Space-Pirate Saga
The Space-Pirate Saga in Quest for the Jewel of Hrykl (without Caple)
The year was 2007, or, it should have been 2007 but something happened. It was actually the year 4037, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me start off where all of this happened. The place is Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The time is January 13, 2007. The weekend started off like any normal weekend for me and my friends. My brother, Doug Jones, Shawn Caple, and our homeboy from Elk, Brian Thuerer, were going to visit our friend Jeff Blomquist in the city. We were planning on doing what any group of cool people do; pretend to be elves and half-orcs so we could beat the shit out of goblins. You know, normal things. I guess I should also introduce myself. I am Sally Jones, and I’m damn fine looking. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s continue with the story, shall we? We arrived at Jeff’s apartment with little trouble. I mean, we did run over a bum on the way, but he had no family or friends, so who would notice? Once we got at Jeff’s place we decided to head out and get some dinner. That’s when everything changed.
We were on our way to a fine dining establishment when we saw strange blinking lights in the air. “I think it’s a alien spaceship!!” cried Caple. As the lights came closer, we got a better look at what the object was. It was kind of like a flying cube with a series of lights wrapping around the entire object. “It’s obviously not a spacecraft you dumb shit. The design is all wrong. Do you seriously think that something like that could fly?” remarked Jeff. “Well, whatever it is I’m going to run back to the car and grab my notepad. I want to draw this!!” As Caple said this he darted back towards the car. We obviously decided to go on without Caple. The object was now approaching faster than ever, and it was headed straight for us. We realized that whatever it was, it was not going to stop. We jumped into a back alley to spare ourselves from being crushed into a fine paste. The object came flying down, but it did not crash. Instead it came to a complete stop just inches away from the ground. We peaked out of the alley not knowing what to expect. The lights on the object began to swirl in a weird pattern and then a door opened.
Four roughly human sized creatures emerged. These beings seemed to have bluish skin with four arms. Their heads looked similar to a human’s head, but they were more egged shaped. “Caple was right! Caple is never right! If he sees these things we will never hear the end of it. Plus, we will have to look at his stupid drawings. I say we kill these fuckers and send this piece of shit back were it came from.” We decided to follow Brian’s plan. I mean, anything was better than giving Caple the satisfaction of being right.
“Ok, lets get some weapons. I don’t know what these things are, but I’m sure we can kill them.” After saying this Doug reached into a pile of trash and procured a lead pipe. Brian and Jeff followed suit and each found a two-by-four. I reached in and came out with a hat filled with old vomit. “Go on and start without me. I can’t find anything good.”
The creatures seemed to be arguing amongst themselves, and because of this they hadn’t noticed us. It was the perfect time to attack. Brian, Jeff, and Doug charged out. Doug landed a blow on the first one’s head. As he did this, a blackish fluid came gushing out of what appeared to be the creature’s mouth. It dropped to the ground and didn’t move. It was dead. The other three saw what happened and began to advance. Jeff and Brian went to work. The creatures didn’t have any weapons, so they were pretty easy to take down, except for one. One of the creatures was slightly larger than the rest. He let out a deafening roar and swung one of his arms. As he swung, the arm grew bigger and took on the form of a mallet. He managed to hit Doug, Jeff, and Brian in one fell swoop. They were sent flying into the side of a building. The creature approached them and raised his arm. He was going to deal the final blow. That is when I emerged from the alley.
“Eat rat you alien fucktart!” I threw a live rat that I had found in the alley right at the creatures face. It was a dead on shot, and when the rat hit, it went to town on the alien’s face. The creature began to scream as the rat was digging into his face. I picked up the lead pipe and smacked the creature on the back of the head. No more aliens.
Doug, Brian, and Jeff got up and seemed to be fine. “What the hell are those things, and where did they come from?” asked Jeff.
“I don’t know. Let’s check out their ship.” As he said this Brian headed into the ship. We all followed. The inside was filled with screens and flashing light. It seemed like alien words were flashing on the screen. Just as we began looking around we heard Caple calling from behind us. “Holy shit! I was right! I need to draw this right now!”
“The hell with this,” I said. “I’ll take my chances in space.” I saw a flashing red button and pushed it. The ship began to rumble and then the door closed just as Caple was halfway into the ship. Caple’s lifeless torso fell on the floor of the ship and then everything went white. We could hear a strange humming sound. After about what seemed to be five minutes the noise stopped and we could again see the inside of the ship.
“Sally, what did you just do?” asked Jeff. The door of the shipped opened and we stepped out onto what looked like an alien planet. We were greeted by about 50 of those creatures. “Well, it looks like this is goodbye,” said Brian. We were about to charge those creatures and take out as many as we could but one stepped forward and began to speak.
“Wait, we mean you no harm. My name is Squalway. Welcome to Earth, or should I say, future Earth. You see, the year is 4037 by your reckoning. As you might notice, things look a little different. Now I know that a million questions must be going through your heads. But please, give me a chance to explain and then I will answer any of your remaining questions. Let me start off by saying that the four of you are the only remaining humans in this time period. As you can tell, we are what you would call aliens. We first arrived on your planet in 2152. We are from a galaxy not far from yours’, and we mastered space travel long before your species learned how to use fire. I will spare you a history lesson, but our two species learned to co-exist. We taught humans all that we knew and in return, they taught us about their culture and their language. That is how I am able to speak to you. Your language has been passed down through the generations because we find it beautiful. I believe this dialect is known as English, correct? Humans adapted quite nicely to space travel and they traveled between our galaxy and yours. Since then, we have discovered numerous other galaxies and the beings who live there. Unfortunately, in the year 3021, a virus affected the human population. Our race was not affected, but the virus was fatal to humans. As the virus began to spread, we put our best minds together to seek a cure. We found a cure, but to was too late. Humans had been wiped out forever. We missed our long time friends, so we began to work on a way to bring them back. The machine that you just exited is a time machine. We are what you would call scientists, and we traveled through time to collect human specimens. We wish to bring back the human race now that the virus is no longer a threat. Please, I have a question for you."
"Where are the members of my team?”
The year was 2007, or, it should have been 2007 but something happened. It was actually the year 4037, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me start off where all of this happened. The place is Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The time is January 13, 2007. The weekend started off like any normal weekend for me and my friends. My brother, Doug Jones, Shawn Caple, and our homeboy from Elk, Brian Thuerer, were going to visit our friend Jeff Blomquist in the city. We were planning on doing what any group of cool people do; pretend to be elves and half-orcs so we could beat the shit out of goblins. You know, normal things. I guess I should also introduce myself. I am Sally Jones, and I’m damn fine looking. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s continue with the story, shall we? We arrived at Jeff’s apartment with little trouble. I mean, we did run over a bum on the way, but he had no family or friends, so who would notice? Once we got at Jeff’s place we decided to head out and get some dinner. That’s when everything changed.
We were on our way to a fine dining establishment when we saw strange blinking lights in the air. “I think it’s a alien spaceship!!” cried Caple. As the lights came closer, we got a better look at what the object was. It was kind of like a flying cube with a series of lights wrapping around the entire object. “It’s obviously not a spacecraft you dumb shit. The design is all wrong. Do you seriously think that something like that could fly?” remarked Jeff. “Well, whatever it is I’m going to run back to the car and grab my notepad. I want to draw this!!” As Caple said this he darted back towards the car. We obviously decided to go on without Caple. The object was now approaching faster than ever, and it was headed straight for us. We realized that whatever it was, it was not going to stop. We jumped into a back alley to spare ourselves from being crushed into a fine paste. The object came flying down, but it did not crash. Instead it came to a complete stop just inches away from the ground. We peaked out of the alley not knowing what to expect. The lights on the object began to swirl in a weird pattern and then a door opened.
Four roughly human sized creatures emerged. These beings seemed to have bluish skin with four arms. Their heads looked similar to a human’s head, but they were more egged shaped. “Caple was right! Caple is never right! If he sees these things we will never hear the end of it. Plus, we will have to look at his stupid drawings. I say we kill these fuckers and send this piece of shit back were it came from.” We decided to follow Brian’s plan. I mean, anything was better than giving Caple the satisfaction of being right.
“Ok, lets get some weapons. I don’t know what these things are, but I’m sure we can kill them.” After saying this Doug reached into a pile of trash and procured a lead pipe. Brian and Jeff followed suit and each found a two-by-four. I reached in and came out with a hat filled with old vomit. “Go on and start without me. I can’t find anything good.”
The creatures seemed to be arguing amongst themselves, and because of this they hadn’t noticed us. It was the perfect time to attack. Brian, Jeff, and Doug charged out. Doug landed a blow on the first one’s head. As he did this, a blackish fluid came gushing out of what appeared to be the creature’s mouth. It dropped to the ground and didn’t move. It was dead. The other three saw what happened and began to advance. Jeff and Brian went to work. The creatures didn’t have any weapons, so they were pretty easy to take down, except for one. One of the creatures was slightly larger than the rest. He let out a deafening roar and swung one of his arms. As he swung, the arm grew bigger and took on the form of a mallet. He managed to hit Doug, Jeff, and Brian in one fell swoop. They were sent flying into the side of a building. The creature approached them and raised his arm. He was going to deal the final blow. That is when I emerged from the alley.
“Eat rat you alien fucktart!” I threw a live rat that I had found in the alley right at the creatures face. It was a dead on shot, and when the rat hit, it went to town on the alien’s face. The creature began to scream as the rat was digging into his face. I picked up the lead pipe and smacked the creature on the back of the head. No more aliens.
Doug, Brian, and Jeff got up and seemed to be fine. “What the hell are those things, and where did they come from?” asked Jeff.
“I don’t know. Let’s check out their ship.” As he said this Brian headed into the ship. We all followed. The inside was filled with screens and flashing light. It seemed like alien words were flashing on the screen. Just as we began looking around we heard Caple calling from behind us. “Holy shit! I was right! I need to draw this right now!”
“The hell with this,” I said. “I’ll take my chances in space.” I saw a flashing red button and pushed it. The ship began to rumble and then the door closed just as Caple was halfway into the ship. Caple’s lifeless torso fell on the floor of the ship and then everything went white. We could hear a strange humming sound. After about what seemed to be five minutes the noise stopped and we could again see the inside of the ship.
“Sally, what did you just do?” asked Jeff. The door of the shipped opened and we stepped out onto what looked like an alien planet. We were greeted by about 50 of those creatures. “Well, it looks like this is goodbye,” said Brian. We were about to charge those creatures and take out as many as we could but one stepped forward and began to speak.
“Wait, we mean you no harm. My name is Squalway. Welcome to Earth, or should I say, future Earth. You see, the year is 4037 by your reckoning. As you might notice, things look a little different. Now I know that a million questions must be going through your heads. But please, give me a chance to explain and then I will answer any of your remaining questions. Let me start off by saying that the four of you are the only remaining humans in this time period. As you can tell, we are what you would call aliens. We first arrived on your planet in 2152. We are from a galaxy not far from yours’, and we mastered space travel long before your species learned how to use fire. I will spare you a history lesson, but our two species learned to co-exist. We taught humans all that we knew and in return, they taught us about their culture and their language. That is how I am able to speak to you. Your language has been passed down through the generations because we find it beautiful. I believe this dialect is known as English, correct? Humans adapted quite nicely to space travel and they traveled between our galaxy and yours. Since then, we have discovered numerous other galaxies and the beings who live there. Unfortunately, in the year 3021, a virus affected the human population. Our race was not affected, but the virus was fatal to humans. As the virus began to spread, we put our best minds together to seek a cure. We found a cure, but to was too late. Humans had been wiped out forever. We missed our long time friends, so we began to work on a way to bring them back. The machine that you just exited is a time machine. We are what you would call scientists, and we traveled through time to collect human specimens. We wish to bring back the human race now that the virus is no longer a threat. Please, I have a question for you."
"Where are the members of my team?”