(no subject)
"Can't Even Shout"
"No! No! Stop screaming! I'd rather have the silences! Just stop
screaming!"
The hysterical screams and sobs jolted through Serenity and, next
door, Simon was the nearest to hear them. They had become commonplace
since Miranda and the fight with the Reavers. He had supposed that it
was because she had been so close to them but it was really just
anyone's guess. That didn't stop it from concerning him, though, and
it was a struggle to not rush in every time she screamed. If he did,
he knew he wouldn't get anything done and it would probably upset him
even more.
Fear was something he had become quite familiar with to on his time
on the ship, but never quite mastered. He'd heard of people who could
give themselves a count of ten, and be over the sensation, but he
couldn't. Fear gripped him entirely. The tightening of the chest and
gut, widening of the eyes, prickling of the small hairs on the neck.
To think about what River must go through with the things in her mind
was incomprehensible to him. Simon knew her fits were full of terror
he couldn't even begin to understand, let alone cope with.
Simon sighed and shut the infirmary doors to block out the screams.
His inability to help her was slowly killing him.
The silence at the table was almost visible. Everyone opened their
mouthes a few times to try to say something but quickly closed them
again, at a loss for words. Jayne, picking his teeth with his knife,
was the most of them all. He was nervous, twitchy, not sitting still
or resting.
"I thought she got better after our little stint on that planet with
all them dead folk," he finally spoke up, careful to keep himself
well away from both the doctor and the loony. "Why's she still all
crazy-nuts?"
Simon gritted his teeth. Willed himself to refrain from punching the
taller man he knew he could end up being killed by.
River spoke for him. Her head flung quickly in his direction from
where she had been looking at the plate. "They're not dead," she said
vehemently, her eyes widening but keeping their focus on him, on the
knife still near his face. "They're not dead, they're not alive,
because they don't exist. None of them. Dead things whisper, have
presences, have souls. They're just gone. She isn't better, she's
just begun. Her mind, her turmoil. You started it all." Suddenly she
stopped and looked at Inara who had sat down at the table and, with a
very normal voice, said, "you're sitting on Wash."
She got up, left the table as if nothing had happened, and seemingly
floated out of the room, leaving several concerned crewmen behind, as
well as one satisfied man-ape-gone-wrong-...thing.
"Told you she's still wacky," Jayne summarized and brought his knife
to his teeth.
When the captain stood up and motioned at Simon to come with him, he
had no choice to obey.
"What was that? What in the blazes was that!?" If Simon had thought
River had been angry before, just one look at Mal's face would have
changed things around for good. "I thought she was better."
"She-- she is, she was, she... I don't know. I don't know anything.
She was fine for a while but recently she's been scared and different
and regressing and I don't know, captain. I'm just as confused by
this as you are, probably moreso."
"O, juh jen sh guh kwai luh duh jean-jan. A development you need to
fix. Soon."
The doctor sighed, rubbed his hand through is hair, and desperately
wished he were back in his bed with Kaylee like he had been this
morning instead of here with an angry Malcolm Reynolds discussing his
sister. "I-I'll try, but-"
"Trying is all well and good, but if she's crazy she can't fly, and
we need her to fly, else I have to hire another pilot. And I don't
want to do that. Dong ma?"
"Yes."
Since it appeared no more was to be said, each stalked in opposite
directions, Simon to the infirmary and Mal to the cargo bay. River
looked down from the ceiling and knew something she wished she
didn't. The word formed on her lips without her choice and it chilled
her.
"Why?"
"Why? Why what, Jayne? Do you have an objection to this?" Mal was
stoic, his quiet pensiveness giving Zoe a run for her money. "Inara
needs to be there and the most reputable sir Badger," that was
sarcasm, a small break in his calm, "has given us a job. A job we
need to do."
"This is good money, Jayne," Zoe piped up from the corner of the
mess. "Even if we have to go to Londinium to get it."
"That planet's as far into the core as you can get!"
"It don't matter, Jayne. We've used up all the money we were given
for repairs. Find a crew, find a job, k-"
Jayne's angry grown interrupted Mal. "Keep flying. I know." He
stomped out of the room angrily. The mercenary was uncertain why they
shouldn't be going where they were or why he was so gorram terrified
of it but he knew they shouldn't. It was just a gut instinct.
River's mouth formed that single word again, though no one noticed.
They were coming and she didn't know how to stop them.
"River? River, sweetie, what is it? What's wrong?" Simon was
concerned, bending over River in the lounge by the infirmary. Hardly
anyone spent any time there anymore, choosing to stay two-by-two or
alone in bunks or shuttles.
She was at the breaking point. Words spilled out of her as if she
were a cracked pitcher and the hole were expanding. "Everything's
wrong, everything's strange, everything comes up or stays down but it
doesn't do what she tells it to and they're coming but we can't stop
them and they shouldn't be going to where they are but she can't stop
them."
As Simon mulled this over, wondering what was going on inside his
sister's head, she was living thoughts he couldn't imagine. Images of
perfectly built buildings, steel and granite and glass making a
beautiful city bathed in blood and bodies everywhere. Like Miranda
but different, the technology advanced just that small bit and just
that many more people, just that many more bodies, just enough to
indicate a different place.
"What can't she stop, River?" Simon finally found his voice. She
couldn't say anything, though, she knew she wasn't allowed to tell.
She had told the preacher, had trusted him with her secrets, and she
knew what had happened to him, to his entire moon was his fault. More
images bombarded her mind and she didn't hear her brother's voice as
it called out to her but that was okay.
He hugged her. In a moment of complete clarity, he hugged her and the
images went away. There were things he wasn't meant to understand,
would never be able to. His sister was special in a way no one was
and he suddenly knew why. "The Reavers are going to land on
Londinium, aren't they?"
She made no move to respond, only moved deeper into her brother's
calming embrace.
"And you can't tell anyone, can you?" At this she shook her head. "So
what do I do?"
"You tell. Tell the captain, so he can tell the verse again." She
smiled a soft, little smile, then rocketed out of his arms in a fit
of panic. Their moment was broken, what had needed to be realized
was. "MAKE THEM STOP! SIMON! Simon, make them stop!"
He'd tell the captain later.
translations:
O, juh jen sh guh kwai luh duh jean-jan. - Oh, this is a happy
development.
Dong ma? - Understand?
"No! No! Stop screaming! I'd rather have the silences! Just stop
screaming!"
The hysterical screams and sobs jolted through Serenity and, next
door, Simon was the nearest to hear them. They had become commonplace
since Miranda and the fight with the Reavers. He had supposed that it
was because she had been so close to them but it was really just
anyone's guess. That didn't stop it from concerning him, though, and
it was a struggle to not rush in every time she screamed. If he did,
he knew he wouldn't get anything done and it would probably upset him
even more.
Fear was something he had become quite familiar with to on his time
on the ship, but never quite mastered. He'd heard of people who could
give themselves a count of ten, and be over the sensation, but he
couldn't. Fear gripped him entirely. The tightening of the chest and
gut, widening of the eyes, prickling of the small hairs on the neck.
To think about what River must go through with the things in her mind
was incomprehensible to him. Simon knew her fits were full of terror
he couldn't even begin to understand, let alone cope with.
Simon sighed and shut the infirmary doors to block out the screams.
His inability to help her was slowly killing him.
The silence at the table was almost visible. Everyone opened their
mouthes a few times to try to say something but quickly closed them
again, at a loss for words. Jayne, picking his teeth with his knife,
was the most of them all. He was nervous, twitchy, not sitting still
or resting.
"I thought she got better after our little stint on that planet with
all them dead folk," he finally spoke up, careful to keep himself
well away from both the doctor and the loony. "Why's she still all
crazy-nuts?"
Simon gritted his teeth. Willed himself to refrain from punching the
taller man he knew he could end up being killed by.
River spoke for him. Her head flung quickly in his direction from
where she had been looking at the plate. "They're not dead," she said
vehemently, her eyes widening but keeping their focus on him, on the
knife still near his face. "They're not dead, they're not alive,
because they don't exist. None of them. Dead things whisper, have
presences, have souls. They're just gone. She isn't better, she's
just begun. Her mind, her turmoil. You started it all." Suddenly she
stopped and looked at Inara who had sat down at the table and, with a
very normal voice, said, "you're sitting on Wash."
She got up, left the table as if nothing had happened, and seemingly
floated out of the room, leaving several concerned crewmen behind, as
well as one satisfied man-ape-gone-wrong-...thing.
"Told you she's still wacky," Jayne summarized and brought his knife
to his teeth.
When the captain stood up and motioned at Simon to come with him, he
had no choice to obey.
"What was that? What in the blazes was that!?" If Simon had thought
River had been angry before, just one look at Mal's face would have
changed things around for good. "I thought she was better."
"She-- she is, she was, she... I don't know. I don't know anything.
She was fine for a while but recently she's been scared and different
and regressing and I don't know, captain. I'm just as confused by
this as you are, probably moreso."
"O, juh jen sh guh kwai luh duh jean-jan. A development you need to
fix. Soon."
The doctor sighed, rubbed his hand through is hair, and desperately
wished he were back in his bed with Kaylee like he had been this
morning instead of here with an angry Malcolm Reynolds discussing his
sister. "I-I'll try, but-"
"Trying is all well and good, but if she's crazy she can't fly, and
we need her to fly, else I have to hire another pilot. And I don't
want to do that. Dong ma?"
"Yes."
Since it appeared no more was to be said, each stalked in opposite
directions, Simon to the infirmary and Mal to the cargo bay. River
looked down from the ceiling and knew something she wished she
didn't. The word formed on her lips without her choice and it chilled
her.
"Why?"
"Why? Why what, Jayne? Do you have an objection to this?" Mal was
stoic, his quiet pensiveness giving Zoe a run for her money. "Inara
needs to be there and the most reputable sir Badger," that was
sarcasm, a small break in his calm, "has given us a job. A job we
need to do."
"This is good money, Jayne," Zoe piped up from the corner of the
mess. "Even if we have to go to Londinium to get it."
"That planet's as far into the core as you can get!"
"It don't matter, Jayne. We've used up all the money we were given
for repairs. Find a crew, find a job, k-"
Jayne's angry grown interrupted Mal. "Keep flying. I know." He
stomped out of the room angrily. The mercenary was uncertain why they
shouldn't be going where they were or why he was so gorram terrified
of it but he knew they shouldn't. It was just a gut instinct.
River's mouth formed that single word again, though no one noticed.
They were coming and she didn't know how to stop them.
"River? River, sweetie, what is it? What's wrong?" Simon was
concerned, bending over River in the lounge by the infirmary. Hardly
anyone spent any time there anymore, choosing to stay two-by-two or
alone in bunks or shuttles.
She was at the breaking point. Words spilled out of her as if she
were a cracked pitcher and the hole were expanding. "Everything's
wrong, everything's strange, everything comes up or stays down but it
doesn't do what she tells it to and they're coming but we can't stop
them and they shouldn't be going to where they are but she can't stop
them."
As Simon mulled this over, wondering what was going on inside his
sister's head, she was living thoughts he couldn't imagine. Images of
perfectly built buildings, steel and granite and glass making a
beautiful city bathed in blood and bodies everywhere. Like Miranda
but different, the technology advanced just that small bit and just
that many more people, just that many more bodies, just enough to
indicate a different place.
"What can't she stop, River?" Simon finally found his voice. She
couldn't say anything, though, she knew she wasn't allowed to tell.
She had told the preacher, had trusted him with her secrets, and she
knew what had happened to him, to his entire moon was his fault. More
images bombarded her mind and she didn't hear her brother's voice as
it called out to her but that was okay.
He hugged her. In a moment of complete clarity, he hugged her and the
images went away. There were things he wasn't meant to understand,
would never be able to. His sister was special in a way no one was
and he suddenly knew why. "The Reavers are going to land on
Londinium, aren't they?"
She made no move to respond, only moved deeper into her brother's
calming embrace.
"And you can't tell anyone, can you?" At this she shook her head. "So
what do I do?"
"You tell. Tell the captain, so he can tell the verse again." She
smiled a soft, little smile, then rocketed out of his arms in a fit
of panic. Their moment was broken, what had needed to be realized
was. "MAKE THEM STOP! SIMON! Simon, make them stop!"
He'd tell the captain later.
translations:
O, juh jen sh guh kwai luh duh jean-jan. - Oh, this is a happy
development.
Dong ma? - Understand?