Just a Few Feet
“Fuck this shit!” Dean shouted, collapsing back into the arms of his physical therapist. Theo caught him easily, having been standing close behind Dean, spotting him. Dean let out a cry of frustration as his right leg gave a small, uncoordinated jerk.
“Now Dean,” Theo said, and Dean could hear the smirk in his voice. “You know I like you, but we’ve been spending way too much time cuddling today than either of us is comfortable with.”
Dean let his head thump back against Theo’s chest, not even trying to help himself back up to standing. “Drop me next time.”
Theo sighed. Dean knew Theo wouldn’t drop him; the impact could undo all the hard work Dean had been doing the past few months. After the ghost of some angry car salesman had knocked him sideways into a headstone and managed to fuck up his spine he’d been wheelchair bound. He still wasn’t 100% sure what was wrong with him, the medical mumbo jumbo went over his head, and no matter how much they dumbed it down to try and explain, he just tuned them out. After all, the words “unlikely to walk again” were all he really needed to know. When he’d heard that, Dean had sunk into depression, which only got worse when his father took off for another hunt. John had apologized, and said he’d be back, but it was five months later and…well, Dean was still alone.
A month after John left, Dean realized that if he ever wanted to see his Dad again, or even one day Sam, he’d have to walk to do it. He was on his own. Winchester’s weren’t weak, because the weak were left behind. So he stopped letting self-pity control him and started actually participating in his physical therapy. Working toward being independent again. Today was the first day he was trying to walk on his own, the culmination of months of hard work, sweat, and more tears than Dean liked to think about.
It wasn’t going well.
“Dean, you can do this. You’ve worked hard for this. And if you don’t give it another try I’m going to tell Nurse Hillary about the giant crush you have on her.” Theo prodded Dean into taking hold of the parallel bars again as he groaned at the threat. Nurse Hillary was an ex-military battleaxe of a woman, who never laughed or smiled and whenever Dean tried to make a joke she’d just stare at him like he was gum on the bottom of a trauma patient’s shoe. The only consolation was that she apparently treated everyone like that.
“I hate you.” Dean said, adjusting his grip on the bars. He knew he could be considered lucky that his spinal injury was far enough down that he still had use of his torso, but damn it, he didn’t feel lucky.
“I look forward the day of your vengeance, I’m sure the epic ass-kicking I have coming will be more than worth all this pain and suffering.” Theo laughed gently behind him, ready to catch him again if Dean needed it.
“Damn straight it will be.” Dean grunted, lifting his right leg forward about two inches and setting it down. “I’m gonna give you the biggest beat down of your life.” The left leg followed.
“Okay now, maybe that’s overkill, huh? Be nice to your poor trainer. I’m right here suffering with you.” Theo stepped up to keep himself close to Dean.
“Fucker, you’re not suffering. I’ll show you suffering.” Dean mock threatened from between clenched teeth.
“How about this,” Theo said. “I’ll let you have the first punch, or kick, your choice, free. After that I’m allowed to defend myself.”
“No way, no free shots. I’m gonna kick your ass fair and square, all the way.” Dean huffed out. He’d been moving steadily and he was now at the end of the bars. Theo stepped up to provide support.
“Awesome man! Ready to turn around and go back the other way?” The grin he had was audible.
“I really fucking hate you.” Dean said, totally calm. He let Theo do most of the work in turning around, his muscles were sore and he felt like his whole body was shaking. “Theo, man. I really don’t know if I’ve got another run in me today.” He said as he focused on gripping the bars again.
“You sure about that?” Theo asked. “Cause I kinda went out of my way to make sure you had extra incentive.”
“Huh?” Dean tried to turn his head around to look at Theo, but before he could manage it Theo was pointing at the entrance to the gym. Dean looked.
And fuck, he was lucky he didn’t fall over in shock and end up back where he was five months ago, because there was a tall, shaggy-haired guy standing in the doorway that looked a hell of a lot like Sam.
The guy walked a few steps closer, “Dean?” And fuck, fucking fuck fuck. That was really Sam. Dean’s feeling fought a war in his gut, churning in battle. He was so glad to see Sam, because PT, all alone, with no friends or family to hold your hand at the end of the day. Living in a nursing home full of people who smelled like piss and death, paid for with fake insurance that could be discovered at any time. It was lonely. Theo was a great guy, but he wasn’t family.
On the other hand, Dean didn’t want Sam to see him like this. He didn’t want anyone to see him like this, but especially Sammy. Dean was the older brother, the one who was supposed to take care of things. It killed a little part of him to know that Sammy was seeing him when he was so weak.
“Sam.” Dean’s voice was choked and Sam walked the rest of the way over. The two brothers stared at each other, so much to say, and yet it felt like there wasn’t anything to say at all. The last time Dean had seen Sam he’d been coming out of a class talking to a couple of friends, oblivious to Dean spying on him. The last time Sam had seen Dean, was at the bus station before going to Stanford.
“Surprise!” Theo waved at Sam. “You’re Dad left a second number for an emergency contact, so when he didn’t answer his phone or call me back I called it, and look who picked up. I thought someone should be here for your big day.”
Dean swallowed hard. “This isn’t an emergency.” It was all he could manage to get out. Sam’s face fell at the implication that Dean didn’t want him here.
“I know that, but you deserve to have someone with you today. It’s a big milestone in your recovery. You should celebrate.” Theo’s voice wasn’t as excited now, not understanding why Dean wasn’t jumping for joy, metaphorically speaking, since jumping wasn’t in the cards for him right now.
Sam’s eyes shifted to Theo, “Big day? What’s the milestone you’re talking about?” Dean tensed, which didn’t really accomplish anything except making his arms and legs shake more. He was also developing an ache in his shoulders.
“This is the first time Dean’s walked on his own in almost eight months.” Sam’s eyes widened as he looked back at Dean, taking in the braces on his legs and the way he was white knuckling the bars. Dean tried to smile but from the way Sam’s brows scrunched together he probably didn’t pull it off very well. He was trying to think of something to say, to deflect and diffuse the tension in the air, but was coming up empty.
“He just walked the length of the bars, and you’re just in time to see him walk back.” Theo said, the sneaky bastard. There was no way Dean was going to wimp out with Sam watching. Dean could feel Theo’s eyes on the back of his head, and Sam looked at him expectantly.
Dean grimaced. It was only a few feet; really, he should be able to manage it. Hell, this time last year he wouldn’t have even thought about how far a few feet really was, how many steps it actually took. Now, he stared down the length of the parallel bars with grim determination and not a little bit of fear, because he knew how hard it was now. Damn hard. And he knew that if he couldn’t do it, it was Sammy who would see him fail.
“Heh, here we go.” He tried to make his voice light, but he knew it was weighed down with the effort it took to make that first step.
“That’s great, Dean. Remember to concentrate. You just did this; you can do it one more time.” Theo encouraged. Dean tuned him out, unwilling to listen to the voice that was meant to be helpful, but Dean couldn’t help but hear as patronizing. Sam didn’t say anything, he just watched.
Watched Dean take one step, and then two, then three. He paused for breath. Four steps, one more, his arms ached and his back ached and he took that fifth step, the last one. Theo came up immediately to support his trembling frame.
“Awesome, man.” Theo praised him while he helped Dean into the wheelchair they had sitting next to the bars. “I think you’ve earned a break. We’ll do it again tomorrow.” As soon as Dean was in the wheelchair Theo backed off, picking up a clipboard he’d had on the floor. “I’ll see you at the same time. Be ready to work.” Theo’s eyes flicked from Dean, to Sam, to Dean, and he backed toward the door to the gym. “I bet you guys have some catching up to do. Don’t let him stay up too late, Sam.” Theo winked and was gone. Leaving Sam and Dean alone.
“So.” Dean started, but he didn’t really know where to go from there. “Sammy.”
Sam gave a small smile. “So. Dean.”
There were so many things unsaid, questions unasked that Dean could just imagine coming from Sam’s mouth. Things like, ‘What happened, where’s Dad, and why didn’t you call me.’
Instead, Sam walked around and behind Dean, who pushed deftly maneuvered his wheelchair in order to turn around and keep looking at him. Sam went up to one of the extra wheelchairs that they had by the walls and sat down in it, instantly losing the height advantage he’s had for so many years. He struggled a moment, and then rolled slowly over until he was knee-to-knee with Dean.
“Think you can teach me to pop a wheelie in one of these things?” Sam smirked.
Dean let out a surprised laugh, relieved that Sam was saving the hard stuff for later. He was already worn out today. “I don’t know, Sammy. You still have the coordination of a monkey on acid?” Dean teased his little brother.
Sam chuckled. “Whatever, you know I’m like a cat,” he made a clawing hand motion.
“Yeah, a dead cat.” Dean shot back. He backed his chair up and then moved forward around Sam, heading to the door. “Race you to my room! Loser eats dirt!”
“Hey,” Sam said, having a hard time figuring out how to turn around. “I don’t know where your room is!” Dean just grinned and zipped out the door, but then stopped a few feet down the hall.
After all, he didn’t want to actually lose Sam.