What?! An Update?!
So, updates galore:
The breakup-You know by now. If you don't, IM me, I am NOT posting it on here for the world to see. And yes, contrary to popular belief, I did fucking cry...a lot...so shove it.
I learned a lot about myself in a painfully short amount of time. I'm still reeling from the smack in the face that was the "what the fuck are you doing with your life?!" realization. It sucks.
I don't care what it's freaking called, I don't care about a label, or a cliche...I'm depressed. A lot. And how do I get that out?! I write. I've started a Vox account. It's my writing. It's not hard to find, if you want it. I'm not giving it out willingly. Deal.
I am full of hate, too. Is that obvious?
I miss Carolyn. I miss Emma. I miss Kat. I miss Linda. I miss high school when it was impossible not to see these people. I hate that I cannot just go and hang with people anymore, there's too much other crap going on. It sucks.
I got blood taken yesterday, for the move. God, it won't come soon enough.
I hurt...not physically. It's ridiculous. And it's not for the reason you would think. No really, it's not.
I feel left out of...a lot.
I want to go, I want to move. I want a fresh start and a new me. It's about time it was fucking August.
O yea, when I move, a lot is changing. I will most likely either delete this, or make a new. I'll block people like no body's business on FB, MySpace, etc. I have a new screenname. No one has it. Correction, no one GETS it yet. Except Emma.
I'm pissy.
Boys are cruel...and I'm still not talking about who you think I am. They toy with you, and don't tell you what's what. And I don't care what IS what, I would just like to be informed so that I KNOW what is what, and don't think that what is where or something like that. Fucker. I hate you.
I've been switching my music taste drastically.
Well, not drastically. But I've gotten into one genre...and I'm sticking with it, and I don't give a flying fuck about what anyone thinks.
I'm pissed.
I'm falling into this hole...it's scary.
I don't miss high school. I lied. I'm thrilled to be out. I just miss the people.
I hate caring so much about what others think. I don't want to impress you anymore.
And I'm not fucking anorexic.
And no, I'm not dieting.
And no, I don't think something is wrong with me.
And yes, I resent you for asking me those things.
And yes, it's a shitty fucking joke.
And no, I don't care to forgive you.
And I'm done with your stupid fights at 8 a.m. It's too early...and I've got work. Bitch.
My sister is awesome.
My dad can't stand up for anyone...except Kecia.
And I won't always hate her, cuz that's not how I work. For right now, I hate her, and she is Kecia. Tomorrow I will love her, and she will be Mom.
I've started writing again. But I said that already. It's good. In my opinion. And right now, that's all that fucking matters. Shove off.
I've decided, as I have informed Laura, that emo boys should kiss...at all times.
You're still here? In that case, I love you.
You aren't here anymore...I still love you.
My wasted heart loves too much.
And I'm lucky it does.
I'm flighty.
Tomorrow I think I shall hate men. Just tomorrow. Monday is a new day. And I will not hate them on that specific day.
Did you know that crying is good for you? As is anger? Keeping either in hurts more than you would think.
Of course, so does letting them out.
I miss people.
I miss myself.
I'm taking yoga. It's changed the way I look at things...all things. It's great.
And the answer to your specific question right this very second is:
I love you...does that help?
If I could do anything right now...right this very moment. I would jump. Not for death, and not for attention. I would jump because there is in fact a large pile of snow (not ice...it's magic like that around my house) outside my window, and I imagine jumping into a large pile of snow is quite fun.
Unfortunately, I'm not dressed appropriately.
And that very moment has long since passed.
And now I've thoroughly made my evening complete shit.