How can I expect someone to be honest with me when I cant even be honest to myself. Manipulation, even self manipulation is dangerous. What happens when you do something the same all of you life then find out one day that it is no longer excepted to work like that anymore. You have to change your entire makeup. Its hard...stressful... and lonely. ( ( Read more... )

So I feel better... which is good. I went and turned in my application to Dick's sporting goods and met with the manager. He asked me to do an interview right then and I looked like shit. Then I applied at Pay-less Shoes. I didn't plan on it, but I was eating with my mom at O'Charley's and thought "what the hell." I would actually rather have that ( Read more... )

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate ( Read more... )

So I went to pick out my prom dress fabric tonight and I am SO excited about it. Its a deep red color like I wanted and Its going to be plan like I wanted. Haha she wanted me to wear this blue color but I told her that people would kill me if I got another blue dress. Then me, Lisa (the girl that's making my dress) and my mom went to P.F. Chang's. ( Read more... )

Fuck it... I refuse to try anymore... I'm done. period

I just got back from watching my school softball team. You know whats funny? I didn't miss a single girl on the team... I mean really miss. I really missed the game itself, my coaches, and the parents. I loved being around those people, and its really sad that I have to give up something that I love because it comes along with something that I hate ( Read more... )

Don't get me wrong I have been loving spring break!! I'm having a blast... but I cant wait to go home and sleep in my own bed and know where I'm going again... haha

Spring Break! is here!!! And I am trilled!!! So many things are happening that I am so excited about. Prom nears which mean great times. We got a sweet deal on a Limo and I am taking someone that I know ill have a blast with. Everything is starting to come together and I couldn't be happier. For the next 3 months... its going to be the time of my ( Read more... )

It seems like no matter what I do... No matter how much I try. I can never get something that I want. I always settle for something that looks like something that I want. Whats wrong with me? What did I do wrong? I mean am I really that bad?

I cant help but feel like everything around me is changing and growing and I am being left behind, not being able to do a thing to stop it. Its like I'm in a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs and no one even looks up, or I am drowning and no one cares enough to jump in after me. I hate this feeling more than anything in the world i wish ( Read more... )