I just read a bunch of my old entries. I feel like I've gotten so much older, but then again so much has happened since the glory days of Happy Ending binges and hookups
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i barrely have any record of stefan in my life and i envy you for having so much of it. the time that him and i were the closest i didn't write at all and slowly but surely i feel that the memories are getting blurrier (especially since i barrely saw him in the last year of his life). i'm wondering how everyone else is coping with him being gone b/c i'm definitely still messed up over it, especially after this super intense dream i had about him last week.
marissa and i went to happy ending the other week and she told me part of her was glad that she hadn't gotten to know him as well and ty and i had because seeing how much we still missed him made her realize how badly we were hurting
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yeah he was the first person close to me that died as well. in march or was it april my mom told me that two of my cousins in croatia got killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. it was devastating but didn't hit as close to home as stefan's death. maybe because croatia is so far away. i get so mad when people that barrely knew him bring him up in conversation when i visit new york, especially when it's late night coked out or drunk conversation. i guess it makes me feel better to know that i'm not the only one that is still so hurt because sometimes i make myself feel bad about it like "come ontamara it's been a year get the fuck over it". i wish i had someone that i could talk to about this but usually i just hold back. there are just questions that need answering but i feel we'll never know.
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i get so mad when people that barrely knew him bring him up in conversation when i visit new york, especially when it's late night coked out or drunk conversation.
i guess it makes me feel better to know that i'm not the only one that is still so hurt because sometimes i make myself feel bad about it like "come ontamara it's been a year get the fuck over it". i wish i had someone that i could talk to about this but usually i just hold back. there are just questions that need answering but i feel we'll never know.
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