(no subject)
and i don't care if these are dumb!
kaden: hows you doin
alyssa: what are we in the mafia now
kaden: oh didnt you know?
alyssa: no i didn't. do i have any hits to take care of
kaden: no, actually i think theres someone on the hunt for you
alyssa: for what?
kaden: i forgot exactly...for you know, stealing my coke
alyssa: i haven't even taken anyone out yet
alyssa: well can't you like...call it off
kaden: no, i forgot who i asked, so like
alyssa: well who else is in the mafia
kaden: maybe you should just wear a bullet proof vest for a few days. cause in retrospect that was probably a hasty move
alyssa: yeah well its a little too late for thinking now isn't it
alyssa: now i'm gonna take a hit out on you
alyssa: and i wouldn't wear a bulletproof vest at this time tomorrow night
alyssa: i'll be at your funeral and stuff. hope you come to mine
kaden: i wont be able to. seeing as ill probs be dead
alyssa: unless you get taken out first
kaden: i guess we'll see
alyssa: yeah, its up in the air as far as that goes
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alyssa : Dear Kaden,
I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. I know you'll probably tell everyone that you dumped me, because you're a liar. But everyone knows that already, so they won't believe you. It might be hard for you to believe, but one thing I can tell you for sure: you really need to work on your skills in bed. I mean, you're just plain bad at sex. And another thing: take a freakin shower! You smell so bad that the garbage collectors wonder what the smell is when they come down the street. Why do you have to be so messy? How hard is it to put your dirty underwear in the laundry machine and wash a few dishes now and again? I can't believe you forgot my birthday! Who does that? It's not easy to carry on a successful relationship with someone like you. And by that, I mean someone who is downright stupid, you feebleminded dimwit. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to point out that you're pure evil, a characteristic that most people do NOT appreciate. You might want to work on that. The wise Righteous Brothers wrote a song called "You've lost that lovin' feeling." You might want to listen to it a few times, because I've lost that loving feeling.
Some people get very little money out of their job. Some people get dumped. Joy of joys, you get both. Why do you spend so little money on me? Buying me a happy meal at McDonald's does not count as taking me out to dinner. If you ever get engaged, just remember that an onion ring is not a valid replacement for a wedding ring. You don't live in a soap opera, so quit causing so much drama. What really breaks the deal is your horrible grammar. Srsly d00d, learn 2 rite a sentance!
Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. You're more like a sibling to me, you know? Give me back my keys, I don't want you coming around here anymore. I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I'll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.
Enjoy your new freedom, slut!
Alyssa
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despitemyrrage: ready for this
cheekygrin696: go
cheekygrin696: what am i ready for
despitemyrrage: To: The Clark Community
From: University Police, Chief Stephen Goulet
Re: TIMELY WARNING
Date: Tuesday, Feb. 26, 2008
We write to inform you of an incident reported to UP last evening at approx. 10:44pm.
At that time a male subject reportedly knocked on a window of a room in Dana Hall. When the occupant of the room raised her shade the subject was seen exposing himself while holding a flashlight illuminating his genital area.
Approx. 10 minutes after this call it was reported that someone had knocked on another window, to a room in Dana Hall, but the occupant did not raise the shade in that room.
despitemyrrage: is it bad that i laughed when i read that
cheekygrin696: hahahaha no no
cheekygrin696: hahaha i laughed too
cheekygrin696: how traumatizing...
despitemyrrage: hahaha
despitemyrrage: ohhh well
cheekygrin696: that wasnt you was it
cheekygrin696: cause i know you like takin it out osmetimes...
despitemyrrage: it was ryan actually
cheekygrin696: really
despitemyrrage: yeah
despitemyrrage: when i read it to him he got really nervous
despitemyrrage: and like i didn't ask but
cheekygrin696: he totally exposed himself to me one time
cheekygrin696: i think i may have forgot to mention it to you
despitemyrrage: woah
despitemyrrage: well maybe he was just like giving you a preview
despitemyrrage: like hey
despitemyrrage: this is an authentic penis
despitemyrrage: this is what you have to look forward to
cheekygrin696: hahahaha
cheekygrin696: we had a party and everything
despitemyrrage: awesome.
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despitemyrrage: i ate the tshirt
despitemyrrage: then i was ike mmm
despitemyrrage: cottonballs
cheekygrin696: bitch!
despitemyrrage: ecause shirt shave cottnon in them
cheekygrin696: stop eatin ma tshirts
cheekygrin696: youre a boobie
despitemyrrage: i hvae two
despitemyrrage: or them
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despitemyrrage: hey we should look for a job together
despitemyrrage: actually lets make a business
cheekygrin696: ...
despitemyrrage: a prostitution ring
cheekygrin696: selling babies?
cheekygrin696: oh ok
cheekygrin696: sweet
despitemyrrage: okay well
cheekygrin696: whos going
cheekygrin696: to be the ho
cheekygrin696: and whos goign to be the pimp
despitemyrrage: at the beginning of the summer
despitemyrrage: it will be a prostitution thing
despitemyrrage: and then if i get pregnant we can sell the baby
despitemyrrage: who do you think kaden
cheekygrin696: oh
cheekygrin696: obviously i am the
cheekygrin696: the gigolo
cheekygrin696: hahahaha ready
cheekygrin696: kaden trifilio, male gigolo
despitemyrrage: lolol
despitemyrrage: alyssa miller boner killer
cheekygrin696: HAHAHAHA
despitemyrrage: is not good advertising