Becoming Grateful
WARNING: OLD FIC
Title: Becoming Grateful
Author: blessedangel13
Rating: PG
Focus: Eeteuk
Genre: Angst, Sci-fi/Spiritual?
Note 1: Written June 25, 2007, before Heechul and Eeteuk birthday fics (originally posted July 9, 2007) and before Fanfiction Adventures (June 28, 2007).
Note 2: I wanna hear what you think of it, because I like it. ^-^
Note 3: I sincerely apologize for spamming your f-lists. I wanted to get things organized and I could only get it done when I had time. :/ Sorry.
It was the end. You were done and through being unselfish and forgiving. You always had to give in and serve others at their beck and call. Everyday they would ask you to do something and no matter how little you asked of them, they were always too busy, too stubborn or too childish to return a favor. Normally, it wouldn’t bother you too much, but it was one of those times that you snapped when you asked for a glass of water.
All thirteen members of your band were in the same room together, crowding around the TV in the living room. You had finally been able to sit down after a schedule of filming a commercial in the morning, dance practice at lunch time, late lunch, a walk to the other set to film the next part of the Idol World Drama and then a concert. He couldn’t remember whose idea it was to crash in Super Junior’s large apartment, but somehow everyone’s schedules allowed just this one night out of the norm.
Ryeowook wanted popcorn, Siwon wanted soda, Heechul demanded an extra pillow and Sungmin wanted his blanket. Everyone else fought about what to watch as you raided the kitchen searching for an extra buttered popcorn pack, normal buttered and a plain pack of popcorn with no salt. You were tired, but they were like your family. You should give them what they want because you always had that lurking feeling in your mind that this fun you were having with them could be over in seconds.
But that night, at 11:37 PM, you were not in a happy mood as you popped popcorn alone. The loud conversations, with quickly changing topics, overheard from the kitchen annoyed you. After passing the bowls of popcorn to their respective owners you say, “I’m going to grab some Coke, Siwon.”
He just nods at you and continues to watch the movie with everyone else. You walk quickly to buy some soda before the store closes. On your way there and back you think of those who help you out the most with the group and who help you out when you feel hurt when you mention that no one will help you.
It was no surprise that they were watching it now. Heechul has talked about Titanic all day, so they bought it on DVD on their way home from the concert. Although everyone had already seen it multiple times they had decided to watch it anyway. You hand out the coke bottles and sit heavily on the only empty chair in the entire room and stretch out.
You say, “Will one of you get me some water?”
Kibum looks at you, but turns back to the TV munching his popcorn. So does Hankyung. Kangin was too busy whispering to Heechul on the couch and the others members were too entranced with the movie or just too immersed in talking amongst themselves that they didn’t hear you.
“Water, please,” you ask again, but it seems no one hears you. Not even Kyuhyun who is sharing your feet’s floorspace.
“Guys, I’m going to bed,” and so you trip over Kyuhyun to get to the door and find the farthest room from that end of the apartment. But you were full of anger and sadness and pure frustration that no one could do anything for you. As you curl up in the bed, the darkness closing around you, you wonder why no one followed you to see what was wrong, no one came with a glass of water, no one even came to scold you as to why you were sleeping in Donghae’s bed. No one.
You feel a tear falling down your face, a cold trickle of water. Cold like how you feel inside, cold and alone. Your eyes close, huddled in the corner of the bed, falling asleep quickly out of exhaustion.
~~~
When you wake up, you feel groggy and sore. You are in your own bed covered in your own blankets and you don’t know how you got there. On the nightstand there is a note addressed to you and it explains why there are three different glasses of water sitting next to the note and why you are in your room. You smile a little inside. That was who you were thinking about the night before when you walked alone to the store, but that seemed ages ago. You are still saddened inside that no one else seemed to understand the possibility that you might not always be there for them.
You look around your room and notice different things that look different from the last time you were in it. You move to get up, but it hurts and you wonder why. Kangin comes in to tell you that the manager is giving you a break because he knows how much hard work you’ve done lately and he requires that you take at least a week off.
At least the manager saw that you were worked raw and that is when you start to prepare a plan to make sure the rest of the group appreciates your hard work too. You make a few phone calls from the phone in your room because it hurts to move very much and you tell the manager your plan and tell him that you will tell the other members that you are planning it with.
You know that some of the members are talking about you; they wonder why you’ve begun to talk about crazy ideas with the manager on your own. For a week they are distant except for the three whom you trusted this plan with, and gave them key roles in carrying it out.
The pain medication that the manager said the doctor gave you makes you feel like you are flying and when you sleep you feels like you are resting on clouds. You sleep more often now because you like to sleep on clouds. You don’t feel pain when you are flying either.
The day finally comes for the plan to put in motion. On the way to Kiss the Radio that night you go over the final arrangements one last time with the manager, who looks at you like you had a clown nose on. You talk to Eunhyuk and the two other guests that night, Shindong and Kyuhyun. You fidget only a little on the camera, but you need to keep it a secret from everyone until…until it’s all right again.
Your back hurts again and so you take the medication that will help you sleep on clouds.
It was a mock accident, fake, and you planned it…well, at least you knew about it. Wounds? Makeup. Screams of Pain? Acting. But your tears weren’t. You didn’t want all your fans to worry for weeks, pray for deceivers… you didn’t want any of that. The tears were from your realization of selfishness. Were you really going through all the acting for Super Junior members to appreciate each other or just yourself?
You turned over in your bed painfully and reached for a glass of water. You were in so much pain, but the doctor said that you should only take one of those angel pills once an hour.
You cried for a long time, even though you were on vacation. They took you to a place that was very white and there were pretty women who would bring you food whenever you asked for it. There was a lot of noise there though, beeping and sometimes sirens outside your window. The sirens make you feel scared, but you don’t understand why because you are sleeping in such a comfortable bed.
Shindong went home early to be the informer of how the other members of the band reacted, how they felt. He told you that they didn’t talk very much. They spent a lot of the time sitting with each other in the quiet, crying and comforting each other. You heard all of this over the phone while you sat in your white room where they fed you whenever you wanted as long as you stayed in your room. You called Kyuhyun and Eunhyuk after and told them the story. Eunhyuk said that he would go back to the members next.
After a few weeks you and Kyuhyun spent a lot of time talking over the phone. He sounded like he was always tired. What injuries did SM report to the press about you? Well, fans were praying for Kyuhyun’s broken hip and leg. His lungs collapsed and couldn’t have an operation. You feel as if you can’t breath and your heart is clenched. Fans say that you, Angel Teukie, needed 150 stitches to sew your wings back on. You think those stitches were probably from removing the wings.
When Super Junior is told they can visit you, you are taken to a room that looks like a hospital room and dressed up. You’ve been crying for days so you already look like you’ve been in the hospital for weeks. They don’t bother putting makeup on you, just a new bandage around your head and one to cover your back. A few days after the visit you are “released from the hospital,” but the nice women that fed you all the time told you that you could leave.
You stare at the clock. It is still 10:59. You still have another half hour until you can take the medicine that makes you feel like you sleep on clouds.
Donghae greets you as you visit them in the apartment. You have to live away from them to “recover.” You hate yourself for deceiving them so horribly. They could never forgive you now. The fans notice that you are sad. Your Cyworld shows it, but Super Junior is stronger now. The members help you around the apartment and they refuse to let you lift anything heavier than a glass of water and when you start to cry they hug you gently. You notice that whenever you walk into the kitchen it is always clean, no matter how busy the other members are. You even caught Heechul and Hankyung coming into the apartment with boxes and boxes of water bottles labels “Eeteuk’s” and wiping off counters.
Sleep is something that doesn’t seem to like you anymore. Your eyes stay open as you wait for the sun to rise because maybe today you can tell them.
Every night Heechul calls you from their apartment to tell you that they are happy you are alive. They call Kyuhyun, Shindong and Eunhyuk, too. Post-it notes have found their way all over the house with comments of thanks on them to everyone, not just those involved in the plan. You call Kyuhyun every night to make sure he is doing okay. He tells you, finally, that you should stop worrying. He was on the vacation his parents had promised him when he graduated high school. You are happy that he can finally be on vacation with his parents, but you just start to cry again at the lie you created.
Your eyes hurt now. You’ve been crying for a few hours. It’s late enough in the morning though that you can call the manager. You tell the manager that Kyuhyun can come home now, but he says Kyuhyun has a broken hip and probably won’t be back until July. You get angry and ask why they reported that. He asks what you are talking about and if you have taken your medication. He also tells you that Kyuhyun had a pelvis fracture, broken leg and healing ribs. He tells you that you had 150 stitches on your back and 20 on your head. You laugh and ask him why he’s joking. He asks if you need to see the doctor to check your medication.
“What?” You say.
“You were in a car accident. Don’t you remember?”
You heard the screeching of brakes and felt the impact on broken glass all over again. Kyuhyun screamed and you could hear and feel the glass shattering around you. Something warm trickled down the side of your face. Someone called your name. Is it Shindong? Eunhyuk? Sirens are sounding and you can hear your name and feel the glass scrape your back as they pull you out of the car.
You jolt in pain. You realize what a horrible nightmare, what a horrible reality, you have been through and remember. You remember everything.
Title: Becoming Grateful
Author: blessedangel13
Rating: PG
Focus: Eeteuk
Genre: Angst, Sci-fi/Spiritual?
Note 1: Written June 25, 2007, before Heechul and Eeteuk birthday fics (originally posted July 9, 2007) and before Fanfiction Adventures (June 28, 2007).
Note 2: I wanna hear what you think of it, because I like it. ^-^
Note 3: I sincerely apologize for spamming your f-lists. I wanted to get things organized and I could only get it done when I had time. :/ Sorry.
It was the end. You were done and through being unselfish and forgiving. You always had to give in and serve others at their beck and call. Everyday they would ask you to do something and no matter how little you asked of them, they were always too busy, too stubborn or too childish to return a favor. Normally, it wouldn’t bother you too much, but it was one of those times that you snapped when you asked for a glass of water.
All thirteen members of your band were in the same room together, crowding around the TV in the living room. You had finally been able to sit down after a schedule of filming a commercial in the morning, dance practice at lunch time, late lunch, a walk to the other set to film the next part of the Idol World Drama and then a concert. He couldn’t remember whose idea it was to crash in Super Junior’s large apartment, but somehow everyone’s schedules allowed just this one night out of the norm.
Ryeowook wanted popcorn, Siwon wanted soda, Heechul demanded an extra pillow and Sungmin wanted his blanket. Everyone else fought about what to watch as you raided the kitchen searching for an extra buttered popcorn pack, normal buttered and a plain pack of popcorn with no salt. You were tired, but they were like your family. You should give them what they want because you always had that lurking feeling in your mind that this fun you were having with them could be over in seconds.
But that night, at 11:37 PM, you were not in a happy mood as you popped popcorn alone. The loud conversations, with quickly changing topics, overheard from the kitchen annoyed you. After passing the bowls of popcorn to their respective owners you say, “I’m going to grab some Coke, Siwon.”
He just nods at you and continues to watch the movie with everyone else. You walk quickly to buy some soda before the store closes. On your way there and back you think of those who help you out the most with the group and who help you out when you feel hurt when you mention that no one will help you.
It was no surprise that they were watching it now. Heechul has talked about Titanic all day, so they bought it on DVD on their way home from the concert. Although everyone had already seen it multiple times they had decided to watch it anyway. You hand out the coke bottles and sit heavily on the only empty chair in the entire room and stretch out.
You say, “Will one of you get me some water?”
Kibum looks at you, but turns back to the TV munching his popcorn. So does Hankyung. Kangin was too busy whispering to Heechul on the couch and the others members were too entranced with the movie or just too immersed in talking amongst themselves that they didn’t hear you.
“Water, please,” you ask again, but it seems no one hears you. Not even Kyuhyun who is sharing your feet’s floorspace.
“Guys, I’m going to bed,” and so you trip over Kyuhyun to get to the door and find the farthest room from that end of the apartment. But you were full of anger and sadness and pure frustration that no one could do anything for you. As you curl up in the bed, the darkness closing around you, you wonder why no one followed you to see what was wrong, no one came with a glass of water, no one even came to scold you as to why you were sleeping in Donghae’s bed. No one.
You feel a tear falling down your face, a cold trickle of water. Cold like how you feel inside, cold and alone. Your eyes close, huddled in the corner of the bed, falling asleep quickly out of exhaustion.
~~~
When you wake up, you feel groggy and sore. You are in your own bed covered in your own blankets and you don’t know how you got there. On the nightstand there is a note addressed to you and it explains why there are three different glasses of water sitting next to the note and why you are in your room. You smile a little inside. That was who you were thinking about the night before when you walked alone to the store, but that seemed ages ago. You are still saddened inside that no one else seemed to understand the possibility that you might not always be there for them.
You look around your room and notice different things that look different from the last time you were in it. You move to get up, but it hurts and you wonder why. Kangin comes in to tell you that the manager is giving you a break because he knows how much hard work you’ve done lately and he requires that you take at least a week off.
At least the manager saw that you were worked raw and that is when you start to prepare a plan to make sure the rest of the group appreciates your hard work too. You make a few phone calls from the phone in your room because it hurts to move very much and you tell the manager your plan and tell him that you will tell the other members that you are planning it with.
You know that some of the members are talking about you; they wonder why you’ve begun to talk about crazy ideas with the manager on your own. For a week they are distant except for the three whom you trusted this plan with, and gave them key roles in carrying it out.
The pain medication that the manager said the doctor gave you makes you feel like you are flying and when you sleep you feels like you are resting on clouds. You sleep more often now because you like to sleep on clouds. You don’t feel pain when you are flying either.
The day finally comes for the plan to put in motion. On the way to Kiss the Radio that night you go over the final arrangements one last time with the manager, who looks at you like you had a clown nose on. You talk to Eunhyuk and the two other guests that night, Shindong and Kyuhyun. You fidget only a little on the camera, but you need to keep it a secret from everyone until…until it’s all right again.
Your back hurts again and so you take the medication that will help you sleep on clouds.
It was a mock accident, fake, and you planned it…well, at least you knew about it. Wounds? Makeup. Screams of Pain? Acting. But your tears weren’t. You didn’t want all your fans to worry for weeks, pray for deceivers… you didn’t want any of that. The tears were from your realization of selfishness. Were you really going through all the acting for Super Junior members to appreciate each other or just yourself?
You turned over in your bed painfully and reached for a glass of water. You were in so much pain, but the doctor said that you should only take one of those angel pills once an hour.
You cried for a long time, even though you were on vacation. They took you to a place that was very white and there were pretty women who would bring you food whenever you asked for it. There was a lot of noise there though, beeping and sometimes sirens outside your window. The sirens make you feel scared, but you don’t understand why because you are sleeping in such a comfortable bed.
Shindong went home early to be the informer of how the other members of the band reacted, how they felt. He told you that they didn’t talk very much. They spent a lot of the time sitting with each other in the quiet, crying and comforting each other. You heard all of this over the phone while you sat in your white room where they fed you whenever you wanted as long as you stayed in your room. You called Kyuhyun and Eunhyuk after and told them the story. Eunhyuk said that he would go back to the members next.
After a few weeks you and Kyuhyun spent a lot of time talking over the phone. He sounded like he was always tired. What injuries did SM report to the press about you? Well, fans were praying for Kyuhyun’s broken hip and leg. His lungs collapsed and couldn’t have an operation. You feel as if you can’t breath and your heart is clenched. Fans say that you, Angel Teukie, needed 150 stitches to sew your wings back on. You think those stitches were probably from removing the wings.
When Super Junior is told they can visit you, you are taken to a room that looks like a hospital room and dressed up. You’ve been crying for days so you already look like you’ve been in the hospital for weeks. They don’t bother putting makeup on you, just a new bandage around your head and one to cover your back. A few days after the visit you are “released from the hospital,” but the nice women that fed you all the time told you that you could leave.
You stare at the clock. It is still 10:59. You still have another half hour until you can take the medicine that makes you feel like you sleep on clouds.
Donghae greets you as you visit them in the apartment. You have to live away from them to “recover.” You hate yourself for deceiving them so horribly. They could never forgive you now. The fans notice that you are sad. Your Cyworld shows it, but Super Junior is stronger now. The members help you around the apartment and they refuse to let you lift anything heavier than a glass of water and when you start to cry they hug you gently. You notice that whenever you walk into the kitchen it is always clean, no matter how busy the other members are. You even caught Heechul and Hankyung coming into the apartment with boxes and boxes of water bottles labels “Eeteuk’s” and wiping off counters.
Sleep is something that doesn’t seem to like you anymore. Your eyes stay open as you wait for the sun to rise because maybe today you can tell them.
Every night Heechul calls you from their apartment to tell you that they are happy you are alive. They call Kyuhyun, Shindong and Eunhyuk, too. Post-it notes have found their way all over the house with comments of thanks on them to everyone, not just those involved in the plan. You call Kyuhyun every night to make sure he is doing okay. He tells you, finally, that you should stop worrying. He was on the vacation his parents had promised him when he graduated high school. You are happy that he can finally be on vacation with his parents, but you just start to cry again at the lie you created.
Your eyes hurt now. You’ve been crying for a few hours. It’s late enough in the morning though that you can call the manager. You tell the manager that Kyuhyun can come home now, but he says Kyuhyun has a broken hip and probably won’t be back until July. You get angry and ask why they reported that. He asks what you are talking about and if you have taken your medication. He also tells you that Kyuhyun had a pelvis fracture, broken leg and healing ribs. He tells you that you had 150 stitches on your back and 20 on your head. You laugh and ask him why he’s joking. He asks if you need to see the doctor to check your medication.
“What?” You say.
“You were in a car accident. Don’t you remember?”
You heard the screeching of brakes and felt the impact on broken glass all over again. Kyuhyun screamed and you could hear and feel the glass shattering around you. Something warm trickled down the side of your face. Someone called your name. Is it Shindong? Eunhyuk? Sirens are sounding and you can hear your name and feel the glass scrape your back as they pull you out of the car.
You jolt in pain. You realize what a horrible nightmare, what a horrible reality, you have been through and remember. You remember everything.