We Wander Through Difference (3/3)
part 1
part 2
Mark calls Eduardo at around six the day after their first date to invite him over. He says he wants to stay in tonight, and Eduardo can’t help himself.
“Do you mean stay in, or stay in?” he asks, complete with an eyebrow wiggle for no one’s benefit but his own, since Mark can’t see him over the phone.
Mark chokes for a second, but bravely answers, “Um, both?”
Eduardo severely underestimated the effect hearing that would have on him. “Yeah, okay. That sounds good,” he says, just barely keeping his voice from breaking.
He drives over to Mark’s house later that night. They do stay in, ordering takeout and watching a movie. Then they stay in, and it’s pretty damn incredible. Eduardo had thought Mark might be a little awkward in bed, just like he’s a little awkward and distracted everywhere else, but he is, in fact, the opposite of awkward. It’s not perfect, of course-first times with a new partner never are-but having Mark’s all-or-nothing focus one hundred percent on him is just about the hottest thing Eduardo’s ever experienced. Plus, Mark’s hands are basically porn, not to mention his mouth (and yes, Mark confirmed Eduardo’s suspicions about his oral fixation, quite enthusiastically).
They repeat the night a few days later when Eduardo gets another night off, and then again the day after that. Mark comes to Safeway a lot, now, during almost every one of Eduardo’s shifts. Mark comes around dinnertime with his laptop and sit in the café and work until Eduardo’s break comes up. They eat dinner together, and when Eduardo’s break is up, Mark goes home. If Eduardo isn’t too tired after his shift, sometimes he goes to Mark’s when he gets out so they can be together for a couple hours before Eduardo goes home for the night. It’s been less than two weeks and they’re already developing a routine, but it’s comfortable and easy, and it’s been awhile since Eduardo has had something this nice.
Christy comes into the store one day and immediately corners Eduardo in the break room. “Why didn’t you tell me he was famous, you idiot?” she yells, hitting him in the chest, harder than is warranted.
“I-what? What are you talking about?” Christy drags him into their manager’s office where she kicks Darryl off the computer and pulls up a weeks-old article about him and Mark on some tech gossip site. It’s surreal, seeing pictures of them and trying to understand why people would even care about such a thing, but he laughs it off. The next time he sees Mark, he teases him about being too famous for Eduardo, but it falls flat and Mark gets quiet and weird for a while.
A couple weeks later, Eduardo is at Mark’s house when Chris and Dustin show up unexpectedly. Mostly unexpectedly. “I should have expected it,” Mark mutters as he stalks into the kitchen to find a bottle opener.
“It’s okay, I like them,” Eduardo replies easily. He turns Mark around and kisses him, running his hands up and down Mark’s arms soothingly, until Mark is kissing him back soft and pliant. Mark pulls back and rests his forehead against Eduardo’s shoulder for a second, then sighs and walks back into the other room, Eduardo following close behind.
Mark chucks the opener at Chris, who catches it easily and says, “Mark, I forgot to ask you earlier. Are you driving to the thing on Friday, or do I need to get you and Eduardo a car?”
“What thing?” Eduardo starts to ask, but Mark interrupts.
“I’m driving, but I’m taking Lauren as my plus-one, so you might need to get her a car.”
“Oh. Okay, then. I’ll ask her,” Chris says. He’s too much of a PR man to show much surprise, but Dustin has no such compunction.
“You’re not taking Eduardo? I thought that dating somebody implied they would have a permanent place as, you know, your date to things,” he says. Eduardo’s starting to feel uncomfortable as well as confused. The number of significant glances being tossed around the room alone would make anyone feel uncomfortable.
“Eduardo’s working on Friday night,” Mark says, sounding defensive. “Right Eduardo?” he asks, finally looking at him for the first time since Chris spoke up.
“Yeah, I am, but I can try to get someone to cover for me if you need me to. What’s happening on Friday?”
“Don’t bother, it’s just a party for some of the investors. They’re boring and pointless and they happen way too often. There’s no point in subjecting you to it. Lauren’s my assistant and she gets paid to be there.” It rings true, but something in Mark’s face gives Eduardo the feeling that it’s not the only reason Mark didn’t tell him about this party sooner.
Now that he thinks about it, Eduardo’s pretty sure that in the month since their first date, he can count the number of times they have gone out on one hand, with a couple fingers to spare. He and Mark have spent a lot of time together, but they usually hang out at Mark’s house, or whenever Mark stops by the grocery store. Eduardo is starting to feel like the secret boyfriend that Mark’s trying to hide, and it’s not a good feeling.
It all comes to a head another couple weeks after the party incident.
Angie, one of the night shift workers, catches a nasty flu from her niece, so Eduardo works doubles for a week. He gets one of the high schoolers to cover the first half of his shift a couple times, but even then he’s at the store from eight until six in the morning. He usually doesn’t mind picking up people’s shifts, even overnight shifts-they mess with his sleep schedule for a while after, but it’s worth it for the extra cash that can go straight into his Stanford fund-but now he has Mark, and a week of overnight shifts means a week of barely seeing Mark. Mark’s not the most dedicated sleeper, but even he can’t wait up until six in the morning to meet Eduardo, then wake up to go to work three or four hours later. They text, once Eduardo wakes up in the afternoon and whenever he can grab a minute at the register, and Mark comes by the store a couple times, but it’s not enough. Eduardo feels ridiculous, because it’s been barely over a month since their first official date, and he’s already pining pathetically, in Christy’s words, after only a week of no Mark.
So when he drags himself into work on Friday, dead on his feet from a week of shitty and insufficient sleep, to find a healthy Angie in the break room with a sheepish smile and an offer to take his shift as well as hers that night, his thoughts go something like Mark. No, sleep, then Mark. And that’s what he does.
He goes home and naps for a few glorious hours. He wakes up a little before eight and takes a shower to get rid of the lingering fuzziness from his nap. The prospect of seeing Mark proves to be too promising, though, so he gets out before he’s completely awake and throws on jeans and whatever t-shirt is on top in the drawer. It’s not like they’re going to go anywhere fancy; they rarely go out as it is, and right now Eduardo just wants to cuddle-well, as much as Mark will tolerate it-and watch a movie or something.
He drives to Mark’s, stopping by the hole-in-the-wall Chinese place he knows Mark likes on the way. When he gets to Mark’s house, he’s surprised to see a big black SUV in the driveway next to Mark’s Prius and spares a moment to wonder if he should have called ahead first, but he shakes it off and just parks in the street. They haven’t traded keys or anything-not that Eduardo ever really enjoys having Mark over at his shitty apartment-but Mark has told him more than once to feel free to come over whenever, I’m never really busy when I’m not at the office, which in Mark-speak is practically the same thing. Mark hates when people invade his personal space, so to have an open invitation to his home is a big deal; the only other people Eduardo has seen at Mark’s house are Chris and Dustin.
So while the big SUV in the driveway should have clued him in, he’s still surprised when the doorbell is not answered by Mark, but by an unfamiliar blonde guy in a tight black t-shirt, jeans, and a fitted blazer. The guy looks him over quickly in confusion before his eyes snag on the bag of food in Eduardo’s hand.
“I think you have the wrong house. We didn’t order anything,” he says and starts to shut the door.
“No, wait,” Eduardo starts, and the guy stops closing the door, but he doesn’t open it any farther and moves so he’s blocking the doorway even more. “Is Mark here?” His voice trails off a little as he realizes what an idiotic question it is, and the guy’s face gets a little sharper.
“Is he expecting you?”
“No, not really. I mean-I’m Eduardo, I’m Mark’s-we’re dating,” he finishes lamely. He’s still a little groggy from his nap, and he wasn’t expecting to have to explain himself.
The guy starts smirking and finally opens the door the rest of the way, ushering Eduardo in with an over-the-top gesture. “Well, come on in, I’m sure you’re welcome. I’m Sean Parker,” he says, offering his hand to Eduardo, who shakes it with a growing sense of foreboding.
The thing is, Mark’s told him stories about Sean. He told him about how they first met-how Sean somehow found the site and found Mark, and then took him and Chris out to dinner, dizzying them with nonstop chatter about fame and success and a billion dollars. He’s told him about the early days of Facebook, how they had to take out loans and borrow money from their parents to live off ramen until Mark’s serendipitous second run-in with Sean (that story took a long time, since Dustin felt the need to interrupt with a so-called brilliant rendition of his zipline prowess, and then they had to clean up the lamp that was an unfortunate casualty before Mark could finish the story), and how Sean got them the angel investment that allowed them to eat real food and get a real office, and basically allowed Facebook to live past that first summer. And finally, Mark’s told him about the night of the million-member party, and the chain of similar fuck-ups that followed. It’s only been a couple years since, but Mark’s initial anger and disappointment-which he admits was aimed as much at himself for getting so caught up in the image Sean was projecting as at Sean himself-seems to have mostly faded into a kind of resigned fondness. Sean’s role in the company has been solely nominal for a while, but Eduardo knows that Mark still thinks of him as a friend, and that they hang out sometimes. Eduardo doesn’t exactly approve, especially after he did his own bit of googling after Mark first mentioned him, but he can’t really say anything. Sean is Mark’s friend, and after all, Eduardo’s never actually met him-until now, that is. Mark’s never offered to introduce Eduardo to Sean, but it seems as if it’s going to happen anyways, no matter what anyone wants.
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Sean. I’ve heard a lot about you,” Eduardo says, trying to convey I know who you are and I’m not impressed without having to actually say it.
Sean’s smarmy grin grows even bigger. “Is that so? You know what I’ve heard about you?” Eduardo gets a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that grows when Sean leans in and whispers, “Nothing.”
Before Eduardo can react, Mark walks in from the living room, absently twirling a Red Vine in one hand. His face lights up when he sees Eduardo, and the sick feeling starts to abate, especially when Mark greets him, sounding like finding Eduardo in his hallway is the best surprise he could imagine. Mark moves in as if to kiss him hello, but at the last moment he pulls back and just punches him lightly on the shoulder, and Eduardo is back to feeling off-balance, hyper-aware of Sean standing nearby.
“You’re here!” Mark says.
“Yeah, Angie got better and she offered to work for me tonight, so I thought I’d surprise you. I’m sorry if I’m interrupting something.”
“No, not at all,” Sean says, cutting off Mark’s reply. “It’s good to finally meet you. We’re just having a drink before going out. I know a guy who can get us into Gush, this hot new club in San Francisco. You should come with us.”
Mark starts to look uncomfortable, his easy grin fading away quickly. He gives Eduardo a quick once-over that doesn’t escape anyone’s notice before replying. “We’ll go out another time, Sean. I just want to stay in tonight. Watch a movie or something. I’m sure you’re tired, Wardo, you’re probably not in the mood to go clubbing. He’s been working a lot this week,” Mark adds for Sean’s benefit.
Eduardo follows Mark’s eyes down at his ratty jeans and old t-shirt and can’t help but compare it to Sean’s snappy outfit. He tries to fight the dull flush of embarrassment, but his face starts to heat up despite his efforts. It’s not like he doesn’t have nice clothes, he just couldn’t be bothered to dress up. After all, he wasn’t expecting to be confronted by the only one of Mark’s friends who actually seems to care about being rich and moderately famous.
“Right, work. What is it you do again, Wardo? Mark must have forgotten to mention.” Sean asks.
Eduardo clears his throat nervously, then takes a breath and sets his shoulders. He refuses to be cowed by Sean fucking Parker. “I’m a cashier at Safeway.”
“He’s saving up to finish at Stanford,” Mark cuts in. “Economics. He’s going to be an incredible investor. He kind of made $300,000 on the oil futures market a couple summers ago by watching the weather channel.”
“Impressive,” Sean nods. “But why only kind of?”
“It’s not-it was just for fun. I didn’t have the cash to actually invest, so it was more of a simulation I made up than anything. Just something to pass the time,” Eduardo explains.
“Bagging groceries must get pretty boring, huh?”
“Sean, don’t,” Mark says. Eduardo wants to punch Sean’s stupid smirk off his face, because while he refuses to be ashamed of his job, he’s starting to think Mark is. It is not exactly the first time he’s thought it, but it’s the first time it has been so apparent that Mark is embarrassed.
“It’s fine,” Eduardo says, not really sure who he is answering. “I mean, it’s just a job, but it’s not that bad, all things considered.”
“Well, someone has to do it. Although, now that you’re with Mark, you probably won’t need to do it much longer, will you?” Sean’s smirk turns harder, colder. Eduardo flashes back briefly to the first time he met Chris, and all of a sudden he feels calmer. He knows this isn’t really about Sean laughing at him for working at Safeway, and he starts to relax.
Until Mark hisses Sean’s name again. He looks about two seconds from tearing into Sean; Eduardo isn’t sure he wants to hear what Mark would say, so he lays a hand on Mark’s shoulder and says, “Can I talk to you, Mark? Alone?” He steers Mark into the kitchen and sees Sean head back into the living room.
Eduardo pushes Mark into a stool at the kitchen counter and finally sets his bag of Chinese down in front of him. He hears the television turn on in the other room as he’s getting a couple plates down from the cupboard to the left of the sink, so he turns back to Mark, who’s just staring at his clenched hands resting on the counter.
“What the fuck was that, Mark,” Eduardo says, finally allowing himself to get angry.
Mark looks up. He’s starting to look less angry and more remorseful, but Eduardo’s almost positive he is sorry for the wrong reasons. His fears are confirmed when Mark replies, “Sean’s a dick. I’m sorry, if I had known you were coming over I would have made him leave earlier.”
“I wasn’t talking about Sean. Yeah, he’s an asshole, but he’s just trying to be a good friend.”
“A good friend? A good friend wouldn’t say shit like that to my boyfriend,” Mark interjects. Eduardo can’t even feel any satisfaction at the label; he’s too busy getting abruptly sick of Mark’s bullshit.
“You mean the boyfriend he didn’t even know existed until I rang the doorbell? Me, the guy who works at Safeway who is apparently dating his billionaire friend who is notoriously bad at social interaction? If I were Sean, I might be a little protective too.”
Mark jerks back as if slapped. “Eduardo, you know I don’t think-”
“I don’t know what you think, Mark, and frankly, right now I don’t particularly care. I just worked a week of double shifts and I am too exhausted to do this. Have fun on your night out, I know you haven’t gotten to go out a lot recently, since I’ve been around. I’m going to go home.” Eduardo rounds the other side of the counter, brushes off Mark’s hand when he reaches towards him, and walks back into the front hallway. He pauses there, but he hadn’t had time to take off his shoes and he didn’t bring a jacket, so with a quick pocket check for his keys he heads out the door. When he gets to his car he has to turn back towards to Mark’s house to unlock his door, and he can’t help glancing up. Mark is standing on his front porch with his arms crossed, an unreadable look on his face. He opens his mouth to speak, but Eduardo cuts him off with a quick shake of his head.
“I’ll see you later, Mark,” he calls, and gets in his car. It starts on the third try, like always, and Eduardo’s face grows warm as he pulls away from the curb. He drives back home on autopilot and doesn’t have the energy to do anything but kick off his shoes and shuck his jeans before falling back into bed.
It’ll be fine. Sean will take Mark out to whatever glamorous club he was talking about, and he’ll introduce Mark to fucking models or, like, people in his own tax bracket, and then Mark can start dating someone he won’t be embarrassed about and Eduardo can go back to focusing on work, saving for Stanford, and trying not to have nightmares about wearing a green apron every day until he’s sixty.
It takes hours before Eduardo finally reaches a fitful sleep.
He wakes up the next morning when his phone rings. He grabs it off his nightstand when it refuses to stop even after Eduardo slurs a half-hearted shuddup at it. It’s Mark, of course. He turns it on silent, tosses it back onto the nightstand, and sinks back into sleep for a few more hours. When he wakes up again on his own, he feels almost hungover, that achy, sore feeling all over. But as the events of the previous night replay in his head, he knows he will not be going back to sleep again. He grabs his phone and looks at it while he pads out to his kitchen, scratching his chest absently. Mark had only called once more after that first time, but he left a message, so Eduardo dials his voicemail on speaker, tossing his phone on the kitchen counter, and starts to make coffee.
Wardo, it’s Mark. I want-I don’t really know what the protocol is for fighting with your boyfriend-that was a fight, right? But I want-I need to see you. Can we talk? Call me back when you get this.
Eduardo hangs up as the automated voice is telling him to press seven to delete, then gives in and replays it, leaning with his hands braced against the counter. He looks at the clock; it’s just after noon. Eduardo puts it off for a while, puttering around the kitchen. He makes pancakes, even though he rarely eats anything more complicated than cereal for breakfast. But pretty soon, he has eaten and cleaned up and his phone is still sitting on the counter accusingly. He half-chickens out-sends a text instead of calling. He tells Mark to meet him at the Starbucks by the Safeway in half an hour, and Mark texts back immediately.
See you there, his text reads, and it’s followed by another a minute later. Thank you.
Eduardo looks at his phone, confused, until he thinks about some of the stories he’s heard from Chris and Dustin about Mark in college, and he thinks Mark probably hasn’t gotten a lot of second chances from other people in his life. It’s that thought that propels Eduardo into the bathroom for a quick shower, and eventually into his car to drive to Starbucks.
Mark is already sitting at a table when he gets there. Eduardo sees him before Mark notices him walk in, and he takes a moment to really look at him. His lips look red and kind of raw, like he’s been chewing on them all day, his leg is jiggling under the table, and he’s fidgeting with the paper cup of coffee in front of him. There’s a baseline of anxiety running under his normal calm demeanor, and it makes Eduardo want to smooth away the bags under his eyes and hug him until he relaxes, boneless, into him. He wants to take care of him, and it scares him. He has no idea how this socially awkward, usually grumpy programmer wormed his way under his skin so easily, but this goes way beyond simple attraction. Fuck, Eduardo thinks as he realizes he just might love Mark, or is at least on his way there. This certainly makes things complicated. But he can’t dwell on it, because at that moment Mark notices him and sits up. His leg stops shaking for a moment before starting up again, quicker than before.
Eduardo walks over to his table and sinks into the chair, grateful to get off his own shaky legs. “Hey, Mark,” he says, voice low.
“I missed you,” Mark replies, looking determined.
“It’s been 18 hours since we saw each other, Mark,” Eduardo replies. He knows he’s being obtuse, but he thinks it should be his turn to be ornery and difficult for once.
Mark looks a little annoyed. “You know what I mean, Wardo. Before, when you were working a lot. We barely saw each other for a week, and that’s-I missed you.”
“It’s called a job, Mark. I can’t exactly control the shifts I work, and I’m in no position to say no to extra shifts. Stanford, remember?” Eduardo says, feeling a little bitterness creep into his tone at the end.
Mark looks down to where his finger is tracing patterns through a bit of spilled sugar on the tabletop. “I could-” he starts.
“Don’t even,” Eduardo interrupts. “I know you could, but I couldn’t. I have to do this on my own, okay?” Mark is chewing at his lip again, and he doesn’t respond. “Look, we need to talk about this. It was already an issue, last night just made it clearer. It has nothing to do with Sean.”
“Then what is it?” Mark bursts out. “I honestly don’t know what I did wrong, so can you tell me so I can fix it?”
“What you did wrong?” Eduardo counters. He’ll never underestimate Mark’s obliviousness again. “You’re fucking ashamed of me, Mark. Do you know how shitty that makes me feel?”
Mark jerks back as if Eduardo slapped him. “What? I’m not-how could you think that?” he asks, shocked. Eduardo looks away to try and collect himself enough to explain.
“I don’t really talk to my father anymore. He gets sad, and-and disappointed,” he finally says, a little hesitant.
“He’s disappointed in you?”
“No, in himself. I think-I know he blames himself for what happened in Miami, even though none of it was anything anyone could expect. And seeing me reminds him of having to make the choice between my education and my mother’s life, even though it wasn’t really his decision; I would have refused to go back if he had decided the other way.” He pauses, trying to find the right words. “My father has spent the last ten years being ashamed of himself and I refuse to do that. I would give up Stanford all over again if I could have another day with my Mãe, and that last year with her was worth working at Safeway for the rest of my life, if it ends up that way.”
“Eduardo-”
“No, Mark, listen. I refuse to be embarrassed or ashamed of working a menial job. But I know that a lot of people would be, so when my new, semi-high-profile, billionaire boyfriend basically tries to be seen in public with me as little as humanly possible, I’m going to jump to some unfavorable conclusions. I know you say you don’t care that kind of stuff in private, but in public, it’s a different story. I can’t handle someone else I care about looking at me like my dad does.”
“Wardo, I have never been embarrassed of you-fuck, I am so sorry that I made you think I was. I was trying to protect you.”
“You were what?”
“The day after our first date, Valleywag published an article speculating about our relationship, with pictures.”
“I know, Christy showed it to me. I joked about it,” Eduardo interjects.
Mark grimaces. “I remember, and I hated that. Even as a joke, it hurt to hear you say you weren’t good enough for me. If anything, it’s the opposite. I’m awkward and I spend too much time thinking about work and I have trouble talking about feelings and important things sometimes. You deserve better.”
“Mark, no. First of all, I think I can decide for myself what I ‘deserve.’ And yeah, maybe some of those things are true, especially the last one, I’m starting to realize, but we can work on it. Starting now, when you tell me why you thought you had to protect me from the big bad internet gossip site.”
“It’s not just Valleywag, it’s all of it. Apparently I’m famous enough, especially out here, that people care about my life, and it would be news if I start dating someone publicly. It was news-that wasn’t the only article. We basically killed the story by just refusing to talk about it, but we wouldn’t be able to do that if it kept happening. I don’t want to subject you to that kind of attention. Not because I’m embarrassed or ashamed or anything-fuck, Wardo, that’s insane.” Mark laughs for a second before he continues. “When we first met and started flirting or whatever, you had no idea what you were signing yourself up for. It wouldn’t have been fair to you to subject your life to that kind of scrutiny.”
“And you don’t think I should be a part of that decision?” Eduardo isn’t exactly angry anymore. He kind of understands Mark’s point, but he wants to clear the air completely, so this doesn’t become a recurring argument.
“No, of course I do. Before the Valleywag thing I was planning to talk to you about it eventually. Around this time, or even maybe a month from now, but not after our first fucking date. I just-I panicked. I saw that they had no idea who you were and I wanted to keep it that way, for your sake. Especially after hearing the things you told me about your family that night. I did not want you to have to hear or talk about any of that unless you wanted to. Then once we picked a line we had to stick with it. And yeah, I probably should have been talking to you about it at the time, but jesus, we had just had our first date. You-I wanted it to be just us for a while, you know? I didn’t want the fucking media to be in our relationship from the first fucking day.” Mark breaks off, breathing fast.
“So that’s why we didn’t ever go out.” Mark nods once. “That’s-actually kind of sweet, Mark. A bit of an overreaction, but sweet. And is that why you didn’t take me to that investor party?”
“The what-you were pissed off about that?” Mark asks. Eduardo just raises his eyebrows and gives him a significant look. “Okay, I guess I can see why you might be pissed. Honestly, that was only a little bit of a publicity thing. Mostly, I just hate those parties and I didn’t want to subject you to the torture of having to listen to people talk about Facebook and the internet like they know anything about what they’re saying. Like I said, I had to be there but you didn’t, so I didn’t want to make you take off work just to be bored and annoyed.”
Eduardo tries to bite back his laughter, but he can’t help grinning. “Mark, you know not everyone is as allergic to social interaction as you are? I’m sure I would have been fine.” Mark makes a face at him, but it’s the face he makes whenever Eduardo teases him, annoyed but more fond than anything.
“Well, you can come to the next one if you really want to, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Mark says. He flushes a dull red and adds “That is, if-if you still want to-you know.”
“Of course I still want to,” Eduardo says as his heart melts a little. He reaches out and grabs Mark’s hand, touching him for the first time since they sat down, and his last bit of anxiety is released when Mark tightens his grip reflexively.
“So we’re good then?” Mark asks. Eduardo bursts out in laughter, half-hysterical from the emotional roller coaster of the past day.
“God, Mark,” he says once he’s calmed down a bit. Mark looks offended and more than a little nervous at Eduardo’s laughing fit, but Eduardo squeezes his hand again and smiles. “Yeah, Mark, we’re good,” he says, and Mark lets out a shaky breath and his whole body relaxes, losing all his nervous tension in obvious relief.
Eduardo almost tells him then, those three words ready on his tongue, but he stops himself. Instead, he leans over the table to kiss Mark soft and slow. Mark opens for him immediately, and it settles Eduardo, and he knows it can wait. After all, it’s been an emotional day for both of them, and he doesn’t want Mark to overheat from too many feelings or something. They can work up to it; they have time.
part 2
Mark calls Eduardo at around six the day after their first date to invite him over. He says he wants to stay in tonight, and Eduardo can’t help himself.
“Do you mean stay in, or stay in?” he asks, complete with an eyebrow wiggle for no one’s benefit but his own, since Mark can’t see him over the phone.
Mark chokes for a second, but bravely answers, “Um, both?”
Eduardo severely underestimated the effect hearing that would have on him. “Yeah, okay. That sounds good,” he says, just barely keeping his voice from breaking.
He drives over to Mark’s house later that night. They do stay in, ordering takeout and watching a movie. Then they stay in, and it’s pretty damn incredible. Eduardo had thought Mark might be a little awkward in bed, just like he’s a little awkward and distracted everywhere else, but he is, in fact, the opposite of awkward. It’s not perfect, of course-first times with a new partner never are-but having Mark’s all-or-nothing focus one hundred percent on him is just about the hottest thing Eduardo’s ever experienced. Plus, Mark’s hands are basically porn, not to mention his mouth (and yes, Mark confirmed Eduardo’s suspicions about his oral fixation, quite enthusiastically).
They repeat the night a few days later when Eduardo gets another night off, and then again the day after that. Mark comes to Safeway a lot, now, during almost every one of Eduardo’s shifts. Mark comes around dinnertime with his laptop and sit in the café and work until Eduardo’s break comes up. They eat dinner together, and when Eduardo’s break is up, Mark goes home. If Eduardo isn’t too tired after his shift, sometimes he goes to Mark’s when he gets out so they can be together for a couple hours before Eduardo goes home for the night. It’s been less than two weeks and they’re already developing a routine, but it’s comfortable and easy, and it’s been awhile since Eduardo has had something this nice.
Christy comes into the store one day and immediately corners Eduardo in the break room. “Why didn’t you tell me he was famous, you idiot?” she yells, hitting him in the chest, harder than is warranted.
“I-what? What are you talking about?” Christy drags him into their manager’s office where she kicks Darryl off the computer and pulls up a weeks-old article about him and Mark on some tech gossip site. It’s surreal, seeing pictures of them and trying to understand why people would even care about such a thing, but he laughs it off. The next time he sees Mark, he teases him about being too famous for Eduardo, but it falls flat and Mark gets quiet and weird for a while.
A couple weeks later, Eduardo is at Mark’s house when Chris and Dustin show up unexpectedly. Mostly unexpectedly. “I should have expected it,” Mark mutters as he stalks into the kitchen to find a bottle opener.
“It’s okay, I like them,” Eduardo replies easily. He turns Mark around and kisses him, running his hands up and down Mark’s arms soothingly, until Mark is kissing him back soft and pliant. Mark pulls back and rests his forehead against Eduardo’s shoulder for a second, then sighs and walks back into the other room, Eduardo following close behind.
Mark chucks the opener at Chris, who catches it easily and says, “Mark, I forgot to ask you earlier. Are you driving to the thing on Friday, or do I need to get you and Eduardo a car?”
“What thing?” Eduardo starts to ask, but Mark interrupts.
“I’m driving, but I’m taking Lauren as my plus-one, so you might need to get her a car.”
“Oh. Okay, then. I’ll ask her,” Chris says. He’s too much of a PR man to show much surprise, but Dustin has no such compunction.
“You’re not taking Eduardo? I thought that dating somebody implied they would have a permanent place as, you know, your date to things,” he says. Eduardo’s starting to feel uncomfortable as well as confused. The number of significant glances being tossed around the room alone would make anyone feel uncomfortable.
“Eduardo’s working on Friday night,” Mark says, sounding defensive. “Right Eduardo?” he asks, finally looking at him for the first time since Chris spoke up.
“Yeah, I am, but I can try to get someone to cover for me if you need me to. What’s happening on Friday?”
“Don’t bother, it’s just a party for some of the investors. They’re boring and pointless and they happen way too often. There’s no point in subjecting you to it. Lauren’s my assistant and she gets paid to be there.” It rings true, but something in Mark’s face gives Eduardo the feeling that it’s not the only reason Mark didn’t tell him about this party sooner.
Now that he thinks about it, Eduardo’s pretty sure that in the month since their first date, he can count the number of times they have gone out on one hand, with a couple fingers to spare. He and Mark have spent a lot of time together, but they usually hang out at Mark’s house, or whenever Mark stops by the grocery store. Eduardo is starting to feel like the secret boyfriend that Mark’s trying to hide, and it’s not a good feeling.
It all comes to a head another couple weeks after the party incident.
Angie, one of the night shift workers, catches a nasty flu from her niece, so Eduardo works doubles for a week. He gets one of the high schoolers to cover the first half of his shift a couple times, but even then he’s at the store from eight until six in the morning. He usually doesn’t mind picking up people’s shifts, even overnight shifts-they mess with his sleep schedule for a while after, but it’s worth it for the extra cash that can go straight into his Stanford fund-but now he has Mark, and a week of overnight shifts means a week of barely seeing Mark. Mark’s not the most dedicated sleeper, but even he can’t wait up until six in the morning to meet Eduardo, then wake up to go to work three or four hours later. They text, once Eduardo wakes up in the afternoon and whenever he can grab a minute at the register, and Mark comes by the store a couple times, but it’s not enough. Eduardo feels ridiculous, because it’s been barely over a month since their first official date, and he’s already pining pathetically, in Christy’s words, after only a week of no Mark.
So when he drags himself into work on Friday, dead on his feet from a week of shitty and insufficient sleep, to find a healthy Angie in the break room with a sheepish smile and an offer to take his shift as well as hers that night, his thoughts go something like Mark. No, sleep, then Mark. And that’s what he does.
He goes home and naps for a few glorious hours. He wakes up a little before eight and takes a shower to get rid of the lingering fuzziness from his nap. The prospect of seeing Mark proves to be too promising, though, so he gets out before he’s completely awake and throws on jeans and whatever t-shirt is on top in the drawer. It’s not like they’re going to go anywhere fancy; they rarely go out as it is, and right now Eduardo just wants to cuddle-well, as much as Mark will tolerate it-and watch a movie or something.
He drives to Mark’s, stopping by the hole-in-the-wall Chinese place he knows Mark likes on the way. When he gets to Mark’s house, he’s surprised to see a big black SUV in the driveway next to Mark’s Prius and spares a moment to wonder if he should have called ahead first, but he shakes it off and just parks in the street. They haven’t traded keys or anything-not that Eduardo ever really enjoys having Mark over at his shitty apartment-but Mark has told him more than once to feel free to come over whenever, I’m never really busy when I’m not at the office, which in Mark-speak is practically the same thing. Mark hates when people invade his personal space, so to have an open invitation to his home is a big deal; the only other people Eduardo has seen at Mark’s house are Chris and Dustin.
So while the big SUV in the driveway should have clued him in, he’s still surprised when the doorbell is not answered by Mark, but by an unfamiliar blonde guy in a tight black t-shirt, jeans, and a fitted blazer. The guy looks him over quickly in confusion before his eyes snag on the bag of food in Eduardo’s hand.
“I think you have the wrong house. We didn’t order anything,” he says and starts to shut the door.
“No, wait,” Eduardo starts, and the guy stops closing the door, but he doesn’t open it any farther and moves so he’s blocking the doorway even more. “Is Mark here?” His voice trails off a little as he realizes what an idiotic question it is, and the guy’s face gets a little sharper.
“Is he expecting you?”
“No, not really. I mean-I’m Eduardo, I’m Mark’s-we’re dating,” he finishes lamely. He’s still a little groggy from his nap, and he wasn’t expecting to have to explain himself.
The guy starts smirking and finally opens the door the rest of the way, ushering Eduardo in with an over-the-top gesture. “Well, come on in, I’m sure you’re welcome. I’m Sean Parker,” he says, offering his hand to Eduardo, who shakes it with a growing sense of foreboding.
The thing is, Mark’s told him stories about Sean. He told him about how they first met-how Sean somehow found the site and found Mark, and then took him and Chris out to dinner, dizzying them with nonstop chatter about fame and success and a billion dollars. He’s told him about the early days of Facebook, how they had to take out loans and borrow money from their parents to live off ramen until Mark’s serendipitous second run-in with Sean (that story took a long time, since Dustin felt the need to interrupt with a so-called brilliant rendition of his zipline prowess, and then they had to clean up the lamp that was an unfortunate casualty before Mark could finish the story), and how Sean got them the angel investment that allowed them to eat real food and get a real office, and basically allowed Facebook to live past that first summer. And finally, Mark’s told him about the night of the million-member party, and the chain of similar fuck-ups that followed. It’s only been a couple years since, but Mark’s initial anger and disappointment-which he admits was aimed as much at himself for getting so caught up in the image Sean was projecting as at Sean himself-seems to have mostly faded into a kind of resigned fondness. Sean’s role in the company has been solely nominal for a while, but Eduardo knows that Mark still thinks of him as a friend, and that they hang out sometimes. Eduardo doesn’t exactly approve, especially after he did his own bit of googling after Mark first mentioned him, but he can’t really say anything. Sean is Mark’s friend, and after all, Eduardo’s never actually met him-until now, that is. Mark’s never offered to introduce Eduardo to Sean, but it seems as if it’s going to happen anyways, no matter what anyone wants.
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Sean. I’ve heard a lot about you,” Eduardo says, trying to convey I know who you are and I’m not impressed without having to actually say it.
Sean’s smarmy grin grows even bigger. “Is that so? You know what I’ve heard about you?” Eduardo gets a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that grows when Sean leans in and whispers, “Nothing.”
Before Eduardo can react, Mark walks in from the living room, absently twirling a Red Vine in one hand. His face lights up when he sees Eduardo, and the sick feeling starts to abate, especially when Mark greets him, sounding like finding Eduardo in his hallway is the best surprise he could imagine. Mark moves in as if to kiss him hello, but at the last moment he pulls back and just punches him lightly on the shoulder, and Eduardo is back to feeling off-balance, hyper-aware of Sean standing nearby.
“You’re here!” Mark says.
“Yeah, Angie got better and she offered to work for me tonight, so I thought I’d surprise you. I’m sorry if I’m interrupting something.”
“No, not at all,” Sean says, cutting off Mark’s reply. “It’s good to finally meet you. We’re just having a drink before going out. I know a guy who can get us into Gush, this hot new club in San Francisco. You should come with us.”
Mark starts to look uncomfortable, his easy grin fading away quickly. He gives Eduardo a quick once-over that doesn’t escape anyone’s notice before replying. “We’ll go out another time, Sean. I just want to stay in tonight. Watch a movie or something. I’m sure you’re tired, Wardo, you’re probably not in the mood to go clubbing. He’s been working a lot this week,” Mark adds for Sean’s benefit.
Eduardo follows Mark’s eyes down at his ratty jeans and old t-shirt and can’t help but compare it to Sean’s snappy outfit. He tries to fight the dull flush of embarrassment, but his face starts to heat up despite his efforts. It’s not like he doesn’t have nice clothes, he just couldn’t be bothered to dress up. After all, he wasn’t expecting to be confronted by the only one of Mark’s friends who actually seems to care about being rich and moderately famous.
“Right, work. What is it you do again, Wardo? Mark must have forgotten to mention.” Sean asks.
Eduardo clears his throat nervously, then takes a breath and sets his shoulders. He refuses to be cowed by Sean fucking Parker. “I’m a cashier at Safeway.”
“He’s saving up to finish at Stanford,” Mark cuts in. “Economics. He’s going to be an incredible investor. He kind of made $300,000 on the oil futures market a couple summers ago by watching the weather channel.”
“Impressive,” Sean nods. “But why only kind of?”
“It’s not-it was just for fun. I didn’t have the cash to actually invest, so it was more of a simulation I made up than anything. Just something to pass the time,” Eduardo explains.
“Bagging groceries must get pretty boring, huh?”
“Sean, don’t,” Mark says. Eduardo wants to punch Sean’s stupid smirk off his face, because while he refuses to be ashamed of his job, he’s starting to think Mark is. It is not exactly the first time he’s thought it, but it’s the first time it has been so apparent that Mark is embarrassed.
“It’s fine,” Eduardo says, not really sure who he is answering. “I mean, it’s just a job, but it’s not that bad, all things considered.”
“Well, someone has to do it. Although, now that you’re with Mark, you probably won’t need to do it much longer, will you?” Sean’s smirk turns harder, colder. Eduardo flashes back briefly to the first time he met Chris, and all of a sudden he feels calmer. He knows this isn’t really about Sean laughing at him for working at Safeway, and he starts to relax.
Until Mark hisses Sean’s name again. He looks about two seconds from tearing into Sean; Eduardo isn’t sure he wants to hear what Mark would say, so he lays a hand on Mark’s shoulder and says, “Can I talk to you, Mark? Alone?” He steers Mark into the kitchen and sees Sean head back into the living room.
Eduardo pushes Mark into a stool at the kitchen counter and finally sets his bag of Chinese down in front of him. He hears the television turn on in the other room as he’s getting a couple plates down from the cupboard to the left of the sink, so he turns back to Mark, who’s just staring at his clenched hands resting on the counter.
“What the fuck was that, Mark,” Eduardo says, finally allowing himself to get angry.
Mark looks up. He’s starting to look less angry and more remorseful, but Eduardo’s almost positive he is sorry for the wrong reasons. His fears are confirmed when Mark replies, “Sean’s a dick. I’m sorry, if I had known you were coming over I would have made him leave earlier.”
“I wasn’t talking about Sean. Yeah, he’s an asshole, but he’s just trying to be a good friend.”
“A good friend? A good friend wouldn’t say shit like that to my boyfriend,” Mark interjects. Eduardo can’t even feel any satisfaction at the label; he’s too busy getting abruptly sick of Mark’s bullshit.
“You mean the boyfriend he didn’t even know existed until I rang the doorbell? Me, the guy who works at Safeway who is apparently dating his billionaire friend who is notoriously bad at social interaction? If I were Sean, I might be a little protective too.”
Mark jerks back as if slapped. “Eduardo, you know I don’t think-”
“I don’t know what you think, Mark, and frankly, right now I don’t particularly care. I just worked a week of double shifts and I am too exhausted to do this. Have fun on your night out, I know you haven’t gotten to go out a lot recently, since I’ve been around. I’m going to go home.” Eduardo rounds the other side of the counter, brushes off Mark’s hand when he reaches towards him, and walks back into the front hallway. He pauses there, but he hadn’t had time to take off his shoes and he didn’t bring a jacket, so with a quick pocket check for his keys he heads out the door. When he gets to his car he has to turn back towards to Mark’s house to unlock his door, and he can’t help glancing up. Mark is standing on his front porch with his arms crossed, an unreadable look on his face. He opens his mouth to speak, but Eduardo cuts him off with a quick shake of his head.
“I’ll see you later, Mark,” he calls, and gets in his car. It starts on the third try, like always, and Eduardo’s face grows warm as he pulls away from the curb. He drives back home on autopilot and doesn’t have the energy to do anything but kick off his shoes and shuck his jeans before falling back into bed.
It’ll be fine. Sean will take Mark out to whatever glamorous club he was talking about, and he’ll introduce Mark to fucking models or, like, people in his own tax bracket, and then Mark can start dating someone he won’t be embarrassed about and Eduardo can go back to focusing on work, saving for Stanford, and trying not to have nightmares about wearing a green apron every day until he’s sixty.
It takes hours before Eduardo finally reaches a fitful sleep.
He wakes up the next morning when his phone rings. He grabs it off his nightstand when it refuses to stop even after Eduardo slurs a half-hearted shuddup at it. It’s Mark, of course. He turns it on silent, tosses it back onto the nightstand, and sinks back into sleep for a few more hours. When he wakes up again on his own, he feels almost hungover, that achy, sore feeling all over. But as the events of the previous night replay in his head, he knows he will not be going back to sleep again. He grabs his phone and looks at it while he pads out to his kitchen, scratching his chest absently. Mark had only called once more after that first time, but he left a message, so Eduardo dials his voicemail on speaker, tossing his phone on the kitchen counter, and starts to make coffee.
Wardo, it’s Mark. I want-I don’t really know what the protocol is for fighting with your boyfriend-that was a fight, right? But I want-I need to see you. Can we talk? Call me back when you get this.
Eduardo hangs up as the automated voice is telling him to press seven to delete, then gives in and replays it, leaning with his hands braced against the counter. He looks at the clock; it’s just after noon. Eduardo puts it off for a while, puttering around the kitchen. He makes pancakes, even though he rarely eats anything more complicated than cereal for breakfast. But pretty soon, he has eaten and cleaned up and his phone is still sitting on the counter accusingly. He half-chickens out-sends a text instead of calling. He tells Mark to meet him at the Starbucks by the Safeway in half an hour, and Mark texts back immediately.
See you there, his text reads, and it’s followed by another a minute later. Thank you.
Eduardo looks at his phone, confused, until he thinks about some of the stories he’s heard from Chris and Dustin about Mark in college, and he thinks Mark probably hasn’t gotten a lot of second chances from other people in his life. It’s that thought that propels Eduardo into the bathroom for a quick shower, and eventually into his car to drive to Starbucks.
Mark is already sitting at a table when he gets there. Eduardo sees him before Mark notices him walk in, and he takes a moment to really look at him. His lips look red and kind of raw, like he’s been chewing on them all day, his leg is jiggling under the table, and he’s fidgeting with the paper cup of coffee in front of him. There’s a baseline of anxiety running under his normal calm demeanor, and it makes Eduardo want to smooth away the bags under his eyes and hug him until he relaxes, boneless, into him. He wants to take care of him, and it scares him. He has no idea how this socially awkward, usually grumpy programmer wormed his way under his skin so easily, but this goes way beyond simple attraction. Fuck, Eduardo thinks as he realizes he just might love Mark, or is at least on his way there. This certainly makes things complicated. But he can’t dwell on it, because at that moment Mark notices him and sits up. His leg stops shaking for a moment before starting up again, quicker than before.
Eduardo walks over to his table and sinks into the chair, grateful to get off his own shaky legs. “Hey, Mark,” he says, voice low.
“I missed you,” Mark replies, looking determined.
“It’s been 18 hours since we saw each other, Mark,” Eduardo replies. He knows he’s being obtuse, but he thinks it should be his turn to be ornery and difficult for once.
Mark looks a little annoyed. “You know what I mean, Wardo. Before, when you were working a lot. We barely saw each other for a week, and that’s-I missed you.”
“It’s called a job, Mark. I can’t exactly control the shifts I work, and I’m in no position to say no to extra shifts. Stanford, remember?” Eduardo says, feeling a little bitterness creep into his tone at the end.
Mark looks down to where his finger is tracing patterns through a bit of spilled sugar on the tabletop. “I could-” he starts.
“Don’t even,” Eduardo interrupts. “I know you could, but I couldn’t. I have to do this on my own, okay?” Mark is chewing at his lip again, and he doesn’t respond. “Look, we need to talk about this. It was already an issue, last night just made it clearer. It has nothing to do with Sean.”
“Then what is it?” Mark bursts out. “I honestly don’t know what I did wrong, so can you tell me so I can fix it?”
“What you did wrong?” Eduardo counters. He’ll never underestimate Mark’s obliviousness again. “You’re fucking ashamed of me, Mark. Do you know how shitty that makes me feel?”
Mark jerks back as if Eduardo slapped him. “What? I’m not-how could you think that?” he asks, shocked. Eduardo looks away to try and collect himself enough to explain.
“I don’t really talk to my father anymore. He gets sad, and-and disappointed,” he finally says, a little hesitant.
“He’s disappointed in you?”
“No, in himself. I think-I know he blames himself for what happened in Miami, even though none of it was anything anyone could expect. And seeing me reminds him of having to make the choice between my education and my mother’s life, even though it wasn’t really his decision; I would have refused to go back if he had decided the other way.” He pauses, trying to find the right words. “My father has spent the last ten years being ashamed of himself and I refuse to do that. I would give up Stanford all over again if I could have another day with my Mãe, and that last year with her was worth working at Safeway for the rest of my life, if it ends up that way.”
“Eduardo-”
“No, Mark, listen. I refuse to be embarrassed or ashamed of working a menial job. But I know that a lot of people would be, so when my new, semi-high-profile, billionaire boyfriend basically tries to be seen in public with me as little as humanly possible, I’m going to jump to some unfavorable conclusions. I know you say you don’t care that kind of stuff in private, but in public, it’s a different story. I can’t handle someone else I care about looking at me like my dad does.”
“Wardo, I have never been embarrassed of you-fuck, I am so sorry that I made you think I was. I was trying to protect you.”
“You were what?”
“The day after our first date, Valleywag published an article speculating about our relationship, with pictures.”
“I know, Christy showed it to me. I joked about it,” Eduardo interjects.
Mark grimaces. “I remember, and I hated that. Even as a joke, it hurt to hear you say you weren’t good enough for me. If anything, it’s the opposite. I’m awkward and I spend too much time thinking about work and I have trouble talking about feelings and important things sometimes. You deserve better.”
“Mark, no. First of all, I think I can decide for myself what I ‘deserve.’ And yeah, maybe some of those things are true, especially the last one, I’m starting to realize, but we can work on it. Starting now, when you tell me why you thought you had to protect me from the big bad internet gossip site.”
“It’s not just Valleywag, it’s all of it. Apparently I’m famous enough, especially out here, that people care about my life, and it would be news if I start dating someone publicly. It was news-that wasn’t the only article. We basically killed the story by just refusing to talk about it, but we wouldn’t be able to do that if it kept happening. I don’t want to subject you to that kind of attention. Not because I’m embarrassed or ashamed or anything-fuck, Wardo, that’s insane.” Mark laughs for a second before he continues. “When we first met and started flirting or whatever, you had no idea what you were signing yourself up for. It wouldn’t have been fair to you to subject your life to that kind of scrutiny.”
“And you don’t think I should be a part of that decision?” Eduardo isn’t exactly angry anymore. He kind of understands Mark’s point, but he wants to clear the air completely, so this doesn’t become a recurring argument.
“No, of course I do. Before the Valleywag thing I was planning to talk to you about it eventually. Around this time, or even maybe a month from now, but not after our first fucking date. I just-I panicked. I saw that they had no idea who you were and I wanted to keep it that way, for your sake. Especially after hearing the things you told me about your family that night. I did not want you to have to hear or talk about any of that unless you wanted to. Then once we picked a line we had to stick with it. And yeah, I probably should have been talking to you about it at the time, but jesus, we had just had our first date. You-I wanted it to be just us for a while, you know? I didn’t want the fucking media to be in our relationship from the first fucking day.” Mark breaks off, breathing fast.
“So that’s why we didn’t ever go out.” Mark nods once. “That’s-actually kind of sweet, Mark. A bit of an overreaction, but sweet. And is that why you didn’t take me to that investor party?”
“The what-you were pissed off about that?” Mark asks. Eduardo just raises his eyebrows and gives him a significant look. “Okay, I guess I can see why you might be pissed. Honestly, that was only a little bit of a publicity thing. Mostly, I just hate those parties and I didn’t want to subject you to the torture of having to listen to people talk about Facebook and the internet like they know anything about what they’re saying. Like I said, I had to be there but you didn’t, so I didn’t want to make you take off work just to be bored and annoyed.”
Eduardo tries to bite back his laughter, but he can’t help grinning. “Mark, you know not everyone is as allergic to social interaction as you are? I’m sure I would have been fine.” Mark makes a face at him, but it’s the face he makes whenever Eduardo teases him, annoyed but more fond than anything.
“Well, you can come to the next one if you really want to, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Mark says. He flushes a dull red and adds “That is, if-if you still want to-you know.”
“Of course I still want to,” Eduardo says as his heart melts a little. He reaches out and grabs Mark’s hand, touching him for the first time since they sat down, and his last bit of anxiety is released when Mark tightens his grip reflexively.
“So we’re good then?” Mark asks. Eduardo bursts out in laughter, half-hysterical from the emotional roller coaster of the past day.
“God, Mark,” he says once he’s calmed down a bit. Mark looks offended and more than a little nervous at Eduardo’s laughing fit, but Eduardo squeezes his hand again and smiles. “Yeah, Mark, we’re good,” he says, and Mark lets out a shaky breath and his whole body relaxes, losing all his nervous tension in obvious relief.
Eduardo almost tells him then, those three words ready on his tongue, but he stops himself. Instead, he leans over the table to kiss Mark soft and slow. Mark opens for him immediately, and it settles Eduardo, and he knows it can wait. After all, it’s been an emotional day for both of them, and he doesn’t want Mark to overheat from too many feelings or something. They can work up to it; they have time.