now, that's a bit of a problem," John explained, being careful to keep his tone of voice reasonable. "Where we're from, two men don't...well, some do, but for the most part it's considered taboo, and especially where I’m from, which is the US Military. I could get court-martialed if Rodney and I, uh, joined together. And while I'm really, really sorry..."
"You refuse?" Roya shouted. He made an abrupt gesture and the men surrounding them suddenly grabbed them holding them restrained and ripping their weapons from them.
"Hey!" Sheppard shouted. "Let us go! I was just trying to explain why what you ask is impossible for us to do."
"Since you, who were the first to defile the field, refuse to use your essence to honor Maktu as she has ordained, you leave us no choice. We must return to the ancient ways, beginning with her." He gestured again, and the men holding Teyla began dragging her out into the field."
"No!" John struggled mightily against the men holding him and was aware that McKay and Ford were involved in their own struggles. He had almost ripped himself free when one of the machetes was laid against his throat. When his two companions also ceased their struggles, he assumed they too were being threatened.
Teyla was calling his name and Sheppard knew there was no choice. It was certainly better to fuck Rodney - and he refused to acknowledge the way his belly quivered at that thought - and perhaps face court-martial, than it was to allow these people to sacrifice Teyla in their barbaric rites.
"Okay," he told Roya as forcefully as he could with an overgrown knife at his throat. "Okay, we'll do it. Just leave Teyla alone."
Roya nodded and shouted, "Gret, Hemmik, bring the woman back."
John relaxed slightly. When the men returned to the group, Roya again turned to John. "If you do not do as you have promised, we will spill the blood of both the woman and the boy. Do you understand?"
John carefully nodded his head.
"Oh, God," McKay whispered.
He and Rodney were released, and he swallowed and rubbed at the spot where the knife had been placed against his throat. He studiously refused to look at Rodney. Taking in a deep breath, he asked, "Okay, what do you want us to do?"
"Enter the field. We will tell you when to stop."
John nodded again and turned to move back into the field. Rodney moved to walk beside him.
"I'm sorry about this, Rodney. We should have taken the long way around."
"Yeah," Rodney sighed. "Just do me a favor and let's get it over with as quickly as possible. I really hate having to put off whatever humiliation the fates have in store for me each day."
John's lip quirked. "Yeah." He glanced at Rodney from the corner of his eye, cleared his throat and said, "I'm not sure how well I'm going to be able to, um, perform. But whatever it is they want us to do, we should both do our best to, uh..."
"Come so we can go?" Rodney said dryly.
John unexpectedly felt a laugh escape his lips and he no longer felt quite so tense. When they were about at the halfway point of the field, Roya shouted for them to stop. They did and turned back to face the small group at the edge of the field. Teyla and Ford still had the tips of knives pointed at their throats. The sight did nothing to enhance John's libido.
"Now turn to face each other and prepare for the joining."
John swallowed nervously, the tension coming back full force, and did as ordered.
"Oh, God," Rodney whispered tensely as he also turned.
"I wonder what we're supposed to do to prepare," John said, he eyes slightly wild.
"Really? You don't know? Because I would have sworn you've had sex before, Major."
John glared at him just as Roya shouted, "Step closer together."
They complied, moving closer until they were almost touching and there was really nowhere else to look except into each others eyes. John nervously licked his lips and Rodney's eyes dropped to his mouth. John was surprised when his cock twitched.
"Join!"
Both men frowned and turned to look at Roya. "What?"
"Join! Join!" the men began shouting, waving their weapons in the air.
Still not sure what was expected, John shouted back. "Tell us exactly what you want us to do."
"Join your mouths together," Roya shouted in angry exasperation.
"Join our... Kiss?" John said, feeling just a little lightheaded. He turned back to look at Rodney, relief in his eyes. "I think they just want us to kiss."
"Yeah, I got that," Rodney said, his own relief visible in his face. They smiled nervously at each other, puckered their lips and leaned forward, lips touching briefly before they jerked back as if they'd been stung. It reminded John of the time at Mary Lou Gundersen's thirteenth birthday party when a group of them had snuck away to play Spin the Bottle and he'd had to kiss Kathy Price. It hadn't been an overwhelming success as kisses went, but it had fulfilled the rules of the game. The two men smiled shyly at each other and then turned to face the throng.
"So, we all square now?" John asked hopefully.
"Do you think to mock us?" Roya shouted. He turned and pointed at the two prisoners. "Kill them!"
"No!" both John and Rodney shouted. "Look," John said desperately. "We're trying to do as you ask. Please."
Roya once again held up his hand holding back the villagers. He turned a hard face to Sheppard and McKay. "Then you will do as you promised. Join your mouths and your essences together."
John nodded and as he was turning back to McKay, Ford shouted, "I think they want you guys to French, Sir."
John sighed. "Yeah, got that," he yelled back.
Facing McKay again, he licked his lips, smiled tightly and said, "Okay, Rodney. Let's just suck it up and give them what they want."
Rodney's lips quirked into a small smile. "Please, Major. I would appreciate it, given our current situation, that you not use the phrase 'suck it up' in any connotation."
John snorted a somewhat giddy laugh, and suddenly, everything was all right. This was Rodney, and he could do this with Rodney. He didn't stop to think what that might mean.
Rodney grinned back at him, licked his own lips and leaned in. Their mouths touched again, but this time is wasn't a hard pressing of tightly closed lips, but a soft pressing of lips slightly opened. John felt his cock twitch again, and furiously tried to think of anything but the surprisingly enjoyable feel of Rodney's lips. He wasn't helped in this endeavor when Rodney turned his head just so and flicked his tongue against John's. Just the lightest touch and it almost sent John to his knees.
Unconsciously, instinctively, they deepened the kiss. Their mouths opened wider and Rodney's tongue stroked slowly. John heard a low, needy moan, and realized it was coming from him. Their bodies pressed together and their arms wrapped around each other, and now John could feel Rodney's response to the kiss. He felt a curious mixture of relief that he wasn't the only one affected and embarrassment that he was pressed up against another man's erection.
The embarrassment didn't last long though as the kiss went on and on. Jesus, Rodney was good at this. He gently sucked on John's tongue and then stroked it with his own, withdrew and returned, teased and made John ache for more.
At last they came up for air, both men panting heavily and staring at each other with passion-darkened eyes. They were leaning in for another kiss when wild cheering bought them out of their haze. They turned their heads to see a beaming Roya and a celebrating throng of villagers. John and Rodney looked at each other in confusion, and as sanity returned to them, they dropped their arms from around each other and hurriedly took a step back.
"Now you must spill the combined essence from your mouths on the soil," Roya instructed.
John's eyes widened and he turned to look at McKay who looked equally dumbfounded. Leaning over just a bit, they spat on the ground.
Another waves of cheers rose from the crowd and John heard Roya shout, "Again!"
They spat a second time to the accompaniment of loud acclamation. Once again looking at Roya, John felt intense relief when he saw that Ford and Teyla were no longer restrained.
"Come in, my friends," Roya shouted happily, arms gesturing madly. "Let us celebrate the rededication of the fields."
They started back to the others. John was aware every step of the way of Rodney walking next to him. His mind replayed over and over the feel of Rodney's mouth on his, the taste of Rodney's tongue, the feel of Rodney's body pressed against his own. It'd been a long time since he'd been so affected by a kiss. And it was that fact that began to make him feel discomforted. He wasn't gay, had never been attracted to another man, and the fact that he'd enjoyed Rodney's kiss, wanted to kiss him again, wanted to maybe do more, began to freak John out.
The closer they got to the edge of the field, the farther away from Rodney John moved so that by the time they joined the others, there were several feet separating them.
Ford came up to him grinning mischievously. "Good job, Sir."
Before John had a chance to respond, Roya came up to him and embraced him. "Maktu is well pleased, Major John Sheppard. Come, let us celebrate."
He escorted them into the village and an impromptu feast was set out. John sat as far away from Rodney as he could and did his best to ignore the confused glances Rodney was giving him, concentrating instead on Roya and his wife and three lovely daughters.
The feasting lasted several hours and by the time they were finished, they'd been able to hammer out an agreement for a good portion of the crops come harvest. It was getting late in the afternoon before goodbyes were said and Sheppard's group made their way around the field. John was surprised when Rodney didn't make a remark about taking the long way around, but he'd been aware for some time that Rodney had withdrawn into scowling silence.
It was, of course, Ford that brought up the subject that John least wanted to discuss."
"I don't get it," Ford said to Teyla when they were well away from the village. "Why do they think that two guys kissing and then spitting into the field fertilizes the soil?"
"I do not know, Aiden," Teyla answered. "I admit, I have never heard of such a ritual before, and we have traded many times with the Melidosians."
"Well, it's nuts, if you ask me. Those people are freaks. Dangerous freaks. I was getting worried with that machete at my throat." His voice changed to teasing amusement. "Good thing you and Dr. McKay are such hot kissers, Sir."
"Do you mind," McKay snapped. "That ritual was unpleasant enough without you going on about it. These primitive cultures have no idea about scientific methods of soil fertilization. It's all voodoo and blood rites. We're just lucky they didn't gut the lot of us."
John glanced at Rodney's flushed, angry face and frowned at Rodney's words. However, he turned to Ford and said, "McKay's right. As bad as it was, it could have been worse, so knock it off. And if this gets out back home, Private Ford..."
Ford, unrepentant, grinned and said, "Yes, Sir. It'll be our little secret."
McKay glowered at him, and then at John, and then for good measure, at Teyla.
John let out a sigh of relief when they finally reached the Stargate. The trek had been long, everyone was exhausted, and McKay had become particularity prickly, criticizing Teyla for suggesting it was an easy walk from the Stargate, complaining about the blisters that were forming on his feet and predicting gangrene, and swatting at the insects that buzzed around his sweaty face and assuring everyone that they were all going to come down with the Melidosian version of hemorrhagic fever. John was relieved when the strange, warm glow he'd had been feeling for Rodney began to dissipate under the onslaught of complaints, and he found himself longing for a Wraith stunner to use on the cranky scientist.
Rodney disappeared as soon as his medical exam was finished, and John reported to Weir's office to fill her in on the success of the mission. He reluctantly told the story of the misunderstanding, and he really didn't appreciate the look of amusement that flashed over Elizabeth's face before she diplomatically covered it up.
When he left Weir's office, John decided to put the entire incident out of his mind. However he soon discovered it was easier said than done, especially when he kept finding himself staring at Rodney's mouth whenever he saw him. He found it was much easier to bury the memory if he didn't see or interact with Rodney and so he subtly began to avoid him. He heard all about him though. Apparently McKay's snappishness had escalated since they'd returned and was just about reaching critical mass. John began to worry, wondering how long it would take before someone beat him to death with his own laptop. Elizabeth apparently had the same concerns because she called John into her office to discuss the matter.
"Do you have any idea what's the matter with Dr. McKay?"
John shrugged. "Sounds to me like he's just being McKay, only more so," he said flippantly, hiding his own concern.
"John, this isn't funny. I've had almost everyone in his department in here complaining."
"Sorry, Elizabeth, I haven't really talked to him since our last mission, so I have no idea what's crawled up his a..., uh, what's wrong with him."
Elizabeth gave John a considering look. "Is it possible that he's still upset about that ritual you and he had to participate in?"
John felt his face flush at the memory. "I don't know why that would still be bothering him," he protested, not wanting to admit how much he still thought about it. "It was embarrassing, sure, but no one but the five of us knows about it, so he shouldn't still be freaking out over it."
"Still, it might be a good idea if you talked to him."
"Me? You're the one in charge here," John protested, his heart beginning to pound in his chest. He'd been doing his best not to have to interact with Rodney, and, in fact, had been dreading the thought of their next mission together. The very last thing he wanted to do was have a private talk with Rodney.
"John, please. I don't want to make this official and look as if I'm undermining his authority. And if his behavior is because of that ritual, I think you of anyone would best understand what he's going through. At least talk to him for me. I'm afraid someone's going to snap and hurt him if he doesn't calm down."
He didn't want Rodney to get hurt, so he sighed and nodded. He'd confront Rodney and try to find out just what bug had crawled up his ass. He only hoped it was something other than the kiss they'd been forced to share, because that was really the last thing he wanted to discuss with McKay.
Reluctantly but resignedly, he went in search of Rodney, and as luck would have it, he found him working alone in one of the newly discovered labs tinkering with some piece of Ancient equipment Sheppard hadn't seen before. He was lying on the floor half inside the base of the machine, and as the door slid shut behind John he heard McKay's muffled voice snapping, "They're not here."
"Who?" John asked, amused in spite of himself.
"Whoever you're looking for. Now go away."
"Actually, Rodney, I was looking for you."
Rodney slid out just far enough to pop his head out. He scowled when he saw who it was.
"Oh, it's you."
"Yeah. You got a minute?"
"Actually, no."
He started to slide back inside the mystery machine.
"We need to talk, Rodney."
"No, we really don't," Rodney answered from the machine's interior.
"Look, Elizabeth asked me to talk to you, and I'm going to talk to you. This is important, Rodney."
He thought Rodney tensed a bit, but he slid back out and looked coldly at John. "All right, talk, and then let me get back to my work."
Now that he had Rodney's attention, he didn't know exactly where to start. "Uh, Elizabeth said that she's had a lot of complaints about you lately."
"Is that right?"
John hadn't thought the blue eyes could get any colder, but somehow Rodney once more managed to accomplish the impossible.
"Yeah, that's right. Apparently you've been even more obnoxious than usual."
For an instant, there was a look of hurt in Rodney's eyes, but it was quickly gone and John wondered if he saw it at all.
"So, Elizabeth sent you to tell me to put on my party manners?"
"Look," John said in a placating voice. "She didn't want to make it official. She asked me to talk to you, find out if anything was wrong."
"Oh, so now you're not only doing Elizabeth's job, your doing Kate Heightmeyer's too? Well, aren't you just a man for all seasons."
"Damn it, Rodney!" John snapped. "I didn't want to come here and talk to you in the first place."
Rodney looked at if John had struck him.
"Yes, I'm sure you didn't, Major," he said in a slightly shaking voice. "You've made it abundantly clear lately that even being in the same room with me is distasteful to you."
John closed his eyes. Wrapped up in his own confused emotions, he hadn't really considered that his avoidance of Rodney had not only been noticed, but was hurting the other man. Taking a step forward, he swallowed and said in a calmer voice, "Is that what this is all about?"
Rodney's lips thinned out in a tight line, and he said, "You really don't want to know what this is all about, Major."
"Maybe not, but whatever it is, you need to get over it. We have a job to do here, and we need everyone working together. We don't need you stressing out your department to the point where they can't do their jobs."
"Fine, Major. I'll 'get over' what's bothering me. Now please go away."
"Rodney," John began, taking a step forward, but Rodney turned away from him. John reached out and grabbed his arm. Rodney stopped but didn't turn back to face him. "Rodney, I'm sorry if I've hurt your feelings. That was never my intention."
"Please leave, Major."
"No. Not like this." John found he just couldn't leave it alone. Before that damned ritual on Melidosia, he'd considered Rodney his friend. Maybe even his best friend. He'd enjoyed how well they worked together, the ease he felt in Rodney's company. He'd even enjoyed it when they snipped and snarked at each other. Hell, he'd especially enjoyed it when they snipped and snarked at each other. And now he was afraid to be around Rodney. But he knew he had to push his own fucked-up feelings aside for now because his friend needed help. "Tell me what's gotten you so upset."
"You don’t want to know," Rodney said again, and John could hear the pain in his voice.
"Yes, I do."
Rodney turned back around and said tightly, "All right. Just remember, you wanted to know." Cupping John's face in his two big hands, he leaned in and kissed him. This kiss was nothing like the one they'd shared on Melidosia. It was hard and rough and tasted of anger and desperation. Rodney pulled back and looked at John with eyes gone slightly wild. "That's what's bothering me," he said roughly and walked out of the room.
John slumped back against the machine Rodney had been working on, his heart pounding and his legs weak.
"Oh, fuck," he whispered.
~~~
He reported to Elizabeth that he'd had a talk with Rodney, and she'd thanked him. He then went looking for Teyla and let her pound on him with her sticks. When the workout was over, he found a reason to go to the other side of the city, getting as far away from Rodney as he could. He knew he should confront Rodney again, discuss what was happening between them, but instead he avoided him, making sure Rodney wasn't in the mess hall when he went to eat or leaving immediately if he was and staying out of the Gateroom and lab areas as much as possible. He only wished he could avoid him as easily in his sleep. It wasn't unusual for Rodney to feature in his dreams, but those dreams had changed after their return from Melidosia. Before, the dreams were just them together exploring a strange new planet or playing with a new Ancient toy Rodney had discovered, but now the dreams were more often than not...well, erotic was the only way to describe them. And since their confrontation in the lab, the erotic dreams had become even more vivid. It was freaking him out. The dreams coupled with Rodney's kiss left him feeling confused and slightly desperate. He wasn't gay. He shouldn’t be having these...feelings, longings, for another guy. Especially a guy like Rodney McKay.
~~~
A few days after his talk with Rodney, Elizabeth called John back into her office.
"We have another problem with Rodney," she said after he had taken a seat in front of her desk.
John felt his stomach clench a little, but he didn't allow anything to show on his face.
"What? I thought the word was he'd stopped lacerating everybody with his tongue."
"Yes, he has. He's not snapping at anyone any longer. In fact, Dr. Zelenka informs me he's barely talking to anyone at all."
John shifted nervously in his chair. "You want me to talk to him again?"
Elizabeth shook her head. "No, I'm going to order him to talk to Dr. Heightmeyer as soon as you return from your next mission."
"Our next mission?"
"Yes. Sgt. Stackhouse's team has received information about a city of ruins on M3S 275. He said from the description he received it's possible the Ancients built it. If so, there may be technology we can use somewhere within the ruins. I want you and your team to check it out tomorrow. We'll have a briefing at 0900."
"Oh, okay. I'll, uh, inform the others."
"Good. And don't worry about mentioning Dr. Heightmeyer to Rodney. I'll take care of it when you return."
John nodded and left Elizabeth's office. He tracked down Ford and Teyla and informed them of the next day's mission. When he could put it off no longer, he made his way to Rodney's lab. When he walked in, he saw right away what Elizabeth had been talking about. He'd been in McKay's lab any number of times, and usually it was like a beehive with scientists running here and there, tapping busily on computer keyboards, and performing experiments all to the accompaniment of an underlying hum of words, most of which came from the Department Head's mouth.
Today, it was totally different. There was still activity, but there was no convivial bantering going on. Everyone worked silently with heads down and shoulders hunched. Rodney was seated at his station, busily doing whatever it was Rodney did when he was in his natural habitat, but even from across the room, John could see that he had withdrawn into himself.
The sight bothered John deeply. Rodney should never be like this. He was a force of nature, a typhoon of action and sound that tore through his life drawing everyone along with him. To see Rodney like this struck John as very, very wrong, and he couldn't help the feeling of guilt that assailed him. The fact that he was to blame, even if it was through no real fault of his own, made John both angry and sad.
"Good afternoon, Major," Dr. Zelenka called out. Rodney's head snapped up and he turned to look at John in surprise. John nodded a greeting to Zelenka, and then crossed the room until he was standing next to Rodney.
"Hi," he said awkwardly.
"Hi." There was a look in Rodney's eyes, a light that made John want to reach out and caress Rodney's face. He clamped down tightly on his emotions, brought himself back under rigid control and said, "We, uh, the team has a mission tomorrow. Elizabeth called a briefing at 0900 hours."
The light faded from Rodney's eyes. He turned back to his computer, and said, "Thank you for informing me, Major. I'll be there."
John hesitated a few seconds, then turned and left the lab.
He felt like shit.
~~~
"Ford, you and Teyla take the buildings on the south side. McKay and I will inspect these here. Record any power readings you locate. If they're sufficiently strong that you think McKay needs to check them out, radio us."
"Yes, Sir," Ford said, and he and Teyla immediately took off. Rodney was standing a few feet away staring intently at his scanner. When John went to stand next to him, he moved away without acknowledging John's presence. It'd been like that since the briefing this morning. He'd spoken only when spoken too, and hadn't looked directly at John at all, which was quite an achievement in the close confines of the Jumper. John followed along silently, trying to figure out what to do about the problem they faced. They couldn't continue to work together with the way things were, and yet John didn't want to lose McKay as a member of his team. He could only hope that Kate could help McKay get over his feelings for John.
And if it worked for Rodney, John mused, he'd go talk to Kate himself. He was tired of waking up hard and needy and wanting. He was tired of forcing himself to keep his hands off Rodney. Mostly, he was tired of not allowing himself to be around Rodney. It frightened him a little how much he missed Rodney's daily presence in his life.
They checked out several of the buildings in the city without finding anything of interest and at last entered what appeared to be a ceremonial building of some sort. Larger and more ornate than the surrounding buildings, it was built of large blocks of a gleaming white marble-like stone and was twice as long as it was wide. The building was completely empty except for the rows of evenly spaced columns that ran down both sides of the interior. Elaborate carvings and paintings decorated the walls and columns and John wandered around enjoying the artistry. He made a complete circuit and returned to where Rodney was standing before one of the columns studying a particularly complex carving. The intent look on the scientist's face made John ask, "You find something?"
"I don't know," Rodney answered distractedly. John noted that his voice was normal for the first time in a week, and he smiled at the sound.
"I can't read what this says, assuming it's even a written language," Rodney continued. "But I am registering an interesting energy pattern emanating from somewhere inside this column." As he talked he poked a finger into the center of one of the carvings. A rumbling was all the warning John had, but it was enough. He flew at Rodney and tackled him, throwing both of them several feet across the floor. They landed in a heap just as a large stone slab fell from the ceiling and crashed to the floor where McKay had been standing.
John lay half atop Rodney, his arms wrapped around him. White-faced, they both looked back at the column and watched a large cloud of dust settle around the slab.
"Jesus," John whispered.
"Oh, God," Rodney agreed.
John looked at Rodney and said in a shaky voice, "You okay?"
Rodney swallowed and said in an equally shaky voice, "Well, I think I cracked my pelvis, and I'm going to have huge contusions on my ass, and this dust," he coughed a bit, "isn't doing anything good for my allergies, but I'm alive." He looked into John's eyes. "Thanks to you."
John stared into Rodney's wide, shock-filled eyes and shuddered. It'd been such a close thing. If he'd been anywhere but where he'd been, Rodney would be dead.
He lifted a shaky hand and cupped the side of Rodney's face. "Jesus, Rodney. I almost lost you."
Rodney opened his mouth to respond when their radios crackled.
"Major! Dr. McKay!" Ford's voice shouted into their ears. "Are you guys okay? We heard a crash."
John keyed his mic. "Yes, Lieutenant, we're all right. But be careful exploring these ruins. Don't. Touch. Anything! McKay accidentally set off a booby trap of some kind. Finish recording what you find and then return to the Jumper. McKay and I will meet you there when we finish here."
"Yes, Sir," Ford acknowledged and the radio went silent again.
John returned his attention to Rodney. They were still lying on the ground and he was still half on top of Rodney. He knew he should get up, allow Rodney to get up, leave this building before anything else happened, but he couldn't. He couldn't release Rodney. Not yet. And Rodney didn't seem to be in any hurry to move either.
He looked at Rodney and the realization of what he'd almost lost slammed into John all over again leaving him shaken and defenseless. Once more lifting a hand to cup Rodney's face, he slowly lowered his head. The kiss was little more than a brushing of lips, but it made John's heart pound. He lifted his head and stared into Rodney's surprised eyes, then smiled and lowered his head again. This time the kiss was deeper and Rodney responded, opening his mouth and grabbing John's shoulder tightly. Their tongues touched and John felt his entire body go weak, just as it had the first time. He scooted his body around until he was settled comfortably over Rodney's body, their groins pressed together. He felt himself grow hard, and he felt Rodney respond in kind.
They broke the kiss only to begin another one. Rodney wrapped his arms around John's back and held him tightly to him, then raised his knees, placed his feet firmly on the ground and began to thrust up, rubbing his erection against John's. John broke the kiss and gasped as a wave of pleasure washed over him.
"Oh god, Rodney," he moaned throwing his head back and closing his eyes. Rodney's breath feathered against the skin on John's neck, warming John in a way he'd never felt before. He was getting close when Rodney suddenly stopped moving and began pushing at John's shoulders.
"John, stop. Stop."
John stilled his body and looked down at Rodney in a haze of desire and need. "What? What's wrong?"
"We've got to stop. I really need to stop now."
John felt his body go cold. "You don't want to do this?"
"Of course I want to do this, you idiot," Rodney snapped, sounding so much like his old self that John had to smile. "What I don't want to do is walk back to the Puddle Jumper and explain to Ford and Teyla how I got a big wet come stain on my trousers."
"Good point," John said with a grin, relaxing as the warmth returned. He leaned down to give Rodney a quick kiss, rolled off him and lay on his back breathing deeply and trying to calm down. Looking up at the ceiling made him think that making out with Rodney in a building that had already dropped one giant slab nearly onto their heads probably wasn't the wisest thing he'd ever done. But to be perfectly honest, making out with Rodney anywhere was probably not the wisest thing he'd ever done. He decided that being wise was greatly overrated.
He felt around until he found Rodney's hand and took it into his, interlacing their fingers. Rodney squeezed his hand and turned his head to look at him.
"So, what does this mean?" he asked.
John turned his head to look at Rodney. "I don't know. I guess...I guess that we're together, if that's what you want."
"Is that what you want?" Rodney countered.
John turned his head until he was looking up at the ceiling again and was silent for a few seconds. "I-I think so." He looked back at Rodney. "I have to be honest, Rodney," he said nervously. "I'm not gay, and this whole thing is pretty much freaking me out."
"And, what? You think I'm completely sanguine over it? It just so happens, Major, that I'm not gay either."
John gave Rodney a confused look. Rodney, of course, misinterpreted the look, and said, "'Sanguine' means..."
"I know what 'sanguine' means, Rodney," John growled. "What I don't know is why we're doing this. If neither of us are... Then why are we so...?"
"Hot for each other?" Rodney smirked.
John blushed and then gave a little laugh. "Yeah, I guess that pretty much sums it up."
Rodney sighed and turned his head away to stare at the ceiling. His thumb rubbed lightly along the back of John's hand. "That, Major, I have no answer for. And even though you were under the completely mistaken impression that just because I'm not a tough, macho military man that that automatically equates with me being gay..."
"I never thought you were gay," John protested.
Rodney just gave him a look and continued. "The fact is, Major, that I have never been attracted to, much less fallen in love with, another man."
John felt his heart trip over in his chest, and he stared wide-eyed as Rodney continued his rant.
"So this whole situation has me left me just as dumbfounded and, as you have so succinctly put it, 'freaked out', as it has you. And quite frankly if I were to be attracted to another man, you'd think it would be someone like Carson or Zelenka, a man who thinks with his brain, not his P90. Not that P90s don't have their use what with the enemy we're currently facing, still..."
He stopped suddenly and frowned at John.
"What?"
John swallowed and asked hesitantly, "You love me?"
Rodney's eyes widened and he said quickly, "What? No! I didn't say..."
And suddenly John knew he couldn't take it if Rodney took back the words and so he stopped him in the most expedient manner. When he lifted his mouth from Rodney's he said, "You said you'd never before been in love with another man."
"Oh. I...," Rodney nervously licked his lips. "Yes, well, okay, yes."
John swallowed and pulled Rodney to him, lowering his head until his forehead rested on Rodney's. He lay there, holding Rodney, breathing in his scent, allowing his warmth to fill the empty places in his soul. At last he pulled back and looked into Rodney's eyes again, seeing the hope and fear reflected there.
Pulling away a bit more, he said softly, "Rodney, I...I don't know anything about being in love." He felt Rodney stiffen and start to pull away, but he held onto him.
"Rodney, wait." Rodney relaxed a bit, but there was apprehension in his eyes now. John rubbed his thumb lightly over Rodney's cheekbone. "I don't know anything about being in love," he said again. "But what I feel for you is stronger and more scary than anything I've ever felt for anyone in my life."
Rodney smiled his sweet, crooked little smile and said, "Really?"
John smiled back. "Really," he said and leaned down to kiss him again.
When they broke apart again, Rodney sighed contentedly, but John could almost see the thoughts swirling around in his head. "What are you thinking about," he couldn't help but ask.
"Your question," he answered. "Why are we acting like this? I never considered you as a romantic partner until we had to kiss in that damned field. Maybe there was more to that ritual than we understood. Not that I believe in magic, but maybe there was some kind of alien technology that did something to us. Maybe after the harvest what we feel now will fade away."
"No, I don't think so," John answered. "Agreed, I never thought of you like this either. But," John faltered, not sure he could really confess what had struck him that day.
"But?"
John took a deep breath and said, "But when I thought we were going to have to have sex, even before we stepped back into that field, I...kinda got excited at the thought."
Rodney looked at him in surprise and then a huge smile broke out on his face. "Really?"
John grinned. "Really."
Rodney leaned over and kissed him again. "I was really panicked over it," he grinned. "But then I'm not the exhibitionist you are."
"Hey! I am not an exhibitionist."
"Right, not an exhibitionist," Rodney said in a tone that left no doubt what he truly believed. Then he smiled shyly and said, "You are a very good kisser, though."
John grinned happily, leaned in for another quick kiss, and said, "So are you. You damned near brought me to my knees in that field."
"Now that's good to know," Rodney smirked and settled back onto the floor. "I realized I wanted you as soon as we kissed," he confessed in a soft voice.
"Yeah."
Rodney turned his head and asked, "If you wanted me, why were you avoiding me?"
John squeezed his hand and said simply, "Because I wanted you. And because I told myself that it was wrong and against regulations, and that I couldn't have you."
"I think I became a little overwrought there for awhile."
"You think?" John asked incredulously.
Rodney gave him an arch look and said, "All your fault, Major. If you'd acted normally around me, I'd have accepted that you didn't reciprocate my feelings and dealt with it. But you kept acting like you couldn't stand the sight of me. That..." he hesitated, and then finished. "That hurt."
Rodney turned his head away, but not before John saw the pain in his eyes. He grabbed Rodney's chin and turned his face back to him. "I'm sorry, Rodney. I was so busy trying to deal with my own issues, that I didn't really consider how it would affect you."
"Just promise me something, John," he said so seriously that John tensed slightly. "Promise me that when you're ready for this to be over, you'll tell me. I'm a big boy, and I'll be able to handle it. Don't just turn your back on me in the hallways and walk away when you see me."
"I promise," John said, his heart breaking at the thought of walking away from Rodney ever again. "Promise me the same thing when you're ready to break up."
"I'm not sure I'll ever be ready."
John's mouth quirked up in a little half-smile. "Me neither."
They leaned in for another kiss. When they broke apart, Rodney pulled away from him and scrambled to his feet, but then stumbled and cried out in pain.
John was instantly on his feet grabbing Rodney's arm and giving him support. "Are you all right?" he asked in a worried voice.
Rodney rubbed at his hip. "Huge contusion," he whined.
John grinned mischievously and added his hand to Rodney's to massage the sore spot. "Tell you what. Let's finish up here, get back home, and I'll rub some liniment into that for you."
Rodney smiled an extraordinarily sweet smile, leaned in, kissed John, and murmured, "After."
John grinned back, kissed Rodney again, and said, "Cool."
The End.
Author: Sandy
Rating: R
Feedback: Is adored and treasured
Archive: Wraithbait and Area 52. Any others, just ask.
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Category: First Time M/M
Length: 7,400 words
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: As much as I'd love to own Rodney McKay and John Sheppard as well as the rest of the Atlantis team, someone far richer that I owns them. I just like playing with them.
Summary: Sheppard makes a faux pas while on a trade mission, and he and Rodney have to set things right leading to unexpected complications.
A/N: In the short time I've been in this fandom, I've come to love one of the standard Stargate clichés: Aliens made them do it. This is my take on it. This is unbetaed so all errors are mine alone.
~~~
There it is, Sir," Ford said as they stepped from the forest they'd been walking through for the last thirty minutes. Sheppard looked in the direction Ford pointed and made out the buildings of a small village about a kilometer distant across a freshly plowed field.
They had come through the Stargate on foot after Teyla had informed them that the village they sought was within easy walking distance. According to Teyla, this was a peaceful, agrarian community with abundant crops every year. The Atlantis team hoped to negotiate a trade agreement that would supply Atlantis with grain and root vegetables once the next crop was harvested.
"Okay, people, put on your company manners. Let's go meet the nice Melidosians," the Major said stepping straight into the field.
He rolled his eyes when he heard Rodney mutter behind him, "Great, these are new boots and now I get to tromp through cow manure or whatever disgusting compound it is they use for fertilizer."
"You can always walk around the field if you like, McKay," John called back. "It only looks like it's about an eight kilometer radius. By the time you get to the village, our negotiations will be finished and you can walk all the way back around again. It'll make a nice leisurely stroll to break in your new boots."
John grinned when he heard Rodney's snort of disgust, but he was aware that the astrophysicist entered the field right behind him, followed by Teyla and Ford. They were still some distance from the village when a group of men ran up to the edge of the field.
A very angry group of men.
"Infidels! Desecraters!" one of the men screeched. John was taken aback.
"Teyla?"
"I do not understand, Major," her soft voice answered. "My people have traded many times with the Melidosians. I know of no reason for Roya's anger.
"Roya?"
"He is the village leader, and the one with whom we need to negotiate."
"Well," John sighed. "This doesn't look promising, does it?"
They continued on until they reached the edge of the field. John raised his hand in greeting and smiled his most engaging smile.
"I'm Major John Sheppard..."
Before he got any further in his spiel, Roya stepped closer, his face livid with rage.
"Infidels! You have desecrated our offering to the soil! Our crops will be ruined."
"I'm sorry if we..." John began, holding up a placating hand. He stopped abruptly and looked around in surprise when the farmers, brandishing hoes and rakes and knives the size of machetes, shouted him down. They were surrounded and outnumbered before John could even react.
"Oh, God," McKay murmured.
"Roya," Teyla said, stepping forward.
"Silence, woman!" the village leader roared, his face a mottled red.
"Hey, hold on now," John said urgently. "There's no reason to shout at Teyla. We came here for peaceful trade negotiations. We're sorry if we did something wrong, and we're willing to do whatever is necessary to fix it."
"You will indeed 'fix it'," Roya snapped. "You," he pointed at Sheppard, "and you," he pointed at McKay.
"Oh, God," McKay muttered.
"Okay," John said with more calm than he felt, "and just what can we do?"
"You will give up your essence to fertilize the soil."
"Oh, God," moaned McKay is distress.
"Now, wait a minute," John said in alarm. "What do you mean, give up our essence?" He had a pretty good idea what they wanted, however, because he'd see Children of the Corn about a hundred times. Every out-of-the-way post he'd ever been assigned to seemed to have a copy in its movie library.
"You," Roya said pointing again to Sheppard, "and he," pointing to Rodney, "will enter the fields again. There you will join together and at the proper time spill your joined essence into the soil, giving life to the seed that lies beneath."
John's eyes widened in shock at what he'd just heard. He was also aware of McKay's panicked litany of "Oh, God". Surely he'd misunderstood. "You want McKay and me to go out into the field and..."
"Complete the ritual as set forth by Maktu, the goddess of crops and fertility. You must join your essence with his and spill it on the ground."
"Okay, see now, that's a bit of a problem," John explained, being careful to keep his tone of voice reasonable. "Where we're from, two men don't...well, some do, but for the most part it's considered taboo, and especially where I’m from, which is the US Military. I could get court-martialed if Rodney and I, uh, joined together. And while I'm really, really sorry..."
"You refuse?" Roya shouted. He made an abrupt gesture and the men surrounding them suddenly grabbed them holding them restrained and ripping their weapons from them.
"Hey!" Sheppard shouted. "Let us go! I was just trying to explain why what you ask is impossible for us to do."
"Since you, who were the first to defile the field, refuse to use your essence to honor Maktu as she has ordained, you leave us no choice. We must return to the ancient ways, beginning with her." He gestured again, and the men holding Teyla began dragging her out into the field."
"No!" John struggled mightily against the men holding him and was aware that McKay and Ford were involved in their own struggles. He had almost ripped himself free when one of the machetes was laid against his throat. When his two companions also ceased their struggles, he assumed they too were being threatened.
Teyla was calling his name and Sheppard knew there was no choice. It was certainly better to fuck Rodney - and he refused to acknowledge the way his belly quivered at that thought - and perhaps face court-martial, than it was to allow these people to sacrifice Teyla in their barbaric rites.
"Okay," he told Roya as forcefully as he could with an overgrown knife at his throat. "Okay, we'll do it. Just leave Teyla alone."
Roya nodded and shouted, "Gret, Hemmik, bring the woman back."
John relaxed slightly. When the men returned to the group, Roya again turned to John. "If you do not do as you have promised, we will spill the blood of both the woman and the boy. Do you understand?"
John carefully nodded his head.
"Oh, God," McKay whispered.
He and Rodney were released, and he swallowed and rubbed at the spot where the knife had been placed against his throat. He studiously refused to look at Rodney. Taking in a deep breath, he asked, "Okay, what do you want us to do?"
"Enter the field. We will tell you when to stop."
John nodded again and turned to move back into the field. Rodney moved to walk beside him.
"I'm sorry about this, Rodney. We should have taken the long way around."
"Yeah," Rodney sighed. "Just do me a favor and let's get it over with as quickly as possible. I really hate having to put off whatever humiliation the fates have in store for me each day."
John's lip quirked. "Yeah." He glanced at Rodney from the corner of his eye, cleared his throat and said, "I'm not sure how well I'm going to be able to, um, perform. But whatever it is they want us to do, we should both do our best to, uh..."
"Come so we can go?" Rodney said dryly.
John unexpectedly felt a laugh escape his lips and he no longer felt quite so tense. When they were about at the halfway point of the field, Roya shouted for them to stop. They did and turned back to face the small group at the edge of the field. Teyla and Ford still had the tips of knives pointed at their throats. The sight did nothing to enhance John's libido.
"Now turn to face each other and prepare for the joining."
John swallowed nervously, the tension coming back full force, and did as ordered.
"Oh, God," Rodney whispered tensely as he also turned.
"I wonder what we're supposed to do to prepare," John said, he eyes slightly wild.
"Really? You don't know? Because I would have sworn you've had sex before, Major."
John glared at him just as Roya shouted, "Step closer together."
They complied, moving closer until they were almost touching and there was really nowhere else to look except into each others eyes. John nervously licked his lips and Rodney's eyes dropped to his mouth. John was surprised when his cock twitched.
"Join!"
Both men frowned and turned to look at Roya. "What?"
"Join! Join!" the men began shouting, waving their weapons in the air.
Still not sure what was expected, John shouted back. "Tell us exactly what you want us to do."
"Join your mouths together," Roya shouted in angry exasperation.
"Join our... Kiss?" John said, feeling just a little lightheaded. He turned back to look at Rodney, relief in his eyes. "I think they just want us to kiss."
"Yeah, I got that," Rodney said, his own relief visible in his face. They smiled nervously at each other, puckered their lips and leaned forward, lips touching briefly before they jerked back as if they'd been stung. It reminded John of the time at Mary Lou Gundersen's thirteenth birthday party when a group of them had snuck away to play Spin the Bottle and he'd had to kiss Kathy Price. It hadn't been an overwhelming success as kisses went, but it had fulfilled the rules of the game. The two men smiled shyly at each other and then turned to face the throng.
"So, we all square now?" John asked hopefully.
"Do you think to mock us?" Roya shouted. He turned and pointed at the two prisoners. "Kill them!"
"No!" both John and Rodney shouted. "Look," John said desperately. "We're trying to do as you ask. Please."
Roya once again held up his hand holding back the villagers. He turned a hard face to Sheppard and McKay. "Then you will do as you promised. Join your mouths and your essences together."
John nodded and as he was turning back to McKay, Ford shouted, "I think they want you guys to French, Sir."
John sighed. "Yeah, got that," he yelled back.
Facing McKay again, he licked his lips, smiled tightly and said, "Okay, Rodney. Let's just suck it up and give them what they want."
Rodney's lips quirked into a small smile. "Please, Major. I would appreciate it, given our current situation, that you not use the phrase 'suck it up' in any connotation."
John snorted a somewhat giddy laugh, and suddenly, everything was all right. This was Rodney, and he could do this with Rodney. He didn't stop to think what that might mean.
Rodney grinned back at him, licked his own lips and leaned in. Their mouths touched again, but this time is wasn't a hard pressing of tightly closed lips, but a soft pressing of lips slightly opened. John felt his cock twitch again, and furiously tried to think of anything but the surprisingly enjoyable feel of Rodney's lips. He wasn't helped in this endeavor when Rodney turned his head just so and flicked his tongue against John's. Just the lightest touch and it almost sent John to his knees.
Unconsciously, instinctively, they deepened the kiss. Their mouths opened wider and Rodney's tongue stroked slowly. John heard a low, needy moan, and realized it was coming from him. Their bodies pressed together and their arms wrapped around each other, and now John could feel Rodney's response to the kiss. He felt a curious mixture of relief that he wasn't the only one affected and embarrassment that he was pressed up against another man's erection.
The embarrassment didn't last long though as the kiss went on and on. Jesus, Rodney was good at this. He gently sucked on John's tongue and then stroked it with his own, withdrew and returned, teased and made John ache for more.
At last they came up for air, both men panting heavily and staring at each other with passion-darkened eyes. They were leaning in for another kiss when wild cheering bought them out of their haze. They turned their heads to see a beaming Roya and a celebrating throng of villagers. John and Rodney looked at each other in confusion, and as sanity returned to them, they dropped their arms from around each other and hurriedly took a step back.
"Now you must spill the combined essence from your mouths on the soil," Roya instructed.
John's eyes widened and he turned to look at McKay who looked equally dumbfounded. Leaning over just a bit, they spat on the ground.
Another waves of cheers rose from the crowd and John heard Roya shout, "Again!"
They spat a second time to the accompaniment of loud acclamation. Once again looking at Roya, John felt intense relief when he saw that Ford and Teyla were no longer restrained.
"Come in, my friends," Roya shouted happily, arms gesturing madly. "Let us celebrate the rededication of the fields."
They started back to the others. John was aware every step of the way of Rodney walking next to him. His mind replayed over and over the feel of Rodney's mouth on his, the taste of Rodney's tongue, the feel of Rodney's body pressed against his own. It'd been a long time since he'd been so affected by a kiss. And it was that fact that began to make him feel discomforted. He wasn't gay, had never been attracted to another man, and the fact that he'd enjoyed Rodney's kiss, wanted to kiss him again, wanted to maybe do more, began to freak John out.
The closer they got to the edge of the field, the farther away from Rodney John moved so that by the time they joined the others, there were several feet separating them.
Ford came up to him grinning mischievously. "Good job, Sir."
Before John had a chance to respond, Roya came up to him and embraced him. "Maktu is well pleased, Major John Sheppard. Come, let us celebrate."
He escorted them into the village and an impromptu feast was set out. John sat as far away from Rodney as he could and did his best to ignore the confused glances Rodney was giving him, concentrating instead on Roya and his wife and three lovely daughters.
The feasting lasted several hours and by the time they were finished, they'd been able to hammer out an agreement for a good portion of the crops come harvest. It was getting late in the afternoon before goodbyes were said and Sheppard's group made their way around the field. John was surprised when Rodney didn't make a remark about taking the long way around, but he'd been aware for some time that Rodney had withdrawn into scowling silence.
It was, of course, Ford that brought up the subject that John least wanted to discuss."
"I don't get it," Ford said to Teyla when they were well away from the village. "Why do they think that two guys kissing and then spitting into the field fertilizes the soil?"
"I do not know, Aiden," Teyla answered. "I admit, I have never heard of such a ritual before, and we have traded many times with the Melidosians."
"Well, it's nuts, if you ask me. Those people are freaks. Dangerous freaks. I was getting worried with that machete at my throat." His voice changed to teasing amusement. "Good thing you and Dr. McKay are such hot kissers, Sir."
"Do you mind," McKay snapped. "That ritual was unpleasant enough without you going on about it. These primitive cultures have no idea about scientific methods of soil fertilization. It's all voodoo and blood rites. We're just lucky they didn't gut the lot of us."
John glanced at Rodney's flushed, angry face and frowned at Rodney's words. However, he turned to Ford and said, "McKay's right. As bad as it was, it could have been worse, so knock it off. And if this gets out back home, Private Ford..."
Ford, unrepentant, grinned and said, "Yes, Sir. It'll be our little secret."
McKay glowered at him, and then at John, and then for good measure, at Teyla.
John let out a sigh of relief when they finally reached the Stargate. The trek had been long, everyone was exhausted, and McKay had become particularity prickly, criticizing Teyla for suggesting it was an easy walk from the Stargate, complaining about the blisters that were forming on his feet and predicting gangrene, and swatting at the insects that buzzed around his sweaty face and assuring everyone that they were all going to come down with the Melidosian version of hemorrhagic fever. John was relieved when the strange, warm glow he'd had been feeling for Rodney began to dissipate under the onslaught of complaints, and he found himself longing for a Wraith stunner to use on the cranky scientist.
Rodney disappeared as soon as his medical exam was finished, and John reported to Weir's office to fill her in on the success of the mission. He reluctantly told the story of the misunderstanding, and he really didn't appreciate the look of amusement that flashed over Elizabeth's face before she diplomatically covered it up.
When he left Weir's office, John decided to put the entire incident out of his mind. However he soon discovered it was easier said than done, especially when he kept finding himself staring at Rodney's mouth whenever he saw him. He found it was much easier to bury the memory if he didn't see or interact with Rodney and so he subtly began to avoid him. He heard all about him though. Apparently McKay's snappishness had escalated since they'd returned and was just about reaching critical mass. John began to worry, wondering how long it would take before someone beat him to death with his own laptop. Elizabeth apparently had the same concerns because she called John into her office to discuss the matter.
"Do you have any idea what's the matter with Dr. McKay?"
John shrugged. "Sounds to me like he's just being McKay, only more so," he said flippantly, hiding his own concern.
"John, this isn't funny. I've had almost everyone in his department in here complaining."
"Sorry, Elizabeth, I haven't really talked to him since our last mission, so I have no idea what's crawled up his a..., uh, what's wrong with him."
Elizabeth gave John a considering look. "Is it possible that he's still upset about that ritual you and he had to participate in?"
John felt his face flush at the memory. "I don't know why that would still be bothering him," he protested, not wanting to admit how much he still thought about it. "It was embarrassing, sure, but no one but the five of us knows about it, so he shouldn't still be freaking out over it."
"Still, it might be a good idea if you talked to him."
"Me? You're the one in charge here," John protested, his heart beginning to pound in his chest. He'd been doing his best not to have to interact with Rodney, and, in fact, had been dreading the thought of their next mission together. The very last thing he wanted to do was have a private talk with Rodney.
"John, please. I don't want to make this official and look as if I'm undermining his authority. And if his behavior is because of that ritual, I think you of anyone would best understand what he's going through. At least talk to him for me. I'm afraid someone's going to snap and hurt him if he doesn't calm down."
He didn't want Rodney to get hurt, so he sighed and nodded. He'd confront Rodney and try to find out just what bug had crawled up his ass. He only hoped it was something other than the kiss they'd been forced to share, because that was really the last thing he wanted to discuss with McKay.
Reluctantly but resignedly, he went in search of Rodney, and as luck would have it, he found him working alone in one of the newly discovered labs tinkering with some piece of Ancient equipment Sheppard hadn't seen before. He was lying on the floor half inside the base of the machine, and as the door slid shut behind John he heard McKay's muffled voice snapping, "They're not here."
"Who?" John asked, amused in spite of himself.
"Whoever you're looking for. Now go away."
"Actually, Rodney, I was looking for you."
Rodney slid out just far enough to pop his head out. He scowled when he saw who it was.
"Oh, it's you."
"Yeah. You got a minute?"
"Actually, no."
He started to slide back inside the mystery machine.
"We need to talk, Rodney."
"No, we really don't," Rodney answered from the machine's interior.
"Look, Elizabeth asked me to talk to you, and I'm going to talk to you. This is important, Rodney."
He thought Rodney tensed a bit, but he slid back out and looked coldly at John. "All right, talk, and then let me get back to my work."
Now that he had Rodney's attention, he didn't know exactly where to start. "Uh, Elizabeth said that she's had a lot of complaints about you lately."
"Is that right?"
John hadn't thought the blue eyes could get any colder, but somehow Rodney once more managed to accomplish the impossible.
"Yeah, that's right. Apparently you've been even more obnoxious than usual."
For an instant, there was a look of hurt in Rodney's eyes, but it was quickly gone and John wondered if he saw it at all.
"So, Elizabeth sent you to tell me to put on my party manners?"
"Look," John said in a placating voice. "She didn't want to make it official. She asked me to talk to you, find out if anything was wrong."
"Oh, so now you're not only doing Elizabeth's job, your doing Kate Heightmeyer's too? Well, aren't you just a man for all seasons."
"Damn it, Rodney!" John snapped. "I didn't want to come here and talk to you in the first place."
Rodney looked at if John had struck him.
"Yes, I'm sure you didn't, Major," he said in a slightly shaking voice. "You've made it abundantly clear lately that even being in the same room with me is distasteful to you."
John closed his eyes. Wrapped up in his own confused emotions, he hadn't really considered that his avoidance of Rodney had not only been noticed, but was hurting the other man. Taking a step forward, he swallowed and said in a calmer voice, "Is that what this is all about?"
Rodney's lips thinned out in a tight line, and he said, "You really don't want to know what this is all about, Major."
"Maybe not, but whatever it is, you need to get over it. We have a job to do here, and we need everyone working together. We don't need you stressing out your department to the point where they can't do their jobs."
"Fine, Major. I'll 'get over' what's bothering me. Now please go away."
"Rodney," John began, taking a step forward, but Rodney turned away from him. John reached out and grabbed his arm. Rodney stopped but didn't turn back to face him. "Rodney, I'm sorry if I've hurt your feelings. That was never my intention."
"Please leave, Major."
"No. Not like this." John found he just couldn't leave it alone. Before that damned ritual on Melidosia, he'd considered Rodney his friend. Maybe even his best friend. He'd enjoyed how well they worked together, the ease he felt in Rodney's company. He'd even enjoyed it when they snipped and snarked at each other. Hell, he'd especially enjoyed it when they snipped and snarked at each other. And now he was afraid to be around Rodney. But he knew he had to push his own fucked-up feelings aside for now because his friend needed help. "Tell me what's gotten you so upset."
"You don’t want to know," Rodney said again, and John could hear the pain in his voice.
"Yes, I do."
Rodney turned back around and said tightly, "All right. Just remember, you wanted to know." Cupping John's face in his two big hands, he leaned in and kissed him. This kiss was nothing like the one they'd shared on Melidosia. It was hard and rough and tasted of anger and desperation. Rodney pulled back and looked at John with eyes gone slightly wild. "That's what's bothering me," he said roughly and walked out of the room.
John slumped back against the machine Rodney had been working on, his heart pounding and his legs weak.
"Oh, fuck," he whispered.
~~~
He reported to Elizabeth that he'd had a talk with Rodney, and she'd thanked him. He then went looking for Teyla and let her pound on him with her sticks. When the workout was over, he found a reason to go to the other side of the city, getting as far away from Rodney as he could. He knew he should confront Rodney again, discuss what was happening between them, but instead he avoided him, making sure Rodney wasn't in the mess hall when he went to eat or leaving immediately if he was and staying out of the Gateroom and lab areas as much as possible. He only wished he could avoid him as easily in his sleep. It wasn't unusual for Rodney to feature in his dreams, but those dreams had changed after their return from Melidosia. Before, the dreams were just them together exploring a strange new planet or playing with a new Ancient toy Rodney had discovered, but now the dreams were more often than not...well, erotic was the only way to describe them. And since their confrontation in the lab, the erotic dreams had become even more vivid. It was freaking him out. The dreams coupled with Rodney's kiss left him feeling confused and slightly desperate. He wasn't gay. He shouldn’t be having these...feelings, longings, for another guy. Especially a guy like Rodney McKay.
~~~
A few days after his talk with Rodney, Elizabeth called John back into her office.
"We have another problem with Rodney," she said after he had taken a seat in front of her desk.
John felt his stomach clench a little, but he didn't allow anything to show on his face.
"What? I thought the word was he'd stopped lacerating everybody with his tongue."
"Yes, he has. He's not snapping at anyone any longer. In fact, Dr. Zelenka informs me he's barely talking to anyone at all."
John shifted nervously in his chair. "You want me to talk to him again?"
Elizabeth shook her head. "No, I'm going to order him to talk to Dr. Heightmeyer as soon as you return from your next mission."
"Our next mission?"
"Yes. Sgt. Stackhouse's team has received information about a city of ruins on M3S 275. He said from the description he received it's possible the Ancients built it. If so, there may be technology we can use somewhere within the ruins. I want you and your team to check it out tomorrow. We'll have a briefing at 0900."
"Oh, okay. I'll, uh, inform the others."
"Good. And don't worry about mentioning Dr. Heightmeyer to Rodney. I'll take care of it when you return."
John nodded and left Elizabeth's office. He tracked down Ford and Teyla and informed them of the next day's mission. When he could put it off no longer, he made his way to Rodney's lab. When he walked in, he saw right away what Elizabeth had been talking about. He'd been in McKay's lab any number of times, and usually it was like a beehive with scientists running here and there, tapping busily on computer keyboards, and performing experiments all to the accompaniment of an underlying hum of words, most of which came from the Department Head's mouth.
Today, it was totally different. There was still activity, but there was no convivial bantering going on. Everyone worked silently with heads down and shoulders hunched. Rodney was seated at his station, busily doing whatever it was Rodney did when he was in his natural habitat, but even from across the room, John could see that he had withdrawn into himself.
The sight bothered John deeply. Rodney should never be like this. He was a force of nature, a typhoon of action and sound that tore through his life drawing everyone along with him. To see Rodney like this struck John as very, very wrong, and he couldn't help the feeling of guilt that assailed him. The fact that he was to blame, even if it was through no real fault of his own, made John both angry and sad.
"Good afternoon, Major," Dr. Zelenka called out. Rodney's head snapped up and he turned to look at John in surprise. John nodded a greeting to Zelenka, and then crossed the room until he was standing next to Rodney.
"Hi," he said awkwardly.
"Hi." There was a look in Rodney's eyes, a light that made John want to reach out and caress Rodney's face. He clamped down tightly on his emotions, brought himself back under rigid control and said, "We, uh, the team has a mission tomorrow. Elizabeth called a briefing at 0900 hours."
The light faded from Rodney's eyes. He turned back to his computer, and said, "Thank you for informing me, Major. I'll be there."
John hesitated a few seconds, then turned and left the lab.
He felt like shit.
~~~
"Ford, you and Teyla take the buildings on the south side. McKay and I will inspect these here. Record any power readings you locate. If they're sufficiently strong that you think McKay needs to check them out, radio us."
"Yes, Sir," Ford said, and he and Teyla immediately took off. Rodney was standing a few feet away staring intently at his scanner. When John went to stand next to him, he moved away without acknowledging John's presence. It'd been like that since the briefing this morning. He'd spoken only when spoken too, and hadn't looked directly at John at all, which was quite an achievement in the close confines of the Jumper. John followed along silently, trying to figure out what to do about the problem they faced. They couldn't continue to work together with the way things were, and yet John didn't want to lose McKay as a member of his team. He could only hope that Kate could help McKay get over his feelings for John.
And if it worked for Rodney, John mused, he'd go talk to Kate himself. He was tired of waking up hard and needy and wanting. He was tired of forcing himself to keep his hands off Rodney. Mostly, he was tired of not allowing himself to be around Rodney. It frightened him a little how much he missed Rodney's daily presence in his life.
They checked out several of the buildings in the city without finding anything of interest and at last entered what appeared to be a ceremonial building of some sort. Larger and more ornate than the surrounding buildings, it was built of large blocks of a gleaming white marble-like stone and was twice as long as it was wide. The building was completely empty except for the rows of evenly spaced columns that ran down both sides of the interior. Elaborate carvings and paintings decorated the walls and columns and John wandered around enjoying the artistry. He made a complete circuit and returned to where Rodney was standing before one of the columns studying a particularly complex carving. The intent look on the scientist's face made John ask, "You find something?"
"I don't know," Rodney answered distractedly. John noted that his voice was normal for the first time in a week, and he smiled at the sound.
"I can't read what this says, assuming it's even a written language," Rodney continued. "But I am registering an interesting energy pattern emanating from somewhere inside this column." As he talked he poked a finger into the center of one of the carvings. A rumbling was all the warning John had, but it was enough. He flew at Rodney and tackled him, throwing both of them several feet across the floor. They landed in a heap just as a large stone slab fell from the ceiling and crashed to the floor where McKay had been standing.
John lay half atop Rodney, his arms wrapped around him. White-faced, they both looked back at the column and watched a large cloud of dust settle around the slab.
"Jesus," John whispered.
"Oh, God," Rodney agreed.
John looked at Rodney and said in a shaky voice, "You okay?"
Rodney swallowed and said in an equally shaky voice, "Well, I think I cracked my pelvis, and I'm going to have huge contusions on my ass, and this dust," he coughed a bit, "isn't doing anything good for my allergies, but I'm alive." He looked into John's eyes. "Thanks to you."
John stared into Rodney's wide, shock-filled eyes and shuddered. It'd been such a close thing. If he'd been anywhere but where he'd been, Rodney would be dead.
He lifted a shaky hand and cupped the side of Rodney's face. "Jesus, Rodney. I almost lost you."
Rodney opened his mouth to respond when their radios crackled.
"Major! Dr. McKay!" Ford's voice shouted into their ears. "Are you guys okay? We heard a crash."
John keyed his mic. "Yes, Lieutenant, we're all right. But be careful exploring these ruins. Don't. Touch. Anything! McKay accidentally set off a booby trap of some kind. Finish recording what you find and then return to the Jumper. McKay and I will meet you there when we finish here."
"Yes, Sir," Ford acknowledged and the radio went silent again.
John returned his attention to Rodney. They were still lying on the ground and he was still half on top of Rodney. He knew he should get up, allow Rodney to get up, leave this building before anything else happened, but he couldn't. He couldn't release Rodney. Not yet. And Rodney didn't seem to be in any hurry to move either.
He looked at Rodney and the realization of what he'd almost lost slammed into John all over again leaving him shaken and defenseless. Once more lifting a hand to cup Rodney's face, he slowly lowered his head. The kiss was little more than a brushing of lips, but it made John's heart pound. He lifted his head and stared into Rodney's surprised eyes, then smiled and lowered his head again. This time the kiss was deeper and Rodney responded, opening his mouth and grabbing John's shoulder tightly. Their tongues touched and John felt his entire body go weak, just as it had the first time. He scooted his body around until he was settled comfortably over Rodney's body, their groins pressed together. He felt himself grow hard, and he felt Rodney respond in kind.
They broke the kiss only to begin another one. Rodney wrapped his arms around John's back and held him tightly to him, then raised his knees, placed his feet firmly on the ground and began to thrust up, rubbing his erection against John's. John broke the kiss and gasped as a wave of pleasure washed over him.
"Oh god, Rodney," he moaned throwing his head back and closing his eyes. Rodney's breath feathered against the skin on John's neck, warming John in a way he'd never felt before. He was getting close when Rodney suddenly stopped moving and began pushing at John's shoulders.
"John, stop. Stop."
John stilled his body and looked down at Rodney in a haze of desire and need. "What? What's wrong?"
"We've got to stop. I really need to stop now."
John felt his body go cold. "You don't want to do this?"
"Of course I want to do this, you idiot," Rodney snapped, sounding so much like his old self that John had to smile. "What I don't want to do is walk back to the Puddle Jumper and explain to Ford and Teyla how I got a big wet come stain on my trousers."
"Good point," John said with a grin, relaxing as the warmth returned. He leaned down to give Rodney a quick kiss, rolled off him and lay on his back breathing deeply and trying to calm down. Looking up at the ceiling made him think that making out with Rodney in a building that had already dropped one giant slab nearly onto their heads probably wasn't the wisest thing he'd ever done. But to be perfectly honest, making out with Rodney anywhere was probably not the wisest thing he'd ever done. He decided that being wise was greatly overrated.
He felt around until he found Rodney's hand and took it into his, interlacing their fingers. Rodney squeezed his hand and turned his head to look at him.
"So, what does this mean?" he asked.
John turned his head to look at Rodney. "I don't know. I guess...I guess that we're together, if that's what you want."
"Is that what you want?" Rodney countered.
John turned his head until he was looking up at the ceiling again and was silent for a few seconds. "I-I think so." He looked back at Rodney. "I have to be honest, Rodney," he said nervously. "I'm not gay, and this whole thing is pretty much freaking me out."
"And, what? You think I'm completely sanguine over it? It just so happens, Major, that I'm not gay either."
John gave Rodney a confused look. Rodney, of course, misinterpreted the look, and said, "'Sanguine' means..."
"I know what 'sanguine' means, Rodney," John growled. "What I don't know is why we're doing this. If neither of us are... Then why are we so...?"
"Hot for each other?" Rodney smirked.
John blushed and then gave a little laugh. "Yeah, I guess that pretty much sums it up."
Rodney sighed and turned his head away to stare at the ceiling. His thumb rubbed lightly along the back of John's hand. "That, Major, I have no answer for. And even though you were under the completely mistaken impression that just because I'm not a tough, macho military man that that automatically equates with me being gay..."
"I never thought you were gay," John protested.
Rodney just gave him a look and continued. "The fact is, Major, that I have never been attracted to, much less fallen in love with, another man."
John felt his heart trip over in his chest, and he stared wide-eyed as Rodney continued his rant.
"So this whole situation has me left me just as dumbfounded and, as you have so succinctly put it, 'freaked out', as it has you. And quite frankly if I were to be attracted to another man, you'd think it would be someone like Carson or Zelenka, a man who thinks with his brain, not his P90. Not that P90s don't have their use what with the enemy we're currently facing, still..."
He stopped suddenly and frowned at John.
"What?"
John swallowed and asked hesitantly, "You love me?"
Rodney's eyes widened and he said quickly, "What? No! I didn't say..."
And suddenly John knew he couldn't take it if Rodney took back the words and so he stopped him in the most expedient manner. When he lifted his mouth from Rodney's he said, "You said you'd never before been in love with another man."
"Oh. I...," Rodney nervously licked his lips. "Yes, well, okay, yes."
John swallowed and pulled Rodney to him, lowering his head until his forehead rested on Rodney's. He lay there, holding Rodney, breathing in his scent, allowing his warmth to fill the empty places in his soul. At last he pulled back and looked into Rodney's eyes again, seeing the hope and fear reflected there.
Pulling away a bit more, he said softly, "Rodney, I...I don't know anything about being in love." He felt Rodney stiffen and start to pull away, but he held onto him.
"Rodney, wait." Rodney relaxed a bit, but there was apprehension in his eyes now. John rubbed his thumb lightly over Rodney's cheekbone. "I don't know anything about being in love," he said again. "But what I feel for you is stronger and more scary than anything I've ever felt for anyone in my life."
Rodney smiled his sweet, crooked little smile and said, "Really?"
John smiled back. "Really," he said and leaned down to kiss him again.
When they broke apart again, Rodney sighed contentedly, but John could almost see the thoughts swirling around in his head. "What are you thinking about," he couldn't help but ask.
"Your question," he answered. "Why are we acting like this? I never considered you as a romantic partner until we had to kiss in that damned field. Maybe there was more to that ritual than we understood. Not that I believe in magic, but maybe there was some kind of alien technology that did something to us. Maybe after the harvest what we feel now will fade away."
"No, I don't think so," John answered. "Agreed, I never thought of you like this either. But," John faltered, not sure he could really confess what had struck him that day.
"But?"
John took a deep breath and said, "But when I thought we were going to have to have sex, even before we stepped back into that field, I...kinda got excited at the thought."
Rodney looked at him in surprise and then a huge smile broke out on his face. "Really?"
John grinned. "Really."
Rodney leaned over and kissed him again. "I was really panicked over it," he grinned. "But then I'm not the exhibitionist you are."
"Hey! I am not an exhibitionist."
"Right, not an exhibitionist," Rodney said in a tone that left no doubt what he truly believed. Then he smiled shyly and said, "You are a very good kisser, though."
John grinned happily, leaned in for another quick kiss, and said, "So are you. You damned near brought me to my knees in that field."
"Now that's good to know," Rodney smirked and settled back onto the floor. "I realized I wanted you as soon as we kissed," he confessed in a soft voice.
"Yeah."
Rodney turned his head and asked, "If you wanted me, why were you avoiding me?"
John squeezed his hand and said simply, "Because I wanted you. And because I told myself that it was wrong and against regulations, and that I couldn't have you."
"I think I became a little overwrought there for awhile."
"You think?" John asked incredulously.
Rodney gave him an arch look and said, "All your fault, Major. If you'd acted normally around me, I'd have accepted that you didn't reciprocate my feelings and dealt with it. But you kept acting like you couldn't stand the sight of me. That..." he hesitated, and then finished. "That hurt."
Rodney turned his head away, but not before John saw the pain in his eyes. He grabbed Rodney's chin and turned his face back to him. "I'm sorry, Rodney. I was so busy trying to deal with my own issues, that I didn't really consider how it would affect you."
"Just promise me something, John," he said so seriously that John tensed slightly. "Promise me that when you're ready for this to be over, you'll tell me. I'm a big boy, and I'll be able to handle it. Don't just turn your back on me in the hallways and walk away when you see me."
"I promise," John said, his heart breaking at the thought of walking away from Rodney ever again. "Promise me the same thing when you're ready to break up."
"I'm not sure I'll ever be ready."
John's mouth quirked up in a little half-smile. "Me neither."
They leaned in for another kiss. When they broke apart, Rodney pulled away from him and scrambled to his feet, but then stumbled and cried out in pain.
John was instantly on his feet grabbing Rodney's arm and giving him support. "Are you all right?" he asked in a worried voice.
Rodney rubbed at his hip. "Huge contusion," he whined.
John grinned mischievously and added his hand to Rodney's to massage the sore spot. "Tell you what. Let's finish up here, get back home, and I'll rub some liniment into that for you."
Rodney smiled an extraordinarily sweet smile, leaned in, kissed John, and murmured, "After."
John grinned back, kissed Rodney again, and said, "Cool."
The End.