Losing and Finding Yourself

[sphynxle]

Have you ever felt as though you're losing yourself? Or have lost little pieces of you along the way? Have you ever woken up one morning, looked back on your life, and gone "What happened?"

I'm having a moment like that right now.

I want to know what happened to me. I want to know when I went from the girl who was strong in her faith, who didn't care

Comments

[somewhatlacking]

I feel like I've come full-circle with this very issue, over and over again: Discovering myself, understanding myself, and most of all, LIKING myself.

I'm still in the process of doing these things; getting married changed a lot about these perspectives, and even though that was two years ago, I'm still rediscovering a lot about who I am and who I'd like to be. :)

Sometimes we get caught up in, "If this happens to me, I'll be happy," when really the answer is, "If I make this happen on my own, I'll be happy." For instance: waiting for people to acknowledge my writing as valuable would make me happy, but will something like that land in my lap? NO. I have to put myself out there, first.

It's a process. A long one. LiveJournal helps. I'm glad to see you're on your way! :)

[sphynxle]

Holy crap, has it been two years since you were married?! It does not seem like that long at all!

I really need to learn to blog more. I feel like I'm depressing people with my blogs, but I can't keep my feelings bottled. They tend to explode when I do.

[somewhatlacking]

I KNOW, RIGHT. Feels like so much less than two years! lol.

I'm the same way, though. I'm just now getting back into blogging more "regularly," as in, once a week or so, lol. Otherwise I only come to rant and then people think my life consists of pure shit because I'm ranting all the time! *SIGH*

[sphynxle]

I remember when you told us! Geeze, I feel all lost on times now!

I have a feeling that's how my people see me, and I don't want that. I have a work with computer access now (which is how I used to do most of my blogging/writing anyway), so hopefully that means I'll be able to update more of the good things. And I"m going to start that hopeful blog (hopefully tomorrow!) So that'll be good to.

[sphynxle]

Nah, I got what you were saying! XD I do kinda feel useless, honestly. It's so hard to wrap my mind around the "love yourself when no one does" because I was raised on a "you're nothing if people don't like you" personality. Can't tell you how many times I've been told in the past year I just need to get a boyfriend/more friends so that I can be someone. It tends to get a girl down

[dollsoflace]

Oh hon. I understand these feelings too.

I'm going to go ... off topic? Maybe?

I don't think you have changed in the sense you think you have. You know. I used to be the type of person that preferred being alone. And I still do. But you know what? I see how the world is becoming so cold, everyone's so self-absorbed, and I'm like, "Come here, I want you."

I look around and everyone is being dumb... throwing their lives away, living as though nothing had value... and... it's like, no one loves anyone. No one has time for anyone. Feelings are overrated.

So I suddenly WANT all that I didn't want before because I feel it's just... disappearing.

Am I making sense? Probably not.

Anyways. I know we haven't talked in a while, but I still think you're one of the few people I've ever met who knew what the hell is important. I'm here if you ever need it. I don't know anyone you know so I won't be able to be on anyone's side or feel like I'm compromising anything.

Shoot me... with whatever.

[sphynxle]

That's exactly how I feel. No one loves anymore. I used to not be so emotionally centered - I used to be the one who kinda scoffed. But I spent a few years being emotionally withdrawn to the point where when I actually wanted it, no one wanted to give it to me.

I look back on my time at S-K and go "Really, what happened?" I used to be insane confidant in myself - in my writing, in my music tastes. This was the girl who was not afraid to do half the shit I am now.

Do you still have texting/IM? Seriously, we need to have a 'chat date'. Or maybe just FB messages. I miss joo!

[thalialunacy]

I can't stand Adele, either. Not personally; I don't know the first thing about her personally, and her songwriting is inoffensive if not outstanding. BUT HER VOICE. omg. I hear she had a come-to-Jesus moment in the last year and has learned some fucking technique since being in the studio, but all the singles that they play on the radio make me wince, literally, for the state her vocal cords must've been in. Sometimes having degrees in singing ruins all the things. XB

[sphynxle]

I have no problem with her lyrics or Adele as a person. I honestly don't - she's got talent in the songwriting business and obviously her lyrics speak to people. That's always a plus. But her VOICE. She sings through her nose and drawls all of her words. The "Someone Like You" legit makes me cringe when I hear it.

I don't have a degree in singing, but I have spent enough time with vocalists and such to know when someone is murdering their vocal cords xD Mind you, some of the artists I listen to are the same way (Take Robert Plant, for example! He actually RUINED his voice during his time with Led Zeppelin, and it shows. So, so hard. Bad part about making your living off being a singer), but Adele. IDK, man, IDK XD

So glad I'm not the only one who thinks she can't sing!