In Search of Self-Respect

[spencer5460]

"The dismal fact is that self-respect has nothing to do with the approval of others - who are, after all, deceived easily enough; has nothing to do with reputation, which, as Rhett Butler told Scarlett O’Hara, is something people with courage can do without.

To do without self-respect, on the other hand, is to be an unwilling audience of one to an

Comments

[mvernet]

What a powerful post. Low self esteem is a lonely problem since you are the one who encourages it internally. I've suffered from it all my life and still do. it is so true that we go over ever missed step as if proving to ourselves that we are worthless.

That's why I find writing fanfiction so exhilarating. kudos, comments and praise on something you create is always unexpected and defies your own sense of worthlessness. Plus the realization that the praise is nice and encouraging, but even without it writing is a personal journey with it's own rewards.

[ly888ly888]

For some of us, why is our default level of self-respect so low? Are we wired that way (nature) or did life lead us there (nuture)? I suspect it's a combination of both. It's not easy, but when I catch my self-critical voice being unfair (it rarely offers praise!), I try to stop the voice. Never, ever, would I speak that way to a friend, so why do I "speak" that way to myself? I try to imagine what I'd say to a friend if she confessed such thoughts to me. Sometime I'm able to stop that voice dead in its tracks (Shut up, that's not fair!) Slowly, over decades, the voice is still there, but quieter and less resilient.

On the other hand, personal growth rarely comes as a result of success and praise. It's when we falter, are less than our best, that life provides our best chance of learning and changing. Somewhere there's a sweet spot, between flawless and worthless that's a steady but still challenging path. But it's so hard to stay on or even find that path sometimes.