Greenflower
Fandom: Girls’ Generation, some Super Junior
Pairing: Jessica-centric, JeTi, HaeSica, HanHae
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Even birthdays have that underlying incomplete, unfair feeling that Jessica can't shake.
Word count: 1082
A/N: So I know since it's her birthday, this should be totally happy and fluffy and whatnot, but I couldn't really get myself to write 100% fluff, so I made it kinda/quite angsty. It got angsty once I decided to have Donghae in it. But there are subtle happy themes to it, too! Don't hate me, I love Jessica ;____;
greenflower
Jessica could never be sure of when she started to understand that life would never be fair. Maybe it was when she broke up with Donghae all those years ago-the number of years is starting to turn to a blur in her mind, though. Maybe it was when she read all those anti-posts on forums, eyes tearing up with every new pixelated letter on the screen. She's always tried her hardest, but there's this thing called not being good enough.
It's like being a flower that can't bloom. You're stuck as a bud, nothing but green for the rest of your life. And the other flowers laugh, only a few others comfort you with soft leaves around your stem-your only hugs.
She thinks about never smiling again, because she had a dream last night. Jessica dreamt of Donghae, the two of them, just herself and her beautiful boyfriend way back when they were a pair and not two people on their own courses. So she thinks about smiling for two point five seconds, but then her phone rings and Tiffany is calling from the other side of the dressing room and waving at her, and smiling.
Best friends are there for a reason. Tiffany is good like that, she helps Jessica forget things that'll never be anymore, and she does it like she can read Jessica's mind.
Tiffany puts one arm around Jessica's shoulder and makes a v-sign with those pretty fingers, holding a shiny phone in the other hand. Jessica smiles, because she realizes she can't give it up, it's a part of her. Like Donghae used to be, like Tiffany is. Click.
Super Girl was awkward, the management wasn't very smart in casting Jessica. Well, they were right on the part that she was gorgeous, slim, and looked great in that red dress. But didn't anyone think for a second about, well, her feelings?
Sure, she's seen Donghae around before, she's been on the same stage as him, they've put on a fake 'we're over it' or 'we're totally not awkward' act. They've done those, but now it feels different. Maybe they're just too distant, now, they're older and they've grown further apart. No more puppy love. Must be it.
Being Hankyung's Super Girl would've been less awkward without Lee Donghae standing there in the background, standing around on set, always being there. It would've been less awkward, too, if she hadn't caught them later with their fingers laced and something was in their eyes that reminded Jessica of a happier time-of her past. If the shooting hadn't been over, she would've cried through the rest of it, cried until the world stopped moving.
But Super Girls don't cry.
Tiffany holds onto her three minutes before midnight will tick-tick-tick into the present, and it'll be Jessica's birthday. It happens slowly, too slowly, and Jessica is officially a year older, but she feels the same. And she feels like she suffocating but Tiffany's arms are loose. Loose and heavy-she must have fallen asleep.
Jessica wriggles herself half out of Tiffany's hold and sees those closed lids, those fragile eyelashes. She trades places, rests Tiffany's head against her shoulder.
Taeyeon comes out of her room ten minutes later, her large and sleepy eyes illuminated by the television Jessica had only just switched on. She wishes Jessica a yawning happy birthday and tells her to get some sleep because she'll need her energy. Jessica nods.
It's unfortunate, but she runs into him in the halls at the dance studio-he meaning Donghae. And he has his hand inside of Hankyung's hand, and Jessica sees herself reflected in his eyes but she sees Hankyung behind the reflection and she can't change that. She doesn't know if she wants to change that. But at the same time, it's just not fair.
Why does Donghae get to be happy without her? And they wouldn't even need to be happy together. Simultaneous smiles, real laughs, real feelings, different places, different people. It could be this way, but it's not.
"Happy Birthday," Donghae says, grinning in all his handsome glory. Hankyung says the same.
"Thanks," she forces the expression, a poker face. She suddenly thinks of Lady Gaga, but what's really important is getting the fuck out of there before she cries as much as she wanted to last time.
Tiffany. Where is Tiffany? She looks around but the best friend is nowhere to be found. It's to be expected, though, she didn't leave the rehearsal room with Tiffany, she left by herself for the bathroom. And she was starting to think she should have washed her hands faster so she could have left at the same time as Sunny. But life is unfair, and life had to throw her in front of a bus-a bus named Donghae.
The car ride to their performance that night is the worst. Jessica curls up in the back, knees under her chin, and tears threatening to form. She hates that the memories are taunting her, poking and prodding every weak seam of her heart. She shakes when she remembers her first time with Donghae, her first time ever and how much they'd loved each other. Love was what they had. It's what they always thought they'd have, but Jessica's not sure if she believes in forever any more.
Sooyeon, you're so beautiful.
She remembers something, just then.
I love you, Sooyeon.
They'd been young. They'd been stupid.
Jessica wants to stop being eternally green. She wants to stop trying to be a flower, because it's not working. And she doesn't want to be a star, because even though they're beautiful and they have the best shine, they'll just burn out in incredibly painful and slow rates. She doesn't want that.
Then again, everything dies. Everything except gods and goddesses. But Jessica knows she's not a goddess.
"You don't have to be a star," Tiffany laughs, like it's ridiculous. "You can just be Sica. We'll all still like you, trust me."
She holds Tiffany's hand a little tighter, behind a rack of clothing, amid the chaos of a dressing room, underneath the shouting and squealing of seven other girls and yelling hairdresser-unnies.
Part of her wants for there to be a time machine, or something that can teleport them away. Away from here. Away from their problems. Tiffany touches her face and pretends that they are away from here, away from their problems, she does this thing called make-believe. And it's exactly what Jessica needs.
//…
Like? Idk, it's my first time writing JeTi so I apologize if it totally sucks. But I'm very Tiffany biased and I love Sica so I love this pairing. And I know it's not her birthday in Korea or where I am anymore, but it's still her birthday somewhere in this world, so it's alright, right?
Pairing: Jessica-centric, JeTi, HaeSica, HanHae
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Even birthdays have that underlying incomplete, unfair feeling that Jessica can't shake.
Word count: 1082
A/N: So I know since it's her birthday, this should be totally happy and fluffy and whatnot, but I couldn't really get myself to write 100% fluff, so I made it kinda/quite angsty. It got angsty once I decided to have Donghae in it. But there are subtle happy themes to it, too! Don't hate me, I love Jessica ;____;
greenflower
Jessica could never be sure of when she started to understand that life would never be fair. Maybe it was when she broke up with Donghae all those years ago-the number of years is starting to turn to a blur in her mind, though. Maybe it was when she read all those anti-posts on forums, eyes tearing up with every new pixelated letter on the screen. She's always tried her hardest, but there's this thing called not being good enough.
It's like being a flower that can't bloom. You're stuck as a bud, nothing but green for the rest of your life. And the other flowers laugh, only a few others comfort you with soft leaves around your stem-your only hugs.
She thinks about never smiling again, because she had a dream last night. Jessica dreamt of Donghae, the two of them, just herself and her beautiful boyfriend way back when they were a pair and not two people on their own courses. So she thinks about smiling for two point five seconds, but then her phone rings and Tiffany is calling from the other side of the dressing room and waving at her, and smiling.
Best friends are there for a reason. Tiffany is good like that, she helps Jessica forget things that'll never be anymore, and she does it like she can read Jessica's mind.
Tiffany puts one arm around Jessica's shoulder and makes a v-sign with those pretty fingers, holding a shiny phone in the other hand. Jessica smiles, because she realizes she can't give it up, it's a part of her. Like Donghae used to be, like Tiffany is. Click.
Super Girl was awkward, the management wasn't very smart in casting Jessica. Well, they were right on the part that she was gorgeous, slim, and looked great in that red dress. But didn't anyone think for a second about, well, her feelings?
Sure, she's seen Donghae around before, she's been on the same stage as him, they've put on a fake 'we're over it' or 'we're totally not awkward' act. They've done those, but now it feels different. Maybe they're just too distant, now, they're older and they've grown further apart. No more puppy love. Must be it.
Being Hankyung's Super Girl would've been less awkward without Lee Donghae standing there in the background, standing around on set, always being there. It would've been less awkward, too, if she hadn't caught them later with their fingers laced and something was in their eyes that reminded Jessica of a happier time-of her past. If the shooting hadn't been over, she would've cried through the rest of it, cried until the world stopped moving.
But Super Girls don't cry.
Tiffany holds onto her three minutes before midnight will tick-tick-tick into the present, and it'll be Jessica's birthday. It happens slowly, too slowly, and Jessica is officially a year older, but she feels the same. And she feels like she suffocating but Tiffany's arms are loose. Loose and heavy-she must have fallen asleep.
Jessica wriggles herself half out of Tiffany's hold and sees those closed lids, those fragile eyelashes. She trades places, rests Tiffany's head against her shoulder.
Taeyeon comes out of her room ten minutes later, her large and sleepy eyes illuminated by the television Jessica had only just switched on. She wishes Jessica a yawning happy birthday and tells her to get some sleep because she'll need her energy. Jessica nods.
It's unfortunate, but she runs into him in the halls at the dance studio-he meaning Donghae. And he has his hand inside of Hankyung's hand, and Jessica sees herself reflected in his eyes but she sees Hankyung behind the reflection and she can't change that. She doesn't know if she wants to change that. But at the same time, it's just not fair.
Why does Donghae get to be happy without her? And they wouldn't even need to be happy together. Simultaneous smiles, real laughs, real feelings, different places, different people. It could be this way, but it's not.
"Happy Birthday," Donghae says, grinning in all his handsome glory. Hankyung says the same.
"Thanks," she forces the expression, a poker face. She suddenly thinks of Lady Gaga, but what's really important is getting the fuck out of there before she cries as much as she wanted to last time.
Tiffany. Where is Tiffany? She looks around but the best friend is nowhere to be found. It's to be expected, though, she didn't leave the rehearsal room with Tiffany, she left by herself for the bathroom. And she was starting to think she should have washed her hands faster so she could have left at the same time as Sunny. But life is unfair, and life had to throw her in front of a bus-a bus named Donghae.
The car ride to their performance that night is the worst. Jessica curls up in the back, knees under her chin, and tears threatening to form. She hates that the memories are taunting her, poking and prodding every weak seam of her heart. She shakes when she remembers her first time with Donghae, her first time ever and how much they'd loved each other. Love was what they had. It's what they always thought they'd have, but Jessica's not sure if she believes in forever any more.
Sooyeon, you're so beautiful.
She remembers something, just then.
I love you, Sooyeon.
They'd been young. They'd been stupid.
Jessica wants to stop being eternally green. She wants to stop trying to be a flower, because it's not working. And she doesn't want to be a star, because even though they're beautiful and they have the best shine, they'll just burn out in incredibly painful and slow rates. She doesn't want that.
Then again, everything dies. Everything except gods and goddesses. But Jessica knows she's not a goddess.
"You don't have to be a star," Tiffany laughs, like it's ridiculous. "You can just be Sica. We'll all still like you, trust me."
She holds Tiffany's hand a little tighter, behind a rack of clothing, amid the chaos of a dressing room, underneath the shouting and squealing of seven other girls and yelling hairdresser-unnies.
Part of her wants for there to be a time machine, or something that can teleport them away. Away from here. Away from their problems. Tiffany touches her face and pretends that they are away from here, away from their problems, she does this thing called make-believe. And it's exactly what Jessica needs.
//…
Like? Idk, it's my first time writing JeTi so I apologize if it totally sucks. But I'm very Tiffany biased and I love Sica so I love this pairing. And I know it's not her birthday in Korea or where I am anymore, but it's still her birthday somewhere in this world, so it's alright, right?