TM 234 - Utopia
It’s not like I ever thought it would be perfect. The thing about a utopia is that it’s not just a place. So what if we'd found Earth and it was all lush and green and beautiful and fertile, so what if we'd found it and it was exactly the way I remembered it … even if it were perfect, we’d still be the same people walking around on it, the same people who’ve been walking around on Galactica, on Pegasus before it was sacrificed, on every ship in the fleet … and how would we be any different?
Yeah, I’ve managed to keep my hope of finding Earth, but any hope I could ever have had of it being a utopia was shot to hell with New Caprica. Not even after the Cylons came, either; way before that.
Because yeah, New Caprica was cold and the land was hard and the skies weren’t blue all that often, but it was land under our feet and for a while it was peaceful and it was the closest thing we’d had to perfection since the attacks. The closest thing we’d had to a home. And maybe part of me wanted to walk away from everything I’d been, wanted to walk away from being a pilot, from being a frakking warrior, and wanted to be something simpler. Maybe I wanted so much for things to be simple that I managed to make even more of a mess of my life and the lives of people I love than I ever did on Galactica.
In the end it was just me, always the frak up, whether it’s land under my feet or sky. And I guarantee you Earth will be no different; I’ve known that for a long time now.
So no, I’ve never expected to get to Earth and suddenly find myself … happy. Or at peace. I’ve never expected that anyone else in the fleet would get there and find, suddenly, that all the scars and bitterness of the past years had disappeared.
I don’t think I expected too much. Some green grass would’ve been nice. Someplace where we could grow something. Maybe some tomatoes. I really miss fresh tomatoes.
It wouldn’t have been utopia, but maybe it would’ve been enough.
Muse: Kara Thrace
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Word Count: 380