I have been accepted to Smith. I finally belong somewhere.

Also eating a candycane, and wonderign if I will ever in my life be able to have peppermint now without thinking of Martha, not that thinking of Martha is in any way a bad thing, but that child's like the campus mint goddess:-)

Don't think for a minute that my rage is gone. I feel like I've a plished diamond of it deep in my heart: large, round, unbreakable, so hard nothign can scratch it. Don't let it be you. Not ever. Never, my loves ( Read more... )

NO!!!!! DAMMIT, STOP DYING. JUST STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No more suicides, no more ...Gods, I cannot even find a word for that broken window! No more cutting too deep or drinking yourselves to death, or tearing your own minds apart in backward discipline. Stop stop STOP ( Read more... )

Yesterday was amazing. I went down to the barn with Martha, and it's like a different world from campus. I got to hold a very very tiny quiet little seelyham terrier while Martha tacked up, meet horse-people, and watch her ride. I can read the horses. Not a fraction well enough to feel safe around them, but they turn out to be animals afterall. Who ( Read more... )

I have a former roommate who I believe may be the most important person in my life ( Read more... )

I feel sick. Martha's right, bottling up is not healthy, but I seem suddenly to be teetering on the endge of a full social collapse, pushing my dearest friend till I dared her to drop me, estranging myself from another, not seeking out a third, and not speaking to my lover in weeks. I haven't called a Bennington friend in I don't know how long. ( Read more... )

And the moral of the story: acting badly towards someone you love because you're afraid they'll be freaked by how much you care does not make the world a better place by improving the microcosm. Perhaps there is some truth to the thought that putting more love into the world helps it ( Read more... )

Martha has, unknowingly, gotten me re-interested in Annahillyn. She doesn't know the story, and she's nothing like Althea, but I guess it's not a fiction that someone can come to your room your first night at college, talk and talk and have it mean something, like you, get interested, listen, remember, etc. Of course Alth is broken, too, they all ( Read more... )

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE ( Read more... )

He's had heart surgery. She thinks she's not worthy of life ( Read more... )