Comments | spacematchbook: Chapter 1, Part 2

spacematchbook

Chapter 1, Part 2

Nov 05, 2005 07:20

Comments 5

drworm November 5 2005, 19:17:09 UTC

“Some predators do use hypnotic means to snare their prey. Certain spiders, monkeys, birds of prey. Women, particularly.”

*snerk!* Good line.

And, yeah, I can definitely see that you've hit a rhythm with the action and dialogue in this part. So... awesomeness. :D

ghostgecko November 6 2005, 04:19:06 UTC

Yeah, I liked that line too! HAHAHAHAHAH

While the dialog could use a little polish, you did a good job establishing their different reactions to the alien which I assume are going to put them at odds thru the rest of the story. You might want to make White's objections to touching the thing clearer earlier on, since it was kind of hard to believe he'd leave it lay (that may just be because you'd have to pry me off a spaceship with a crowbar, tho).

And I found this, you might like to read (don't worry, it's short so it will only eat up a few minutes!) - about sci-fi not always having to be the literature of new ideas: http://www.rsalsbury.co.uk/art_ideas.htm

lemmealone November 6 2005, 07:16:50 UTC

Ah, you're definitely in the swing of it now. *g*

the_quarantine November 7 2005, 02:19:16 UTC

Yeah, you've hit a rhythm ( ... )

spacematchbook November 7 2005, 21:12:43 UTC

I am trying to exaggerate things just a little bit for the sake of the envelope story. It is supposed to be very pulpy. But yeah, I'm still struggling with his character and reactions, and how to justify them. He's supposed to play a certain role in the story, but it feels like I'm forcing him into it, and I'm not sure how to rectify that. It'd be easier if it was a fic I could go back and edit, but part of the challenge of this novel is trying to justify bad writing earlier with good writing later. (If that makes any sense.)

And yeah, the alien's touches are definitely meant to be erotic. I'm pleased you caught that.