Comments | spermyreward: Like A Rainbow In The Dark

spermyreward

Like A Rainbow In The Dark

Dec 19, 2004 16:59

Whenever I stay up for a long time and im alone. Its like I can feel flowers blooming in my brain. And but for a few fleeting hours I almost start to not hate everything. It makes me want to put the razor blade down for a moment and smile, about something ( Read more... )

Comments 4

nymph_dreams December 20 2004, 03:20:35 UTC

I love those moments, but for me I get sad because I think well it can't get better than this and nothing will be a peaceful as the moment I just had.

So what do you do? I don't know, I really wish there was something.

spermyreward December 20 2004, 14:20:37 UTC

I really don't know. For me, its not so much that I think that a moment like that one will ever come again, as much as they're so few and far between ( ... )

korphylox December 21 2004, 01:06:40 UTC

"I want to hang out with my straight edge friends and play cards, drink soda and listen to Weird Al. I miss being a little dorky video game playing nerd who wouldnt even take a sip of Budweiser."
Wow... I've been working all these years to stop beng that guy. It's hard to imagine wanting to go back to that. I didn't know how to have fun back then. I was afraid of all the things that today I enjoy. I thought they were for "bad kids" and burnouts. But now that I have "burned out" and become a "waste of life" as well, I've discovered that it's not about what you do (or don't do) in life that makes you a failure. It's about your attitude. I could be a dorky video- and card-game playing nerd like I used to be, and still be a waste of life if my attitude was wrong ( ... )

"Its Better To Raise Then To Fade Away" C. Love spermyreward December 21 2004, 17:59:24 UTC

Well of course I don't want to be some bible thumping heathen. Or a close minded straight edge neo-punk facist hell bent on beating up stoners and hippies.

I just want to NOT feel so fucking out of it all the time. And not have that constant desire to be fucked up all the time. I'd happily be more or less a vegan buddhist and never touch ANY intoxicants again. But im weak.

Trust me, I have no desire to change the person I am. Just simply improve it. I'd never want to stop having fun, and being silly and writing horrible vulgar poetry, songs, and stories. I never want to stop being the person I am. I just want to cut out all the crap that makes me a bottom of the barrel scumbag. And raise to the top as a glam-fabulous princess who can clearly see in all directions.

You know, that kind of thing.

None the less, thank you both for your kind words. I'm glad theres some people that see me as more then just a waste of sperm and shmegma.