(no subject)
Ok. I'm going to write an entry completely on Christy. So if you don't want to read it or if you are just going to bitch, don't click on the cut.
So. I was in my Intro to the Bible class today. And we were talking about how it is not being a friend if you try to change them. And he asked if we were ever involved ina frienship where someone tried to change us. And I thought to myself "Well, no, I've never been in a friendship like that. I'd hate it if someone tried to change me." And then he asked if we've ever been in a friendship where we've tried to change someone else. And I thought "Well, n---, oh. I tried to change Christy." And it just stopped me dead. I thought about all of the times when we were out together. All of the times that I had come up to her when she wasn't being what I thought she should have been. And it occured to me that she was trying to be what she had become when we weren't friends anymore. She was trying desperately back then to listen to country music. She wanted to be a country girl, and I use that not derogotorily, but just for lack of a better word. And even though she may have made some choices that were bad, and said some things that were wrong, it still doesn't make her a bad person. It just makes her like everyone else. Trying to learn from life. And I always covered up my oppressiveness by trying to say "Oh, this way is better for your life. I've seen the way people go through shit. I've seen it happen to other people," when all I was doing was just trying to mold her to fit some part of me. It was like I was trying to smash a puzzle piece into a spot that didn't fit, because I was too lazy to find where it was really supposed to be. And maybe it was because I was scared. Maybe I was scared, because I really knew who this girl was, but didn't want her to become something that I didn't want, that I didn't agree with, that I didn't get along with very well. Because it's true, I don't get along with those types of people very well. Not saying that derogotorily either, but I don't click well with the country folk. Nor to I click well with the ballers. We all have people who we get along with better. And I just shut her out of my life because I was scared. And sometimes I regret it. Actually most times. I remember when we stayed up late one night and watched Cartoon Network and saw the Tom and Jerry where Jerry's uncle comes up from Texas and he's in his big had and has his little banjo thing, and everytime before he sang, he went, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo" and Christy and I laughed our asses of at that. And I was thinking about that the other day. And I wanted to call someone, and say, "Remember that time..." but then I realized that the only person that was there with me at that time was Christy. And I couldn't call her. Because I deleted her number. I and I don't know what she'd do if I called her. I was kinda nervous the night that we hung out with Sarah. I noticed her that night. It seemed like she tried to be who she wasn't for me. I noticed how girly she dressed. I noticed she didn't wear a hint of country. I noticed she drove her car, rather than the truck. I noticed that she did not dare speak of anything having to be country. And it made me feel bad. It made me feel like she was desperately trying to be the girl that I liked again. And I don't wish that on anyone. It may be true, I don't like country, but I'm not going to jump out of the car if it's playing. I acutally know the words to some of those songs. And it may be true that I don't like racist people. And I'm sorry that some people are, but that is just life. You are going to have people who don't like certain other people for stupid reasons, and you're just going to have to deal with it. It's no reason to shut them out. It's really only a reason to help them. And it may be true that I don't like trucks, because they eat up the ozone layer. That's fine. We'll just take my car then. So. I guess, all I'm really saying here, is I don't care anymore what Bridget or Amber think. I feel that Christy needs people right now. I've been secretly reading her livejournal for the past six or so months, and shame on me, I know, but she's not that naive girl who didn't take anyones advice anymore. She actually realized that it was her fault for getting in the car with that man, and she is going to have to live with that for the rest of her life. She is being responsible. She is growing up. And I think that there is nothing, NOTHING more that hinders growing up, than holding a grudge. So I won't be this way anymore. I don't feel sorry that she got in the accident. It was her fault for getting in the car with someone who was clearly drunk. But people make mistakes. Because the true test of being a good neighbor to someone is not whether you criticize them when they fall, but how quick you are to pick them back up when they do. And that is just what I'm going to do. I will pick her back up. Because I don't abondon people in need. No matter how much I think they may have hurt me. And I should hope the same for the rest of you.
Now, it's not like I'm going to be this super best friend again. No. It can never be that way again. That part is dead. But maybe we can still go see a movie together, go out to eat, just hang out in the same ROOM for God's sake. So. Criticize me if you must. But this is what I will do. I will not abandon someone who is in need. We should never abandon someone who is in need. Because we will never know when someday, we may need them to pick us up off of the ground.
This entry is public. And I hope a certain B.J.B. can tell a certain C.M.B. that I'd like them to read this.
So. I was in my Intro to the Bible class today. And we were talking about how it is not being a friend if you try to change them. And he asked if we were ever involved ina frienship where someone tried to change us. And I thought to myself "Well, no, I've never been in a friendship like that. I'd hate it if someone tried to change me." And then he asked if we've ever been in a friendship where we've tried to change someone else. And I thought "Well, n---, oh. I tried to change Christy." And it just stopped me dead. I thought about all of the times when we were out together. All of the times that I had come up to her when she wasn't being what I thought she should have been. And it occured to me that she was trying to be what she had become when we weren't friends anymore. She was trying desperately back then to listen to country music. She wanted to be a country girl, and I use that not derogotorily, but just for lack of a better word. And even though she may have made some choices that were bad, and said some things that were wrong, it still doesn't make her a bad person. It just makes her like everyone else. Trying to learn from life. And I always covered up my oppressiveness by trying to say "Oh, this way is better for your life. I've seen the way people go through shit. I've seen it happen to other people," when all I was doing was just trying to mold her to fit some part of me. It was like I was trying to smash a puzzle piece into a spot that didn't fit, because I was too lazy to find where it was really supposed to be. And maybe it was because I was scared. Maybe I was scared, because I really knew who this girl was, but didn't want her to become something that I didn't want, that I didn't agree with, that I didn't get along with very well. Because it's true, I don't get along with those types of people very well. Not saying that derogotorily either, but I don't click well with the country folk. Nor to I click well with the ballers. We all have people who we get along with better. And I just shut her out of my life because I was scared. And sometimes I regret it. Actually most times. I remember when we stayed up late one night and watched Cartoon Network and saw the Tom and Jerry where Jerry's uncle comes up from Texas and he's in his big had and has his little banjo thing, and everytime before he sang, he went, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo" and Christy and I laughed our asses of at that. And I was thinking about that the other day. And I wanted to call someone, and say, "Remember that time..." but then I realized that the only person that was there with me at that time was Christy. And I couldn't call her. Because I deleted her number. I and I don't know what she'd do if I called her. I was kinda nervous the night that we hung out with Sarah. I noticed her that night. It seemed like she tried to be who she wasn't for me. I noticed how girly she dressed. I noticed she didn't wear a hint of country. I noticed she drove her car, rather than the truck. I noticed that she did not dare speak of anything having to be country. And it made me feel bad. It made me feel like she was desperately trying to be the girl that I liked again. And I don't wish that on anyone. It may be true, I don't like country, but I'm not going to jump out of the car if it's playing. I acutally know the words to some of those songs. And it may be true that I don't like racist people. And I'm sorry that some people are, but that is just life. You are going to have people who don't like certain other people for stupid reasons, and you're just going to have to deal with it. It's no reason to shut them out. It's really only a reason to help them. And it may be true that I don't like trucks, because they eat up the ozone layer. That's fine. We'll just take my car then. So. I guess, all I'm really saying here, is I don't care anymore what Bridget or Amber think. I feel that Christy needs people right now. I've been secretly reading her livejournal for the past six or so months, and shame on me, I know, but she's not that naive girl who didn't take anyones advice anymore. She actually realized that it was her fault for getting in the car with that man, and she is going to have to live with that for the rest of her life. She is being responsible. She is growing up. And I think that there is nothing, NOTHING more that hinders growing up, than holding a grudge. So I won't be this way anymore. I don't feel sorry that she got in the accident. It was her fault for getting in the car with someone who was clearly drunk. But people make mistakes. Because the true test of being a good neighbor to someone is not whether you criticize them when they fall, but how quick you are to pick them back up when they do. And that is just what I'm going to do. I will pick her back up. Because I don't abondon people in need. No matter how much I think they may have hurt me. And I should hope the same for the rest of you.
Now, it's not like I'm going to be this super best friend again. No. It can never be that way again. That part is dead. But maybe we can still go see a movie together, go out to eat, just hang out in the same ROOM for God's sake. So. Criticize me if you must. But this is what I will do. I will not abandon someone who is in need. We should never abandon someone who is in need. Because we will never know when someday, we may need them to pick us up off of the ground.
This entry is public. And I hope a certain B.J.B. can tell a certain C.M.B. that I'd like them to read this.