karaoke gone bad (personal stuff)
i had a huge fight with my sister last night
we went out with our cousins to this karaoke bar place and we all had quite a bit to drink
so we left the place and i guess i was making smartass comments about some of the people on the street. ider what i said actually, and my sister like totally just chewed me out. she grabbed me, and i think she called me a bully, and that i need to shut the fuck up or something.
so i got really pissed off and tried to pull away but she wouldn't let me know. and then of course i start crying cuz when i get angry / frustrated / or feel cornered, i cry. and with the addition of alcohol, i was a mess.
and she was all acting like she was giving me a wake-up call or something, as if she KNOWS what i'm like or something. we don't hang out often, i hardly talk to her about things, so i just felt so pissed off that she felt like she had the right to judge me.
so i just walked away and tried to find my own cab home. so my two cousins got in the middle of it of course and one of them followed me. and then my sister got even more pissed off and yelled at me again for being childish and walking away.
we finally hitched a ride home from one of my cousin's friends. i went to my room and just wanted to pass out even though i was still crying. when i'm drunk and start crying, it's hard for me to stop.
my sister was like a dog with a bone, she just wouldn't let it go. she came into my room and forced a conversation. she said that i'm judgemental and i only see things in black and white and how that makes people not want to tell me things b/c i'd judge them.
i was like BULL. SHIT. i don't fucking judge her, even when she does some shitty things like cheat on her boyfriend. i tell her encouraging things and that it's not totally her fault b/c that relationship was bad and ending anyways. SHE'S the one who keeps saying maybe she's being punished b/c she's a bad person and i ALWAYS tell her that she's not a bad person and that good people sometimes do bad things but that doesn't make them BAD PEOPLE.
i was SO pissed off. i think also b/c she always fucking takes advantage of me BECAUSE i'm easy-going. i take care of her dog, clean the apartment b/c i KNOW she's busy. she keeps telling me 'i really appreciate it' and 'i need to figure out to find more time to do things' and i always say 'ok' but she never actually does. she just has too much stuff going on but she won't give anything up. like, she can't give up going happy hour with her friends even if that means that her puppy will be home all alone in her crate for hours. i'm not saying she can't have a life or ever leave maddy home, but it's like she completely just ignores her responsibility.
so all these things just made our argument ugly.
and it got me thinking how a couple of my friends think i come on too strong too in my opinions and that i only see right and wrong and nothing in between. maybe i'm just not good at comforting people. idk, if i see something they do is wrong, i'm not going to sugar coat it. for example, my friend wanted to sleep with her ex, who's married now. she thinks it's okay b/c he doesn't love her and they're only together b/c he's afraid of her and their marriage wasn't real to begin with anyway. i told her it's a bad idea and she would be the other woman basically. i feel like she got offended. i wasn't sure what i was supposed to say. tell her that it's ok? i mean i told her she should do whatever she wants, and i'll support her, but she just needs to think of the consequences. and i put it very bluntly that she would be judged for it by other people. and i know how important her reputation and how people see her are to her. was i being judgmental? or not seeing the gray area? idk.
all this got me thinking maybe i shouldn't voice my opinion anymore on their lives, even if they ask for it. i feel like what they want from me is encouragement and support for whatever they do, and tell them at the end of the day that they weren't wrong. even if they were. is that what a friend / sister is supposed to do? if it is, i can try to do it.
we went out with our cousins to this karaoke bar place and we all had quite a bit to drink
so we left the place and i guess i was making smartass comments about some of the people on the street. ider what i said actually, and my sister like totally just chewed me out. she grabbed me, and i think she called me a bully, and that i need to shut the fuck up or something.
so i got really pissed off and tried to pull away but she wouldn't let me know. and then of course i start crying cuz when i get angry / frustrated / or feel cornered, i cry. and with the addition of alcohol, i was a mess.
and she was all acting like she was giving me a wake-up call or something, as if she KNOWS what i'm like or something. we don't hang out often, i hardly talk to her about things, so i just felt so pissed off that she felt like she had the right to judge me.
so i just walked away and tried to find my own cab home. so my two cousins got in the middle of it of course and one of them followed me. and then my sister got even more pissed off and yelled at me again for being childish and walking away.
we finally hitched a ride home from one of my cousin's friends. i went to my room and just wanted to pass out even though i was still crying. when i'm drunk and start crying, it's hard for me to stop.
my sister was like a dog with a bone, she just wouldn't let it go. she came into my room and forced a conversation. she said that i'm judgemental and i only see things in black and white and how that makes people not want to tell me things b/c i'd judge them.
i was like BULL. SHIT. i don't fucking judge her, even when she does some shitty things like cheat on her boyfriend. i tell her encouraging things and that it's not totally her fault b/c that relationship was bad and ending anyways. SHE'S the one who keeps saying maybe she's being punished b/c she's a bad person and i ALWAYS tell her that she's not a bad person and that good people sometimes do bad things but that doesn't make them BAD PEOPLE.
i was SO pissed off. i think also b/c she always fucking takes advantage of me BECAUSE i'm easy-going. i take care of her dog, clean the apartment b/c i KNOW she's busy. she keeps telling me 'i really appreciate it' and 'i need to figure out to find more time to do things' and i always say 'ok' but she never actually does. she just has too much stuff going on but she won't give anything up. like, she can't give up going happy hour with her friends even if that means that her puppy will be home all alone in her crate for hours. i'm not saying she can't have a life or ever leave maddy home, but it's like she completely just ignores her responsibility.
so all these things just made our argument ugly.
and it got me thinking how a couple of my friends think i come on too strong too in my opinions and that i only see right and wrong and nothing in between. maybe i'm just not good at comforting people. idk, if i see something they do is wrong, i'm not going to sugar coat it. for example, my friend wanted to sleep with her ex, who's married now. she thinks it's okay b/c he doesn't love her and they're only together b/c he's afraid of her and their marriage wasn't real to begin with anyway. i told her it's a bad idea and she would be the other woman basically. i feel like she got offended. i wasn't sure what i was supposed to say. tell her that it's ok? i mean i told her she should do whatever she wants, and i'll support her, but she just needs to think of the consequences. and i put it very bluntly that she would be judged for it by other people. and i know how important her reputation and how people see her are to her. was i being judgmental? or not seeing the gray area? idk.
all this got me thinking maybe i shouldn't voice my opinion anymore on their lives, even if they ask for it. i feel like what they want from me is encouragement and support for whatever they do, and tell them at the end of the day that they weren't wrong. even if they were. is that what a friend / sister is supposed to do? if it is, i can try to do it.