Breakdown, breakthrough...
As some of you might have known, I've been feeling less and less awesome for the last five months or so. This Friday night I had a bit of a breakdown, and felt strangely better for it. It was a breakthrough.
I realized what I actually want, and it doesn't look like what I thought it would. It has nothing to do with what I own. It has nothing to do with the people around me. It is 100% about me.
I realized I want to think a certain way, speak a certain way, FEEL a certain way. It might seem a nebulous idea except for two things: I've met someone like that before, and I have BEEN that way before.
Years ago I was hanging out with some friends who thought it'd be a fabulous idea to go and meet Andrew over coffee and talk about the biz. Fearless. That's the word I have to use to describe him, because "confident" doesn't even begin to cover it. This was a man completely comfortable in center stage no matter where he happened to be. I realize that nobody behaves the same way absolutely all the time, but HAVING that... Having the ability to be fearless when you want...
I have this. You cannot both dwell on your fears and choose to use this. This is poise, not stage fright. This is not allowing others to define you, yet giving them everything you've got. This is taking a chance because you WANT to win, not because winning is certain (not because it is safe).
I like martial arts, rugby, archery, kayaking, swing dancing. I like excelling. I like challenges. I want to sky-dive, rock-climb, paintball. I want to sing. I want my fucking soul to SING.
Because anything worth doing, is worth doing well.
Because the worst that could happen, does not make me fear.
Because the bumps and bruises along the way, might hurt but will not win.
Because I know what I want. And I will get it.
I realized what I actually want, and it doesn't look like what I thought it would. It has nothing to do with what I own. It has nothing to do with the people around me. It is 100% about me.
I realized I want to think a certain way, speak a certain way, FEEL a certain way. It might seem a nebulous idea except for two things: I've met someone like that before, and I have BEEN that way before.
Years ago I was hanging out with some friends who thought it'd be a fabulous idea to go and meet Andrew over coffee and talk about the biz. Fearless. That's the word I have to use to describe him, because "confident" doesn't even begin to cover it. This was a man completely comfortable in center stage no matter where he happened to be. I realize that nobody behaves the same way absolutely all the time, but HAVING that... Having the ability to be fearless when you want...
I have this. You cannot both dwell on your fears and choose to use this. This is poise, not stage fright. This is not allowing others to define you, yet giving them everything you've got. This is taking a chance because you WANT to win, not because winning is certain (not because it is safe).
I like martial arts, rugby, archery, kayaking, swing dancing. I like excelling. I like challenges. I want to sky-dive, rock-climb, paintball. I want to sing. I want my fucking soul to SING.
Because anything worth doing, is worth doing well.
Because the worst that could happen, does not make me fear.
Because the bumps and bruises along the way, might hurt but will not win.
Because I know what I want. And I will get it.