Joon/Mir [MBLAQ] - Root of the cause
Title: Root of the cause.
Pairing: Joon/Mir (i.e. Changsun/Chulyong)
Genre: angsstt
Rating: R
Length: ~1300 words
Summary: it takes a heart to break another.
A/N: I LOVE THIS PAIRING SO MUCH YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW :|
i decided to keep Chulyong's name Mir in this, because 'Mir' is easier to type ahahaa. not that Changsun is any easier than Joon, but whatevsss.
ARGHH WHY CAN'T I WRITE FLUFF, FOR ONCE. :(
Mir’s fingertips are pushed up against the cold glass and he watches the snow on the other side of the window. It’s been a week since MBLAQ has debuted and everything is unstill. Their group has just come out of the womb, still fresh, afraid of what the world holds for them, and like most newborns, they cry when they’re scared.
Behind Mir’s façade of seemingly never ending energy, he is terrified. It’s the first time he’s been so far away from home and family; Seoul is new and exotic and frightening and exactly what he’s been looking for all his life.
“Hi, I’m Lee Changsun.” A blinding smile.
Yes, it’s exactly what he’s been looking for.
* * *
Maybe it’s the weather that makes him feel tired, so tired. Rain pelts against the earth and his hair feels heavy with humidity.
The afternoon passes in slow frames, Seungho slumped against the sofa, a tub of ice cream in his hands, Sanghyun sprawled across the floor, asleep. Byunghee has a schedule, but it’s unlikely that he would be any different from the rest had he been in the dorm.
Mir picks up Great Expectations from Byunghee’s bedside table, and if the other members weren’t as lethargic, they’d probably shout in surprise at him. Mir would probably shout something unintelligible back, and Seungho would call him an animal.
This afternoon, Changsun decides to drape himself over the youngest and nuzzle his hair sleepily. Mir feels his heart run alive.
“Hyung. You’re heavy.”
“Chulyong. You’re comfortable.” Mir feels him smile against his hair.
“Go away, I’m reading.”
“Quit being idiotic,” Changsun mumbles and Mir feels his deep voice reverberate against his back. “We all know you’re the last person to pick up Great Expectations.”
They quietly listen to the dull buzz of the television, Mir counting Changsun’s breath against his neck.
* * *
Their first kisses are painfully slow and gentle, with Mir pushed up against the bathroom tiles and Changsun rubbing slow circles on his back.
It’s summer and their popularity is growing. Changsun smokes now, and the other members don’t know, except Mir, who can taste it in his mouth. One day, Mir scolds him for it.
“It’s not good, you know. For your lungs.”
Changsun opens his eyes and looks up from where he’s lying. “Ok, mom.”
“I’m serious, Changsun. You could, like. Die.”
Changsun pets Mir’s hair and doesn’t say anything.
* * *
Autumn rolls around and everyone’s busy with schedules. Their second album’s coming out soon, and they spend most of their sleepless nights in the training room, practicing.
One day, after a long practice regime, they head back home and Mir falls into bed, his spine breaking under him. He hears the sound of black clouds rumbling high up in the sky, and soon the pitterpatter of rain against his window.
The door creaks open and a slender body slides into bed with him, Mir curls around it instinctively.
“ ’m so sore,” Changsun whispers against Mir’s neck.
“Mmm.”
If Mir could describe Lee Changsun in a word, he’d say “Force.” Changsun is a force so terrific and so wild, he will gush all over you and make you fall - no, tumble into love with him. The kisses they share are cyanide and kerosene and they leak of danger, but Mir doesn’t care.
Changsun detaches his mouth from Mir’s and when he starts taking off his shirt, Mir stares at him hungrily. His mind is so tired, he begs to all the deities out there that he is not hallucinating, and oh god, Changsun’s hand down his pants, this cannot be a dream.
But when they climax, Changsun calls out Seungho’s name, and Mir feels his heart break.
* * *
Mir thinks it’s alright. It’s alright to want someone like Changsun. It’s alright to cry saltwater tears when he’s not looking, because he’ll never know, anyway. It’s alright to hurt so much that his heart feels split in two and an ocean of depression is all he can see on his horizon.
It’s routine now. Changsun walks into Mir’s room with that look in his eyes and Mir puts down whatever he’s doing and quietly beckons him over to the bed. They have sex and Changsun doesn’t call out Seungho’s name, because he’s not inconsiderate like that. Instead, he doesn't say a word, just lets out a deep moan, all the while his eyes shut.
They continue with whatever they were doing before, and life goes on. Winter drops by and Mir feels the tug of heart muscle intensify with every day.
One day, after practice he sees Seungho run off to answer a girl’s phone call and he watches Changsun’s face crumble.
That’s when Mir realizes that Changsun feels the same heartbreak.
* * *
“You know, sometimes, if you listen carefully, you can hear the sound of lost children crying.”
Changsun is smoking in bed and Mir is sitting up beside him, staring out the window.
“I think we’re both lost children, Changsun.”
Changsun turns to him, his eyes void of emotion.
“I think we’re just running down paths to dead ends and falling down and scraping our knees, bleeding all over each other and then picking ourselves up in the morning.”
Mir sighs quietly.
* * *
Mir opens the door to the roof and walks up to Changsun.
“Someone’s not enjoying the party.” Mir leans on the railing, looking out at the city. It’s a cold night and the wind is biting at their skin. Below them, a party is being held in celebration of their success as an idol group and above them, the constellations light up the sky.
Changsun grunts in response, lighting up a cigarette. They’re quiet for sometime.
“Changsun, I…”
Mir feels his throat close up and feels the tears rising to his eyes.
“I hate seeing you like this,” he says, breaking into sobs.
Changsun looks over at Mir worriedly. “I’m ok, I really am, Chulyong.”
“No you’re not!” Mir snaps, livid. “I see the way you still look at Seungho. You’re hurting so much, and I’m trying so fucking hard to help but you don’t see it.”
“I know you’re trying, but you don’t need to,” Changsun says coldly.
“How can you say something like that?” Mir shrieks, his face streaked with tears. “I’ve had it with our games, Changsun. I love you, God damn it!”
“No, you don’t.”
“I’ll be the judge of that. How can you even think all those nights were just empty sex?”
“That’s all it was supposed to be, Chulyong,” Changsun growls. “Both of us know how this will end, so let’s just stop here, ok?”
Mir’s choking on his thoughts, feeling the tsunami of emotions building up and pouring out of his eyes.
“I want to help,” he whispers, reaching for Changsun’s hand. “So please don’t ask me to stop. Please, Changsun.”
Changsun looks over at how beautifully their fingers fit together and wraps Mir in a tired hug.
* * *
Maybe it’s the way Mir has this ability to tangle his veins with Changsun’s and share his pain, or maybe it’s the way Mir looks like he has comet dust in his hair every morning. Maybe it’s the way Mir smiles at him, like Changsun’s the most amazing thing on the face of this planet, or maybe it’s the way he dances through heartbreak and paints his hands in the colors of the sky.
Changsun doesn’t know how it happens, but he sees Mir beside him, always. And that’s when he realizes.
“I don’t deserve you,” Changsun declares one day.
A line forms between Mir’s eyebrows. They’re sitting on a bench near the river, gazing out at the city, like a couple of teenagers with nothing but time on their hands.
“Hey. Don’t say that.”
Changsun tilts his head up at the sky and squeezes his eyes shut.
“I think we could be something beautiful, if I tried hard enough, Chulyong.”
And a slow smile forms on Mir’s face.
“I think I’m willing to try, Chulyong.”
Changsun opens his eyes, grins up at the sky and then looks at the boy beside him, pressing their lips together.
“I think I might love you,” he says.
They’re flightless birds on a wire and they’re not afraid of falling anymore.
Pairing: Joon/Mir (i.e. Changsun/Chulyong)
Genre: angsstt
Rating: R
Length: ~1300 words
Summary: it takes a heart to break another.
A/N: I LOVE THIS PAIRING SO MUCH YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW :|
i decided to keep Chulyong's name Mir in this, because 'Mir' is easier to type ahahaa. not that Changsun is any easier than Joon, but whatevsss.
ARGHH WHY CAN'T I WRITE FLUFF, FOR ONCE. :(
Mir’s fingertips are pushed up against the cold glass and he watches the snow on the other side of the window. It’s been a week since MBLAQ has debuted and everything is unstill. Their group has just come out of the womb, still fresh, afraid of what the world holds for them, and like most newborns, they cry when they’re scared.
Behind Mir’s façade of seemingly never ending energy, he is terrified. It’s the first time he’s been so far away from home and family; Seoul is new and exotic and frightening and exactly what he’s been looking for all his life.
“Hi, I’m Lee Changsun.” A blinding smile.
Yes, it’s exactly what he’s been looking for.
* * *
Maybe it’s the weather that makes him feel tired, so tired. Rain pelts against the earth and his hair feels heavy with humidity.
The afternoon passes in slow frames, Seungho slumped against the sofa, a tub of ice cream in his hands, Sanghyun sprawled across the floor, asleep. Byunghee has a schedule, but it’s unlikely that he would be any different from the rest had he been in the dorm.
Mir picks up Great Expectations from Byunghee’s bedside table, and if the other members weren’t as lethargic, they’d probably shout in surprise at him. Mir would probably shout something unintelligible back, and Seungho would call him an animal.
This afternoon, Changsun decides to drape himself over the youngest and nuzzle his hair sleepily. Mir feels his heart run alive.
“Hyung. You’re heavy.”
“Chulyong. You’re comfortable.” Mir feels him smile against his hair.
“Go away, I’m reading.”
“Quit being idiotic,” Changsun mumbles and Mir feels his deep voice reverberate against his back. “We all know you’re the last person to pick up Great Expectations.”
They quietly listen to the dull buzz of the television, Mir counting Changsun’s breath against his neck.
* * *
Their first kisses are painfully slow and gentle, with Mir pushed up against the bathroom tiles and Changsun rubbing slow circles on his back.
It’s summer and their popularity is growing. Changsun smokes now, and the other members don’t know, except Mir, who can taste it in his mouth. One day, Mir scolds him for it.
“It’s not good, you know. For your lungs.”
Changsun opens his eyes and looks up from where he’s lying. “Ok, mom.”
“I’m serious, Changsun. You could, like. Die.”
Changsun pets Mir’s hair and doesn’t say anything.
* * *
Autumn rolls around and everyone’s busy with schedules. Their second album’s coming out soon, and they spend most of their sleepless nights in the training room, practicing.
One day, after a long practice regime, they head back home and Mir falls into bed, his spine breaking under him. He hears the sound of black clouds rumbling high up in the sky, and soon the pitterpatter of rain against his window.
The door creaks open and a slender body slides into bed with him, Mir curls around it instinctively.
“ ’m so sore,” Changsun whispers against Mir’s neck.
“Mmm.”
If Mir could describe Lee Changsun in a word, he’d say “Force.” Changsun is a force so terrific and so wild, he will gush all over you and make you fall - no, tumble into love with him. The kisses they share are cyanide and kerosene and they leak of danger, but Mir doesn’t care.
Changsun detaches his mouth from Mir’s and when he starts taking off his shirt, Mir stares at him hungrily. His mind is so tired, he begs to all the deities out there that he is not hallucinating, and oh god, Changsun’s hand down his pants, this cannot be a dream.
But when they climax, Changsun calls out Seungho’s name, and Mir feels his heart break.
* * *
Mir thinks it’s alright. It’s alright to want someone like Changsun. It’s alright to cry saltwater tears when he’s not looking, because he’ll never know, anyway. It’s alright to hurt so much that his heart feels split in two and an ocean of depression is all he can see on his horizon.
It’s routine now. Changsun walks into Mir’s room with that look in his eyes and Mir puts down whatever he’s doing and quietly beckons him over to the bed. They have sex and Changsun doesn’t call out Seungho’s name, because he’s not inconsiderate like that. Instead, he doesn't say a word, just lets out a deep moan, all the while his eyes shut.
They continue with whatever they were doing before, and life goes on. Winter drops by and Mir feels the tug of heart muscle intensify with every day.
One day, after practice he sees Seungho run off to answer a girl’s phone call and he watches Changsun’s face crumble.
That’s when Mir realizes that Changsun feels the same heartbreak.
* * *
“You know, sometimes, if you listen carefully, you can hear the sound of lost children crying.”
Changsun is smoking in bed and Mir is sitting up beside him, staring out the window.
“I think we’re both lost children, Changsun.”
Changsun turns to him, his eyes void of emotion.
“I think we’re just running down paths to dead ends and falling down and scraping our knees, bleeding all over each other and then picking ourselves up in the morning.”
Mir sighs quietly.
* * *
Mir opens the door to the roof and walks up to Changsun.
“Someone’s not enjoying the party.” Mir leans on the railing, looking out at the city. It’s a cold night and the wind is biting at their skin. Below them, a party is being held in celebration of their success as an idol group and above them, the constellations light up the sky.
Changsun grunts in response, lighting up a cigarette. They’re quiet for sometime.
“Changsun, I…”
Mir feels his throat close up and feels the tears rising to his eyes.
“I hate seeing you like this,” he says, breaking into sobs.
Changsun looks over at Mir worriedly. “I’m ok, I really am, Chulyong.”
“No you’re not!” Mir snaps, livid. “I see the way you still look at Seungho. You’re hurting so much, and I’m trying so fucking hard to help but you don’t see it.”
“I know you’re trying, but you don’t need to,” Changsun says coldly.
“How can you say something like that?” Mir shrieks, his face streaked with tears. “I’ve had it with our games, Changsun. I love you, God damn it!”
“No, you don’t.”
“I’ll be the judge of that. How can you even think all those nights were just empty sex?”
“That’s all it was supposed to be, Chulyong,” Changsun growls. “Both of us know how this will end, so let’s just stop here, ok?”
Mir’s choking on his thoughts, feeling the tsunami of emotions building up and pouring out of his eyes.
“I want to help,” he whispers, reaching for Changsun’s hand. “So please don’t ask me to stop. Please, Changsun.”
Changsun looks over at how beautifully their fingers fit together and wraps Mir in a tired hug.
* * *
Maybe it’s the way Mir has this ability to tangle his veins with Changsun’s and share his pain, or maybe it’s the way Mir looks like he has comet dust in his hair every morning. Maybe it’s the way Mir smiles at him, like Changsun’s the most amazing thing on the face of this planet, or maybe it’s the way he dances through heartbreak and paints his hands in the colors of the sky.
Changsun doesn’t know how it happens, but he sees Mir beside him, always. And that’s when he realizes.
“I don’t deserve you,” Changsun declares one day.
A line forms between Mir’s eyebrows. They’re sitting on a bench near the river, gazing out at the city, like a couple of teenagers with nothing but time on their hands.
“Hey. Don’t say that.”
Changsun tilts his head up at the sky and squeezes his eyes shut.
“I think we could be something beautiful, if I tried hard enough, Chulyong.”
And a slow smile forms on Mir’s face.
“I think I’m willing to try, Chulyong.”
Changsun opens his eyes, grins up at the sky and then looks at the boy beside him, pressing their lips together.
“I think I might love you,” he says.
They’re flightless birds on a wire and they’re not afraid of falling anymore.