I am so sorry that what's going on now is poking at that pain for you. What happened was not your fault. I'm sure you've been told that before, but maybe it'll help you get through this if you hear it again. It was not your fault, even if it might feel like it was. You are going to get through this. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.
I have a very similar experience in my past. The sense of loathing is familiar. I wish I knew of an easy solution to it, but like so many other things there is no easy answer. Hugs if you want them, and open ears if you want to talk about anything.
I'm so sorry. It bears repeating, it's not your fault. The whole notion that there is some standard of resistance a victim must meet to be believed is one the most fucked up notions society has about sexual assault.
One of the more repellent notions of the "standard of resistance" is not only do we shame people for not doing enough, but I don't think anything short of summoning a small army of demons would constitute sufficient resistance. It's like, failing to actually be murdered is proof of consent
*hugs* Oh Sparky... no words, except to say what you already know:
He chose to ignore the fact you weren't into it. He chose to ignore your silence and your immobility. He was focused on him getting off and ignored your needs. You may not have said "no" out loud, but your body language did, and that metric DOES count.
At the BARE MINIMUM, it makes him a selfish, inconsiderate, abusive asshole who casually rapes others because he can't be bothered to check in with them and doesn't care about them enjoying themselves.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this being brought up and stomping around on your sensitive spots.
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Thank you
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One of the more repellent notions of the "standard of resistance" is not only do we shame people for not doing enough, but I don't think anything short of summoning a small army of demons would constitute sufficient resistance. It's like, failing to actually be murdered is proof of consent
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He chose to ignore the fact you weren't into it.
He chose to ignore your silence and your immobility.
He was focused on him getting off and ignored your needs.
You may not have said "no" out loud, but your body language did, and that metric DOES count.
At the BARE MINIMUM, it makes him a selfish, inconsiderate, abusive asshole who casually rapes others because he can't be bothered to check in with them and doesn't care about them enjoying themselves.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this being brought up and stomping around on your sensitive spots.
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