Fic and manip: CUPID'S BULLETS

[mwrgana]

Hi, this is my first posting to this comm and I can't say that I'll be posting many because I'm a dyed-in-the-wool slasher but I just love Dru.  (I am presently writing what will be longish fic featuring mainly Spangel but also with Dru which, although pushing it to post here may be appreciated by some of you, if so, you can find it here)

This was a

Comments

[jesterlady]

Very interesting. I love Spru truly together. The little personal bits you put in about the two of them were very good. I also like the Dru speech, not so blatantly crazy as some do it! Great vocabulary. I thought some of the sentences were a bit awkward, and I think you should probably bump up the rating to PG, but it was a very satisfying read and I think you should continue to write more!

[jesterlady]

HI,

I've only just seen this comment, so many apologies for not having replied before.

Thank you so much for commenting I do appreciate it, and especially the bit of concrit (the dangers of posting without a beta!). If you were let me know which sentences you found awkward I would be very grateful. I'm aware that there are some there and have been meaning to go back to it and do a bit of a re-work - a point in the right direction would be a great incentive and a great help.

[mwrgana]

That was me, above, by the way - I didn't realise I wasn't logged in until I came up as anonymous.

[jesterlady]

No worries!

I'm glad I didn't seem to be criticizing. The sentences are sprinkled all over really. I had to go back and read it myself it'd been so long-and it was nice to remember!
Um, just basically things like:
large, red-faced worthy of comfortable middle age and even more comfortable means strode up tograsp his hand
Maybe make that red-faced man, looking of and put a space between to and grasp.

Over the next few days, Spike found himself busy mingling with men whose rotten souls and egocentric self-satisfaction amused him no end. That would be to no end.

he had stacked newly delivered cache of whiskey A newly delivered.

Little things like that. Hope that helps. And once again, I'm struck by the wonderful vocabulary!

[mwrgana]

Thank you so very much.

I love it when people actually quote text - and I have to admit that I'm rather impressed with that line myself, now I come to read it over!