murr

[spacedoobie]

I realized tonight that the reason I never update is that I care too much about what other people think. Or what they may think, or what I think they might think. I avoid posting because generally speaking I would rather be miserable than burden someone else with any of my bullshit. And I'm getting really sick of it. I'm like a walking hypothesis.

Comments

[arborwin]

wingsnugs

no seriously don't worry so much dog. venting is what lj is for.

[spacedoobie]

Well, yeah. It's just something programmed deep in the back of my head. My dad's given solution to a problem is/was YELLING, with a nice side of MAKE YOU FEEL REALLY BAD. Since I was a kid, I've tried to stay quiet and out of the way as I can afford to. And SLOWLY but surely I'm realizing, oh, hey, normal fucking people 1) aren't going to treat me that way, and 2) even if they were, most of the inane shit I stress about doesn't garner that kind of response. It's just hard to overcome old clam instincts. Hell, do you remember me on the MUD before that first crackfic? I always avoided talking to you guys because I didn't know any of you, and you were all older and more experienced than me and of course anything I said would be stupid and looked down upon and I would ruin everything and it would be all my fault and and and. Really, I'm a ridiculous fucking faggot with underdeveloped social skills who's still figuring things out that probably should have been figured out sometime during puberty

[spacedoobie]

also, why does everything i do become a god damn paragraph aaaaa. seriously i can't even say how many times i've typed up a reply, decided that it was too fucking much and deleted the whole thing. I came so close to not posting that. That's what happens with most of my comments/journals. :/

[arborwin]

Sadly, the ability to speak intelligently also usually comes with an overactive sense of self censorship. Don't worry about it, Rur. You've always been coherent and you don't burden your friends, there's nothing wrong with speaking up if you're genuinely upset about something. We like to know how you are and what you're doing :B

Anyway, for the most part, people roll with this shit to an incredible degree. You've already seen this social function in action. Most of the time, it's deserved--normal tolerance that keeps friendships going, social lubrication in its original form.

Too bad we've had too many experiences with people who didn't deserve the tolerance they received, and gave none in return. That really fucks with your ideals and makes your already overactive neurosis even more difficult to deal with. But you're not one of these bad people at all. SO FAR >:( WATCH YOURSELF NIGGER. No really you're fine, Rur, lol. We're all so neurotic, we know how you're feeling, and frankly I forget how old you really are. It's pretty

[chuness]

the trick is to remember that no one really cares about what you say lol

Seriously though, don't worry about dumping into your lj. Arby already covered this but that's what lj is for. Even though it sucks that things have been going badly lately, it's nice to know you're still alive.

Yeah and everyone in the hive is a bit crazy. Especially that Glau. She's a shifty one. I mean, whatever happened to that baby from a while back?

CONSPIRACY