Day 49
We've mostly adjusted to our 'new normal' now.
The persistent dreams I was having where I'd be outside shopping or visiting my family have almost entirely dwindled to nothing, and I confess I miss them. But we've found new ways to work around the social distancing limitations while still staying safe. Movie nights, trying new recipes and foods, exploring ways to take care of our new backyard space, and appreciating having Becca living with us are all small ways we are able to make it through.
I've been going for runs ever since this all began (I think I'm actually starting to notice changes to certain muscle areas!) - we live close enough to my family's house that I can run there during my outings. This past weekend I ran over (and stood six feet away, of course) to say hello to Megan and my mother. Mom feels defeated these days. With Dad's hip replacement surgery pushed out to June, and the possibility of it being pushed again, it's difficult seeing him stuck at home in pain. It doesn't help that he's also quite cranky (allegedly, anyways). On his side, I hear Mom isn't letting him bake, and he's frustrated and feels trapped. I am sure the truth is somewhere in the middle, but it makes me sad hearing they're miserable, and I can't hug them or have a proper visit. Standing at the edge of the driveway in my running clothes just isn't the same. I was so excited to have a house close to my family, but I can't even invite them over for tea or dinner.
I went to the grocery store last week. We've gotten really good at stretching food out. Well... I've always been very good at that (it's not bragging, we were pretty broke most of my childhood), but Lucas gets hungry, and we do have a third person to feed now. Still, we made it to three weeks without needing new groceries! This time things were even more stressful than my last shopping escapade. There are lines to get into the store in accordance with the capacity limits. I stood in the rain for about 10 minutes before it was my turn to shop. Each aisle is one-way, but that doesn't seem to stop some people from ignoring the new rules and doing what they want. I actually really enjoyed shopping with the limits on capacity! It was nice not to feel crowded out, but the whole lingering fear of "you could catch a virus that might kill you and everyone you love" sort of puts a damper on enjoying the novelty.
Speaking of difficulties, buying three weeks' worth of groceries in one bang is difficult! Despite all my exercising, my running, my weight-lifting, I can't change the fact that I'm barely 5 feet tall struggling to push a towering shopping cart. The heavier the cart grows, the harder it is to shove it along, and managing all the goods is like a complex game of Jenga. There are limits to how close you can stand at the checkout line. Shoppers are told to place all their goods on the mat and not walk down to the pinpaid until it's time to pay. There are plexiglass shields up to protect the cashier, but honestly it doesn't feel like it's that effective. Neither my cashier nor my bagger were wearing masks.
The masks are uncomfortable, but I would feel vulnerable without one. We have a little collection of cotton hand-made masks. The only one that's big enough to fit Lucas is a pretty shade of lilac with white polka-dots, but that's never stopped him before. I'm sad the one with the parrots is too small for him. But we're grateful to have something we can use.
This past weekend we picked up some goods at Home Depot via curbside pickup. I've never done so much online pickup from Home Depot before! Lucas is on a tear, learning everything he can about maintaining the yard. I love watching it, but I do feel a little bad I can't help. Grass allergies aren't very condusive to learning lawn care, after all. Not only has he been exploring lawn care, but he even built a shelf in the shed! It feels like everyday he's learning something new, and I love watching the transformation. I only wish I could chip in! But at least he has Becca along for the adventure. Between the two of them, we'll have the best lawn ever!
I'm noticing a shift in tone and mood. Not just when talking to my family, but even my coworkers too. Things aren't feeling quite so optimistic anymore. I think we're all slowly coming to realize that this is life now. And the odds of ever returning to what we previously thought of as "normal" are begining to twist and distort into new discussions surrounding what the future "normal" might be.
But I think what's really begining to weigh on me is the thought that we could be staring down into a depression, and I'm struggling to grapple with the ramifications of what's to come. I felt like we've done everything right, we followed the rules and were smart and careful with our money and decisions, and we're doing okay right now... but can I safely bring up a family in these conditions? What if we have a baby and things get so much worse? It's a frightening possibility. I know the threat of disaster has always been there, but this feels different and far more tangible. And I've always been awfully good at worrying. Now I just have something really terrible to worry about, haha...
But at least we're all safe, healthy, and together.
The persistent dreams I was having where I'd be outside shopping or visiting my family have almost entirely dwindled to nothing, and I confess I miss them. But we've found new ways to work around the social distancing limitations while still staying safe. Movie nights, trying new recipes and foods, exploring ways to take care of our new backyard space, and appreciating having Becca living with us are all small ways we are able to make it through.
I've been going for runs ever since this all began (I think I'm actually starting to notice changes to certain muscle areas!) - we live close enough to my family's house that I can run there during my outings. This past weekend I ran over (and stood six feet away, of course) to say hello to Megan and my mother. Mom feels defeated these days. With Dad's hip replacement surgery pushed out to June, and the possibility of it being pushed again, it's difficult seeing him stuck at home in pain. It doesn't help that he's also quite cranky (allegedly, anyways). On his side, I hear Mom isn't letting him bake, and he's frustrated and feels trapped. I am sure the truth is somewhere in the middle, but it makes me sad hearing they're miserable, and I can't hug them or have a proper visit. Standing at the edge of the driveway in my running clothes just isn't the same. I was so excited to have a house close to my family, but I can't even invite them over for tea or dinner.
I went to the grocery store last week. We've gotten really good at stretching food out. Well... I've always been very good at that (it's not bragging, we were pretty broke most of my childhood), but Lucas gets hungry, and we do have a third person to feed now. Still, we made it to three weeks without needing new groceries! This time things were even more stressful than my last shopping escapade. There are lines to get into the store in accordance with the capacity limits. I stood in the rain for about 10 minutes before it was my turn to shop. Each aisle is one-way, but that doesn't seem to stop some people from ignoring the new rules and doing what they want. I actually really enjoyed shopping with the limits on capacity! It was nice not to feel crowded out, but the whole lingering fear of "you could catch a virus that might kill you and everyone you love" sort of puts a damper on enjoying the novelty.
Speaking of difficulties, buying three weeks' worth of groceries in one bang is difficult! Despite all my exercising, my running, my weight-lifting, I can't change the fact that I'm barely 5 feet tall struggling to push a towering shopping cart. The heavier the cart grows, the harder it is to shove it along, and managing all the goods is like a complex game of Jenga. There are limits to how close you can stand at the checkout line. Shoppers are told to place all their goods on the mat and not walk down to the pinpaid until it's time to pay. There are plexiglass shields up to protect the cashier, but honestly it doesn't feel like it's that effective. Neither my cashier nor my bagger were wearing masks.
The masks are uncomfortable, but I would feel vulnerable without one. We have a little collection of cotton hand-made masks. The only one that's big enough to fit Lucas is a pretty shade of lilac with white polka-dots, but that's never stopped him before. I'm sad the one with the parrots is too small for him. But we're grateful to have something we can use.
This past weekend we picked up some goods at Home Depot via curbside pickup. I've never done so much online pickup from Home Depot before! Lucas is on a tear, learning everything he can about maintaining the yard. I love watching it, but I do feel a little bad I can't help. Grass allergies aren't very condusive to learning lawn care, after all. Not only has he been exploring lawn care, but he even built a shelf in the shed! It feels like everyday he's learning something new, and I love watching the transformation. I only wish I could chip in! But at least he has Becca along for the adventure. Between the two of them, we'll have the best lawn ever!
I'm noticing a shift in tone and mood. Not just when talking to my family, but even my coworkers too. Things aren't feeling quite so optimistic anymore. I think we're all slowly coming to realize that this is life now. And the odds of ever returning to what we previously thought of as "normal" are begining to twist and distort into new discussions surrounding what the future "normal" might be.
But I think what's really begining to weigh on me is the thought that we could be staring down into a depression, and I'm struggling to grapple with the ramifications of what's to come. I felt like we've done everything right, we followed the rules and were smart and careful with our money and decisions, and we're doing okay right now... but can I safely bring up a family in these conditions? What if we have a baby and things get so much worse? It's a frightening possibility. I know the threat of disaster has always been there, but this feels different and far more tangible. And I've always been awfully good at worrying. Now I just have something really terrible to worry about, haha...
But at least we're all safe, healthy, and together.