행복 - Happiness
Pairing: Hankyung/Siwon
Rating: PG?
Summary: Siwon hates his job, but it pays the hospital bills; Hankyung just wants Siwon to live how he wants.
Word count: 1453
A/N: This is the first SiHan I've finished that's more than like 500 words, haha. It's dedicated to shihan_ai and saracupcaked because Annie just always needs moar SiHan and Sara is the Siwon to my Hankyung ♥ and also, this is for theme #36 of the Suju 100 fic challenge: bathroom tiles.
Suggestion: listen to Nell's It's Okay when you read :) but not listening to it is perfectly fine, too.
행복;
Siwon's day has been unfortunately terrible. The office is nothing compared to the sets he's worked on, the pages and pages of data he now organizes is stone cold boring compared to pages of scripts he's memorized and absorbed and most of the time adored, the coworkers he grunts and nods to or makes small talk with don't compare to animated coworkers chatting away while their faces get made up and they all recite their lines together. Life hasn't been the same for the past few months, and this day has just been the worst.
It all started with a papercut at 9:15am when Sungmin handed him a stack of new files.
No.
It all started when Hankyung collapsed on the bathroom floor, limbs gone weak and puppet-like on the cold tiles as he shook and Siwon recalls this with the biggest shudder he's given since the day it happened. Back in August. This is when it started, and this is when Siwon's life started to fall apart.
Hankyung's day has been mundane, minus the interesting conversation he had with his fellow patient Lee Donghae with the heart problem. Minus the half hour they spent with the kid patients in the playroom, building lego towers with the boys and letting the girls put pink clips in their hair. But when Hankyung goes back to his room, everything is so quiet that it almost hurts.
He buries himself underneath the blanket even though he's not even cold, and he just lays there, waiting for something to happen, waiting for something to make noise. Whether it be the moaning girl down the hall who never seems to stop begging for morphine to the cancer boy playing tag with the girl who lost a finger. And all those things do start to happen, and when Hankyung hears them, they come all at once. It's as if life's started up again, after disappearing for a short while.
Life starting up again in a place of death. Death and healing. But death nonetheless.
Hankyung still doesn't know what's wrong with him, and maybe he never will. But he feels like a sick person, gets treated like one, and is one. Doesn't mean he wants to be.
The nurse comes in with a tray for him, the foods here aren't bad, Hankyung things-they just aren't good. She smiles and doesn't say a word, as if she's working in a psych ward and Hankyung is the kind of lunatic who's prone to violent tendencies. But nope, he's just inching closer and closer to his death, faster than he used to be unless the doctors can put two and two together.
They will, Donghae says, even when he's having heart palpitations, they will, eventually.
They will, Siwon says, grabbing onto Hankyung's hand and obviously praying inside his own thoughts, they will. They have to.
Siwon says his polite goodbyes to Sungmin and the other coworkers whose names are much harder to remember than character names and actors. The one who works in accounting is probably called Kyuhyun, but Siwon really isn't sure. He has other things to worry about anyway besides the lanky young man from accounting, anyway. Things like Hankyung and hospital bills and how he needs to stop for gas on the way home after he stops by.
The bus is too warm, even when the outside world is cold, and Siwon takes off his jacket. He runs a hand through his hair and takes a seat next to a woman with a baby in her lap, a bouncing baby boy with big eyes. The baby stares at Siwon, and as much as Siwon loves children (Hankyung often jokes about having to turn him in for kidnapping), he wishes those eyes would find someone else's soul to stare into. Siwon's not in the mood to be analyzed by this little person.
Halfway on the trip to the hospital, Siwon notices the influx of rain taps on the windows of the bus. He clasps his hands together and wonders if Hankyung is looking out his own window. When his stop comes, it's raining harder, thunder cracks and just barely startles Siwon. The baby boy starts to cry.
Somewhere between awake and not, Hankyung can still hear the tapping of soft drops against the window. They're almost like tiny lullabies, if he listens close enough he can hear the words. Words that are just for him, Don't give up yet. Don't give up yet. Hankyung rolls over and opens his right eye just a little bit more-enough to see the glistening dots on the glass overlooking the courtyard.
"Hey," a hand touches his shoulder, the one on the right, and trails down to his hand on the outside of the blanket. The hand is bigger, it clasps around Hankyung's, sweetly. Siwon.
Hankyung rolls back over and groans as his back cracks. That's when Siwon has an inward meltdown, and Hankyung can see it in his eyes. The Chinese man almost chuckles, because the overreaction to him was cute, cute and not sad, and he's thankful for it.
"I'm fine, my back just cracked. It happens," Hankyung smiles, thumb starting to stroke Siwon's wrist.
"Right."
"How was your day?"
Siwon just sighs, he doesn't really want to say.
"That bad?"
Same silence.
"I might be sick, but I can still read your thoughts," Hankyung jokes, poking the younger man's shoulder. "You hate your job."
"It's not that bad-"
Hankyung stops him, puts his hand on Siwon's forearm. "But you still hate it."
"It pays the bills." His reason.
Visiting hours are over, that's what the woman in the doorway says-the nurse.
"You're not happy, though," Hankyung frowns.
"Don't worry about me."
"I just want you to be happy."
"Visiting hours are over," the nurst repeats. So Siwon kisses Hankyung's forehead and exits, the sounds of his steps barely echoing.
The house is hauntingly empty. Siwon walks into the bathroom, barefoot and tired. And he just stares at the tiles, the place where the 'incident' had happened. Where Hankyung had fallen unconscious. That.
There's a message from the office, and the red 1 is flashing every time he passes by the machine. It might be Sungmin trying to make small talk, or that new guy Zhou Mi who seems to have caught on to Siwon's discontent. And only over the past week of being employed at the place.
He stands over the tiles again, they're taunting him. But the carpet feels like it's too far away, miles away, when it's only a few feet. The square patterns are cold under his skin, as he curls up in that same space he'd found his love when he trembled. He feels painfully small.
Another papercut. Another awful day.
There is only one plus: today, Siwon gets out of work earlier. He gets to see Hankyung earlier.
Once more, the sun is covered by clouds on his way, but no rain comes. Only the threat of it hangs overhead and seemingly in the air-it feels thicker to him as he walks through it to catch the bus. It smells like rain wants to arrive, and soon.
Hankyung is underneath his covers again, eyes closed and chest moving up and down so discreetly that Siwon had panicked upon first entering the room. Everything about him is so peaceful that Siwon almost doesn't want to announce his presence, but Hankyung moves his hand, and speaks.
"Can you come here?" his voice is so soft. Much more than usual, and Siwon does come closer. The hands clasping together seem automatic right now. Siwon has his back to the window, but he can feel that it's raining, without needing to see or feel it.
"How are you today?" Siwon asks.
Hankyung shakes his head. "It's okay."
"No, I mean, you-"
"Just stay here, please," Hankyung's other hand holds on as well. "With me."
Siwon feels a knot tying within his chest, the urge to cry is stronger than it was back in August, back when his life started falling apart. The knot keeps getting tighter with each moment Hankyung smiles at him. That smile's lifespan isn't long enough. "I will."
"You know, you should go back to acting," Hankyung is still grinning, the obvious weary feelings hiding behind his formerly bright eyes. "Something that makes you happy."
So Siwon nods for reasons scattered through his brain, but mostly just for Hankyung. The main reason in his life.
They fall into a state without words, not really needing them at this point.
Everything is so quiet. A flock of birds pass and squawk, the cancer boy is playing tag with the new girl who can't feel pain.
The sun comes out.
//…
Like, dislike? Annie, I hope this SiHan was satisfactory~ and Siwonnie Sara, I hope you liked it :D
Rating: PG?
Summary: Siwon hates his job, but it pays the hospital bills; Hankyung just wants Siwon to live how he wants.
Word count: 1453
A/N: This is the first SiHan I've finished that's more than like 500 words, haha. It's dedicated to shihan_ai and saracupcaked because Annie just always needs moar SiHan and Sara is the Siwon to my Hankyung ♥ and also, this is for theme #36 of the Suju 100 fic challenge: bathroom tiles.
Suggestion: listen to Nell's It's Okay when you read :) but not listening to it is perfectly fine, too.
행복;
Siwon's day has been unfortunately terrible. The office is nothing compared to the sets he's worked on, the pages and pages of data he now organizes is stone cold boring compared to pages of scripts he's memorized and absorbed and most of the time adored, the coworkers he grunts and nods to or makes small talk with don't compare to animated coworkers chatting away while their faces get made up and they all recite their lines together. Life hasn't been the same for the past few months, and this day has just been the worst.
It all started with a papercut at 9:15am when Sungmin handed him a stack of new files.
No.
It all started when Hankyung collapsed on the bathroom floor, limbs gone weak and puppet-like on the cold tiles as he shook and Siwon recalls this with the biggest shudder he's given since the day it happened. Back in August. This is when it started, and this is when Siwon's life started to fall apart.
Hankyung's day has been mundane, minus the interesting conversation he had with his fellow patient Lee Donghae with the heart problem. Minus the half hour they spent with the kid patients in the playroom, building lego towers with the boys and letting the girls put pink clips in their hair. But when Hankyung goes back to his room, everything is so quiet that it almost hurts.
He buries himself underneath the blanket even though he's not even cold, and he just lays there, waiting for something to happen, waiting for something to make noise. Whether it be the moaning girl down the hall who never seems to stop begging for morphine to the cancer boy playing tag with the girl who lost a finger. And all those things do start to happen, and when Hankyung hears them, they come all at once. It's as if life's started up again, after disappearing for a short while.
Life starting up again in a place of death. Death and healing. But death nonetheless.
Hankyung still doesn't know what's wrong with him, and maybe he never will. But he feels like a sick person, gets treated like one, and is one. Doesn't mean he wants to be.
The nurse comes in with a tray for him, the foods here aren't bad, Hankyung things-they just aren't good. She smiles and doesn't say a word, as if she's working in a psych ward and Hankyung is the kind of lunatic who's prone to violent tendencies. But nope, he's just inching closer and closer to his death, faster than he used to be unless the doctors can put two and two together.
They will, Donghae says, even when he's having heart palpitations, they will, eventually.
They will, Siwon says, grabbing onto Hankyung's hand and obviously praying inside his own thoughts, they will. They have to.
Siwon says his polite goodbyes to Sungmin and the other coworkers whose names are much harder to remember than character names and actors. The one who works in accounting is probably called Kyuhyun, but Siwon really isn't sure. He has other things to worry about anyway besides the lanky young man from accounting, anyway. Things like Hankyung and hospital bills and how he needs to stop for gas on the way home after he stops by.
The bus is too warm, even when the outside world is cold, and Siwon takes off his jacket. He runs a hand through his hair and takes a seat next to a woman with a baby in her lap, a bouncing baby boy with big eyes. The baby stares at Siwon, and as much as Siwon loves children (Hankyung often jokes about having to turn him in for kidnapping), he wishes those eyes would find someone else's soul to stare into. Siwon's not in the mood to be analyzed by this little person.
Halfway on the trip to the hospital, Siwon notices the influx of rain taps on the windows of the bus. He clasps his hands together and wonders if Hankyung is looking out his own window. When his stop comes, it's raining harder, thunder cracks and just barely startles Siwon. The baby boy starts to cry.
Somewhere between awake and not, Hankyung can still hear the tapping of soft drops against the window. They're almost like tiny lullabies, if he listens close enough he can hear the words. Words that are just for him, Don't give up yet. Don't give up yet. Hankyung rolls over and opens his right eye just a little bit more-enough to see the glistening dots on the glass overlooking the courtyard.
"Hey," a hand touches his shoulder, the one on the right, and trails down to his hand on the outside of the blanket. The hand is bigger, it clasps around Hankyung's, sweetly. Siwon.
Hankyung rolls back over and groans as his back cracks. That's when Siwon has an inward meltdown, and Hankyung can see it in his eyes. The Chinese man almost chuckles, because the overreaction to him was cute, cute and not sad, and he's thankful for it.
"I'm fine, my back just cracked. It happens," Hankyung smiles, thumb starting to stroke Siwon's wrist.
"Right."
"How was your day?"
Siwon just sighs, he doesn't really want to say.
"That bad?"
Same silence.
"I might be sick, but I can still read your thoughts," Hankyung jokes, poking the younger man's shoulder. "You hate your job."
"It's not that bad-"
Hankyung stops him, puts his hand on Siwon's forearm. "But you still hate it."
"It pays the bills." His reason.
Visiting hours are over, that's what the woman in the doorway says-the nurse.
"You're not happy, though," Hankyung frowns.
"Don't worry about me."
"I just want you to be happy."
"Visiting hours are over," the nurst repeats. So Siwon kisses Hankyung's forehead and exits, the sounds of his steps barely echoing.
The house is hauntingly empty. Siwon walks into the bathroom, barefoot and tired. And he just stares at the tiles, the place where the 'incident' had happened. Where Hankyung had fallen unconscious. That.
There's a message from the office, and the red 1 is flashing every time he passes by the machine. It might be Sungmin trying to make small talk, or that new guy Zhou Mi who seems to have caught on to Siwon's discontent. And only over the past week of being employed at the place.
He stands over the tiles again, they're taunting him. But the carpet feels like it's too far away, miles away, when it's only a few feet. The square patterns are cold under his skin, as he curls up in that same space he'd found his love when he trembled. He feels painfully small.
Another papercut. Another awful day.
There is only one plus: today, Siwon gets out of work earlier. He gets to see Hankyung earlier.
Once more, the sun is covered by clouds on his way, but no rain comes. Only the threat of it hangs overhead and seemingly in the air-it feels thicker to him as he walks through it to catch the bus. It smells like rain wants to arrive, and soon.
Hankyung is underneath his covers again, eyes closed and chest moving up and down so discreetly that Siwon had panicked upon first entering the room. Everything about him is so peaceful that Siwon almost doesn't want to announce his presence, but Hankyung moves his hand, and speaks.
"Can you come here?" his voice is so soft. Much more than usual, and Siwon does come closer. The hands clasping together seem automatic right now. Siwon has his back to the window, but he can feel that it's raining, without needing to see or feel it.
"How are you today?" Siwon asks.
Hankyung shakes his head. "It's okay."
"No, I mean, you-"
"Just stay here, please," Hankyung's other hand holds on as well. "With me."
Siwon feels a knot tying within his chest, the urge to cry is stronger than it was back in August, back when his life started falling apart. The knot keeps getting tighter with each moment Hankyung smiles at him. That smile's lifespan isn't long enough. "I will."
"You know, you should go back to acting," Hankyung is still grinning, the obvious weary feelings hiding behind his formerly bright eyes. "Something that makes you happy."
So Siwon nods for reasons scattered through his brain, but mostly just for Hankyung. The main reason in his life.
They fall into a state without words, not really needing them at this point.
Everything is so quiet. A flock of birds pass and squawk, the cancer boy is playing tag with the new girl who can't feel pain.
The sun comes out.
//…
Like, dislike? Annie, I hope this SiHan was satisfactory~ and Siwonnie Sara, I hope you liked it :D