The Essentials
Focus/Pairing: Heechul-centric, Leeteuk/Heechul, other pairings
Rating: PG-13
Summary: With Heechul there, Jungsu had a chance.
Word count: 5,144
A/N: I just want to say that I love this AU, and will probably be using it more often to tell other people's stories. After reading this, you might find it necessary (when relevant to your interests). I'd also love to say that I love my unnie shihan_ai ♥ and this is one of her requests. Under the cut is her prompt!
The Essentials
He rolls his suitcase up to the front gates, tall and made of iron. If Heechul stares long enough at the twisting form of the structure, maybe he can be as solid. And made of iron. There's already iron in his blood, he knows.
There's a boy on the other side, a boy with a pretty face and bright eyes who reaches up to undo the hook on the lock. He lets Heechul through, and Heechul doesn't ask why the boy doesn't prompt him to show identification, or his letter of recommendation. If the boy had needed it, he assumes that it would have been the first thing to come out of his mouth and not, "Follow me."
Heechul isn't one to enjoy taking orders. Nevertheless, he does as he's told and follows the boy down a path, circling around the huge building-like one of those mansions you see out of horror films, only cleaned up nicely and nothing that gives Heechul a chill down his spine. Then again, most things don't in the first place, even when they should.
"What's your name?" he asks.
The boy doesn't turn around. There's a skip in his step. "Sungmin."
"I'm Heechul."
"I know." Very casual. "They told me," he opens another gate and leads Heechul into a garden. A place full of flowers and a couple of apple trees, a tomato plant in the corner growing all alone. Heechul follows Sungmin through a back door, into a porch-like area. A lanky young man is sprawled over the couch, eyes closed and a line of drool coming down from the corner of his mouth. Heechul scrunches up his face in disgust.
"Lovely," he says.
"Don't mind Kyuhyun. He just has odd sleeping patterns."
That reminds him. "What time is it?"
"Seven. In the morning," Sungmin answers, waving to a thin girl in a wheelchair, being pushed along by an older girl. Heechul gives his own greeting, a slight wave, but nothing special.
"Nice place," Heechul muses.
It's not bad. The walls are different colors, pastel colors, coded depending on where they lead, Heechul assumes. He's supposed to get a tour of the whole place once he gets settled in his room--it'll probably be from his roommate, the one he's only just a bit nervous about meeting. The floor is a comfortable carpet in some areas, slightly dented by wheels that Heechul figures are from the young girl they passed by before, and in other areas it's either wooden or tiled. Some of the corners are rounded off with padding, "For the younger ones," Sungmin adds, when he notices Heechul studying the corner near his new room. "We've had a few head-bruises from cutting corners too quickly. During tag. Do you like kids?"
"Yeah, of course I do."
"Good, because we take babysitting shifts," Sungmin states, opening the door with a key, now hanging from his pinky. He hands the key over. "Here's your room. Oh--I didn't see you for a second, hyung."
"Morning," says a new voice. Heechul follows behind Sungmin as they walk into the room, not too small and not to large. It's enough to occasionally bump into each other trying to get around but not be in each other's face ever hour or every minute.
"This is your roommate," Sungmin looks from Heechul to the other. "And now, my job is complete, and I need to go make sure Taemin-ah is eating breakfast. See you at lunch!"
Jungsu stands up, over at a desk by the window. There's a few pictures, framed, of a family. Heechul glances at his suitcase and then at the empty bed near him. "Hi," he says.
"I'm, Park Jungsu," the other puts on a genuine smile, giving a slight bow. "You are?"
"Kim Heechul."
Jungsu comes closer. "It's good to meet you, Heechul. We'll probably be roommates for a while, so let's get along, right?" It's a generic response that Heechul would expect to hear on TV, on some drama. College kind of scene, we'll be roommates for a while so let's be best friends! but Heechul smiles anyway.
"Okay."
"What are you here for?" Jungsu asks.
Heechul grins, in a different way than before. "You'll just have to find out."
At lunch, Jungsu introduces him to Jessica and her little sister Krystal--the one in the wheelchair Heechul remembers.
It seems like a typical greeting question to ask: what are you here for? But Heechul never gives a straight answer. He likes to think that this will stay his own little secret. It's his business.
Jessica is convinced that she doesn't really need to be here. She thinks she's here for Krystal, her poor injured sister, and she says this while covering the ears of said poor injured sister. Later, while Jessica goes to get another glass of milk for the fifteen-year-old, Krystal rolls her eyes and Jungsu explains, "They both need to be here. One of Jessica's problems is denial of her other problems."
"She's got a ton of them," Krystal rolls her eyes again. That must be one of her own issues, Heechul jokes inside his head. He'd say that out loud, but so far, everyone seems too sensitive here.
Jungsu can't seem to stop smiling, a pair of dimples popping up on his face each time, not to mention having a laugh that Heechul can't help but believe to be as being at least a tad ridiculous. Heechul doesn't want to admit it, though, that face is pretty gorgeous in the right light.
"Aren't there supposed to be doctors in this place?" Heechul asks, sitting on his new bed. He has to admit, it's really comfortable. Much better than what he's got in his apartment back home. Oh, but this is home now.
Jungsu nods, chuckling a little as he rubs the hem of his clean grey t-shirt on the glass of one of his picture frames. "Yeah, but they don't hang around us unless there's someone who's, you know, high risk for danger. Or trouble."
Heechul is pretty sure he'd normally fall into one of those categories, but he keeps those thoughts to himself, shrugging. "My friend gave me the idea that they'd be checking me as soon as I walked into the place."
"Well, I wouldn't know about that. I don't think they usually do, though," Jungsu pauses from writing things down in what Heechul presumes is a journal and turns around in his wheeled chair.
"That's a relief. I wasn't in the mood to strip for any man or woman in a white coat today."
Jungsu laughs. "You're funny, Heechul."
Heechul gives a little smirk. "I'm good at that."
"So," Jungsu decides to move on. "Do you have any family? Wife, kids?"
That's when Heechul holds back the urge to howl with laughter, face scrunching up a little with the oncoming possibility. "Do I look like the type?" he at least laughs some.
Jungsu smiles. "I don't usually judge a book by its cover."
"But let me guess, you have a family. Cute wife, one year younger than you--maybe two--and one kid. Boy?"
"You're good, but I have twin sons."
"Cute," he says again.
"They are."
Heechul sighs. Part of him wishes he had the capacity to get married and have children. He wonders what kind of woman could handle him, or would want him. Or maybe he didn't even need a woman at all--he's never been that partial to any of them, romantically speaking. Sure, there'd be a need for ovaries somewhere in the equation, but he could do without knowing her face or name. That, he reminded himself, is called adoption. He glances at Jungsu, who by now is gazing at one of his pictures.
Heechul hadn't noticed this one before, or maybe he had but didn't commit it to memory because of the fact that he didn't know whether the two boys in the picture were relevant to his knowledge or not. Now, they could be. They could be his twin sons, Jungsu's boys.
"Do you have someone outside this hospital? Like a girlfriend?" Jungsu asks then, breaking Heechul's moment to himself.
"Not recently. Broke up with this guy a couple months ago, and I haven't dated since," Heechul says, suddenly finding his wrists fascinating, feeling the ghost weight of a bracelet.
Jungsu starts spinning around in his chair. "Oh. Guessing he wasn't for you after all?"
"I knew it from the beginning. He had this religion thing, and he didn't want his family to find out that he was, you know, with me."
"I bet if you dressed up, though, you'd look like a girl, Heechul," Jungsu says, a feeble attempt to garner amusement.
Heechul did give a chuckle, for him. "Honestly, you're right."
"Don't tell me--"
"I was a girl for one of our early dates," he couldn't help but let out a snicker, recalling the night. "Called myself Heejin. Surprisingly, he felt more comfortable holding Heejin's hand."
"Or maybe it wasn't so surprising…that's kind of a warning sign, don't you think?"
He almost wants to glare at Jungsu, but a smirk pops out instead. "You've got a hell of a point," he sighs. "And hey, thanks for not getting all soft on me."
"What do you mean?" Jungsu puts his pen down. Just then Heechul realizes he's been fidgeting with it all this time, and things like that usually bother him into a coma. Figuratively.
"Not sugar coating anything. You know, everyone else I've met here seems to make life feel like a room full of glass. One bad statement and the walls come crashing down. And then we'd all have shards in our sides."
"That'd be a pain."
"No, really. Glass is harmless."
And again, Jungsu is caught in a small fit of laughter. "You know, Heechul, I'm glad you're my new roommate."
"Was there someone else before me?"
"I haven't had a roommate for a while, actually. It's been a while, I can't remember her name anymore."
"Her? They mix genders in room assignments here?" Heechul's eyes widen, not that he has a problem with it.
Jungsu nods. "They do. God, I cannot remember her name for the life of me. She was like my best friend…I must be just, I must be losing it. Maybe I'm just having an off day."
"You'll remember it later, probably," Heechul waves his hand, waving it off.
Jungsu raises an eyebrow. "Do you mean that?"
Heechul shrugs. "Usually I say what I mean. And I meant about half of that when I said it. That way, I didn't not mean it without having to mean every word."
"You're interesting."
"I get that a lot." Heechul considers winking. Too cheesy.
He's alone this afternoon, giving himself another tour of the place to see if he can remember the places Jungsu showed him yesterday. And he hadn't notified the others that he would be taking this little trip.
This place is big on the outside, and even bigger on the inside.
Heechul finds a room that appears empty, save for the smell of smoke that seems to stick to the walls, and it's more like a screened-in porch than just a room. He wonders who would even be allowed to smoke here, anyway? It's a hospital, granted it might not be one of those tall, dreary buildings with the physically ill inside of it, but still. It's a hospital.
"What's your name?"
Heechul nearly jumps out of his skin. So he's not alone after all.
He does a 360 turn around the room. "Heechul," he answers, finding that the man who spoke is sitting on an armchair in the corner of the room, a cigarette between his fingers and an accent on his lips. His eyes flicker from the green backyard trees to Heechul's face.
"I'm Hankyung."
"Nice to meet you," Heechul says, tone flat.
Hankyung smiles, but it's small and if Heechul had been standing farther away from him, he wouldn't have noticed at all. His face looks too blank to be peaceful, but too peaceful to be anything but. "Are you new here?"
"New, five days ago."
"Welcome, then," Hankyung motions with his free hand to the other armchair at his side. "You can sit here, if you'd like. I hardly get any visitors, from inside or outside."
Heechul takes a moment, a skeptical expression owning his face, and he shakes his head. "I have to go." He rushes out before Hankyung can say anything else.
"Oh, you ran into Hankyung?" Jungsu asks, a pleasant smile stuck to his face as usual. Heechul nods, putting his paperback down on his chest and heaving a sigh.
"Now I smell like smoke," Heechul grimaces.
"He's a nice guy."
"Not like I don't believe you. He told me he doesn't get a lot of visitors, though."
Jungsu stops smiling for just a quick second, his eyes rearing to the right of Heechul's face. The grin comes back, though, but sadder. "He's like me, Heechul, except worse. He infects people by being around them for too long. They all want to fix him, they all want to make him happy, they all want to be friends with him so that he'll get better," Jungsu shakes his head.
"So basically he's a vortex?"
"Kind of. But the thing is that he never gets better. And he just keeps getting lonelier. I stop by his room every month or so. Zhou Mi and Victoria like visiting him, too. Still, though, he spends most of his time in that room, smoking and thinking. They don't let him come hang out with us except for holidays."
Heechul has more questions, too many of them regarding Hankyung, but he keeps them beneath his tongue. He puts his book down after folding the corner to hold his place, and comes to sit on the edge of Jungsu's desk. "Would you disapprove if I went to see him again tomorrow?" he raises an eyebrow.
Turning, Jungsu looks up from his notebook and copies his roommate's face. "Why?"
"Because you're my best friend, and I figured you might get jealous."
Jungsu doesn't deny the best friend card, even when they've only known each other for a handful of days. It's true enough, and it's not like he didn't have one before Heechul arrived, anyway. He wondered if attachment was one of Heechul's problems, like Sungmin. "Of course I'd worry about you. I don't want you spending all your time with a Chinese vortex of depression."
"Depression? Hold it," Heechul lifts a finger, pointing. "You just made it worse."
"What? I don't understand--"
"Does that mean that you have it, too?" Heechul doesn't lower his hand yet.
Jungsu laughs, a little too hard, and shakes his head. "Of course I don't. Don't be ridiculous."
Sungmin hadn't been kidding when he said they take shifts babysitting. It's Heechul's thirteenth day at this place, and he's trying to herd a small pack of little ones into their playroom after spending lunchtime outside in the sun. And mud, for some. At least he has help, help named Victoria.
Before Jungsu went off to help wash dishes in the kitchen, he'd mentioned to Heechul that he's lucky, and that Victoria is the best girl around he could ask for when it comes to dealing with the kids. Her own reason for being here accounts towards that, but Heechul hasn't asked her yet why she's here. To him, she seems as close to normal as anyone here could get.
Then again, so do a lot of the people here.
"Heechul-hyung, let's play peek-a-boo!"
Heechul glances down at the seven-year-old boy tugging at the hem of his shirt. He gives the kid an odd look. "Aren't you kind of old for that game?" then adding, "No offense."
"Oh…Victoria-noona always wants to play it with me," he says. His name starts with a K or something, Heechul thinks, but he learned so many names today that only a third or so have actually stuck. He calls them all 'kid' anyway.
"She does?" he laughs. "We should probably tell her that peek-a-boo is for babies. We don't have any of those here, do we?"
"Nope, no babies here!"
"And you do know that I mean actual babies, right?" Heechul figures he should ask. "Not like, you know, weenies. Not like Ryeowook, for example."
K-something giggles.
Heechul smiles, roughing up the kid's hair and taking his hand when Victoria calls them all over. It's apparently story time, which will then dissolve into nap time. Either when enough of the kids are yawning, or when Victoria deems it so herself.
She's a pro at reading story books for children, Heechul discovers. She's the kind of girl who cares about keeping them entertained and smiling, and there's as much excitement in her voice as there would be if she were five and hadn't ever read the book before--and could read at the age of five.
Victoria stops after she's yawned at least three times in a row and Heechul looks around to see the young faces beginning to droop. In fact, the girl sitting in his lap has fallen asleep altogether, her head resting on Heechul's shoulder.
"Okay, I think everyone should just--" another yawn, "--take a nap. Oppa, help me get all the mats out?"
Heechul ends up tucking Victoria in, practically. He tries to close his eyes, tries to go along with it as a little girl kicks him in her sleep, but finds it impossible. Too wired. He's got two people on the brain, and neither of them are there with him.
Hankyung looks the same when Heechul visits again. He sits down this time, getting the feeling that as soon as he blinks, he'll be cuffed to the chair. Five minutes into their conversation about dumplings, Hankyung crushes his cigarette in a silver ashtray between them. Another three minutes later and Heechul can't think clearly anymore, and he doesn't notice that he's running until he crashes into Sulli in the hall.
He turns around, mouth starting to drop open. He left Hankyung, he got up and left. He fucking ran away. All because he was worried something would happen. Heechul deems himself officially unstable, and wonders if he should tell the doctor at his next visit in a few days.
"Oppa," Sulli waves her hand in front of his face, "do you need your medication or something?"
Heechul pats her on the head, even though she hates that, and she's glaring at him but he doesn't care. "I'm fine." I just don't remember jumping up and running far and fast enough to be halfway across the building. Obviously, I'm fine.
"Your hair looks like you ran into a cloud of balloons," she remarks.
"Oh, shut up."
One night, Heechul is on his side, facing the direction that isn't Jungsu's. Heechul doesn't know what happened that day. All he remembers is Eunhyuk telling him that there was a phone call for Jungsu that afternoon. A phone call from home. Heechul, a few hours ago, wouldn't be too sure of what to think of it. On one end, it could be a happy thing--Jungsu gets to talk to his wife, and maybe a few words to his kids. On the other end, it could be negative, and Heechul hasn't pinned why in his head yet.
Jungsu sniffs just then, out of the blue. Heechul's ear picks up on it. It doesn't sound like Jungsu could be sick, it sounds like something deeper than that. Such a shallow excuse for a cry. Then again, Heechul's used that excuse before.
Heechul gets out of his bed when it starts to sound like a problem, and he lays on the fraction of empty space left on Jungsu's bed. There isn't much, but Heechul's body mass isn't that impressive, either.
When Heechul touches his shoulder, Jungsu twitches. "Sorry. Sorry, did I wake you up?" Heechul can see him wiping furiously at his eyes, highlighted from the moonlight rolling in from the window.
"Wasn't sleeping."
"You weren't?"
"Couldn't would be more appropriate," Heechul says.
Jungsu doesn't turn yet. "Again?"
"Another again. I almost never sleep, haven't I said that before?" And I don't want to turn this into a thing about me right now, Heechul wants to bark at him, but the room next to theirs is Kyuhyun's and someone actually got him to sleep at a normal hour tonight. He shouldn't shout. "But that's not the point. Why are you crying?"
Jungsu laughs, and sort of scoffs. "I'm not."
"You're a horrible liar and if I've learned anything about you in the past three weeks, it's that fact," Heechul puts the truth in front of them, in Jungsu's face because Jungsu chooses then to roll over and look up at him. It takes a little effort, since Heechul is pinning down part of the blanket.
"My family is coming to visit. And before you say something like 'That's nothing to cry about, you moron' it is. You don't know how long I've been here. You don't know how long it's been since I've seen my wife, or my boys, in person. They haven't visited for almost two years."
Heechul's jaw nearly drops.
"And now, they're coming. At least, my wife is. She didn't say if she'd bring the kids…" Jungsu sighs. "But, trust me, this isn't going to end well."
"Why the hell would you say that--"
"Because she wants to talk to the head doctor. She wants to know how long it's going to take me to get well again. Because--I can't talk about this anymore, okay? I just can't."
Heechul keeps from putting on a concerned face. He leaves his emotions behind a mask that Jungsu could probably see through, anyway. Jungsu's been good at that.
Jungsu closes his eyes briefly, as he exhales slowly and wipes at the corner of his eye. Heechul leans down and kisses his friend's forehead. His mind starts to blur just then, heart beating too fast and it's too dark to control himself--Heechul should have known it was a mistake.
Neither of them know why their lips suddenly connect, but when they pull away, they sleep in their own beds and don't talk about it. In his head, Heechul know it's his own fault. He's always like this, but Jungsu doesn't know, so Jungsu wouldn't know to keep a good eye open for coaxing lips or a hand that's too comforting to be innocent.
Heechul curls up underneath his own soft covers, even though he's too warm to wrap himself up. He's shaking.
Jungsu avoids Heechul's gaze that morning. He leaves the room at seven in the morning, and Heechul has been awake for two hours. Heechul himself marvels at the fact that he slept, even if it was less than half of what he should be getting.
He feels cold when he stands up. Jungsu is already out the door, dressed in a nice, clean button-up shirt and pants that look like they'd been ironed to look perfect. Heechul stands in the doorway and stares down the hall, little goosebumps rising on his forearms.
Later, he catches a glimpse of Jungsu's wife, a pretty little thing with bobbed hair and nice eyes. The kind of girl who'd be fine with just her bare face. Her frame appears rather small to have had two children, but who is Heechul to judge?
Heechul keeps walking by when she grabs Jungsu's hand and starts to cry. Everyone, Heechul notices, has started to slowly evacuate the room.
"She did the same thing the last time she visited," says Eunhyuk when they retreat to the game hall.
"She can't handle him being here," Kyuhyun adds, and Heechul thinks when did he jump into this conversation? but lets it go for now. "Jungsu-hyung has been worried for months. Years."
This is the most emotion he's ever heard from Kyuhyun. Heechul starts to feel the concern truly kicking in, his lips starting to tingle.
Before Heechul knows it, it's Halloween, and he doesn't really have a costume. The children do, but there aren't that many children in the first place. That girl Victoria spends a lot of time with has vampire teeth, and somehow they make her look even more like a dude than before. She uses her pointy, plastic dentures to freak out Krystal, but the only one who shows any fear is Jessica.
Hankyung is sitting with them, and it's the first time Heechul's seen Hankyung anywhere but in that room, with all the smoke swirls depending on his mood, and now he's even without a cigarette between his fingers. Heechul feels a shock go through him when Hankyung smiles at him. It's less synthetic or tiny than the first one, months ago.
Not too long after, Jungsu's hand lands on Heechul's shoulder. "It's not the spookiest setup, but we have fun. That's what matters." Those dimples. Heechul's gut starts to drop, and he bites his lip. He hates feeling this way, and he doesn't even know what to call it.
Heechul jerks towards the sound of his name being called, and he looks up to find that Jungsu is already across the room. He's helping Donghae with some orange streamers. Donghae almost falls off the ladder, but the two of them are there to catch him.
At some point, Jungsu's fingertips end up on Heechul's arm. The goosebumps come back, and it's just the two of them putting up a some glowing pumpkin lights. Jungsu chuckles. "Sorry, needed to stable myself. I almost tripped."
"Don't say you're sorry," is all Heechul says.
Jessica yelps again, and Amber--that was her name--takes out the teeth to gross out anyone who cares to be grossed out. Hankyung is laughing.
"Do you like him?"
Heechul opens his eyes. Jungsu knows him too well, he knows Heechul was only pretending to sleep. "Like who?"
"Hankyung."
"He's nice."
Jungsu sighs in his bed.
"I knew you'd be jealous."
"You said that months ago, how do you remember that?" Jungsu almost laughs.
"How do you remember?"
He sits up. "I don't know," he says. "But do you know why I am, or would you like to assume that you're right?"
"Because you don't want me to stop being your friend," Heechul answers, his words at the ready.
"Because I wanted to fix him."
Heechul stays quiet for a second. "You can't fix everyone, Jungsu."
"I never said I wanted to fix everyone--"
"Donghae, Eunhyuk, Victoria, Sungmin, Zhou Mi, Krystal, Luna, I could even name more people who I've seen you trying to help. Listen, I may not have known you for as long as you've been here, but I am also not stupid. I pick things up easily, Jungsu. And you want to fix everyone, I see it every day," Heechul is sitting at the edge of the bed now, and Jungsu isn't moving. "You need to be stopped."
Jungsu is too quiet.
"Start fucking worrying about yourself for once, just, please."
Heechul sees Jungsu breaking down, in his mind, it's going to happen. There's maybe nothing he can do about it, but if he tries, there's a chance he won't fail.
Breakfast.
"I never told you what happened with my wife."
Heechul looks up from his small plate of waffles. "Wasn't that six months ago?"
"It was."
"Then why do you need to tell me now?"
Jungsu shrugs. "I want to." They're alone at the table. This must be code for: I don't want anyone else to know. "She's leaving me."
The sharp clack of his fork hitting the plate sounds, Heechul's eyes open and unblinking. "Bitch."
"Don't say that about her."
"You could do so much better," Heechul picks up his fork again, ignoring him. "Seriously. Take my word for it. I have a good eye for couples. At least that's what I've been told."
Jungsu grins.
"He has a chance now."
Heechul glances at Kyuhyun, using his peripheral. They're the only two outside right now, on one of the back porches. It's cloudy today, but the threat for rain is small, and it isn't enough to keep them holed up inside.
"Huh?"
"Jungsu-hyung."
He switches arms, leaning on the left now. And folds his legs the opposite way, too.
"We haven't talked much," Kyuhyun is so monotone, Heechul's skin is starting to crawl. This is one of the reasons they've kept from starting up conversation. "But I'm glad you're here. I mean that in the nicest way possible."
"I don't understand you," Heechul lies, standing up. He does.
"Thanks, hyung."
"Whatever." He walks back to the lunchroom. He needs to see Jungsu smile.
A grin isn't enough, though, and it isn't always real.
Some things happen too fast. Some things happen slowly. Either way, they're hard to notice. Jungsu happened too quickly in Heechul's life. Jungsu left too quickly. The progression, though, that was what happened too slowly. Heechul couldn't catch it. And if he did, it hadn't been soon enough.
Too late. Too bad.
Heechul didn't know this would happen. If he had, he would've told Jungsu, well, that he loved him. Maybe Jungsu would've liked that. All Jungsu had wanted to do was love people, help them--he couldn't help himself. And he really couldn't help himself.
Heechul spent a week beating himself up, spending nights in Donghae's room or sometimes curled up on the new couch they put in Hankyung's special area or whatever the hell they'd call it. Heechul hated his old room with Jungsu, hated it. He let Eunhyuk say what he wanted to say, and Eunhyuk was always too nice, too kind to him.
"His ghost is in there," Heechul says at dinner. Eunhyuk blinks, halfway through chewing a piece of bread Donghae didn't want. "That first night, after it happened, I tried to sleep in there. But he put his arms around me. I couldn't," Heechul's face is blank. "I don't want to be alone."
Eunhyuk swallows his food, hand lingering between his own lap and touching Heechul's limp fingers. "Hyung--"
"Being with someone who's dead makes you feel alone."
Kyuhyun sets down his glass of water. "Do you want to die, too?"
Eunhyuk glances up, his face taking on the expression of someone who'd been punched in the gut. But Heechul is unfazed. He waits; he waits until Eunhyuk is practically a fish with all his gaping at the younger man.
"No."
Kyuhyun smiles, a real one. "Good."
"You know, you were wrong," Heechul says. "You said he had a chance."
"That never meant he was going to make it." And it's painfully true.
Heechul sleeps in his own room that night. He lets what feels like Jungsu put his arms around his waist. For the first time in years, Heechul sleeps throughout the whole night.
//
:D?
Rating: PG-13
Summary: With Heechul there, Jungsu had a chance.
Word count: 5,144
A/N: I just want to say that I love this AU, and will probably be using it more often to tell other people's stories. After reading this, you might find it necessary (when relevant to your interests). I'd also love to say that I love my unnie shihan_ai ♥ and this is one of her requests. Under the cut is her prompt!
The Essentials
He rolls his suitcase up to the front gates, tall and made of iron. If Heechul stares long enough at the twisting form of the structure, maybe he can be as solid. And made of iron. There's already iron in his blood, he knows.
There's a boy on the other side, a boy with a pretty face and bright eyes who reaches up to undo the hook on the lock. He lets Heechul through, and Heechul doesn't ask why the boy doesn't prompt him to show identification, or his letter of recommendation. If the boy had needed it, he assumes that it would have been the first thing to come out of his mouth and not, "Follow me."
Heechul isn't one to enjoy taking orders. Nevertheless, he does as he's told and follows the boy down a path, circling around the huge building-like one of those mansions you see out of horror films, only cleaned up nicely and nothing that gives Heechul a chill down his spine. Then again, most things don't in the first place, even when they should.
"What's your name?" he asks.
The boy doesn't turn around. There's a skip in his step. "Sungmin."
"I'm Heechul."
"I know." Very casual. "They told me," he opens another gate and leads Heechul into a garden. A place full of flowers and a couple of apple trees, a tomato plant in the corner growing all alone. Heechul follows Sungmin through a back door, into a porch-like area. A lanky young man is sprawled over the couch, eyes closed and a line of drool coming down from the corner of his mouth. Heechul scrunches up his face in disgust.
"Lovely," he says.
"Don't mind Kyuhyun. He just has odd sleeping patterns."
That reminds him. "What time is it?"
"Seven. In the morning," Sungmin answers, waving to a thin girl in a wheelchair, being pushed along by an older girl. Heechul gives his own greeting, a slight wave, but nothing special.
"Nice place," Heechul muses.
It's not bad. The walls are different colors, pastel colors, coded depending on where they lead, Heechul assumes. He's supposed to get a tour of the whole place once he gets settled in his room--it'll probably be from his roommate, the one he's only just a bit nervous about meeting. The floor is a comfortable carpet in some areas, slightly dented by wheels that Heechul figures are from the young girl they passed by before, and in other areas it's either wooden or tiled. Some of the corners are rounded off with padding, "For the younger ones," Sungmin adds, when he notices Heechul studying the corner near his new room. "We've had a few head-bruises from cutting corners too quickly. During tag. Do you like kids?"
"Yeah, of course I do."
"Good, because we take babysitting shifts," Sungmin states, opening the door with a key, now hanging from his pinky. He hands the key over. "Here's your room. Oh--I didn't see you for a second, hyung."
"Morning," says a new voice. Heechul follows behind Sungmin as they walk into the room, not too small and not to large. It's enough to occasionally bump into each other trying to get around but not be in each other's face ever hour or every minute.
"This is your roommate," Sungmin looks from Heechul to the other. "And now, my job is complete, and I need to go make sure Taemin-ah is eating breakfast. See you at lunch!"
Jungsu stands up, over at a desk by the window. There's a few pictures, framed, of a family. Heechul glances at his suitcase and then at the empty bed near him. "Hi," he says.
"I'm, Park Jungsu," the other puts on a genuine smile, giving a slight bow. "You are?"
"Kim Heechul."
Jungsu comes closer. "It's good to meet you, Heechul. We'll probably be roommates for a while, so let's get along, right?" It's a generic response that Heechul would expect to hear on TV, on some drama. College kind of scene, we'll be roommates for a while so let's be best friends! but Heechul smiles anyway.
"Okay."
"What are you here for?" Jungsu asks.
Heechul grins, in a different way than before. "You'll just have to find out."
At lunch, Jungsu introduces him to Jessica and her little sister Krystal--the one in the wheelchair Heechul remembers.
It seems like a typical greeting question to ask: what are you here for? But Heechul never gives a straight answer. He likes to think that this will stay his own little secret. It's his business.
Jessica is convinced that she doesn't really need to be here. She thinks she's here for Krystal, her poor injured sister, and she says this while covering the ears of said poor injured sister. Later, while Jessica goes to get another glass of milk for the fifteen-year-old, Krystal rolls her eyes and Jungsu explains, "They both need to be here. One of Jessica's problems is denial of her other problems."
"She's got a ton of them," Krystal rolls her eyes again. That must be one of her own issues, Heechul jokes inside his head. He'd say that out loud, but so far, everyone seems too sensitive here.
Jungsu can't seem to stop smiling, a pair of dimples popping up on his face each time, not to mention having a laugh that Heechul can't help but believe to be as being at least a tad ridiculous. Heechul doesn't want to admit it, though, that face is pretty gorgeous in the right light.
"Aren't there supposed to be doctors in this place?" Heechul asks, sitting on his new bed. He has to admit, it's really comfortable. Much better than what he's got in his apartment back home. Oh, but this is home now.
Jungsu nods, chuckling a little as he rubs the hem of his clean grey t-shirt on the glass of one of his picture frames. "Yeah, but they don't hang around us unless there's someone who's, you know, high risk for danger. Or trouble."
Heechul is pretty sure he'd normally fall into one of those categories, but he keeps those thoughts to himself, shrugging. "My friend gave me the idea that they'd be checking me as soon as I walked into the place."
"Well, I wouldn't know about that. I don't think they usually do, though," Jungsu pauses from writing things down in what Heechul presumes is a journal and turns around in his wheeled chair.
"That's a relief. I wasn't in the mood to strip for any man or woman in a white coat today."
Jungsu laughs. "You're funny, Heechul."
Heechul gives a little smirk. "I'm good at that."
"So," Jungsu decides to move on. "Do you have any family? Wife, kids?"
That's when Heechul holds back the urge to howl with laughter, face scrunching up a little with the oncoming possibility. "Do I look like the type?" he at least laughs some.
Jungsu smiles. "I don't usually judge a book by its cover."
"But let me guess, you have a family. Cute wife, one year younger than you--maybe two--and one kid. Boy?"
"You're good, but I have twin sons."
"Cute," he says again.
"They are."
Heechul sighs. Part of him wishes he had the capacity to get married and have children. He wonders what kind of woman could handle him, or would want him. Or maybe he didn't even need a woman at all--he's never been that partial to any of them, romantically speaking. Sure, there'd be a need for ovaries somewhere in the equation, but he could do without knowing her face or name. That, he reminded himself, is called adoption. He glances at Jungsu, who by now is gazing at one of his pictures.
Heechul hadn't noticed this one before, or maybe he had but didn't commit it to memory because of the fact that he didn't know whether the two boys in the picture were relevant to his knowledge or not. Now, they could be. They could be his twin sons, Jungsu's boys.
"Do you have someone outside this hospital? Like a girlfriend?" Jungsu asks then, breaking Heechul's moment to himself.
"Not recently. Broke up with this guy a couple months ago, and I haven't dated since," Heechul says, suddenly finding his wrists fascinating, feeling the ghost weight of a bracelet.
Jungsu starts spinning around in his chair. "Oh. Guessing he wasn't for you after all?"
"I knew it from the beginning. He had this religion thing, and he didn't want his family to find out that he was, you know, with me."
"I bet if you dressed up, though, you'd look like a girl, Heechul," Jungsu says, a feeble attempt to garner amusement.
Heechul did give a chuckle, for him. "Honestly, you're right."
"Don't tell me--"
"I was a girl for one of our early dates," he couldn't help but let out a snicker, recalling the night. "Called myself Heejin. Surprisingly, he felt more comfortable holding Heejin's hand."
"Or maybe it wasn't so surprising…that's kind of a warning sign, don't you think?"
He almost wants to glare at Jungsu, but a smirk pops out instead. "You've got a hell of a point," he sighs. "And hey, thanks for not getting all soft on me."
"What do you mean?" Jungsu puts his pen down. Just then Heechul realizes he's been fidgeting with it all this time, and things like that usually bother him into a coma. Figuratively.
"Not sugar coating anything. You know, everyone else I've met here seems to make life feel like a room full of glass. One bad statement and the walls come crashing down. And then we'd all have shards in our sides."
"That'd be a pain."
"No, really. Glass is harmless."
And again, Jungsu is caught in a small fit of laughter. "You know, Heechul, I'm glad you're my new roommate."
"Was there someone else before me?"
"I haven't had a roommate for a while, actually. It's been a while, I can't remember her name anymore."
"Her? They mix genders in room assignments here?" Heechul's eyes widen, not that he has a problem with it.
Jungsu nods. "They do. God, I cannot remember her name for the life of me. She was like my best friend…I must be just, I must be losing it. Maybe I'm just having an off day."
"You'll remember it later, probably," Heechul waves his hand, waving it off.
Jungsu raises an eyebrow. "Do you mean that?"
Heechul shrugs. "Usually I say what I mean. And I meant about half of that when I said it. That way, I didn't not mean it without having to mean every word."
"You're interesting."
"I get that a lot." Heechul considers winking. Too cheesy.
He's alone this afternoon, giving himself another tour of the place to see if he can remember the places Jungsu showed him yesterday. And he hadn't notified the others that he would be taking this little trip.
This place is big on the outside, and even bigger on the inside.
Heechul finds a room that appears empty, save for the smell of smoke that seems to stick to the walls, and it's more like a screened-in porch than just a room. He wonders who would even be allowed to smoke here, anyway? It's a hospital, granted it might not be one of those tall, dreary buildings with the physically ill inside of it, but still. It's a hospital.
"What's your name?"
Heechul nearly jumps out of his skin. So he's not alone after all.
He does a 360 turn around the room. "Heechul," he answers, finding that the man who spoke is sitting on an armchair in the corner of the room, a cigarette between his fingers and an accent on his lips. His eyes flicker from the green backyard trees to Heechul's face.
"I'm Hankyung."
"Nice to meet you," Heechul says, tone flat.
Hankyung smiles, but it's small and if Heechul had been standing farther away from him, he wouldn't have noticed at all. His face looks too blank to be peaceful, but too peaceful to be anything but. "Are you new here?"
"New, five days ago."
"Welcome, then," Hankyung motions with his free hand to the other armchair at his side. "You can sit here, if you'd like. I hardly get any visitors, from inside or outside."
Heechul takes a moment, a skeptical expression owning his face, and he shakes his head. "I have to go." He rushes out before Hankyung can say anything else.
"Oh, you ran into Hankyung?" Jungsu asks, a pleasant smile stuck to his face as usual. Heechul nods, putting his paperback down on his chest and heaving a sigh.
"Now I smell like smoke," Heechul grimaces.
"He's a nice guy."
"Not like I don't believe you. He told me he doesn't get a lot of visitors, though."
Jungsu stops smiling for just a quick second, his eyes rearing to the right of Heechul's face. The grin comes back, though, but sadder. "He's like me, Heechul, except worse. He infects people by being around them for too long. They all want to fix him, they all want to make him happy, they all want to be friends with him so that he'll get better," Jungsu shakes his head.
"So basically he's a vortex?"
"Kind of. But the thing is that he never gets better. And he just keeps getting lonelier. I stop by his room every month or so. Zhou Mi and Victoria like visiting him, too. Still, though, he spends most of his time in that room, smoking and thinking. They don't let him come hang out with us except for holidays."
Heechul has more questions, too many of them regarding Hankyung, but he keeps them beneath his tongue. He puts his book down after folding the corner to hold his place, and comes to sit on the edge of Jungsu's desk. "Would you disapprove if I went to see him again tomorrow?" he raises an eyebrow.
Turning, Jungsu looks up from his notebook and copies his roommate's face. "Why?"
"Because you're my best friend, and I figured you might get jealous."
Jungsu doesn't deny the best friend card, even when they've only known each other for a handful of days. It's true enough, and it's not like he didn't have one before Heechul arrived, anyway. He wondered if attachment was one of Heechul's problems, like Sungmin. "Of course I'd worry about you. I don't want you spending all your time with a Chinese vortex of depression."
"Depression? Hold it," Heechul lifts a finger, pointing. "You just made it worse."
"What? I don't understand--"
"Does that mean that you have it, too?" Heechul doesn't lower his hand yet.
Jungsu laughs, a little too hard, and shakes his head. "Of course I don't. Don't be ridiculous."
Sungmin hadn't been kidding when he said they take shifts babysitting. It's Heechul's thirteenth day at this place, and he's trying to herd a small pack of little ones into their playroom after spending lunchtime outside in the sun. And mud, for some. At least he has help, help named Victoria.
Before Jungsu went off to help wash dishes in the kitchen, he'd mentioned to Heechul that he's lucky, and that Victoria is the best girl around he could ask for when it comes to dealing with the kids. Her own reason for being here accounts towards that, but Heechul hasn't asked her yet why she's here. To him, she seems as close to normal as anyone here could get.
Then again, so do a lot of the people here.
"Heechul-hyung, let's play peek-a-boo!"
Heechul glances down at the seven-year-old boy tugging at the hem of his shirt. He gives the kid an odd look. "Aren't you kind of old for that game?" then adding, "No offense."
"Oh…Victoria-noona always wants to play it with me," he says. His name starts with a K or something, Heechul thinks, but he learned so many names today that only a third or so have actually stuck. He calls them all 'kid' anyway.
"She does?" he laughs. "We should probably tell her that peek-a-boo is for babies. We don't have any of those here, do we?"
"Nope, no babies here!"
"And you do know that I mean actual babies, right?" Heechul figures he should ask. "Not like, you know, weenies. Not like Ryeowook, for example."
K-something giggles.
Heechul smiles, roughing up the kid's hair and taking his hand when Victoria calls them all over. It's apparently story time, which will then dissolve into nap time. Either when enough of the kids are yawning, or when Victoria deems it so herself.
She's a pro at reading story books for children, Heechul discovers. She's the kind of girl who cares about keeping them entertained and smiling, and there's as much excitement in her voice as there would be if she were five and hadn't ever read the book before--and could read at the age of five.
Victoria stops after she's yawned at least three times in a row and Heechul looks around to see the young faces beginning to droop. In fact, the girl sitting in his lap has fallen asleep altogether, her head resting on Heechul's shoulder.
"Okay, I think everyone should just--" another yawn, "--take a nap. Oppa, help me get all the mats out?"
Heechul ends up tucking Victoria in, practically. He tries to close his eyes, tries to go along with it as a little girl kicks him in her sleep, but finds it impossible. Too wired. He's got two people on the brain, and neither of them are there with him.
Hankyung looks the same when Heechul visits again. He sits down this time, getting the feeling that as soon as he blinks, he'll be cuffed to the chair. Five minutes into their conversation about dumplings, Hankyung crushes his cigarette in a silver ashtray between them. Another three minutes later and Heechul can't think clearly anymore, and he doesn't notice that he's running until he crashes into Sulli in the hall.
He turns around, mouth starting to drop open. He left Hankyung, he got up and left. He fucking ran away. All because he was worried something would happen. Heechul deems himself officially unstable, and wonders if he should tell the doctor at his next visit in a few days.
"Oppa," Sulli waves her hand in front of his face, "do you need your medication or something?"
Heechul pats her on the head, even though she hates that, and she's glaring at him but he doesn't care. "I'm fine." I just don't remember jumping up and running far and fast enough to be halfway across the building. Obviously, I'm fine.
"Your hair looks like you ran into a cloud of balloons," she remarks.
"Oh, shut up."
One night, Heechul is on his side, facing the direction that isn't Jungsu's. Heechul doesn't know what happened that day. All he remembers is Eunhyuk telling him that there was a phone call for Jungsu that afternoon. A phone call from home. Heechul, a few hours ago, wouldn't be too sure of what to think of it. On one end, it could be a happy thing--Jungsu gets to talk to his wife, and maybe a few words to his kids. On the other end, it could be negative, and Heechul hasn't pinned why in his head yet.
Jungsu sniffs just then, out of the blue. Heechul's ear picks up on it. It doesn't sound like Jungsu could be sick, it sounds like something deeper than that. Such a shallow excuse for a cry. Then again, Heechul's used that excuse before.
Heechul gets out of his bed when it starts to sound like a problem, and he lays on the fraction of empty space left on Jungsu's bed. There isn't much, but Heechul's body mass isn't that impressive, either.
When Heechul touches his shoulder, Jungsu twitches. "Sorry. Sorry, did I wake you up?" Heechul can see him wiping furiously at his eyes, highlighted from the moonlight rolling in from the window.
"Wasn't sleeping."
"You weren't?"
"Couldn't would be more appropriate," Heechul says.
Jungsu doesn't turn yet. "Again?"
"Another again. I almost never sleep, haven't I said that before?" And I don't want to turn this into a thing about me right now, Heechul wants to bark at him, but the room next to theirs is Kyuhyun's and someone actually got him to sleep at a normal hour tonight. He shouldn't shout. "But that's not the point. Why are you crying?"
Jungsu laughs, and sort of scoffs. "I'm not."
"You're a horrible liar and if I've learned anything about you in the past three weeks, it's that fact," Heechul puts the truth in front of them, in Jungsu's face because Jungsu chooses then to roll over and look up at him. It takes a little effort, since Heechul is pinning down part of the blanket.
"My family is coming to visit. And before you say something like 'That's nothing to cry about, you moron' it is. You don't know how long I've been here. You don't know how long it's been since I've seen my wife, or my boys, in person. They haven't visited for almost two years."
Heechul's jaw nearly drops.
"And now, they're coming. At least, my wife is. She didn't say if she'd bring the kids…" Jungsu sighs. "But, trust me, this isn't going to end well."
"Why the hell would you say that--"
"Because she wants to talk to the head doctor. She wants to know how long it's going to take me to get well again. Because--I can't talk about this anymore, okay? I just can't."
Heechul keeps from putting on a concerned face. He leaves his emotions behind a mask that Jungsu could probably see through, anyway. Jungsu's been good at that.
Jungsu closes his eyes briefly, as he exhales slowly and wipes at the corner of his eye. Heechul leans down and kisses his friend's forehead. His mind starts to blur just then, heart beating too fast and it's too dark to control himself--Heechul should have known it was a mistake.
Neither of them know why their lips suddenly connect, but when they pull away, they sleep in their own beds and don't talk about it. In his head, Heechul know it's his own fault. He's always like this, but Jungsu doesn't know, so Jungsu wouldn't know to keep a good eye open for coaxing lips or a hand that's too comforting to be innocent.
Heechul curls up underneath his own soft covers, even though he's too warm to wrap himself up. He's shaking.
Jungsu avoids Heechul's gaze that morning. He leaves the room at seven in the morning, and Heechul has been awake for two hours. Heechul himself marvels at the fact that he slept, even if it was less than half of what he should be getting.
He feels cold when he stands up. Jungsu is already out the door, dressed in a nice, clean button-up shirt and pants that look like they'd been ironed to look perfect. Heechul stands in the doorway and stares down the hall, little goosebumps rising on his forearms.
Later, he catches a glimpse of Jungsu's wife, a pretty little thing with bobbed hair and nice eyes. The kind of girl who'd be fine with just her bare face. Her frame appears rather small to have had two children, but who is Heechul to judge?
Heechul keeps walking by when she grabs Jungsu's hand and starts to cry. Everyone, Heechul notices, has started to slowly evacuate the room.
"She did the same thing the last time she visited," says Eunhyuk when they retreat to the game hall.
"She can't handle him being here," Kyuhyun adds, and Heechul thinks when did he jump into this conversation? but lets it go for now. "Jungsu-hyung has been worried for months. Years."
This is the most emotion he's ever heard from Kyuhyun. Heechul starts to feel the concern truly kicking in, his lips starting to tingle.
Before Heechul knows it, it's Halloween, and he doesn't really have a costume. The children do, but there aren't that many children in the first place. That girl Victoria spends a lot of time with has vampire teeth, and somehow they make her look even more like a dude than before. She uses her pointy, plastic dentures to freak out Krystal, but the only one who shows any fear is Jessica.
Hankyung is sitting with them, and it's the first time Heechul's seen Hankyung anywhere but in that room, with all the smoke swirls depending on his mood, and now he's even without a cigarette between his fingers. Heechul feels a shock go through him when Hankyung smiles at him. It's less synthetic or tiny than the first one, months ago.
Not too long after, Jungsu's hand lands on Heechul's shoulder. "It's not the spookiest setup, but we have fun. That's what matters." Those dimples. Heechul's gut starts to drop, and he bites his lip. He hates feeling this way, and he doesn't even know what to call it.
Heechul jerks towards the sound of his name being called, and he looks up to find that Jungsu is already across the room. He's helping Donghae with some orange streamers. Donghae almost falls off the ladder, but the two of them are there to catch him.
At some point, Jungsu's fingertips end up on Heechul's arm. The goosebumps come back, and it's just the two of them putting up a some glowing pumpkin lights. Jungsu chuckles. "Sorry, needed to stable myself. I almost tripped."
"Don't say you're sorry," is all Heechul says.
Jessica yelps again, and Amber--that was her name--takes out the teeth to gross out anyone who cares to be grossed out. Hankyung is laughing.
"Do you like him?"
Heechul opens his eyes. Jungsu knows him too well, he knows Heechul was only pretending to sleep. "Like who?"
"Hankyung."
"He's nice."
Jungsu sighs in his bed.
"I knew you'd be jealous."
"You said that months ago, how do you remember that?" Jungsu almost laughs.
"How do you remember?"
He sits up. "I don't know," he says. "But do you know why I am, or would you like to assume that you're right?"
"Because you don't want me to stop being your friend," Heechul answers, his words at the ready.
"Because I wanted to fix him."
Heechul stays quiet for a second. "You can't fix everyone, Jungsu."
"I never said I wanted to fix everyone--"
"Donghae, Eunhyuk, Victoria, Sungmin, Zhou Mi, Krystal, Luna, I could even name more people who I've seen you trying to help. Listen, I may not have known you for as long as you've been here, but I am also not stupid. I pick things up easily, Jungsu. And you want to fix everyone, I see it every day," Heechul is sitting at the edge of the bed now, and Jungsu isn't moving. "You need to be stopped."
Jungsu is too quiet.
"Start fucking worrying about yourself for once, just, please."
Heechul sees Jungsu breaking down, in his mind, it's going to happen. There's maybe nothing he can do about it, but if he tries, there's a chance he won't fail.
Breakfast.
"I never told you what happened with my wife."
Heechul looks up from his small plate of waffles. "Wasn't that six months ago?"
"It was."
"Then why do you need to tell me now?"
Jungsu shrugs. "I want to." They're alone at the table. This must be code for: I don't want anyone else to know. "She's leaving me."
The sharp clack of his fork hitting the plate sounds, Heechul's eyes open and unblinking. "Bitch."
"Don't say that about her."
"You could do so much better," Heechul picks up his fork again, ignoring him. "Seriously. Take my word for it. I have a good eye for couples. At least that's what I've been told."
Jungsu grins.
"He has a chance now."
Heechul glances at Kyuhyun, using his peripheral. They're the only two outside right now, on one of the back porches. It's cloudy today, but the threat for rain is small, and it isn't enough to keep them holed up inside.
"Huh?"
"Jungsu-hyung."
He switches arms, leaning on the left now. And folds his legs the opposite way, too.
"We haven't talked much," Kyuhyun is so monotone, Heechul's skin is starting to crawl. This is one of the reasons they've kept from starting up conversation. "But I'm glad you're here. I mean that in the nicest way possible."
"I don't understand you," Heechul lies, standing up. He does.
"Thanks, hyung."
"Whatever." He walks back to the lunchroom. He needs to see Jungsu smile.
A grin isn't enough, though, and it isn't always real.
Some things happen too fast. Some things happen slowly. Either way, they're hard to notice. Jungsu happened too quickly in Heechul's life. Jungsu left too quickly. The progression, though, that was what happened too slowly. Heechul couldn't catch it. And if he did, it hadn't been soon enough.
Too late. Too bad.
Heechul didn't know this would happen. If he had, he would've told Jungsu, well, that he loved him. Maybe Jungsu would've liked that. All Jungsu had wanted to do was love people, help them--he couldn't help himself. And he really couldn't help himself.
Heechul spent a week beating himself up, spending nights in Donghae's room or sometimes curled up on the new couch they put in Hankyung's special area or whatever the hell they'd call it. Heechul hated his old room with Jungsu, hated it. He let Eunhyuk say what he wanted to say, and Eunhyuk was always too nice, too kind to him.
"His ghost is in there," Heechul says at dinner. Eunhyuk blinks, halfway through chewing a piece of bread Donghae didn't want. "That first night, after it happened, I tried to sleep in there. But he put his arms around me. I couldn't," Heechul's face is blank. "I don't want to be alone."
Eunhyuk swallows his food, hand lingering between his own lap and touching Heechul's limp fingers. "Hyung--"
"Being with someone who's dead makes you feel alone."
Kyuhyun sets down his glass of water. "Do you want to die, too?"
Eunhyuk glances up, his face taking on the expression of someone who'd been punched in the gut. But Heechul is unfazed. He waits; he waits until Eunhyuk is practically a fish with all his gaping at the younger man.
"No."
Kyuhyun smiles, a real one. "Good."
"You know, you were wrong," Heechul says. "You said he had a chance."
"That never meant he was going to make it." And it's painfully true.
Heechul sleeps in his own room that night. He lets what feels like Jungsu put his arms around his waist. For the first time in years, Heechul sleeps throughout the whole night.
//
:D?