He won't be here
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Had this idea floating around in my head for a while, so i decided to make a fic out of it. Written for the Valentine's Day challenge over at its_always_been over at livejournal, prompt #62. I'm not really that great at writing angst, but I decided to try it this time. There's not a lot, just that one little section. Let me know what you think. Takes place before, during and after the movies.
He won't be here
2 years ago
He won't be here on Valentine's Day. Why would he? He's Tony Stark, billionaire-playboy extraordinaire and one of the brightest minds of the century. He has money to squander, and loads of women throwing themselves at him. Chances are he'll bring one of them home tonight, and I'll be the one to break her heart in the morning and show her the door. It is Valentine's Day after all; he'll shower his conquest (or conquests) with expensive presents, just like the tradition for this sad holiday says, and then end it with a 'bang'; the 'bang' being the part that he worked and spent his money for. Leave it to Tony to 'unintentionally' turn all his hook-ups into high-class harlots. I don't mind though, I like seeing them to the door. Many times have they tried to get snooty with me, but I sweetly smile and kindly explain to them that he 'no longer wishes your company'. Some don't take it personal, some almost have a mental breakdown on me.
"It's Valentine's Day!"
"He said we were gonna get married!"
"He said I was gorgeous!"
"He said he never felt anything like that before with any other woman he had been with!"
Yeah, I've heard it all. One girl tried to convince me that she was pregnant with his baby. Honestly, I laughed in the girl's face. Happy had to come in and escort the girl to the car because I couldn't stop laughing. He may have used her the night before, but I am the one who's still there the morning after. I am the one he truly relies on: to go over his hectic schedule, to get him to meetings on time, to see that he's properly dressed for another weapons presentation. I am the only constant woman in his life and that I am very thankful for.
He's my boss, nothing more, nothing less; and if showing his one night stands to the door is what he needs me to do, then I shall do it. I am loyal to him, to be honest more loyal to any other employer I've ever worked for. He is a handsome man (I will admit it with my last breath), but I feel sorry for him most days. He doesn't know what it's like to have a true companion; he doesn't know what it's like to spend Valentine's Day with that one special person who brings him more joy than the latest sports car prototype. But then again I get jealous too; jealous that he can get companionship whenever he wants, and sometimes I even get jealous of the women he brings home. But then I remember: He's my boss, he's my boss, he's my boss!
In the end I know I'm not missing much, and I know I can do so much better than him. Tony Stark wouldn't make a suitable companion for a Doberman let alone a person. It's been awhile since I've had a 'suitable' companion, thanks to my boss's hectic schedule, but I truly don't mind that my Valentine's Day is ruined. As I hear the stumbling and the giggling moving upstairs, I have the satisfaction of knowing in the morning I won't be in the boat alone.
--
1 year ago
He won't be here on Valentine's Day. I don't know which is worse: being out with a random woman or lost in the mountains of Afghanistan. I'm worried, I've never worried over him like this before, and it makes me nervous. It's been ten days since I last saw him, the last day being my birthday. Boy, that was the best birthday ever; the memory of finding out that your boss/love of your life has been kidnapped brands itself to your brain like… the moment you realize you're madly in love with your boss.
I can't deny it anymore, especially with the circumstances. Hell, I'm lying in his bed, wearing the last shirt he wore. Disgusting, I know. I'm disgusted with myself really, but the shirt still has his smell on it, and I love that smell; axe body spray mixed with axel grease. Wearing his shirt makes it seem like he's still here instead of the possible scenarios: he wasn't kidnapped, he's not possibly dead, he's not…
There are a lot of things I want him to 'not' be right now, and I know for a fact that if none of those things had happened he wouldn't be here with me, he would be repeating the same Valentine's Day tradition he has been doing for the past eight years. It's a painful truth that cuts me deep. As I quickly wipe my tears away I think to myself 'Why couldn't he have just sent Obadiah to do the presentation?' 'Why did he need to do a weapon's presentation so early in the year?' 'Why couldn't he have realized that I'm just as beautiful as those tramps he brings home every night?' 'What do they have that I don't?'
I bury my face into his pillow and uncontrollably sob for him. I wish it wasn't the pillow I was hugging to me, I wish it was him. Oh, how I wish I could see him alive, one more time. What would I say to him though? That's the thing… I don't know. Would I tell him I love him? Absolutely not. No way. That's inappropriate, though it is appropriate for people who love each other. Pfft, Tony's always been in love with himself, what makes me think he would have any feelings for me? I know he can't live without me he's told me that before, right after finding out from a police officer that his license had expired and needed bail money for him and his other companion he had at the time.
It's memories like those that make me realize I can do better than Tony Stark, but do I want better than Tony Stark? That is a very good question. I want to say 'no', but I can't. There are still too many questions left unanswered. Hell, I could be suffering from a separation anxiety and my brain is masking it to make me think I'm in love. Denial, great. Yeah, I'm in love with my boss, no amount of logic is going to deter me from that epiphany.
At this point, I don't care anymore. I don't care if he doesn't love me, I don't care if all he'll ever see me as is his assistant, all I want right now is to have him back safely in this house. The worrying is driving me insane, and I don't know how much longer I can keep wearing this shirt before I finally have the urge to get up and take a shower. I need Rhodey to find him soon; I need to know he's alright, both for my mental and emotional well-being.
--
Now
He'll be here on Valentine's Day, and the reason I know this is because it is Valentine's Day and he's lying beside me. He returned to me a few hours ago from a three day mission that should've only taken one. He was utterly drained, physically, mentally. The fresh bruises on his back were an indication on how things went. As he limped to me I met him half way, and as I opened my arms to him he grabbed me and crushed my body against his. We were both crying, just thankful to be back in each other's arms.
"I'm sorry I ruined Valentine's Day," I heard him whisper. I leaned up and looked at him, gently placing a hand on each of his cheeks and noticing a small cut above his eyebrow.
"You didn't ruin anything," I whispered to him. "You're here, that's all I wanted." A shaky sigh escaped him as he leaned forward and took my mouth with his. It wasn't a soft kiss, but it wasn't rushed or rough either. It was a kiss of two people who hadn't seen each other in so long, and three days was enough for either of us.
Due to his condition we weren't able to go out and have a nice dinner, so I compromised and we had cheeseburgers instead. I prefer my cheeseburgers homemade, but Tony loves Burger King so the way I see it this was my Valentine's Day present to him. After we ate, I helped him to the shower. As much as I love the man he reeked, and there was no way he was getting in bed with me smelling like that.
I changed out of my clothes and slipped into one of silk nightgowns I know he loves. I waited for him under the covers. Even though I wasn't tired I knew he was, and he was going to crash soon. He finally made his way out of the bathroom in a clean pair of boxers, and slowly limped to the bed. He pulled the covers back, and slowly dropped his body down to the bed. I pulled the covers back over him and curled into his side. I leaned up and placed a kiss to the side of his mouth.
"If I wasn't so sore, that nightgown would've been off by now." I smiled at the comment, and that was the last thing I heard him say before the sound of soft snoring filled the room.
So this is where I am now, just watching him sleep. Honestly, it's a sight I thought I would never get the chance to see. After the third month of his disappearance, I had finally come to terms with the fact that he might very well be dead, and then I got that wonderful call at three in the morning saying he was alive. To this day I still cannot describe the feeling I felt hearing those words. It was like uncertainty mixed with happiness and confusion. Yeah, like I said, I cannot describe it.
It's been one hell of a year though, and things have turned out for the better. Some things haven't changed though. He's still just as arrogant as ever, but I guess he's earned that right considering he's now a superhero. Granted, being the girlfriend of a superhero does take its toll on you, but he's a better man now than he ever was and I couldn't ask for anything more from him. I think back to previous years on this day and it boggles my mind to think there was actually a time where I hated him. Well, hate is too strong of a word, dislike is probably a better term. I don't blame myself, he honestly deserved it. Then I think back to last year when I finally had the epiphany. I remember asking myself that hard question: Do I want better than Tony Stark? I remember not being able to answer it; my excuse was there were still unanswered questions. But now, as I lay here beside him, I can answer honestly. No, I don't want better than Tony Stark because there is nothing better than him.
This man, this wonderful man, puts himself in harm's way to protect total strangers. He will come at a moment's notice when things are beginning to look rough. He is trying his best to make the world a better place, and it's because of those reasons I fall in love with him all over again.
It helps to know that he'll be here when I wake up in the morning. No more will I have to wonder where he will be or who he's with on this day. No more will I have to say 'He won't be here on Valentine's Day', because one thing is perfectly clear to me on this wonderful holiday:
He'll be here, with me, on Valentine's Day.
He won't be here
2 years ago
He won't be here on Valentine's Day. Why would he? He's Tony Stark, billionaire-playboy extraordinaire and one of the brightest minds of the century. He has money to squander, and loads of women throwing themselves at him. Chances are he'll bring one of them home tonight, and I'll be the one to break her heart in the morning and show her the door. It is Valentine's Day after all; he'll shower his conquest (or conquests) with expensive presents, just like the tradition for this sad holiday says, and then end it with a 'bang'; the 'bang' being the part that he worked and spent his money for. Leave it to Tony to 'unintentionally' turn all his hook-ups into high-class harlots. I don't mind though, I like seeing them to the door. Many times have they tried to get snooty with me, but I sweetly smile and kindly explain to them that he 'no longer wishes your company'. Some don't take it personal, some almost have a mental breakdown on me.
"It's Valentine's Day!"
"He said we were gonna get married!"
"He said I was gorgeous!"
"He said he never felt anything like that before with any other woman he had been with!"
Yeah, I've heard it all. One girl tried to convince me that she was pregnant with his baby. Honestly, I laughed in the girl's face. Happy had to come in and escort the girl to the car because I couldn't stop laughing. He may have used her the night before, but I am the one who's still there the morning after. I am the one he truly relies on: to go over his hectic schedule, to get him to meetings on time, to see that he's properly dressed for another weapons presentation. I am the only constant woman in his life and that I am very thankful for.
He's my boss, nothing more, nothing less; and if showing his one night stands to the door is what he needs me to do, then I shall do it. I am loyal to him, to be honest more loyal to any other employer I've ever worked for. He is a handsome man (I will admit it with my last breath), but I feel sorry for him most days. He doesn't know what it's like to have a true companion; he doesn't know what it's like to spend Valentine's Day with that one special person who brings him more joy than the latest sports car prototype. But then again I get jealous too; jealous that he can get companionship whenever he wants, and sometimes I even get jealous of the women he brings home. But then I remember: He's my boss, he's my boss, he's my boss!
In the end I know I'm not missing much, and I know I can do so much better than him. Tony Stark wouldn't make a suitable companion for a Doberman let alone a person. It's been awhile since I've had a 'suitable' companion, thanks to my boss's hectic schedule, but I truly don't mind that my Valentine's Day is ruined. As I hear the stumbling and the giggling moving upstairs, I have the satisfaction of knowing in the morning I won't be in the boat alone.
--
1 year ago
He won't be here on Valentine's Day. I don't know which is worse: being out with a random woman or lost in the mountains of Afghanistan. I'm worried, I've never worried over him like this before, and it makes me nervous. It's been ten days since I last saw him, the last day being my birthday. Boy, that was the best birthday ever; the memory of finding out that your boss/love of your life has been kidnapped brands itself to your brain like… the moment you realize you're madly in love with your boss.
I can't deny it anymore, especially with the circumstances. Hell, I'm lying in his bed, wearing the last shirt he wore. Disgusting, I know. I'm disgusted with myself really, but the shirt still has his smell on it, and I love that smell; axe body spray mixed with axel grease. Wearing his shirt makes it seem like he's still here instead of the possible scenarios: he wasn't kidnapped, he's not possibly dead, he's not…
There are a lot of things I want him to 'not' be right now, and I know for a fact that if none of those things had happened he wouldn't be here with me, he would be repeating the same Valentine's Day tradition he has been doing for the past eight years. It's a painful truth that cuts me deep. As I quickly wipe my tears away I think to myself 'Why couldn't he have just sent Obadiah to do the presentation?' 'Why did he need to do a weapon's presentation so early in the year?' 'Why couldn't he have realized that I'm just as beautiful as those tramps he brings home every night?' 'What do they have that I don't?'
I bury my face into his pillow and uncontrollably sob for him. I wish it wasn't the pillow I was hugging to me, I wish it was him. Oh, how I wish I could see him alive, one more time. What would I say to him though? That's the thing… I don't know. Would I tell him I love him? Absolutely not. No way. That's inappropriate, though it is appropriate for people who love each other. Pfft, Tony's always been in love with himself, what makes me think he would have any feelings for me? I know he can't live without me he's told me that before, right after finding out from a police officer that his license had expired and needed bail money for him and his other companion he had at the time.
It's memories like those that make me realize I can do better than Tony Stark, but do I want better than Tony Stark? That is a very good question. I want to say 'no', but I can't. There are still too many questions left unanswered. Hell, I could be suffering from a separation anxiety and my brain is masking it to make me think I'm in love. Denial, great. Yeah, I'm in love with my boss, no amount of logic is going to deter me from that epiphany.
At this point, I don't care anymore. I don't care if he doesn't love me, I don't care if all he'll ever see me as is his assistant, all I want right now is to have him back safely in this house. The worrying is driving me insane, and I don't know how much longer I can keep wearing this shirt before I finally have the urge to get up and take a shower. I need Rhodey to find him soon; I need to know he's alright, both for my mental and emotional well-being.
--
Now
He'll be here on Valentine's Day, and the reason I know this is because it is Valentine's Day and he's lying beside me. He returned to me a few hours ago from a three day mission that should've only taken one. He was utterly drained, physically, mentally. The fresh bruises on his back were an indication on how things went. As he limped to me I met him half way, and as I opened my arms to him he grabbed me and crushed my body against his. We were both crying, just thankful to be back in each other's arms.
"I'm sorry I ruined Valentine's Day," I heard him whisper. I leaned up and looked at him, gently placing a hand on each of his cheeks and noticing a small cut above his eyebrow.
"You didn't ruin anything," I whispered to him. "You're here, that's all I wanted." A shaky sigh escaped him as he leaned forward and took my mouth with his. It wasn't a soft kiss, but it wasn't rushed or rough either. It was a kiss of two people who hadn't seen each other in so long, and three days was enough for either of us.
Due to his condition we weren't able to go out and have a nice dinner, so I compromised and we had cheeseburgers instead. I prefer my cheeseburgers homemade, but Tony loves Burger King so the way I see it this was my Valentine's Day present to him. After we ate, I helped him to the shower. As much as I love the man he reeked, and there was no way he was getting in bed with me smelling like that.
I changed out of my clothes and slipped into one of silk nightgowns I know he loves. I waited for him under the covers. Even though I wasn't tired I knew he was, and he was going to crash soon. He finally made his way out of the bathroom in a clean pair of boxers, and slowly limped to the bed. He pulled the covers back, and slowly dropped his body down to the bed. I pulled the covers back over him and curled into his side. I leaned up and placed a kiss to the side of his mouth.
"If I wasn't so sore, that nightgown would've been off by now." I smiled at the comment, and that was the last thing I heard him say before the sound of soft snoring filled the room.
So this is where I am now, just watching him sleep. Honestly, it's a sight I thought I would never get the chance to see. After the third month of his disappearance, I had finally come to terms with the fact that he might very well be dead, and then I got that wonderful call at three in the morning saying he was alive. To this day I still cannot describe the feeling I felt hearing those words. It was like uncertainty mixed with happiness and confusion. Yeah, like I said, I cannot describe it.
It's been one hell of a year though, and things have turned out for the better. Some things haven't changed though. He's still just as arrogant as ever, but I guess he's earned that right considering he's now a superhero. Granted, being the girlfriend of a superhero does take its toll on you, but he's a better man now than he ever was and I couldn't ask for anything more from him. I think back to previous years on this day and it boggles my mind to think there was actually a time where I hated him. Well, hate is too strong of a word, dislike is probably a better term. I don't blame myself, he honestly deserved it. Then I think back to last year when I finally had the epiphany. I remember asking myself that hard question: Do I want better than Tony Stark? I remember not being able to answer it; my excuse was there were still unanswered questions. But now, as I lay here beside him, I can answer honestly. No, I don't want better than Tony Stark because there is nothing better than him.
This man, this wonderful man, puts himself in harm's way to protect total strangers. He will come at a moment's notice when things are beginning to look rough. He is trying his best to make the world a better place, and it's because of those reasons I fall in love with him all over again.
It helps to know that he'll be here when I wake up in the morning. No more will I have to wonder where he will be or who he's with on this day. No more will I have to say 'He won't be here on Valentine's Day', because one thing is perfectly clear to me on this wonderful holiday:
He'll be here, with me, on Valentine's Day.