Vampire Diaries Crack fic! Long post is long!
One night after The Vampire Diaries, Heather and her friend Rebecca (Rebecca is the ME in the convo I am batmanfangirl) had a little conversation that went something like this:
Rebecca: I'm hoping that Alaric tells Damon to stay away from Elena (from the preview) because now he wants his chance since Stefan is gone. Oh, I can dream
batmanfangrl: hahahahahahah
Rebecca: I want that to happen and the make out scene I wrote
I should be a TVD writer
I would make Alaric/Elena super subtle though to the point where you're like "is this what I think it is??""why did he just brush up against her? accident?"
"wait, he just smelled her hair"
"I guess he likes her shampoo""His hand is on her thigh. Is he just being supportive and feels very comfortable around her that it doesn't seem odd?Next ep "aww he kissed her forehead. Was it because he likes her? Fatherly gesture?"batmanfangrl: Oh, that's perfectly normal
Rebecca: Hahah. Seriously, I want write this shit.Elena won't even have a hand in it. She'll be doing what she did last ep "you don't have to be alone. you have me. we have each other"And you'll be like "hmm what does she mean? He's just family? Something more?"me: haha yes!\\\
He'll say it while sniffing her hair.batmanfangrl: Awesome. A++++ me: And he'll be standing way to close to her and he'll say it quietly into her hair, but still audibleAnd he'll have a look of complete desire
*toobatmanfangrl: He has to say "Those vampires aren't manly enough for you. I'm a REAL man.:::NODS:::
me: hahahahhahahhabatmanfangrl: "Want to feel how real I can be?" ::::WINKS:::me: haha and right at that moment he'll trigger his arm stake thing and it will fall into his handhahhahaha"hohoho little girl, have I got a surprise for you"Heather, we have to write this fic togetherbatmanfangrl: It will be full of win! me: It will! I can't decide what
Elena should do. Should she suddenly look up at him with the new
startling revelation that she suddenly neeeeeds him? Or should she go
"awkward" and walk away
batmanfangrl: LOL Awkward!me: hahaha "awkward" it is!as she's walking away Alaric will watch her leave and lick his lipsbatmanfangrl: Perfect! Oh, and he should be cooking hotdogs!
LOLme: hahahaha
After Elena says "Awk-ward" she should take a bite. Like she's killing his bonerbatmanfangrl: AWESOME! me: Elena will go to Damon and say that she thinks
(because he was oh so subtle, right?) that Alaric was hitting on her.
Damon will go over to have a little chat with Alaric and then Alaric
will say the thing about Damon staying away from her. Then he'll release
the stake from his sleeve againand he'll wink at Damon afterbatmanfangrl: HAHAHAH
Did Alaric say to stay away from Elena in the preview?
me: something about backing offI can't watch with sound. Go see
batmanfangrl: Oh , I didn't see that.me: It's near the beginningI want Alaric to be as pervy and shameless as possible in our scenario, because it's what Matt would want batmanfangrl: I can't understand what he saids. To me it sounds like "You need to take a beat from Elena.' WHich makes no sense.me: Yeah, that's what he said.batmanfangrl: what the hell does that even mean?me: So I guess maybe he means to take her leadI dunno!
or to stay awayhaha we'll find out
OR he should let Elena beat him upbatmanfangrl: Like a beat. Like time out. That's what I was thinking!
LOLa beating????
me: Yeah, I was thinking stay awayhaha yes
because he drew blood and she's madbatmanfangrl: Who even talks like that??? LOLme: She trusted him which is why she was intimate with himteachers talk like that
Oh and Alaric has to move into Elena's housebatmanfangrl: Maybe weirdo vampire hunting teachers, but not my teachers!me: haha
And he has to watch her sleepand caress her hair
then she'll wake up and he'll say that he came in to hunt a vamp who scedattledbatmanfangrl: And whisper, "I'm so much better then them."me: haha yes!
"and I'll prove it to you"batmanfangrl: "I'll never try to drink your blood."HEHEHE
me: "unless you want me to"batmanfangrl: "I'll never try and make you my afternoon snack."me: with a beat in between sentencesand again, a beat and "unless you want me to.batmanfangrl: hahah
OOOO.
me: Eventually he'll have to crawl into her bed and bury his head in her hair and then murmur "mmmmmm"batmanfangrl: He can get some of those fake vampire teeth and put them in and "bare" them."Is this what you want?!"me: hahaha
batmanfangrl: "Is this why you wont' pick me?!"me: hahahahhaha
YESYES
omg yesbatmanfangrl: Heeeeeeme: I wish we could share this with Matt. He'd love itOH! So when Alaric is
in her bed, Damon will be looking into her window (because he does that
when she sleeps sometimes, OK?). He'll quickly vamp out and come inside
and the two men will roll around fighting right next to her in bed
batmanfangrl:
batmanfangrl: Her lamps have to break. Pieces of plaster raining down around her!me: She'll have two hot men in her bed, fighting over her, with her in the bed too. hahahah
An the rest as they say is history!
Scene One
We see Alaric moving into the Gilbert house. Elena gives him a hug and then she smiles.
Scene Two
Elena walks into the kitchen and finds Alaric sitting at the kitchen island with a plate of hot dogs.
“Hi Elena. Do you want one?”
She smiles at him. “Well, since you went through all the trouble of making them.”
She walks over to take one and Alaric stands up. As she is taking one, Alaric stands right next to her. Too close. Elena does an awkward smile and a small, nervous laugh.
He sniffs her hair. He says quietly into her hair, but still audibly, “I have never felt such lust before.”
Elena looks confused and shocked. She can’t get her body to move away.
“Those vampires aren’t manly enough for you. I’m a real man.” He shows off his manliness by shooting the stake hidden up his sleeve into his hand. He puts it down on the island. “Want to feel how real I can be?”
“Awk-ward.” Elena takes a huge bite of the hot dog and walks away.
Alaric gets a look of pain on his face.
Scene Three
Elena walks into the Salvatore house. She makes her way into the living room.
“Hello? Damon?”
Damon walks into the room.
“Hey. Any word from Katherine about Stefan?” Silence. “Any update at all?”
He sits next to her on the couch.
“I know as much as you do.” His eyes bulge. “For real this time.”
“Damon, he’s never coming back, is he? And if he does, I’ll be too old or I’ll be dead. I can’t even wait around for him. But it’s not like I can even love anyone else but him.” Dramatic sigh. “I’ll be single forever.”
“Oh god, stop it. If you’re going to still be like that, *eyes get bulgy and he extends arm toward his liquor* then please raid my liquor cabinet or complain to someone else.”
“Thanks a lot.” She starts to stand up, but he quickly grabs her arm and pulls her back down to the couch.
“Elena, it’s been months. He’s GONE! He’s not coming back. It’s time to move on. Do you really have to keep hurting me with that line about not being able to love anyone but him? Admit it to me and yourself, he’s not the only one you love.”
Deep sigh “OK, and what if I do have feelings for someone else? What gooddoes it do me when being with that person would completely betray my boyfriend since he loves this person as well?”
“He’s not your boyfriend anymore. He’s betraying you as we speak. Remember that whole thing about waking up in strangers’ blood in places he doesn’t recognize with women he doesn’t know? He could be killing or screwing anyone as we speak... or maybe doing both at the same time...”
“STOP! Fine, I know, you’ve made your point. Over and over.”
There’s a long silence between them.
Elena takes off her necklace. Damon stares curiously as she does this and gets a hint of a devious look on his face.
Elena turns toward Damon.
“I need you to make me forget about him...”
Damon grabs Elena and pulls her toward him. He starts kissing her and gets pulled into the moment; his hands start pulling up her shirt and he bites her lip.
Elena pulls away. “DAMON!” She quickly gets on her feet.
Damon stands up as well. “I’m not Stefan! I will never be Stefan, all right? I’m a bit rougher and more impulsive...”
“Oh my god! That is not the problem here. I took off my necklace, so that you could compel me to forget about Stefan. Literally forget. Or to compel me to get over him. What is going on today? First it seems that Alaric is hitting on me and now this?”
“Wait, wait, wait. Alaric?” Eyes bulge. “Alaric?!”
Damon leaves the house.
Scene Four
Alaric is drinking from a bottle of whiskey on the Gilbert’s porch steps. Damon walks over to him. Alaric greets him by nodding.
“What is this I hear about you hitting on Elena? Have you forgotten that you are her history teacher.” His eyes bulge. “You are her step-father!”
Alaric’s face does not register that anything has been said to him. “Why do you have blood on you?”
Eyes bulge. “I was making out with Elena and I got hungry. I was saving the rest for later.” He takes his finger and wipes off some of the blood and then sticks it in his mouth.
Alaric stands up. “I think it might be too dangerous for her to hang around you. You know, with you snacking on her. You need to take a beat from Elena.”
Damon laughs. “Make me. So how did you hit on her? You know she’s not into you, right?”
“Just stay away from her. I mean it.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Damon leaves.
Scene Five
We see that at night Damon has been looking through Elena’s window while she sleeps.
Scene Six
Closeup of Elena sleeping. The camera pans out and Alaric is standing next to her bed. He caresses her hair. “I’m so much better than them. I’ll prove it to you. I’ll never try to drink from you. Unless you want me to.”
He gets into bed with her, buries his head in her hair and murmurs “mmmmm.”
Damon’s face is looking in through the window. He VAMPS and is in Elena’s room immediately after. He gets into the bed and the two fight. Plaster falls and the lamp breaks. Elena sleeps soundly.
Scene Seven
Elena wakes up and goes to the kitchen to get breakfast.
Alaric walks in after she does. He has something in his hand, but we can’t see what. Elena only half-smiles at him.
“Good morning, Elena.” He kisses her forehead.
Elena steps back. “Alaric... you’re dear to me...”
Alaric smiles and starts walking toward her.
“BUT you’re just my friend. Only a friend. A good friend. There is nothing else between us.”
Alaric brings his hand to his mouth. When he pulls his hand away, fake vampire fangs are present in his mouth. “Is this what you want?!”
Elena looks shocked.
“Is it?! You don’t want me, because I’m not like them? I could be, Elena. Maybe for now we can just pretend I am and see how it works.”
Elena tries to speak, but no words come out. She walks out of the house.
THE END.
Rebecca: I'm hoping that Alaric tells Damon to stay away from Elena (from the preview) because now he wants his chance since Stefan is gone. Oh, I can dream
batmanfangrl: hahahahahahah
Rebecca: I want that to happen and the make out scene I wrote
I should be a TVD writer
I would make Alaric/Elena super subtle though to the point where you're like "is this what I think it is??""why did he just brush up against her? accident?"
"wait, he just smelled her hair"
"I guess he likes her shampoo""His hand is on her thigh. Is he just being supportive and feels very comfortable around her that it doesn't seem odd?Next ep "aww he kissed her forehead. Was it because he likes her? Fatherly gesture?"batmanfangrl: Oh, that's perfectly normal
Rebecca: Hahah. Seriously, I want write this shit.Elena won't even have a hand in it. She'll be doing what she did last ep "you don't have to be alone. you have me. we have each other"And you'll be like "hmm what does she mean? He's just family? Something more?"me: haha yes!\\\
He'll say it while sniffing her hair.batmanfangrl: Awesome. A++++ me: And he'll be standing way to close to her and he'll say it quietly into her hair, but still audibleAnd he'll have a look of complete desire
*toobatmanfangrl: He has to say "Those vampires aren't manly enough for you. I'm a REAL man.:::NODS:::
me: hahahahhahahhabatmanfangrl: "Want to feel how real I can be?" ::::WINKS:::me: haha and right at that moment he'll trigger his arm stake thing and it will fall into his handhahhahaha"hohoho little girl, have I got a surprise for you"Heather, we have to write this fic togetherbatmanfangrl: It will be full of win! me: It will! I can't decide what
Elena should do. Should she suddenly look up at him with the new
startling revelation that she suddenly neeeeeds him? Or should she go
"awkward" and walk away
batmanfangrl: LOL Awkward!me: hahaha "awkward" it is!as she's walking away Alaric will watch her leave and lick his lipsbatmanfangrl: Perfect! Oh, and he should be cooking hotdogs!
LOLme: hahahaha
After Elena says "Awk-ward" she should take a bite. Like she's killing his bonerbatmanfangrl: AWESOME! me: Elena will go to Damon and say that she thinks
(because he was oh so subtle, right?) that Alaric was hitting on her.
Damon will go over to have a little chat with Alaric and then Alaric
will say the thing about Damon staying away from her. Then he'll release
the stake from his sleeve againand he'll wink at Damon afterbatmanfangrl: HAHAHAH
Did Alaric say to stay away from Elena in the preview?
me: something about backing offI can't watch with sound. Go see
batmanfangrl: Oh , I didn't see that.me: It's near the beginningI want Alaric to be as pervy and shameless as possible in our scenario, because it's what Matt would want batmanfangrl: I can't understand what he saids. To me it sounds like "You need to take a beat from Elena.' WHich makes no sense.me: Yeah, that's what he said.batmanfangrl: what the hell does that even mean?me: So I guess maybe he means to take her leadI dunno!
or to stay awayhaha we'll find out
OR he should let Elena beat him upbatmanfangrl: Like a beat. Like time out. That's what I was thinking!
LOLa beating????
me: Yeah, I was thinking stay awayhaha yes
because he drew blood and she's madbatmanfangrl: Who even talks like that??? LOLme: She trusted him which is why she was intimate with himteachers talk like that
Oh and Alaric has to move into Elena's housebatmanfangrl: Maybe weirdo vampire hunting teachers, but not my teachers!me: haha
And he has to watch her sleepand caress her hair
then she'll wake up and he'll say that he came in to hunt a vamp who scedattledbatmanfangrl: And whisper, "I'm so much better then them."me: haha yes!
"and I'll prove it to you"batmanfangrl: "I'll never try to drink your blood."HEHEHE
me: "unless you want me to"batmanfangrl: "I'll never try and make you my afternoon snack."me: with a beat in between sentencesand again, a beat and "unless you want me to.batmanfangrl: hahah
OOOO.
me: Eventually he'll have to crawl into her bed and bury his head in her hair and then murmur "mmmmmm"batmanfangrl: He can get some of those fake vampire teeth and put them in and "bare" them."Is this what you want?!"me: hahaha
batmanfangrl: "Is this why you wont' pick me?!"me: hahahahhaha
YESYES
omg yesbatmanfangrl: Heeeeeeme: I wish we could share this with Matt. He'd love itOH! So when Alaric is
in her bed, Damon will be looking into her window (because he does that
when she sleeps sometimes, OK?). He'll quickly vamp out and come inside
and the two men will roll around fighting right next to her in bed
batmanfangrl:
batmanfangrl: Her lamps have to break. Pieces of plaster raining down around her!me: She'll have two hot men in her bed, fighting over her, with her in the bed too. hahahah
An the rest as they say is history!
Scene One
We see Alaric moving into the Gilbert house. Elena gives him a hug and then she smiles.
Scene Two
Elena walks into the kitchen and finds Alaric sitting at the kitchen island with a plate of hot dogs.
“Hi Elena. Do you want one?”
She smiles at him. “Well, since you went through all the trouble of making them.”
She walks over to take one and Alaric stands up. As she is taking one, Alaric stands right next to her. Too close. Elena does an awkward smile and a small, nervous laugh.
He sniffs her hair. He says quietly into her hair, but still audibly, “I have never felt such lust before.”
Elena looks confused and shocked. She can’t get her body to move away.
“Those vampires aren’t manly enough for you. I’m a real man.” He shows off his manliness by shooting the stake hidden up his sleeve into his hand. He puts it down on the island. “Want to feel how real I can be?”
“Awk-ward.” Elena takes a huge bite of the hot dog and walks away.
Alaric gets a look of pain on his face.
Scene Three
Elena walks into the Salvatore house. She makes her way into the living room.
“Hello? Damon?”
Damon walks into the room.
“Hey. Any word from Katherine about Stefan?” Silence. “Any update at all?”
He sits next to her on the couch.
“I know as much as you do.” His eyes bulge. “For real this time.”
“Damon, he’s never coming back, is he? And if he does, I’ll be too old or I’ll be dead. I can’t even wait around for him. But it’s not like I can even love anyone else but him.” Dramatic sigh. “I’ll be single forever.”
“Oh god, stop it. If you’re going to still be like that, *eyes get bulgy and he extends arm toward his liquor* then please raid my liquor cabinet or complain to someone else.”
“Thanks a lot.” She starts to stand up, but he quickly grabs her arm and pulls her back down to the couch.
“Elena, it’s been months. He’s GONE! He’s not coming back. It’s time to move on. Do you really have to keep hurting me with that line about not being able to love anyone but him? Admit it to me and yourself, he’s not the only one you love.”
Deep sigh “OK, and what if I do have feelings for someone else? What gooddoes it do me when being with that person would completely betray my boyfriend since he loves this person as well?”
“He’s not your boyfriend anymore. He’s betraying you as we speak. Remember that whole thing about waking up in strangers’ blood in places he doesn’t recognize with women he doesn’t know? He could be killing or screwing anyone as we speak... or maybe doing both at the same time...”
“STOP! Fine, I know, you’ve made your point. Over and over.”
There’s a long silence between them.
Elena takes off her necklace. Damon stares curiously as she does this and gets a hint of a devious look on his face.
Elena turns toward Damon.
“I need you to make me forget about him...”
Damon grabs Elena and pulls her toward him. He starts kissing her and gets pulled into the moment; his hands start pulling up her shirt and he bites her lip.
Elena pulls away. “DAMON!” She quickly gets on her feet.
Damon stands up as well. “I’m not Stefan! I will never be Stefan, all right? I’m a bit rougher and more impulsive...”
“Oh my god! That is not the problem here. I took off my necklace, so that you could compel me to forget about Stefan. Literally forget. Or to compel me to get over him. What is going on today? First it seems that Alaric is hitting on me and now this?”
“Wait, wait, wait. Alaric?” Eyes bulge. “Alaric?!”
Damon leaves the house.
Scene Four
Alaric is drinking from a bottle of whiskey on the Gilbert’s porch steps. Damon walks over to him. Alaric greets him by nodding.
“What is this I hear about you hitting on Elena? Have you forgotten that you are her history teacher.” His eyes bulge. “You are her step-father!”
Alaric’s face does not register that anything has been said to him. “Why do you have blood on you?”
Eyes bulge. “I was making out with Elena and I got hungry. I was saving the rest for later.” He takes his finger and wipes off some of the blood and then sticks it in his mouth.
Alaric stands up. “I think it might be too dangerous for her to hang around you. You know, with you snacking on her. You need to take a beat from Elena.”
Damon laughs. “Make me. So how did you hit on her? You know she’s not into you, right?”
“Just stay away from her. I mean it.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Damon leaves.
Scene Five
We see that at night Damon has been looking through Elena’s window while she sleeps.
Scene Six
Closeup of Elena sleeping. The camera pans out and Alaric is standing next to her bed. He caresses her hair. “I’m so much better than them. I’ll prove it to you. I’ll never try to drink from you. Unless you want me to.”
He gets into bed with her, buries his head in her hair and murmurs “mmmmm.”
Damon’s face is looking in through the window. He VAMPS and is in Elena’s room immediately after. He gets into the bed and the two fight. Plaster falls and the lamp breaks. Elena sleeps soundly.
Scene Seven
Elena wakes up and goes to the kitchen to get breakfast.
Alaric walks in after she does. He has something in his hand, but we can’t see what. Elena only half-smiles at him.
“Good morning, Elena.” He kisses her forehead.
Elena steps back. “Alaric... you’re dear to me...”
Alaric smiles and starts walking toward her.
“BUT you’re just my friend. Only a friend. A good friend. There is nothing else between us.”
Alaric brings his hand to his mouth. When he pulls his hand away, fake vampire fangs are present in his mouth. “Is this what you want?!”
Elena looks shocked.
“Is it?! You don’t want me, because I’m not like them? I could be, Elena. Maybe for now we can just pretend I am and see how it works.”
Elena tries to speak, but no words come out. She walks out of the house.
THE END.